And Another Thing....

And Another Thing....

Last week sort of caught me by surprise. Mainly in the field of consumerism. You see, I zoned out and didn't realize that it was the release of Talking Head's STOP MAKING SENSE on Blu-ray, but I also forgot that today is the day that And Another Thing gets released. What am I talking about? It's the Sixth Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy book in the series of three and scary as it sounds, this one is not written by Douglas Adams.

I know, I should have been afraid on that fact alone. I mean, how many of the non-Frank Baum Oz books were actually good? Not a whole lot, that's for sure. So when I first heard this news I was a bit worried. I never read Artemis Fowl, but since it's a childrens book, maybe, just maybe the new Hitchhiker books would have that Douglas Adams, whimsical feeling to them.



I thought it would be of some interest that a huge Douglas Adams fan review this latest installment of the book. Here it goes.

I picked up the book and flipped to the first page. Upon which I saw two quotes. One was of Douglas Adams and put a smile on my face. Right below that one, on the other hand was the following:

We've travelled through space and time my friends. To rock this house again, ROCK! -Tenacious D

Then I closed the book and put it down. Fuck that shit. Fuck you. You should not have Tenacious D anywhere near a HHGTTG book. I don't care if you like Jack Black or not, you shouldn't cross these streams. While Salmon may be good and Pizza may be good, mixing the two will not be a combination that you'd want to eat. Same shit here. Fuck that.

There's a 100% chance this will be better than the last 2 or 3 hitchhiker books but with the opening quote being a Tenacious D song lyric, you could shove this book straight up your ass.

It doesn't help that I'm beyond sick and tired of the Brutal Legend ads that have been pumping all throughout the Television screens. I'm just really tired of Jack Black and Tenacious D. So yeah, not much of a review of the book. Maybe I'll pick it up again, but god damn, that first page sucked.

Everyone's A Critic - Stupid Reviews

Everyone's A Critic - Stupid Reviews

If there's one thing the internet has created, it's the ability for morons to expressed their opinions on anything and everything. Take this blog for example. 365+ days of me ranting and raving. Sure, you're reading this, but that doesn't mean it's any less of a jumbo mess of my thoughts. Most of which I'm sure only I can agree with.

But perhaps there's a bigger lesson to be learned by all this. That is taste may very greatly. There's a blog for just about everything. From nonsense like mine to actually having a point. This one, for example, highlights those terrible reviews of decent and good things. It highlights one star reviewed items from Amazon. Yup, these are some terrible amazon reviews for things that, well, are timeless classics. At least for me.

Animal Farm

Perhaps the worst book I have ever layed eyes on. I can't stand this kind of unrealistic plot, (whose ever heard of pigs giving lectures about politics). If I weren't having to read this for English 10 I could be digging into a true classic and my holidays would be much more enjoyable.

What the fuck, man! Pigs giving lectures? Next thing you know they'll be flying first class! By true classics he means the September issue of penthouse.

I didn't like this book at all! I don't care if it was supposed to symbolize history with the Russian Revolution plot but Orwell could've certainly done better to show this historical conflict in a professional and non-fiction type manner than having barn animals fight and kill each other. I wish everyone in this book died cause I didn't care one bit about any of the characters! Orwell didn't make this novel interesting and it seems like a first grader could read this book and like it because everyone at that age thinks that animals fighting is fun.

Well, aren't animal fights the best? I know I go to my local dog fights metaphors on revolutionary wars.

I personally hated this book. I found it thouroughly boring it's tone was intolerqbly bleak and epressing--and poor Boxer! This book was such a bummer. I highly suggest AGAINST reading this book. I'm sure some people enjoyed, but most of my English class and I disliked it. I'm sure the author was a wonderful person, but this was just not a good book. Read something happier like, oh I don't know, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. It's amd excellent read, and with the Holidays coming up, everyone wants to feel happy.

You know what, even the happiest stories have very bad endings. I mean, sheeeeeeeit, Harry Potter got really dark, really fast!

This book was terible. I was forced into reading this book in school. Which is no surprise, this is exactly the kind of book our government wants to force people to read, so they hand it to schools, and try to force us to read it. This book was written by a insane man named George Orwell, who hated society, and displayed that by bashing humanity, and making people look like lower lifeforms than animals. He used pigs to potray govermnent officials (which isn't a bad choice if you ask me), horses for hard working people, dogs as SS troops, etc... Throught this entire book, he constantly tries to show that humans are sick people, that will corrupt no matter what happens. To be honest I think this man is crazy and needs to be locked up. (Check the date of Publication, bro.)

Oh the crazy man is writing about talking animals again. Time to lock him up!

1984

1.0 out of 5 stars pure science fiction, 13 Dec 2007
By a Stockdale "stocky" (englanf)
1984. I read this classic piece of literature recommended by friend Rupert a Aussie bloke But i was very dissapointed indeed with it This could never happen the people would not allow it .Its just to far fetched to be true Life is to be enjoyed not to be mulled over in so called historicism memorabilia
your Sincerley
The Dutchess of edinburgh

Douglas Adam's Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy

what a horrible book

This book was a terrible one, in that all it did for me was get me exited and interested, only to dash my hopes of any answers, by not answering unanswerable questions logically.

I think this guy opened the book to find answers to some tough questions, possibly the meaning of life.

This is the stupidest book ever written. All of the people that worship this book should be rounded up and piled into a massive hole in the ground. the hole should then be filled with dirt and then a city the size of New York built on top. this book is not funny, entertaining, or educational in the least. it serves no purpose but to annoy and frustrate a lovely 12th grade honors english class. if you have not read the book this is my advise to you, RUN DON'T WALK TO BURN THIS BOOK AND ALL OF THE COPIES YOU CAN PUT YOUR HANDS ON.

Woah. It's been a while since I went to my last book burning. I better run! DON'T PANIC! We have lighter fluid!

Pride and Prejudice

"I used to hate Mr. Darcy, until I found out he has ten thousand a year, now i'm madly in love with him." Yes I know that's a wilful misinterpretation, but the tortuous language, the upper class snobbery, and the unromantic linking of money and love are just too much! So there.

Damn people from yesteryear having different concepts of marriage!



The Big Lebowski

Considering I just went to the Lebowski fest, I have to question these reviews, because clearly they're not achievers.

I had the misfortune on having to watch this trash. I am here to warn you… NEVER EVER SEE THIS BORING NON-SENSICAL GARBAGE!

Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man

I saw this movie on tv, with all the language cut out, and thought it was very funny. Bought the movie from amazon. Was totally disgusted. The ‘F’ word was the most used word in the movie, practically every sentence. No reason for it, it didn’t add a thing. I soon found myself disgusted and making unflattering comments in response to the characters lines. Gave it away. Should have burned it as the trash it is.

So that's what happens when you find a stranger in the alps.

How can people like a movie in which every other word is the “F” word? If simple minded people get a kick out of watching a guy named the Dude smoke a “J”, I’m worried about this country. Spend your time elsewhere, because this is not a thinking man’s flick.

Simple minded people? Who's the one breaking down the word FUCK into "F" word?

I am very disappointed that I accidently purchased HD DVD and cannot watch this movie because I do not have the HD DVD player. And returning it will cost about the same amount in shipping as the cost of the item.

So the review is more on the service than the movie? I'm confused. Perhaps I need to buy a movie in a format I do not own.

I am surprized to see all these high reviews. My wife and I saw the movie and rated it as among one of the worst we have seen. The Dude character is cute for about the first 10 minutes but after that the movie becomes really repetitive… that and no real storyline. Very disappointed. Expected something much better from the brothers

Why didn't they put Donnie into the wood chipper? Come on Bro's, keep that shit straight!

Wall-E

I purchased this film expecting to love it. Instead, I found it a terribly depressing tale about man's habitual pattern of self-abuse, environmental destruction and abandonment. There is no clever dialog to engage the viewer, indeed, there is very little dialog at all. Wall-E is an adorable little robot who has been left behind to clean up the catastrophic mess that has covered Earth, while all the remaining humans travel about space in a perpetual holding pattern, eating themselves into deformity. I cannot fathom what the other 700 some odd viewers who loved this movie found to love about it.

all 700 people must be wrong and I must be right. Yeah.. that sounds plausible.

Kids liked it but it's kind of a brain-dead movie for adults... there's no dialogue.

Damn hippie directors oughta know that there's no possible way to engage a viewer without dialogue. Also I never understood how people can watch this movie and think that the "environmental message" is in any way central to anything going on.

If you are looking for a movie with recycled plots (no pun intended), endless and banal cliches,and commonplace animation styles, then Wall-E is your movie.

A far cry from original and engaging works such as Ratatioulle, Shrek (pt. 1),and Beowulf. Unlike most international films which are made by artists with integrity, Hollywood is more concerned with selling tickets to an undiscerning market. How else can you explain the farce of three pirates of the Caribbean movies which become progressively worse, but sell more tickets with each subsequent release.

Yeah the artwork in this movie was definitely trash. Beowulf set the golden standard for animated excellence in film. And this guy says more substantial things about Pirates than about Wall-e, did he actually watch the film?


Fear And Loathing in Las Vegas

A journey of futility. I was terribly disappointed by this book. It was obvious that the author decided to put in, almost as an afterthought, a point to the entire waste of precious natural resources. I am amazed that this book is still in print. It has little to offer as a story--humorous or otherwise--and I was dumbfounded that someone actually based a movie off this book.

Oh, the reviews just get better.

I could find absolutely nothing of "redemptive value" to this story. I thought there might be a some kind of "lesson" to be learned at the end, but that wasn't the case. No consequence for illegal, immoral choices and actions. A tale of debachery, disrepect, drug use promotion, vandalism and total hedonism. I'm not a right-wing, Bible-thumping, ultra-conservative, but I could not, would not recommend this book to anyone!

Then again, there's something even bad critics like. I mean, there has to be right? Oh, we flip the coin here and see their enjoyment on things like Twilight.

if you think this book is bad, it is because yu are a sad, lonely person with nothing better to do except criticize an absolutely AMAZING book. the only reason you would is because you wish you were in Bella's shoes. you would have an amazing boyfriend whoa adores you and is willing to give you whatever you want. and WHO CARES if Bella Swan means beautiful swan?? edward means wealthy or kind guardian. Stephenie picked those names for a reason. and Edward is NOOOOOOTTTTTT just a pretty face to bella. and i quote,
JESSICA: he is so gorgeous. i mean, just LOOK at his face!
BELLA: he is NOT just a pretty face. thereis much more to him than that.

or something along those lines.

and not mentioning any names, *couch big M O cough cough*
but edward is NOT perfect nor does he thimk he is.
and so whta if they sparkle? you would lik eit if you did.
nuff said.

My brain just melted. But hey, why not.

WOW, I AM A MOM OF 4 YOUNG KIDS AND I LOVED THIS BOOK! I HATE VAMPIRE STORYS OR ANYTHING SCARY OR MACABRE FOR THAT MATTER.. THIS IS NEITHER, IT IS A ROMANCE (A CLEAN ROMANCE). I COULD NOT PUT IT DOWN, I SMILED THE WHOLE TIME I WAS READING IT. OK, ALMOST THE WHOLE TIME. GREAT CHARACTERS, AND STORY LINE. I READ IT TWICE IN THE SAME WEEK. THIS BOOK IS GREAT FOR ANYONE PROBABLY OVER 14 OR 15. THERE IS NOTHING BAD IN IT, BUT I WOULD NOT LET MY 10 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER READ IT.
THIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE NEXT TO HARRY POTTER AND MITFORD AND OF COURSE THE CLASSIC JANE AUSTINS AND OTHERS.

I love how some parents relate every single thing in the world to the fact that they have kids.
I AM A MOM OF FOUR KIDS AND I LOVED THIS BOOK.
I AM A MOM OF FOUR KIDS AND I LIKE THIS BRAND OF OATMEAL.
I AM A MOM OF FOUR KIDS AND I DON'T LIKE THAT COLOR DRESS ON YOU.
I AM A MOM OF FOUR KIDS AND THAT IS ALL THAT DEFINES ME AS A PERSON.

Before i read the book i was not sure if i would like the book. Now i can not reading the book. I highly recommend the book.

There you go. Just proof that everyone's a critic, just not sure how bad their taste will be.

Cum, Again?

Cum, Again?

Who reads these days? I mean, what's the point when all the good books are turned into movies you no longer have to sneak the purchase of twilight out of barnes and noble anymore when you can easily sneak into a theater and watch the full story.

But there's somethings books are good for. Cooking. Cook books are a great way to discover that you can't cook for shit. Try as you may, even the simple recipes will have you utterly failing in replicate the dish on the page. But you try anyway. Like a moth to the flame. Fly, little one.. Fly fly! Wait.. what?

There's an old saying that states the best things are made from scratch. A little elbow grease and some spit and you got yourself some magic in your hands. So when I came across this self published book I did a double take. This was too much to swallow. I was surprised, shocked, confused and then surprised again. Either way, this truly gives new meaning to making things from scratch... or should I say making things by rubbing..

A Collection of Semen Based Recipes



Yup. that's right. You too can provide your own ingredients to the dish and be a connoisseur of fine spirits and semen. The best part of that book was not the fact that you were going to be a cum guzzler -it was the reactions and reviews to the book.

Even though I've not yet read this book, from looking at the preview I can say that I already feel a bit offended.

To treat semen like it's some kind of topping, condiment or simply a flavor enhancer does a disservice to what semen has to offer. It’s sort of analogous to sprinkling a tablespoon of filet mignon shavings on your potatoes and then singing the praises of that meat. To relegate semen to the role of “supporting actor” is like asking Tobey Macguire to play an extra in a film for 3 to 15 seconds. Semen is more than a little residue on my napkin after whipping my chin Photenhauer! - semen should fill! Quantity (great quantity) of semen is paramount on any plate it has a role in! It is the star!

Furthermore, because of that, because of what it has to offer and because of the manpower exhausted in its extraction and processing, semen is hard to afford and should be! Which leads to Photenhauer’s second unseemly literary crime – exploitation of the poor. Not only does this book sadly sell semen short, but it sells semen on the backs of the poor by suggesting that those with low incomes can enjoy semen too. Photenhauer not only brings semen down by suggesting to those not yet acquainted with semen’s goodness that semen can be enjoyed in such scant proportions but justifies this denigration of semen (and thereby his book) by practically suggesting that every tongue, rich and poor, can be laden with semen should the craving for a snack arise at 1 in the morning. Tragic and mean. Why not just give a poor child a thimble-sized ice-cream cone with Hagen-Daaz and pat yourself on the back Photenhauer! See what I mean? You seem mean.

Make your own choice though.

Now that's more than a mouthful.

This book is like a godsend for our family. Two months ago we lost our house to the bank and we are as good as broke. All of us live in a trailer now. That's me, my wife and seven kids... plus my wife's parents. Food is expensive and before I got this book we were eating canned dog food four times a week to cut the cost of living.

BUT... thankfully we began to eat cum! It's been three weeks that all the boys including my father in-law, the old codger, deliver top-notch daily drainings of fresh ball sap. My wife and my mother in-law collect the milky distillate straight from our stiff meat into glass jars and store these in the fridge. Every Sunday they turn the scrumptious gook into lip-smacking cum recipes!

It's good that even with an economic downturn families can still be upbeat about the situation. Pure comedy.

I bought this book the second I heard about it. I had been shooting my scrotal milk into all of my friends dishes without them knowing for years, since I got this all have been requesting my brew in their food.
Still, I don't think I'm ok with my mom eating my gonad glazed goodies but she says it tastes pretty good.
Also makes for easy transition from breast milk to solid food for babies. Plus they're still used to the nipple so they do most of the work.
A++

That's one concoction I don't think I'd try.

When I was in college, my roomate used to jizz inthe ice cube trays. I thought it was the foulest thing I had ever seen --- until he made me a white russian 'on the rocks' on night. All I can say is wow, man-goo is for me! Since that blissful night, I have been back at the well many time for the spunk. I have ordered the book, since I've never cooked with the goo. I do love it in it's natural state, straight from the tap. I have made my own (man)cream-filled doughnuts before - "Time to make the doughnuts" was every time I chubbed up. Filling you

Carl's Jr. went to far in their "if it don't get
all over the place, it don't belong in your face" ad

Talk about a master stroke of a review

These recipes are easy to make, even for cooking "new comers."
The Tossed Salad was a big hit at our Mens' Club Meeting. A slathering of Creamy Cucumber dressing really made the flavors pop.

Thank you reviews, thank you. Content already provided for me!

The Choked Chicken recipe is by far my favorite, hands down.
Some others I've tried and enjoyed are the Creamy Homemade Fudge, Weinerschnitzel, and Creamed Spinach. The Cumin Rub is also good to marinate your meat.

See. This is what Sundays are all about. Little to no work.. ok, not for me. But for the rest of you rubes out there. Little to no work and relaxing. Why not just rub one out and head to the kitchen.

I recently served the Flan to some of my neighbors, they tried and tried but just could not guess what that zest was.

Wrong kind of beef to jerk!

BRAVO... BRAVO! Now I know all these comments have to be from like minded persons. But this just had to be shared. Way to go civilization. You salt of the earth people who use the phrase waste not, want not to all the possibilities imaginable. Either that or you're just trying to convince your girlfriends to swallow cum one way or another. I'm sure she'll spit the food out once you tell her what's in it.

At $24.99, this will make a great Holiday stocking stuffer. It'll be sure to fill you up right... Just be careful. I'm sure it can get all over the place and a little messy.