HOW I FELL OUT OF LOVE WITH BATMAN

HOW I FELL OUT OF LOVE WITH BATMAN


As a kid I had superman underwear, superman cape, superman pants and felt like the sky was the limit. I then changed my stance and realized I was only a man and thought Batman was the coolest. Why wouldn't he be? He's a detective at his core. And depending on the writer, they would have him with a "made" family with Robin, Nightwing, Batgirl, etc. For being a loner and isolationist, he sure was on a lot of teams like the Outsiders as well as Justice League of America and Justice League international.  The dude had a lot of friends for the trauma he had endured and the whole death of his family.

Then writers started giving him a lot of toys. I mean, a lot of them. A bat-everything for the occasion. The 60's gave him even Bat-shark-repelent in his tool kit. In the event that he ran into sharks fighting crime in the city.  I didn't balk at that. In fact, it was starting to feel like it was just all too perfect. He's not superman, or the flash. or even aquaman, who if we're being honest would have handled that shark situation a whole lot better. At the very least not have to resort to repellent of some kind to pollute the ocean with.

The reality is I can never be Batman. In fact, he's as unattainable as trying to be like Superman.  Batman depends entirely on the super power of being super rich. And yeah, it's not even really self made. He got it when Mom and Dad were iced on the street.  The writing of the story wants to make you feel like he went away and turned down all the luxuries of being rich to become the fighter he is, but without that money, he would have never been afforded the chance to learn or travel. He's not built up on his own. He's entirely owned by special interest. His super power and origin isn't his parent's death, it's the side of his inheritance. Otherwise he'd be some poor orphan who just gets lost in the broken system.  They even tried to answer this by bringing in Dick Grayson. Who was an oprhan because his traveling circus performing parents weren't super rich.  But even that falls short because Batman, with the power of money, just saves him. One kid out of the whole lot is nice, but it's also just one kid.

Let's talk about his rogue's gallery. They're made up of a bunch of mentally unstable people. For a while it seemed like Arkham Asylum is a place that would tackle their illness. But it seems like it's run like any other government institution and rampant escapes and even making the criminals far worse is a common practice. Hell, Joker was able to create more super villain in there by creating Harley.  So it's really not doing its job as an Asylum for rehabilitation.  And having a masked Bat run around the streets under the concept of justice just brings out more of the insane to come out and meet him toe to toe.

Really makes you think how effective or even productive Batman is. But hey, he can show off some really neat and crazy concept toys that he, much like Iron Man, have the situation where they are selling the new inventions to government contracts  - which just creates more villains due to government overreach.  In all, this whole crime fighter thing really doesn't sound like it's helpful to anyone other than the hero complex that Batman is addicted to.

I'm pretty sure that if Batman, as Bruce Wayne, just paid a higher tax rate and still remain filthy fucking rich, would do far more for the city than any of his night time antics. At the very least he wouldn't have to deal with getting so many scars and he'd not cause so much damage to the city.  

Oh well.   Fuck batman

 THE GRIFT KEEPS GOING

Listen, now that the electoral college and the popular vote has gone to President Elect Joe Biden, I feel like I can easily talk shit on Donald Drumpf. Especially because he continues to refuse to concede. Arizona was just officially called for Biden, so really, the fat lady has sung. There is no viable pathway for Drumpf to get to the required 270 to get anything. 

He Lost, Good day!   I say good day!

At least the reality of that should be sinking in. Just recently the law firm representing Donnie's fraud case in Philly has pulled out of representing him once the judge reminded them that filing baseless claims like this come with the backlash that they can and will be held accountable and fined without any proof, which, ultimately is the biggest issue with this whole case. There isn't any proof.  But is there?  Lt. Governor from Texas wants to believe so. So much that they currently have a 1 million dollar reward for any proof of voter fraud.  Which kind of tells you everything you need to know about the situation of not having any proof. 

The reality is that Donald is holding off on conceding because once you concede, you can't be shaking that tin cup for donations for a fund that claims it goes towards your legal defense fund. But in true Trump fashion, the devil is in the detail. And the detail in the fine print pretty much tell you everything you need to know. Specifically that 60% of any given contribution, up to $5,000, will go to Save America, a Trump PAC that will be used towards paying down his campaign debt or whatever the hell he wants. Then 40% will go towards the RNC. Which kind of tells you exactly why there's a list of republican law makers who will go along with this silly issue and allow Trump the ability to voice the biggest sore loser acts this nation has seen.  But unless you donate $8k, then the money is just going into the grifter's pocket.

The bigger implication in all this is that Trump is collecting money so he can still have a major hand in ruling that funding over Republican's success in the 2022 elections. Which, let's be honest, it may seem that trump's rule over the party is far from over despite clearly losing this election.

A side note.  If trump touts that his project Warp Speed helped Pfizer get to the 90% effective vaccine, Pfizer has stated it did not take money for the development of the vaccine. They didn't want to be beholden to the U.S.  Again, Trump is just his typical grifter style.

 IT'S OVER! IT'S FUCKING FINALLY OVER

 

Look, I know a lot of you are wondering why I, a comedic current affairs "writer" would have not been on here for a long time. I mean, hey, Trump must have provided a lot of material to make fun of, right?! The truth of the matter is he didn't. He was such an over the top ass fuck of a piece of shit administration that I didn't want to do any writing here.  Mainly because there was no way to top the batshit stuff that was somehow turned in to the daily reality. 

Look, how the fuck could I even come close to dreaming up the absurdity that the last four years was. Sure, every few months I would try to start this up and I got a few months in before just becoming crushingly depressed of trying to think of something far different than what the daily normal news feed was, that it just wasn't fun. 

For example, I wrote the most during the Obama years because, well, I'll be blunt, I actually voted for Hillary during that election because I'm a feminist at heart and wanted a woman to be President so badly to fucking finally break that stupid glass that has been there for so long, and when Obama's hope and change angle really felt like something I could write about, as it was a lot of lip service, as drone strikes were still happening.  Looking back at it now after four years of this cluster fuck of a piece of shit situation, I really should have enjoyed it a lot more than I did.  But hey, I did do a lot of accountability to the whole Obama administration. 

Still, I should have enjoyed all that good ol' days time. But what I'm trying to say here is that if you simply look back at the era of blog post I wrote of that time, I may have been a bit harder on Obama than I really should have. But then again, it wasn't a bad time, it was just a matter of me feeling like the "hope and change" aspect of his time wasn't as hopeful or much of a change from the previous Bush era. 

Anyhow, here we are. I mean, I don't even know what to say. I'm just so thrilled. I was literally dancing in the street on Saturday. Honking like crazy, just virtually COVID high fiving strangers because holy shit, FUCK YEAH! After four years of breathing deeply every morning, wondering what sort of cluster fuck damage report we have to look forward to due to an unstable moronic President. We can finally sleep well, knowing full well that an adult is in the room and will be taking control of the situation. Thank fucking whatever higher power you believe in.  What a goddamn relief. 

 I was so tired of worrying about the hate speech that he was spouting, the basic human rights that the people I care about will be at risk of losing next, the amount of money laundering into the private accounts of these fucking thieves.  Most of all, I am just so thrilled that I can brief with some hope for tomorrow. Sure, it showed that despite the past four years, 70 million people still decided to vote for that pile of shit. But just a few more were willing to finally get an adult in the white house and that, in itself, helps me breath a little bit more at ease.