Paranormal Activity: Boobs

Paranormal Activity: Boobs

If any porn companies take that name, at least name one of the actors after me... you know one of the actors who has a huge co.....mmand of the English language. I think those porno's these days have evolved in their scripts, haven't they? I wouldn't know as I don't keep up with the format.

Fun fact - Did you know that 20% of the internet traffic in the evening is from folks streaming from Netflicks? True story. So that means that folks are more than happy to watch movies, say one where it's a home video recording of some demon annoying a family instead of watching amateur porn on the internet... also done on a shitty home video camera.



On the subject of shitty hand held camera films, let's talk about Paranormal Activity. It's sequel, Paranormal Activity 2 scored a whopping 41 million in the box office this past weekend. Considering that Paramount only spent 13 million on the production, prints and advertising of the film, Paramount is already making bucket loads of cash and it's clear we have a new Halloween scary movie replacement for the Saw franchise.

You remember that home movie looking ghost story film from last where a douche bag day trader and his girlfriend got a camera and documented their boring lives till some demon came into the picture somehow and was getting even on the stupid day trader and his rather large breasted girlfriend.



Over all, I didn't hate hate the film. I mean, a day trader died. But I found the jump scares to be pandering and a little heavy handed. The plot didn't make much sense and it was left vague as to allow the viewer to insert their own justification or just scare them into thinking that some asshole chaotic evil demon could just come in and wreck shit for no other reason than he's a demon. But it made a shit ton of money and was produced for the down payment of a car. So you knew it was going to get a sequel.

I mean, given the level of dialogue and the glaring lack of plot, character development and everything else that makes up a good movie, this one did pack the crowds in for what was considered a classic ghost/haunting story that people just eat up around this time of the year. So it was perfectly done and on a shoe string budget.



I bet the number one question you had was how were they going to put Katie's boobs into this one and how prominent will her tits be in the film? Are they going to win acting awards? More than likely they'll be up for best supporting character. Maybe I got that wrong. The boobs win best characters and the bra is the best supporting character.

It's pretty clear that they were playing them up at some points. She's seen in a bikini in the pool in one scene and in another scene while playing with the baby she has a seriously low cut outfit with a lot of cleavage just in your face.



Then again, what kind of red blooded American doesn't like cleavage? The host of the Late show, Craig Ferguson once responded to an email from a girl about how to get men to stop starring at her breasts and he made an excellent point.

"...I don't think theres anything you can really do, men will stare at your breasts, unless their polite... Then they'll pretend not to. Which is what we do, we pretend that we're not looking, but we are, and whenever you think 'Is he looking at my breasts?' his is, 'Was that guy looking at...' yes. Can't help it sorry, try not to, the thing you got to understand is we can't help it, its hardwired, I don't believe in the objectification of women, I believe I'm post-feminist, but when I see a woman... I look at her breasts, and you know what? They're awesome!"

Now look at him on the subject here;



So yeah, there's cleavage and then there's a demon. Sounds about right. Though the sequel isn't all about big boobs. You have to toss in something for the other fetishes in there. How about Japanese school girls for those who rather have that? You folks get that two in a Paranormal Activity franchise film because there's actually TWO Paranormal Activity 2 films coming out.

Here's the Japanese remake sequel, It's in post production and due for late November. Paranormal Activity 2: Tokyo Drift

The film follows a Japanese exchange student, who returns home after visiting San Diego and unwittingly brings the evil from the first film into her family’s house.

The film chronicles the young woman’s videotape recordings in their house and the shocking realization of the supernatural force that her family must defeat.

It's pretty comical to see a film have to official sequels that go completely different directions. If we're to buy into the story of the sequel, then it's practically impossible for the demon to just up and follow an Asian school girl back to Japan. The sequel taught us that this is a sort of Rumpelstiltskin demon who was simply trying to cash in on a deal.

I say about time. Can we put that whole creepy girl who died a wrongful death ghost to rest already? Now it's time to put in the vengeful demon who likes boobs and/or babies to take up the lime light and star in as many ghost stories on the big screen while making hollywood stars out of waitresses from Boca de Beppo.


"Why yes, you can have the Pope room for a party of 10 or more."

For a quick review, the sequel was a lot better than the first. I really didn't care for it, but given the chance to see the second one for free I went for it and really enjoyed it. It expanded on the first one and played well with the time line while also bumping up the notches on what this demon was after and how it tied into the first one as a sort of prequel/epilogue. Over all, it had the best aspects of the first film and added a lot to it while retaining the boobs..

I still have one question about the glaring plot hole in the first. If your place is haunted by some unknown spirit, why the fuck are you sleeping with the door wide open to the dark scary hallway? I mean, really? I realize the ghost has no problem with opening closets and going through the attic or fucking with shelves, but at least with the door closed, if it is opened you can see what sad sad monster is coming in..



Oh wait, Sad Keanu haunts everyone's hearts around the world. The most probably and more realistic thing to do in that situation would be to just fucking run to the nearest hotel and hope it doesn't follow you. If it does.. run some more.

Horror Films Ripped From The Headlines: Saw VI

Horror Films Ripped From The Headlines: Saw VI

It shouldn't come as a surprise that horror films are popping up leading to the festival holiday of Halloween next week. This week's new release of Saw VI is like old faithful. Right on time as usual, like it has been for the past five years. Only this time there's something odd.. Something different about this years snuff film.

I mean, they're typically gore filled and thinly lined excuses for people to jerk off to torture, but this year they're taking it to a new level of snuff porn by making it a sort of ripped from the headlines type of subject matter. Take a look at the trailer;



I have to say, they make maybe 1 or 2 good horror films a year and Saw isn't in the title of any of those. Saw is typically torture porn for people with bad taste. I mean, the franchise has been filled with literally the exact same content in each. I know I've seen at least two SAW films but since they're so much alike and unmemorable I literally can not tell them apart. They're completely indistinguishable.

But hey, let's not go on some random internet bloggers point of view, let's go see what the critics are saying about this in their reviews. From the New York Times review

The film goes all trendy in its selection of victims: instead of being punished because they take their lives for granted, which had a certain classicism to it, they’re now punished for being mortgage lenders or health-insurance adjusters.

Which makes you wonder if the movie critics in the pockets of big insurance now? I don't know about you, but more movies need serial killers who go after people like executives. Why hasn't there been a smut gore film made about killing Bank CEOs yet? Let's get a remake on Wall Street already and make it so.



What this does is make the main character the anti-hero. You have to hate the health care executive in this film. He did it to himself as the reason why he's in the SAW traps is because he denied the health care plan of one fella who ended up dying. So, you know, you really can't cheer for the guy. I sure hate it when horror film victims deserve to die. It ruins the suspense. It just makes me want them to die.

Look at that video clip, the joke in there is that the guy can only choose to save 2. Any real health care provider would just kill all 6 of them and Jigsaw will be all "What the fuck, dude! I went pretty far in setting up those traps." Then again, the clip shows he at least saves the white girl. Way to go, you racist fuck. Again, how can I cheer for him when I want him to die?

I wonder what sort of message this will wind up sending to the average movie view. Jigsaw is evil, therefore what he does is evil, and what he does is kill people. Namely douche bag Health Care provider assholes. If only the message can be spread the killing people is evil unless those people are evil and since jigsaw is evil he could not be killing people that are good, so these people must be good.. Fuck, now everyone is confused.



If it popularizes the idea of revenge killings against CEOs among even just angsty teens, then that's pretty cool. It's a whole lot more productive than that Anarchy phase that they seem to go through. At least it's getting something done in the world that's productive. It is pretty funny that the more I think about it, because the trailers it seems to indicate that a big plot point of SAW VI is that jigsaw's philosophy is spreading. I wont what else is "spreading" and would influence people to kill innocent, hard-working bankers and insurance executives.Oh yes, poverty..

Though, I heard on NPR that the armed services actually got an increase and for the first time in 30 years they actually meet their quota of voluntary recruits. It seems that in these tough economical times, the only constant paying gig is the armed forces.. The double edged sword to all this is that these films desensitizes people to violence which makes people more inclined to support military action. So perhaps we shouldn't allow people to watch torture porn like this. I'm pretty sure that the US has killed more people in Iraq than every psycho serial killer in history put together. Gotta keep that #1 status some how.



This idea of ripping ideas from the headlines isn't anything new. Though I have to say that it's happening way too often in ways that isn't the most healthiest. Earlier this year District 9 came out and well, it just made me want to shoot a Blackwater mercenary soldier with an alien pig gun. But to be perfectly honest, I wanted to do long before I saw District 9. The message was pretty clear though, hired assholes for government weapons and development companies need to die.

Then a couple of weeks ago Paranormal Actvity came out. In it a couple is haunted by a demon that has followed a girl with huge tits since she was a little girl and is now causing havoc for her and her Day Trader boyfriend. In the end, (OMG SPOILERS!), The demon used the possessed big boobed girl to kill the douchebag day trader after weeks of him openly mocking the demon. I couldn't feel bad for the guy because, come on, he was a fucking day trader who deserved to die. If not for being a douche bag, for putting us in this economical situation we are in today.

So it leaves me with, as mentioned before, victims that truly deserved it. Totally ruining the horror and suspense of it all. Does it make for good entertainment? I suppose. But in some cases, like SAW, it's more torture porn than anything else. I mean, I'm conflicted. Do I watch film smut and enjoy it for the torture of some health insurence executive or do I avoid it? Even if he's entirely evil in every way, no one deserves torture, right? Fuck it, when even saw is making a political statement you know our system has gone to hell in a handbasket. Burn it all down. Burn the entire system to the fucking ground!