ADAM WEST WAS A STRANGE MAN

ADAM WEST WAS A STRANGE MAN 

I mean, did I really have to break that shocking news to you? Clearly not. But during this Comic Con weekend, I figure that while I'm nerding it up with a fuck ton of other sweaty, crop dusting mother fuckers in the San Diego heat, I would leave you a little piece that was very strange to me, even knowing full well that 60's Batman was just one strange fucker. May he rest in peace... cause who the fuck gets kicked out of an orgy with the Riddler?

What’s your favorite memory of Frank Gorshin? He defined that role so well.

Well, I think one of my favorite memories is that Frank and I were invited to a party one night and we decided to go, a Hollywood party we didn’t know anything about. We were kind of laughing and having a few beers and said, "Let’s go over there." We walked in ... and it was an orgy. So I immediately went into the Batman character, and Frank went into the Riddler character, because we were getting the big giggles. It was so funny to us, what we walked into. And we were kicked out. We were expelled from the orgy.

Yup, Hollywood is a strange strange place. I mean, it probably was a given that Batman's utility belt had Bat-condomes. What else would you use a utility belt for? Then again, it was the 60's, who the fuck used condoms back in the 60's?

Just think, when the vibrator died during those orgies and Batman turned to Robin to fetch him some Batteries, do you think Robin would just stare at him and ask him what a "Teries" is? Okay, that was fairly dumb. I'll admit to that, but come on, this article is about Batman getting it on in orgies and then getting kicked out.

Part of me just wants to assume that they made the bit up about being thrown out so they don't look like assholes in an article and come off as gentlemen when in reality they probably pounded ass all night. On top of that. if you go over the character a bit more.... Bruce Wayne is a billionaire who dresses as a Bat to beat up people. I mean, if you think about it for less than a second, it makes perfect sense that Batman would be in to some strange sex shit. It's just West trying to keep in character if you want to see it that way.

The Batman craze int he swinging 60's just seemed like something you had to see to believe. Like the time he had sex with 8 women in one night. GREAT SCOTT!

"When I entered Batman as a naive 20-year-old who had only dated a couple of girls, I met Adam West, who immediately introduced me to the wildest sexual debauchery that you can imagine," Ward once said.

"Holy hairy Pussies, Batman, I didn't know you could get BOTH fists in there!" 
"Yes Robin, this Basking Beaver has me in its Clutches!"

Then again, he did probably start that sort of sexual revolution....   

"If you look at our show, you'll see that we always stood with our legs open, our fists on hips and our bat bulges forward, which had a profound effect on women."

 And it's true! A huge problem in the early first season was that costuming hadn't figured out proper crotch smoothing just yet. So enough 60's husbands had called and wrote the station to complain about how the faint outline of Adam West's dick was obscenely getting their wives horny. Can you imagine that shit? Complaining about of all things that your wife wanted to fuck you? Talk about the fragile male ego. So the network actually put a crack team of censors on the case to ensure an end to this bulge lewdness.

I'm pretty sure that Adam West's ego was inflated to the size of the moon after being told that his junk making a dent in his costume had to be completely smoothed out because women were getting too wet from it.  Eventually costuming sorted the whole mess out and so Batman would then look like a Ken doll with the whole smooth crotch feature for the future to not enjoy as much.

My final take away is really acceptance. Because who among us HASN'T been kicked out of an orgy while pretending to be Batman? Come on, it's okay to just accept the reality of the situation.

Final note with a fun fact.  Cesar Romero used to pay young stage hands to throw orange wedges at his bare gaping asshole. Let's see all you new Jokers try to ever live up to that expectation and interpretation of the Clown Prince. Fuck you, You can't! That is just too crazy and regardless of how method Joaquin Phoenix is, I bet he won't even come close to that level of nuts.

ONE IS THE LONELIEST NUMBER - BLOCK BUSTER

ONE IS THE LONELIEST NUMBER - BLOCK BUSTER

And that's exactly how many Blockbuster Video stores are now in existence since the last two Blockbuster stores in Alaska are shutting their doors. So the only remaining reminder of this once video rental giant will be in Bend, Oregon.

Oh how the mighty have fallen. This comes after John Oliver and Last Week Tonight gave the Anchorage store Russell Crowe movie memorabilia - namely a loin cloth form Cinderella Man. This is some time coming since Dish Network started closing them down in 2013. It only made sense that a place so isolated and so spotty in terms of internet coverage would still depend on video rentals from a brick and mortar store. But I guess that's in the past.

I guess my big question is what will happen to the jockstrap of Russell Crowe in this situation. I mean, who will give it a good home?  I'm trying to figure out what the "This is part of my childhood that is now gone" sort of memory that I or anyone else will have about this. And I'm not really feeling it. In fact, I'm more along the lines of good riddance. This shit should have been shuttered a long time ago.

Full disclosure, I worked at Blockbuster. It wasn't the whole awesome experience. Then again, you wouldn't expect it to. I had to deal with a lot of bullshit excuses for late rentals and pissed off folks when they find out they have a $2 late fee. Which, I guess if you're renting a $5 movie, should you really want to argue for 10 minutes about a stupid small fee. I never understood that and I wasn't getting any pay incentive for collecting on late fees. 9 times out of 10, if they were cool with me or even just acted like a human being with me, I would just press the magic buttons in the computer and erase whatever stupid late fees there was.

I also created about 50 different fake Blockbuster accounts. The moment they tossed me in to that situation of creating accounts, I just had too much fun. I must have made a ton of comic book character accounts that I would eventually just toss and see what magic those accounts got into, trouble wise, over the years.

The worst thing about working there was the upper level management who took the job way to fucking seriously. It was a shitty job with shitty pay. No one is going to care as long as the ship was sort of running some what smoothly, which it really wasn't that difficult. Acceptance of the fact that on a Friday or Saturday night, the shelves were going to be complete and utter shit. Staffing up to clean up and prepare for the onslaught of the next day was key and it was something they could never get right, or they just didn't give a shit to get right.

One closing manager was the goddamn worst because.. well, she always would want to play one of two films. To catch you up, after we closed the doors and started cleaning, it would only make sense to toss something in to the VHS and have it play on all the screens. Well, this one manager loved the shit out of Eddie Murphy stand up comedy and they would only want to see either Raw or Delirious. At first it was great, but after several weeks of watching it, I'm pretty sure I can still recite the whole routine by heart. It got to the point that I and other workers would just hide the video somewhere in the store and claim that the tape was lost or rented out. She would check the system and it would create an hour extra of work in her looking for it.

I'll also touch on the stereotype of the art house/indie movie watcher working there that you'll never meet up to their expectation of cinema. I can tell you that working at blockbuster would crush those sort of starry eyed notions in a heart beat. It just didn't last. Not like you find in those independent rental stores that seem to exist for some reason - that reason is they rent out porn and more importantly, ignore your sick habits in a way only a doctor or a shrink in terms of keeping your secrets.

I do find it funny that Blockbuster went under. Their huge stance to just fuck you on late fees whenever possible was nothing short of worthy of some karmic justice. Those years I worked there were pretty rough on me. I used to drink a 2liter of Pepsi to deal with the hassle of the customers. It was retail work and no one should really complain about it, I guess. But yeah. That was fucking awful. Finding purpose in your work during those days was tough. Just the lack of concern and not giving a fuck was huge because of how corporate handled the workers and handled the customers.

So I guess what I'm saying is, shed no tear for this final lonely Blockbuster. It deserves the fate it is seeing.

Good riddance.

DC COMICS MAKING A COME BACK

DC COMICS MAKING A COME BACK 

Okay, maybe not really.

With DC Entertainment being apart of the Time Warner family that just got the shit bought out of them by AT&T a few weeks back, it's time for AT&T to try to make some cash back. Yes, I'm talking about comic books. Something I haven't done for a long time now. But here I am. Back. And how fitting that this topic comes up around Comic Con in San Diego. A time when we remember that this convention was all about comic books. Go figure.

Anyhow, it seems that  DC is bringing comic books back to big chains and I wonder how the little comic shops will react. Probably with a huge amount of fear. It's bad enough owning a shop in the age of digital, though, to be honest, nerds will always gravitate towards having something you can collect in your hand. It allows them to think that they have something of value that they can some day retire on. It's like how Boomers pretend that the home they own is an investment property when in reality no modern day generation that came after them can even dream of having home ownership with crushing student debt.

So now DC comics will be bringing their comic books back to the mass market distribution channels that they had when I was a kid. Finding comic books all battered and bent on the shelves of grocery stores was something I fondly remember as a kid. I also remember fondly that my mother told me they weren't going to spend that buck or two on a comic. Which makes me wonder how any parent in today's economy will even dream of allowing little billy to toss in that comic book in to the purchases since they're now climbing towards the $5 mark for a single comic.

I don't think of Walmart for much, but to suddenly have 3,000 Walmarts suddenly carrying comic books for a comic line that the film adaptations haven't been very good seems like it'll just sit there.  Not to mention the anxiety that the 1200+ independent comic retailers who are hard at work slinging these books themselves, now they got a huge competition that has already taken out plenty other mom and pop shops all across America.

On top of that, these will be exclusive versions for Walmart. Which is to say that they will be special edition versions of the comics that have a lot more content. It'll be a 100 page format with a main story in the front and in true recycling power, the back story will be something from the last two decades. Now, I stopped really following DC comics in the 2000's. I loved the stories of Green Lantern and Justice League and what not. But felt that they became to "event heavy" over the last few years and I got fatigued right the fuck out of that scene. So it's decent to see that besides the crap they're trying to throw against the wall to see if it sticks in the newer stories, the older stuff will be tossed in to the spotlight to show how much better it was.

So you'll get Superman Giant, Justice League Giant, Batman Giant, Teen Titans Giant.. etc. etc.  It''s interesting to see this movie again because when I was a kid, your local thrifty or whatever pharmacy would have a rack just for the comics as well. In fact, this is why when you think of Silver and Gold age comics as being valued in the hundreds of thousands, it's because that was a time when the mothers would throw out the books of their stupid kids when they moved away to college or the fact that they were just magazines you frivolously bought at the market and the conditions that they were kept in meant that so many copies were lost to time.

So what does the future hold for actual comic shops? They're going to have to find other means to get customers. I know the whole variant cover scene has been happening for a while now, but I pray that folks have wised up to that bullshit since you can easily just download an image online of whatever variant cover you want. There's no real value in it for the future. So just stop trying to make it a thing already, please.

But other collectible items will have to take the heavy lifting that these will take away. Ultimately, the comic shop has survived this long and while these bumps in the road will constantly continue, it'll still find some means to stay alive. Either that or the whole scene can just go digital already because fuck if all I know as to where this sucker is heading in the next five to ten years.

SDCC: THE DEALS ARE DEAD

SDCC:  THE DEALS ARE DEAD

There's this one thing that I keep on hearing whenever someone is asking for advice about San Diego Comic Con - and this applies to all conventions these days - that you should save your purchases for the last day because the mentality is that these vendors don't want to take it back home with them. So they'll blow out the prices just to get rid of this collectible trash people love buying.

THIS.
IS.
WRONG.

Let's just get rid of this myth already. Whatever non mega booth that isn't owned by a company selling "exclusives" and is potentially a little shop hacking wares already has a store front that they could just take it back and sell it at the regular, if not higher price. So this notion that it's some yard sale situation where they desperately  want to get rid of shit is just off and wrong entirely.

Also, Sunday is just a regular goddamn day at con now. It used to be the sort of getaway day where folks were eager to leave by midday. Not anymore. It's full on business hours per usual. The thing that folks should realize about SDCC is that it's no longer the little guy. In fact, for years it has had a struggle that even big comic shops couldn't get spaces there since they were being used up by the big companies promoting shit left and right. The old basement of a hotel convention that comic con once was is a pipe dream to never happen in San Diego again.

I mean, what it turned in to was just a promotional tool for studios to tout out their new tv projects and films that had Pop culture attachment to it. The whole notion of comic con as a means for comic books is now the way of the dinosaur as well. There's no one that thinks that anymore anyway.

It's a pop culture convention with hints of E3 Lite as well as whatever movie and television show platform they would like to promote for the upcoming year. You need to embrace it for what it is now. Because if you do, then you'd at least have some fun. Tons of promotions of pointless crap out in the streets. A large amount of people dressed, some very impressively and some with as little effort as humanly possible - as characters you will recognize and many of ones you will not.

Though, in hindsight, the cosplay on Sunday is pretty light since folks have been bringing their A game to it the other days and just want to enjoy the convention for a day instead of having to be in a sweaty outfit all day getting stopped for pictures every five minutes.

The one given though for Sunday is you're not going to find any fucking deals. You're also going to be shit out of luck because a lot of the stuff you waited on buying sold out long ago. You missed your chance, you idiot. This is why you don't wait for Sunday's potential deals and I know I'll overhear at least two dozen people walking the floor try to tell their buddy this sound advice about waiting for Sunday to get those killer deals. It makes me want to slap you more than I already do for having to smell your awful body odor and crop dusting.

PRIME DAY!!!11111

PRIME DAY!!!1111

It's Prime day, everyone! What shitty overstocked warehouse garbage consumerism piece of shit are you buying today?? Annnnnd about an hour in to Prime Day Amazon broke. LOL. I mean, what's the point of Prime Day? It's odd and sort of insulting that there's a monthly price tag associated with Prime, and then they use this day to have those members grab up all the worst possible shit around for some small discount. But I guess I just described Capitalism. EL OH EL.

I'm not buying anything. Really. Fuck them. Amazon Spain workers are currently striking, but hell, give me some shitty product on the cheap. Who needs workers rights when you can buy crap you don't need.

Fun Fact ;  Jeff Bezos is currently the richest person in modern history. He is worth $150 Billion dollars. Eat that shit, Kylie Jenner. But by no means am I going to contribute to this nonsense in making him even richer. Especially when it's basically Jeff's Garage sale - which I have to say is the perfect example of everything wrong with Amazon Marketplace.

There was a lightning deal on Katanas - It went so damn fast.

I'm also pretty sure that I have never bought anything on Prime day before. Especially that first year. That was the most pathetic promotion I have ever seen. They had nothing I'd ever considered buying. It's basically a few weeks worth of building up hype on literal garbage you will never actually use.

Add to that, Amazon charges tax now and doesn't officially price match stuff they sell directly even if it's still in the return window. The prices aren't that much lower anymore anyway. It seems like it's time to start shopping at places with physical stores again. Crazy how this whole thing comes full circle.

Honestly, ask yourself before you check out if you actually need any of the crap you just put in your cart. I guess if nothing else, Prime Day was good for seeing cute sad dogs tell you that Amazon is broken.

Oh yeah, I know a lot of other crazy shit is going down with Russia, but as a quick addition to a previous article. Papa Johns kicked the CEO piece of shit out for saying the N word.  Now the company is having a 40% off sale today because of the racist comment. So you're paying 3/5th of the normal price.  Papa Johns literally made a three fifths compromise.   Let that sink in a little. Just let it simmer around.    

Oh Monday, what a day for Capitalism. 

WHO IS AMERICA

WHO IS AMERICA

Tonight Sacha Baron Cohen has a Showtime show Who is America? premieres on Showtime. I'm sure lots of folks are going to be offended, some are just going to find it cringe level comedy. I guess I find it just a little funny and hey, any moment to point the mirror on America and, well, show us who and what we have become... yeah, I enjoyed it.  I'm sure most folks who don't live in America will find it comical as well, that's the nature of finding humor from Americans.

On top of that, there's not really a huge ability to just say "Oh, he's going after the right! How dare he!" since he goes both after the right and the left.  But hey, who doesn't want to see Dick Cheney put his signature on a waterboard torture thing and stuff? Senators and other high level officials give endorsements to an idea of having gun handling courses for three year olds, I mean, it really sounds like he pulled off some surreal stuff and people didn't second guess him. In fact, look at the reporting on those duped.

On July 10, 2018, former Alaskan governor Sarah Palin disclosed on Facebook that she had been interviewed by Baron Cohen while he was in character as a disabled veteran. She expressed anger at being tricked into participating in the interview saying, "I join a long list of American public personalities who have fallen victim to the evil, exploitive, sick ‘humor’ of the British ‘comedian’ Sacha Baron Cohen, enabled and sponsored by CBS/Showtime."[11] A day later, former U.S. congressman Joe Walsh revealed on Twitter that he too had been interviewed by Baron Cohen in character and was critical of the methods used to gain his participation in filming saying, "Dressing up as a wounded veteran is absolutely stolen valor, his tactics are disguisting [sic] - I know cause [sic] I too was duped."[12]

On July 12, 2018, former Alabama judge Roy Moore similarly divulged his unwitting participation in the series through a statement saying, "As for Mr. Cohen [sic], whose art is trickery, deception and dishonesty, Alabama does not respect cowards who exhibit such traits!"[13] That same day, Georgia talk radio host Austin Rhodes confirmed he had unwillingly had Baron Cohen on his radio program as a guest in August 2017 while Cohen was in character. Rhodes indicated that he was not as irritated as other interviewees had been, mentioning that he is a fan of Baron Cohen's saying, "My biggest regret is not being able to shake his hand as Sacha Baron Cohen or interview him (as himself)."[14] Also that same day, broadcast journalist Ted Koppel disclosed that he had taken part in an interview for the series at his home under the impression it was for an upcoming Showtime series titled Age of Reason. Koppel was not overly irritated at the notion of being tricked saying, "Everybody loves seeing well-known people get duped. I relish it too, when it's done well." Though he went on to express concern over the notion of people posing has documentarians or journalists adding, "I think there's a larger issue here and that is, if there's one thing we don't need any more of in this particular era it's people posing as documentarians. I think there's enough skepticism to go around about people who actually are reporters, who actually are documentarians. And to undermine whatever tiny little bit of confidence might be left by pulling a stunt like this … maybe it will make for a good comedy show. I don't know. But I don't think it helps the overall atmosphere."[15]

On July 13, 2018, U.S. Representative Matt Gaetz of Florida admitted that he had been deceived by Cohen and participated in an interview. Unlike most others who confirmed their involvement, Gaetz acknowledged that he was a fan of Cohen's and was looking forward to the series saying, "It’s very consistent with his model, beginning with a seemingly normal interaction and then the brilliance of his comedy is that he accelerates the awkwardness of it to some usually ironically humorous end."

I like how they all pretend to be extremely offended just to try to cover up how bad they got pranked. I mean, it's basically the first rule of politics and all.

When is everyone going to realize that paying senators to say something has been the American experience since its inception. Was over taxes were disputes, and the whole slave thing was a state rights issue. Now that America is a 3rd world country again, people are starting to doubt.  

But can we just focus on one thing - It's totally dishonest that they labeled Trent Lott as the senate majority leader when he's actually a disgraced racist from over a decade ago. Also, the makeup on the Israeli arms expert character was so over the top. It's more confusing that those people were tricked into thinking it was a real person than they could believe that kindergarten gun education programs.

Also, on a side note. What the hell is up with Sarah Palin still being brought up in 2018. Come on, America. Let's move the fuck on already.

THE CIRCLE OF LIFE

THE CIRCLE OF LIFE

I like funny stores. They're the whole reason why I started this crazy blog. As a means to let out my opinion on articles that probably, at the time, wouldn't have been seen by many.

This was far before the age of Buzzfeed and click bait that had to scrape the bottle of the barrel in terms of material that you could vaguely consider content in order to get some attention. Now with the facebook world, and this is one reason I felt a lack of compelling need to write, you're bombarded with stupid articles and click bait that you don't even want to read that shit.

So when an article comes across my path like this one - where rhino poachers get eaten by lions, I just have to chuckle and remember that time is a flat circle, and while it's an article you have probably seen pop up in your fwd fwd fwd level newsfeed from grandma or something, it's still hilarious to see that there remains some untouched irony in the world.

But to find out that at least two and possibly three poachers died doing what they loved = being assholes, is just great news. So how did they know they were poachers? The equipment found were a hunting rifle, a silencer, a long axe and some wire cutters, so it's a good assumption to make.

I'm a little confused on why they took the axe. I mean, the naive part of me just wants to assume it isn't for chopping off a horn, and that perhaps this poacher just wanted to make the fight a little bit more fair. But let's be real here, I'm being daft about this. Why they didn't have more guns is confusing, as I wouldn't trust my life with just one gun for three folks. That just seems silly. 

My question is why is poaching for this stuff still happening Rhino horn is believed to be some sort of magical medicinal cure all - especially for shit with boners. Even though it's all just made from the same material as human fingernails and we all know how gross that shit is when you find it in a bathroom sink. 

So to enjoy a little about their demise, let me just post this;

"They strayed into a pride of lions - it's a big pride, so they didn't have too much time.  We're not sure how many (poachers) there were - there's not much left of them."

Ah yes, that is just music to my ears. Good bye stupid poachers.

Good bye.