You have to give it to KFC. The Colonel just doesn't give a fuck. The dude has no qualms with creating unhealthy foods and jamming them down the throats of anyone who will shell out the bucks for it. And really, growing up I never really had KFC because as a poor kid in East L.A, I always thought Pioneer chicken was a lot better in taste and a whole lot cheaper.
That doesn't mean it was a healthier option. Hell no. Pioneer chicken was beyond oily. I mean, you could use a bunch of napkins and still not cover the amount of oil that the thing was drenched in. But as unhealthy as that was, it can't begin to touch what KFC is trying out currently in two markets (meaning in two states).
You see, human civilization has reached its highest point with America's current fast food menu. While those of you who get your double double at IN-N-OUT protein style to not have to deal with the bun are failing to realize is that instead of lettuce, you can be using meat as a bread substitute. I present you the Double Down from KFC.
Forget what you knew about sandwiches because it just got reinvented. Now you don't need to mess with silly bread. Why would you want to when you can easily replace it with two chicken patties. At least I hope they're de-boned chicken patties as biting down on a sandwich only to meet a breast plate would not make for a great lunch time meal.
My one question is how do you eat that without getting disabling diarrhea? Ok, that's a lie. I have a lot more questions. For example, why would anyone buy this combo for $7? That's pretty god damn expensive as hell. Then again, everything at KFC is expensive so I shouldn't be surprised.
I just wonder if people come in asking if they could super size their combo of this.
That's not a sandwich that's just a pile of chicken
It's funny that KFC has had this mentality that anyone who eats here must love to smash their food together or has no problems with that neurosis about food touching as just about everything on the menu or being introduced lately is a mashed up entire dinner into one giant ball or bowl. It's really disturbing to think that some Executive thinks all Americans have poor teeth and can't chew very well.
I suppose it's only fitting that they called it the Double Down, because it's like you're placing a bet on congestive heart failure and coronary thrombosis. How fucking disgusting is that blog of a sandwich? I don't care if you're only eating it ironically, as it seems most hipsters do anything these days. I show concern because what about the clogged arteries and fat ass that comes with that? Are those ironic as well?
Here's a poor quality video of the ad for this monster pile of shit sandwich
I love the part in the ad where the one guy exclaims "Finally.. Someone listened to me!" As if anyone was out there thinking, "Fuck, man, you know what would be good?" The copy guys in the creative department were having a little fun there I assume. Because there shouldn't be anyone on this Earth who was thinking that this is a good idea. Then again, if I was given this ad copy, I don't know if I could take it seriously either.
Perhaps I should thank KFC for weeding out the human racist from all the fatasses who will choke down this god awful menu item. Especially those who are getting a diet coke with this combo meal. I hope those are the first ones to choke on the massive amounts of chicken in this chicken sandwich.. Oh, sorry. I almost acknowledged this pile of crap as a sandwich. My apology.
I will never doubt the needs of fast food. It's there for those who don't have the time to make food for themselves. And while it remains to be the unhealthiest option around, and in most cases only slightly cheaper than actually sitting down and enjoying your meal, it remains a staple in our culture. A culture always on the move and only willing to put it in park to fill the need of hunger.
McDonalds has one been one company that while I generally don't eat at, I have some respect for creating the burger chain and giving us the drive-thru ability. Originally founded in 1940, McDonalds was a Bar-B-Que place. It was a pretty successful outgoing but in 1948 McDoanlds decided to scale back their menu to only have 9 items. Focusing on the burgers, fries and everything nice approach, they became successful.
It's a long time since then and McDonalds' menu has gone completely insane with the amount of items they are now offering. McGriddles and other options that I dare not even try. They're currently looking to kick Starbucks while starbucks closes up shops in terms of the coffee business.
McDonald's -- never known for a delicate marketing touch -- is about to drop the mother of all campaigns on you, an everywhere-you-look, invade-your-dreams ad campaign in support of its McCafé specialty coffee drinks that will be not so much viral as bubonic. An estimated $100-million mega-buy across TV, Web, radio, print, outdoor and social media, the McCafé push beginning today will be, according to the company, its biggest "menu initiative" since it began serving breakfast in the 1970s.
McDonald's, $1.35, was decent and moderately strong. Although it lacked the subtle top notes needed to make it rise and shine, it had no flaws. Dunkin' Donuts, $1.65, was weak, watery, and pricier than Starbucks. It was inoffensive, but it had no oomph. (If you brew with Dunkin’ beans at home, you can make it stronger.) Starbucks, $1.55, was strong, but burnt and bitter enough to make your eyes water instead of open.
But now McDonalds has introduced it's McCafe. Offering a section of McDonalds specialty coffees like their own take on a Latte, Cappuccino and Mocha. While I'm ore of a luke warm coffee drinker, I guess these look.. ok, well, they don't look tasty.
This isn't the first time McDonalds has ventured into the world where others dared to brave. It's with my honor that I bring you a review that I literally forgot I ever took pictures and wrote notes about. It had to be at least half a year or more old.
Southern Style. Before McDonalds dared to look Starbucks in the eye and continued to piss in it, they set their eyes on Chick-Fi-la. A place that has a lot in common with McDonalds. In that they both don't actually serve meat.
Chick-Fi-La is a Southern flavor. It provides chicken to the all meat alternative seeking folks and it provides it cheaply. Their big seller is a simple chicken sandwich that comes plain with pickles. It's delicious in its simplicity and McDonalds came about and tried to rip it off with its Southern Chicken sandwich.
Being a fan of Chick-Fi-La's sandwich, oddly enough always craving it on Sundays, the only day the place is closed (they're religious) I wanted to see how McDonald's knock off compared to the real thing. Here's my results.
As you can see the two, I went with a McDonalds new coffee and sandwich comparing it to the Chic-fi-la sandwich and sweet tea.
VS
One goes with a cardboard box for a container and a plastic cup. The other goes with a styrofoam cup and a paper/foil bag. So off the bag you keep the sandwich warmer with the chick-fi-la bag since it's going to retain the heat. I've never been a fan of the Big-mac cardboard container. Half the cheese gets stuck on the bottom of the cardboard and once it's wet, it's as good as gone. Yeah, it makes sure that you sandwich isn't smashed when you stack them, but how many sandwiches do you need to get filled on these? One should be more than enough.
Which brings us to the battle of the sandwiches.
McDonald's Southern Chicken Sandwich
Looks to be on a regular burger bun. It claims to be a sweet one but meh, I really couldn't tell the difference. Not a whole lot of flavor. It's plain chicken flavor. Something that I always disliked about chicken. It can easily taste like plain white meat if you're not trying hard enough to give it any flavor. McDonalds is all about cranking them out quickly, so I can see why it wasn't anything more than something to shove in your mouth that is lower in calories than most other things on their menu.
The coffee was standard coffee with ice. Nothing at all to write home about and it really did taste watered down to all hell. Way too much ice, which in turn melted making it water. Not really a fan. I haven't bought one of these since that first and only time I bought this FOR SCIENCE! Not recommended.
Chick-fi-la Chicken Sandwich
This sandwich is a meal in itself. Nevermind the potential of waffle fries being added to the combo. The sandwich in itself is damn tasty. Never falling short and landing into that area of boring white meat. The bun is actually tasty in itself. So even without the mayo, mustard and ketchup, it's filled with a lot of flavor.
If you are inclined to toss something on the burger, Chick-fi-la also offers up various sauces. From honey mustard to sweet and sour sauce. It's really a lot of choices on how you can make what appears to be a plain sandwich into something completely different every time you try one.
The sweet tea in itself will one day kill me. I just know it'll seal my fate and give me diabeties. There's no doubt about any of that. I'm just thankful that they have free refills because I can suck this stuff down with ease.
How about a side by side comparisson.
Both come with two pickles and not much else. This is going to have a lot of people put into question the amount you get for the price you pay. In this modern day you're expecting your burger to be topped a mile high. Hell, Carl's Jr. has made it that an extra patty is a common condiment. Add in chili and all the other stackable material, that first fact will throw off a lot of consumers from getting this otherwise simple, yet tasty sandwich.
Between the two sandwiches you can see that the Chick-fi-la chicken breast is huge compared to the McDonalds one. Let alonoe the bread quality on the chick-fi-la is a whole lot better than Micky-D's version. Speaking of which, can we stop calling it Mickey-D's? That's a stupid name and a burger joint is far from having street cred.
The different potential flavors that you can get out of the sandwich from a Chick-fi-la version is 10x's as many as you can get from McDonalds version due to the different sauce packs they have. Add in that they are free from Chick-fi-la and cost you something from McDonalds, the winner is clearly leaning towards Chick-fi-la
Especially when it comes to the price as well. The chick-fi-la meal ranks a bit pricier by a buck or two, but you get what you pay for in terms of a top quality burger. What do you get for that higher price? A healthier meal. Men's Health, A magazine that I have been pretty gay for shows that Chick-fi-la ranks in the best in terms of fast food chains. With having nothing on the menu that is more than 500 calories, a bar that no other fast food joint can claim, it really is the best possible choice to make when you're on the go and feeling hungry.
It has been said that the south will rise again. I think there's only a certain amount of truth in that when it comes to their food and the hospitality. If you've been to Atlanta lately you'll realize that it's still only good for a couple of things. Being a delta hub, providing you with Coke and being a Ray Charles song. When it comes to chicken sandwiches, McDonalds doesn't touch Chick-fi-la in terms of southern style chicken sandwiches.
As for McDonalds move to coffee. I'm sure it'll be just the same. Good for you if you're on a budget and need that speciality drink as a status symbol but I wouldn't expect anything great out of the flavor.
As much as I'm not a fan of starbucks, you do eventually get what you pay for in going to those that aren't trying to be a jack of all trades. Stick to the items you're good at. In this case, McDonalds would be better suited sticking to Burgers. It is what made them famous, perhaps you shouldn't expand too far. Keep It Simple Stupid. K.I.S.S.
YOU GET A WING, YOU GET A BREAST! Oprah Lowers The Bar
Well, it's not a brand new car, but at least you don't have to pay the taxes on this one. Oprah is giving away two piece chicken meals at KFC... oh, I'm sorry, KGC. They no longer want to be known for their fried chicken. No worries, KFC, I didn't think your fried chicken was good anyway. Your biscuits on the other hand, were delicious. So how about you change your name to KGB?
Back to the deal because, free is free. So what's the low down?
Get two pieces of grilled chicken, two individual sides and a biscuit!
Limited Time Download Coupon download available from 9 a.m. CDT on May 5, 2009, to 9:59 p.m. CDT on May 6, 2009. Coupon is redeemable at participating KFC® locations in the United States from May 5, 2009 to May 19, 2009—excluding Mother's Day, May 10, 2009.
Yeah, that's right. All you cheap mother fuckers hoping to get a free meal for your mama's on Mother's day need to plan accordingly. I cant' stop laughing at that. Did you really need to make their be a limit for Mother's day? Is there such a rush for KFC KGC on Mother's day that they would have to limit this coupon to be void on Sunday? You're thinking way too highly of yourself, Masters of the seven herbs and spices. Though I know it will probably make some people go "well shit, there goes my Mother's Day idea".
Careful KFC, you don't want this happening.
I also love the fine print of this deal. It's so careful in the way it's wording everything.
* Terms: Free offer good for two pieces of Kentucky Grilled Chicken™ (manager's choice) and two individual sides and a biscuit at participating KFC restaurants located in the Unites States, while supplies last. Limit one offer per coupon, one coupon per person during offer period. Must be redeemed in person. Not good with any other offers. No photocopied, mechanically reproduced or altered coupon accepted. Coupon cannot be sold or traded. Valid only if downloaded from UnthinKFC.com. Applicable tax extra. Void where prohibited. By downloading coupon, you agree that KFC is not responsible for any technical problems or malfunctions of computer systems, servers or printers or lost or unavailable network connections. You are limited to 4 downloads of coupon. Coupon fraud is punishable by law.
COUPON FRAUD IS PUNISHABLE BY LAW!!! OH NOES! The law is going to come in and cuff me for making multiple copies of this. I think that's how the hamburgler turned to a life of crime. One too many free burger coupons and once he got out of the pokey, it was just a matter of time before he was knocking over Jack in the boxes.
Coupon Fraud brings great dishonor to the Colonel
Though, all coupons actually say that. I just find it funny that KFC KGC is warning us that they wont be responsible when your computer runs slower than shit because in order to print this, you have to load it up from coupons.com. That means you have to install a spyware piece of shit in order to print the coupons. Thanks for wiping your hands of any responsiblity in making my hardware suck ass, Oprah.
I'm wondering what this new "UnthinKFC" campaign is about. Are they trying to reverse KFC's image of shitty unhealthy chicken? Is that even possible? Maybe they wont people to have the same mentality that I have. That is if I wanted grilled chicken, I'd grill it myself. Now, if I want fried chicken... I'll go to Roscoe's. But if I want world-class diarrhea, I'll go to KFCKGC. You should try their mashed potato bowls (for if you want corn in your diarrhea).
Hey, at least they don't objectify women...
I know I keep writing KGC, but that's just part of their new marketing handle. It's common knowledge that they officially changed their name to "KFC," and have abandoned the "Kentucky Fried Chicken" name in hopes to get people not thinking about the fried aspect. It's better than SyFy, I guess. But not by much.
Though I'd like to squash the rumor that they had to legally change the name because they sell genetically modified chickens that are born without their beaks and aren't technically kitchen. This isn't 5th grade, folks. Let's show some maturity.
This blog on the other hand... all about objectifying. When will they offer Grilled employees instead of those in the sink fired ones?
If I've had my way, I'd gladly state how stupid the UnthinKFC motto is. It seems like a terrible name to pick though, considering KFC will in fact make you "un-thin". El Pollo Loco is so much better at essentially the same gimmick. Hell, I'm not even a chicken type of person. To me it's typically done bad. Good chicken is a rare thing so I don't bother with bland chicken anyway.
But even if you can get the same shit other places done a lot better, Oprahoids will still try and try. It's like the Oprah book club. To be perfectly honest, I've only met one person who loved Oprah but wasn't completely bat shit insane. Perhaps the Jewish side balanced out the crazy since they were already neurotic enough.
If you listen carefully you can hear the mashing of Oprah fan fingers in distressed E-machine keyboards nationwide, twitching as they frantically slam their mouse against grandma's cardtable in utter, desperate, wanton lust for that delicious, delicious chickeny goodness. The comedy gold to be mined from those comments is almost better than free chicken! I give you the comment section of the Oprah website. The things I do for this blog:
"your KFC coupon dont even work get it to work NOW"
Bitches want their CHICKANS NAO!
"Hello Oprah, I just wanted to say that I tried to get onto the site to print the coupon and it says it's unable to open..Anyway.. Thanks for thinking about America"
Yes, cause America needs more crappy chicken.
"Thanks for saing you are feeding North America and then saying only available in the U.S."
CANADA IS NOT PLEASED!
"Dear Oprah, My family and I just want to say THANK YOU for Blessing us with the coupons. You are Segulah(valued property) to God !"
PRAISE LORD OPRAH!
"I tried to use my coupon but when I went to KFC they said we like your socks."
Well, to be honest, they were nice socks.
"I'm on food stamps,but won't take a handout from KFC. I'm not Vegan, just sickened at the videos I've seen of the processing plants KFC uses.They are immoral"
You should see the videos on how they make government cheese.
"Oprah, the thought was so nice, but the process was a nightmare! I am now going to have to oder fried chicken to make up for all the calories I lost by trying to print the coupon."
Oh, I'm sure you've already spent those calories on the food you ate while waiting for the coupon site to load.
"Thank you Oprah, I enjoyed my chicken. You are a beautiful, strong, Successful and an elegant woman. I would love to have sex with you."
..... Well, that's a strange segway.
"Mymommaalwaystoldmeyoudon'tget nuthun'forfree.NOT EVEN A FREE PIECE OF CHICKEN.THANKS FOR NOTHING OPRAH.THE COUPON ISN'T REAL THERE IS NOT A PAGE AND NOW I MUST GO TO BED HUNGRY"
The internet doesn't exist. We are in the matrix.
So there you have it. Print up your coupon and get on down for some mmmm mmmm deep fried grilled chicken! It's on OPRAH!
Once was a writer, tho, you see words to your left, so I guess I'm still that to some degree.
You can find my scribbles and mind ranting on this and various other places as a means to keep the creative, satirical and costco talk muscles worked out.
Was once apart of the tv industry, but I'm sure the NDA's are still in effect so let's move on from that. Now I spend my time slinging beer and keeping a building in one piece.
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