And The Nobel Prize Goes To.... EU!

And The Nobel Prize Goes To.... EU! 

Wait, WHAT?! Is the Nobel peace prize comity really actually doing this? Did they just realize that Time did this with Youtube (YOU) being the Time person of the year and just figure, why the fuck not copy that same model? Because really, this is pretty fucking silly.

Perhaps we need to back up a little here and explain. The Nobel Peace Prize this year was awarded to the European Union. 

The European Union has won the Nobel Peace Prize, despite a year marked by riots on streets of many capitals and the looming prospect of an acrimonious break up amid an economic crisis caused by the euro.

Chin up, America. Maybe next year the Pentagon will win it. "This year's Peace Prize goes to...... WHITE PEOPLE! You earned it, fellas'. Live it up!"

Okay, so what exactly happened here? Because every time I try to make some sense of the 21st century world of politics and the pieces start to fit together, this kind of shit just happens and completely breaks my mind. This seriously cannot be real. 

Geir Lundestad, the Nobel committee secretary, has long wanted to give the EU the peace prize on the basis of post-war Franco-German reconciliation, because it “helped to consolidate democracy in Southern Europe” after the end of fascist regimes in Spain and Portugal and for its role in helping the transition in eastern Europe after the collapse of Communism.

Gee, thanks for advancing Neo-liberal capitalism increasingly in everything you've done since the 1950's. We do in fact have a medal and jackets. Yes sir, today the Nobel Peace Prize was given to the concept of a treaty. Though, considering Obama received his Nobel Peace Prize, it's only fitting that the irony levels this is awarded to keeps on going.

Congrats to everyone in the EU, good job all around. I can't wait till next time when Peace will win the Nobel Peace Prize. Or is it Death? Yea, Death might win it as well. I would have suggested that it was "Given to the school of the Americas, but then I realized that Kissinger had already won it. I mean, what's next? Will Monsanto win the Nobel prize for medicine and physiology?

"Peace" wins Nobel peace prize, celebrates by buying four horses

By now I'm just going off the assumption that Alfred Nobel isn't actually dead. He's just a vampire that survives by drinking irony. Otherwise how do you explain this? Sure, "no longer being at war" is, in itself a very technical way of look at "peace", but this just seems very strange.



I'm pretty sure that by now, all you E.U. citizens are just graciously accepting this happily and waiting on where your share of the prize money is.

I can tell you, and I hope no one forgets these little facts, that the accompanying cash prize of one million Euros equates to 1/40000th of the amount made by EU member nations in arm sales in 2009 alone. Arms export licenses from EU countries equaled a record €40.3 billion in 2009. Which was up 20% since the 2008 numbers. And with  €9.6 billion in sales going to regimes in the middle wast which subsequently used them to brutally suppress demonstrators during the Arb Spring, this whole thing somehow equals a nice shiny Peace Prize.


Don't forget, Sweden is also the number one weapon exporter per capita, selling weapons for around €1,5 billion in 2010. But maybe it'll be different this time. I mean, they give the prize to Obama and he bombs more people than ever before. Now that the EU wins, the only correct ironic conclusion is that World War 3 will happen soon. How again is this considered a 'Peace Prize'? 

Well, to be fair, we all should've seen this coming back when they named the prize after someone who invented dynamite. Naive of the guy sure, because dynamite's original purpose was so you could build more tunnels through rock and stuff like that. But then again, it was also supposed to be the weapon to end all weapons that no one dare use like the atom bomb! 

Either way, this is all just that last exit for gas sign before a long trip. We're very quickly approaching a singularity in which the polarities of irony will shift. Causing The Onion to become real life and vise versa. 


In fact, it's pretty much this that we may see that it already happened.

The Dead, They Walk!

The Dead, They Walk!

Well, it may not be Breaking Bad time on AMC till next July, but at least we have a reason to turn on to that American Movie Channel once again tonight as that ever so frustrating television show, The Walking Dead, comes back tonight.

With a new season beginning, it renews my hope that somehow, someway... Lori will die. Hopefully she'll die with Carl and both of them dying will somehow bring Shane back. Because even if he was a prick, he was a shit ton better than Lori.

Can you blame me for hoping that? The previews have been interesting, in that Lori looks like an even bigger pent up bitch than ever and for a second I thought Carl was sporting facial hair. I wonder how many times this season someone will say "Shane was right."

So yeah, we can only hope Lori dies this season. Because last season was really strange. At one point she is all but telling Rick that Shane needed to go and get killed, and then when she finds out he's dead, she flips out. It's like, bitch! You were telling me not just yesterday that the mofo had to die.

It makes you feel like she was playing them both. And hopefully that's the case, but I sort of doubt that the show is that smart. Especially the way it played out. It seemed like there was some confusion as to what Lori actually wanted as a character.

But with the new season comes the most important thing about this show. The return of T-dawg. If you missed it last season, they actually did give out his name. Theodore Douglas. Why does it matter? Because he was regulated as a stand in background extra last season. And according to the Wiki article I read, "Glen Mazzara stated on his twitter account that there are bigger plans for T-Dog in season 3.

"In a recent interview, IronE Singleton mentioned that in Season 3 there will be "more T-Dog."

Awww yeah. The man who couldn't die. Looks like things are looking up for everyone's favorite character.










At least it should be America's favorite character.        

XARM

XARM

Welp, that's it for humanity. Last person out the door needs to flip the switch cause we're done. Don't believe me? Well here's proof.



XARM - or extreme Arm wrestling. Yes, that's right. There's an extreme version of that now. I really don't know what to say - what could be said. Other than humanity has seen it's last glimmer of hope and it has been snuffed out completely.

It was a fun run, folks. We deserved to get completely wiped off existence now.

It's Always Sunny....

It's Always Sunny....

So It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia returned last night. Man, does it feel like a long time since the last season ended. Plenty of things happened since. 




The shocking, or at least to me, thing to happen is that Danny DeVito and Rhea Pearlman have decided to split. Let me tell you, if there was one celebrity couple - hell, if there was one couple anywhere in the world that gave me hope in thinking that two people were better suited to be with each other, it was those two.

One is a freakishly small troll and the other is... well, a freakishly small troll.

They were made for each other.... but I guess after 31 years of marriage later, they apparently aren't. Who would have thought that union would be one to break.

I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. It's pretty common knowledge that Danny is a fucking horn dog. I recall the time on set that he pretty much hit on everything that moved. It's sort of tough not to be so hung up on pussy when you're that small. He's practically at eye level with it all day. So it's no shock that he'd want to grab at it all the time.

I guess we should just accept it. Marriage is dead.

Thanks, always sunny. If you weren't so popular, Danny wouldn't have the slightest idea that he could do better.

Whiskey On Your Plate - Why So Blue?

Whiskey On Your Plate - Why So Blue?

In case you're wondering, I guess I haven't touched on the most sacred of sacred whiskey. The famed Johnny Walker Blue Label. I bet you're wondering if it's just marketing hype or what?

In short, yes. it's a lot of hype and, at best, a luxurious image thing. It's to whiskey what Armand de Brignac is to champagne. It's alright, but you can do so much better for far much less. In fact, I would prefer a shit lot different whiskeys than the blue label.

Try some Gold and Double Black. It's far easier to drink and far less on your wallet. Hell, for that much you may as well go for the real good stuff. The Highland Park 18. Oh yes, that is great stuff. I love me some 12 year old and the 18 is far more nuanced and interesting as far as single malts go.


So now that we talked about the aged stuff.. let's talk about the white lightning.. I feel like spending any real amount of money on unaged whiskey is just.. I mean.. let's be honest here, a sucker's bet. I mean, it's unaged. It's white lightning, yo. There's none that are really particularly palatable. I mean, Makers Mark white whiskey wasn't gross, but I can't see why you would want to drink the stuff outside of a whiskey tasting, let alone pay $30 or more for a bottle.

In fact, the whole trend of using the term "Moonshine" as a marketing term is pretty retarded, but I'll be lying if I told you I haven't tried 100 proof clear corn whiskey billed as moonshine and sold with cherries soaked in it and I must say, it was not bad at all. The brand is Midnight Moon and they do have an Apple Pie version, which once Justified comes back, I know I'll be buying some of it - in spite of it being 100 proof, I could drink it neat quite easily. The actual taste of the apple pie was great.
 
 It's also only $22 a handle, so that in itself makes it a little easier on the mind. There's also Howling Moon at around $25 a handle. But once you get into the turf where you're paying $30+ for a handle of Troy and Sons.. fuck that. Heaven Hills makes a Georgia Moon which is only $12. Again, it's better if unaged whiskey is just dirt cheap. Otherwise it's a bit of a rip off.
 
The only comfort you should have in buying white whiskey is knowing that you're supporting a new distillery and maybe one day they'll crank out a good barrel aged version with their profits.  

Bondage By Target

Bondage By Target

It couldn't be October without Halloween. And it couldn't be Halloween without me mentioning slutty costumes. Ooooh yeah.Take a look at this Halloween Costume found at Target

Okay, to be fair, it seems that Target decided to pull the product because this story spread like a wild fire. But even if  Target took it off the market, you could still the top picture of it and wonder what the hell Target was thinking!?


Yeah, I'm not sure what else can be said about that. I'm a little surprised that they're even bothering. Where's the religious groups uprising against this tainting of their cherished target stores? I'm just as surprised as anyone else that someone at the company would okay this to be sold... and I'm not a prude. It's just not common sense.    

The Obama Campaign Brought to you by the letter F and U

The Obama Campaign Brought to you by the letter F and U

You can tell that the Obama campaign, only a couple weeks out from the election, is a bit worried. How can you tell? Well, take a look at this ad that came out poking fun of Mitt and the whole Big Bird rants..



From FDL

This is an amusing ad by the Obama campaign, poking fun at Mitt Romney’s comment in the first debate about eliminating funding for PBS and Big Bird. President Obama has been getting good traction on the stump with the line about Romney looking out for Wall Street while fighting Sesame Street, and so they turned it into ad form. This was perhaps the most memorable line of the debate, and it came from Romney. Obama may have had a bad debate performance, but he gave the Romney campaign few quotable lines to work with. So it’s the Romney lines that get highlighted in ads.

There’s only one thing that sticks out to me about this ad, though the casual viewer probably won’t notice it. Let’s look at that litany of Wall Street “criminals” and “gluttons of greed,” which later get juxtaposed with Big Bird. You have Bernie Madoff, Ken Lay and Dennis Kozlowski. So two CEOs prosecuted and convicted by George W. Bush’s Justice Department, and Madoff, whose son turned him in before Obama took office, in December 2008, and who pleaded guilty.

So the Obama campaign could not fill a list of three Wall Street criminals that the Obama Justice Department actually sent to jail. Heck, they couldn’t fill a list of one! 

 And it's true. I mean, Obama hasn't gone after those who brought down our economy. But hey, he brought down those responsible for 9/11. Which, I guess isn't something to forget, but the bigger issue is that even though no high rises came down, those wallstreet criminals did damages to our economy far greater than any terrorist from distant lands.

But hey, it looks like even the person getting picked on doesn't want this sort of help. Apparently the Sesame Workshop has asked Obama's campaign to take down the ad that uses Big Bird.

Sesame Workshop is a nonpartisan, nonprofit organization and we do not endorse candidates or participate in political campaigns. We have approved no campaign ads, and, as is our general practice, have requested that both campaigns remove Sesame Street characters and trademarks from their campaign materials.

Whoops. I guess that was a boner. Not even the organization that is potentially getting fucked over in all this wants Obama's help in the matter. Ha! Maybe PBS and Sesame Workshop doesn't want the help because unlike Romney saying he would cut PBS, Obama actually did do that. Yet no one is talking about that. It really is pretty sad when you think about it. Even if you word it as Obama just trimming the budget where Romney would flat out eliminate it. Incremental changes, I suppose.

Now then, can we go back to talking about how 15% of America needs to starve to death so we can solve the debt crisis?