FUCKING SERIOUSLY, CHIPOTLE? AGAIN?!

FUCKING SERIOUSLY, CHIPOTLE? AGAIN?!

I still don't get it. My body understands that Chipotle is a dangerous thing to eat and every time I do so, there will be major issues in having to find a bathroom shortly after. Perhaps the stomach knows that I'm feeding it essentially poorly handled food because yet another goddamn sickness has broken out with the company.

Over 700 inquiries have been filed with the local health authorities in Delaware County, Ohio, and after more than 500 interviews and several stool samples, they … have no leads.

Tests have come back negative for the usual suspects, including salmonella, shigella, E. coli, and norovirus. Could it possibly be a new bug? Maybe it’s a germ that aliens sent to Earth to kill us all through our burrito habits, and our civilization will soon collapse? Really, anything is possible at this point.

No, you know why they are getting sick? Because it's fucking Chipotle. The only reason folks don't lose gain weight and attribute it to a weight loss due to the food is because they all get fucking sick and have to shit out 10 pounds of their innards after eating there. It's not so much that you're negating the effects of eating a 1k calorie burrito. It's that you're beyond sick for the next few days that you can't keep down solid foods.

It's a goddamn cleanse and I don't get why folks continue to go there. When Jack in the box gave some one E.Coli back in the 90's, the chain was almost going to collapse in on itself. Now it's the weekly special at Chipotle. I just don't understand. Do you think that shitting uncontrollably is a normal thing when you eat Mexican food? Look, Montazoma's revenge isn't actually a real thing that you want to happen.

Maybe I will just never understand why folks keep going to this place for their Mexican fix. It's not particularly good. It's like a line service of slop plopped down on a burrito for your enjoyment, I guess. I don't know. I will never know. All I can say is that the local roach coach you stigmatized for decades makes a better burrito that won't get you sick at half the price.

And now... this. 

ALEX JONES

ALEX JONES

I mean, look, I know that Youtube, Facebook and just about any relevant media outlet has decided that you can't broadcast your type of crazy on the air. It's rough. I get it. But we here.. and I mean, I. Because I'm the only one that writes for this blog, would like to extend the hand to allow your brand of fucking nuts to broadcast your message on this platform.

Yup, enjoy all zero readership that it comes with. You can spout off how the frogs are getting turned gay because of the fluoride in the toothpaste and hawk your dust powder protein that is the equal to ground up Chinese newspapers for longevity and health promotion all you want here.

Why yes, no longer will Facebook be the place your friends try to sell you make up and face cream. I will provide a venue for Alex Jones to tell you the secrets to health, musculature and virility! For you can rant here all you want, good sir!

Oh wait.. you don't need it? But I thought you were banned from every where... Oh. I see, there's still one place that accepts your stupidity.  Why am I not surprised? You see, Alex Jones, for being banned on Apple, Spotify, the soap box outside the Jack in the box and just about anywhere else on the internet where common sense is still alive, is still fucking Verified on Twitter.

Yeah, Twitter still allows him to rant to his heart's content. And I keep wondering why? Then I realize that Twitter still lets Donald Trump rant to his stupid heart's content away and I come to the conclusion that any sane person should have a long time ago - Twitter is bad and anyone who is banned from it should be thankful. You can't realize how negative and toxic Twitter is until you stop using it.

I stopped a long time ago because I felt that 148 characters was a stupid format to do anything. Yeah, I'm into the whole brevity thing, sure enough, but you see my blog post. Do you honestly think I could get across that much content and comedy in the restrictions that Twitter demanded? Even upping it, the whole concept was and remains stupid as fuck.  Almost as stupid as suggesting anything turns frogs gay.

But I know what you're thinking... Slippery Slope, man! Where's the first amendment rights! Man, I couldn't wait to turn on Fox News and see all the folks jumping over themselves to get on screen and repeat the phrase "Slippery Slope!" until they started frothing of the mouth. It's the same dumb fucks who think that the 2nd Amendment meant to carry fully auto, hallow point bullets is perfectly fine to protect themselves from the government they claim to love.

You see, freedom of expression doesn't mean that what you're expressing is either true, or protected from a private company shutting down your microphone. Twitter just seems to be the dumbest of the social media platforms and I still often don't get why people use it to announce anything. It's literally one of the worst ways to socialize. It's a shout box where you say something and it gets echoed and echoed and echoed again, but the content or the value of the message is just a waste to begin with.

Anyhow, back to the fat fuck who claimed Sandy Hook was a series of crisis actors and the deaths of children never happened. The man behind the stupid Infowars brand who is dedicated to exposing the hidden agenda of the American government, such as Hillary Clinton being a lizard person who uses black Magic to do whatever the fuck it is that middle America enjoys. Not to mention she runs a child sex ring out of a Pizza joint that eventually had one of his nutty listeners go in and shoot up the place to protect the children.

But you see, he's simply an entertainer and shouldn't be taken seriously! Is what his defense was to the whole mess when he went to court over it. So he's the bringer of the hard hitting news whenever it serves his interest but then if it gets him in trouble, he has the defense that he's just an entertainer.

Fuck that guy. I'm not saying that as some hidden lizard person who is part of the New World Order who is putting shit in the water so he has to sell you a water filtration system that is made out of asbestos. Look, if you don't believe me, then eat this sandwich that has the meat injected with mind-controlling agents that prevent god fearing citizens to fight back from the tyranny that has been trying to get a hold of their small town life! 

But seriously, good riddance. I can only hope that Twitter, when it catches up to civilization in another five years, will decide to ban him then as well. 

RESUME AND YOUR HONESTY

RESUME AND YOUR HONESTY

In this job market, it's basically a cut throat world where not even a fancy college degree that you got into crushing student debt for can really guarantee you a spot in the high stakes world of employment. But face it, you need a job.  Makes you wonder that even with your no experience having self, if you apply for something you are pretty sure you can handle, but don't have the experience on paper or work history to... should you lie on that resume? More than anything, what will be the consequences of you lying on your resume?

First off, the Holy Ghost will clearly look down upon you with anger and furious spite.

But if you can get past being able to look at yourself int he mirror for the rest of your life, I have good news. It's usually very easy to get away.  In reality, most HR departments are over worked and understaffed as is, that they very rarely do anything more than minimal background diligence when hiring someone new. Besides, jobs are just a means to an end. not your whole identity of your life. So fuck it, lie if you have to get in.

Shit, lie your way to the top. Believe me, a lot of people do it. I got the best job of my life because I lied about it. Last a shit ton of years and well, while I knew a bit of what I was doing, a lot of work these days are learned on the job. The whole scam of school and internships are just a means to keep people working hard for little to no pay anyway. If you aren't fucking the system, the system is fucking you. Just remember that, kiddos. In re-reading that, I'm now starting to realize why I was never asked back to talk to kids from my elementary school.

For the most part people don't have the time to deal with checking qualifications, let alone past work history. I mean, if you want to not bullshit everything, probably just get character references for who you are. Though I'm not going to be a prude. If you want to just flat out lie about your history report, go for it.

I don't mean to encourage lying, but we all have someone who will answer the phone and say you worked for them even though they never did. There's really is no downside to lying on your resume. If you are confident that you can do the work, actually, fuck it, even if you are NOT confident that you can handle the job, you still should lie and then fake it till you make it. That is, after all, the American dream.

More than that, like I mentioned earlier, in this job market, you flat out MUST lie on your resume. Everyone else is doing it and if you aren't, you're already five steps below them. Don't go small either. Like, leaving it at just padding the years and using flowery language for meaningless task you did. No. Straight up make up whole stretches of high level work and degrees you don't have. Go big, homie. GO.FUCKING.BIG!

Most people worry about putting old jobs that they got fired for questionable shit from. Look, just lie about why the reason you left was. Most of the time companies are only willing to confirm employment and won't give any detail for fear of being sued for defamation in case they fuck up and say something off or it comes back to bite them. We live in a world of fucking each other over. So start doing it!

Just think, there's people who just decided that they wanted to be a dentist and started practicing dentistry. Didn't get no fucking degree and aren't caught for, like, 30 years. Meaning presumably there's some that just never get caught at all. It's straight up anarchy out there and your living it.

Besides, we're probably one of the last generations that will ever be able to get away with lying about employment histories....

 ... You see, because we are all going to die in a nuclear war, climate change, or just some stupid virus in the near future. So fuck it, go wild.  Then again, if there's a nuclear war you probably won't die in the initial exchange. You'll just rot away from radiation sickness or cancer, or you'll get murdered by roaming bandits. The point is nothing really matters so you may as well just say you worked an extra year at that one place you didn't actually.

"But lying is unethical!" you say. Then again so are most businesses. So really, you'd be showing how well you fit into a corporation structure by being a huge phony just like them.  In fact, why even stop at that one job. Look, how about you just lie your way into a job, then after a few months you use your current job as evidence to get into your next job. Repeat one or two times and then you'll have a "real" resume and won't have to worry about being found out. See how you can launder your lies to a real fully fleshed out job experience?

Some people would just advise you to embellish stuff that is rooted in truth. Like instead of  putting a garbage man, you can always just say you're an environmental technician or instead of a subway asshole, you can just write that you are a sandwich artist. Either way both positions deal with trash all day and I will still look at you the same way, so you may as well just lie and tell me you spent four years in a technical college.

The point is that most companies don't even read resumes anymore when they hire because, let's be real here, everyone fucking lies on them. Lying about skills and credentials are essential for any job. Just think about it. While we're at it. Why would you lie to get a job anyway? You want money, not the job. Lie to the bank and just take their money. Unless you just want to lie in order to get the job in the bank! Then you get tons of money, and you get to continue to lie.

The point is just lie. No one is going to fault you and if they do, they're fucking lying to your face. The world revolves around liars. People lying to shareholders, the government, customers, other employees, your coke dealer.... literally everyone.

THE INTERNET IS HISTORY

THE INTERNET IS HISTORY

Look, I think it's about time we just realize the internet was a big mistake and come to terms that we have to throw the breaker on this whole experiment and call it a day.

You recall when you heard the voice say "YOU GOT MAIL!" and you were all excited to read what some random stranger sent you via 1's and 0's. Now you're just clicking that shit straight to the spam folder. Peace out, you garbage. Times were different then. You had to make a choice;  Surf the internet or answer the phone.

Remember when there was the polite rule of No Flaming? HA, that's a requirement these days with the hostility online. But I guess we were calmer then. Wanted to load this flash movie? Well then, here's this flash game that you can play in the meanwhile as the hour passes to load.

And heaven forbid if you were the "Relative who was good with computers", holy shit, you'll have to fix every dumb mistake your family made in trying to download porn.

And do I need to say anything more than Icy Hot Stuntazz? No sir, we can not top the internet anymore. It's just a wasteland now compared to the good ol' days. May as well wrap it all up. Then again, I seem to recall somethings always remaining the same....
FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: Funny jokes about Democrats! 

It seems like forever ago since people started using Image Macros and then called them memes. At least that was the case at YTMD... oh man, could it be that You're the man now, dog was the start of this whole meme explosion?


Then you have Homestar runner. Man. What an era to be alive. At least we now have a Trogdor board game in the works.


Honestly, I'm not sure where this blog post is going. Maybe it's just to promote that, but chances are I post marked this blog for a day past when the kickstarter ends, so oh well. I mean, in general I'm all about promoting something, especially Homestar Runner. But yeah.

Sometimes when you think about the really strange shit you posted on the internet when you were younger, you got to remember that you were pretty dumb then. If you disagree, just use the wayback machine and look at your online diary you wrote in high school or.. shit, heaven forbid you look at your old Geocities sites and Live Journals. Man, those do not age well.

Honestly, I lost the point of this post. So get off my webspace, you young webersnappers!

SHARP OBJECTS

SHARP OBJECTS

Ah, HBO, you going for that True Detective feels again, aren't you? Cause SHARP OBJECTS has the makings of feeling very much like a True Detective follow up than season 2 of True Detective could ever be.

What's it about, you ask? The story summed up is about Camille Preaker, a crime reporter, suffering from crushing alcoholism and recently discharged from a psychiatric hospital for self harming, returns to her shit hole of a south home town in Wind Gap, Missouri, to investigate and write about the murders of two young girls. It takes her back to confront her childhood home under the critical eye of her Socialite mother, Adore, which forces Preaker to confront some of her personal demons.

In a sense, Sharp Objects is a fantasy show about a woman getting paid to go somewhere for weeks to report on a story. That shit isn't much reality and it was a delusion to me when I wanted to actually be a journalist. And while I did say this is worthy level of True Detective, Matthew Mcconaughey is a much more entertaining alcoholic southerner murder investigator. But hey, Amy, You're trying and that's what counts.

What made True Detective work was that it was about clues. well, not so much clues, as creepy factor and that is something this show has plenty of. That creepy factor. Especially when it comes to dead young girls... which seems to be a running theme lately. What the hell, man. I don't want to be known for the guy with the strange young murder content.

Let's talk about Amy Adams. Or should I say Frumpy Amy Adams. She said in an interview that she was so self conscious about having to be naked on screen when the scars were being made up on her because she had stopped going to the gym given that she figured her alcoholic character, only consumed junk food and booze, wouldn't be so believable to look like she did in American Hustle. Not to go all patriarchy all up in here, and in fact, it's more of body self reflection and acceptance, but she looks really good this way. I mean, aside from, you know, the massive amounts of cutting and scars that she self-inflicted... and all... shit, there's no way I can get out of this paragraph, is there?

Cut to non-sequitur cut away shot...

Okay, that's another thing that happens in the show. there's a lot of quick cuts to scenes that you have no idea what the hell they are doing there. It really puts you in Camille's head. Like every glance tells you what she's thinking. When she looked at the trolley of bleach early on, and you know exactly what she's thinking about from all the show's done to put you in her state of mind. It's really a brilliant way of getting you into the POV of the character.

I also love the fact that this is a hard lined mini series that will not get dragged on till its death. More TV shows need to do this method of just telling a quick story. Fewer sequels for movies and shows are needed. Being deliberate about the story you want to tell, getting it told as you wanted it to is perfect. None of this forcing a show that wanted to die a long time ago to do two more seasons it has no story to tell in them and it just ruins the whole point of why you are there to begin with.

It's also very addicting. I've been watching it week by week, but if had been on Netflix, I would have just watched the whole thing in a single night. Even if the subject matter is extremely rough. It just screams multiple Emmy's for best drama and music and actress, as you know the general rule, if you make yourself ugly as a woman, you're going to get those nominations.

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

In a 2011 study, it showed that 72% of adults believe a woman should give up her maiden name when they get married. Half of those polled even thought that it should be a legal requirement and not a choice. What in the ever loving hell is that about?  Up until the mid 70's, woman could not legally vote under their maiden names if they were married.

When you flip the genders, in which a man takes on his wife's name, that was a fucking unicorn of a situation. out of 877 heterosexual married men, less than 3% of them took their wife's name when they got married. I mean, just take note of all the weddings that you had to be dragged out to this wedding season and do a count on how many times the bride's name was the one that the couple decided to land on forever more?

Yeah, not so much the norm. Yet it hasn't always been this way. In Medieval England, if a man was marrying a woman of wealth and some esteem, then, well, you bet your ass that the more one who had the bigger name was the one that kept their name. I mean, is that really all that much better than we exchange gender as a factor to class warfare? But it is true, that throughout England and France in the 12th thru 15th century, it was very normal for upper-class families to take the name of their estates.

When you think about it, that Princess complex comes from somewhere. Could it be that deep down inside, that little girls want all that comes from being a well off Prince because it means that for once, they'll get to keep their name? Sure enough, just as the little Princesses want to meet their Prince, Men to dreamed of marrying a Princess for that instant status update.

So what's the excuse here in the states for completely ignoring that whole timeless status change? Well, it's pride that's fucking with them. It's sort of been the thing that if a man takes their bride's name, then they worry that they'll be seen as less of a man. And according to several studies, they'd be pretty accurate.

It was found that a woman keeping her last name or choosing to hyphenate change it to meet the groom's name completely changes the way others view their relationship. It increased the likelihood that others would see the man as less dominant, almost as the weaker one in the household. In fact, with anything but completely having the bride change her name, it was viewed as the man being weaker and his status went down in life in the eyes of others.

Partially because it is seen as one person giving up a piece of themselves. Something they carried through life as a marker of who they were for so long. Not to mention that since it's such a rare instance, if you choose to take the bride's last name or even go the hyphenated route, you're going to be faced with questions for the rest of your life when talking to people who remember what your stupid last name was before you got married.

Add in that it could be seen as a political statement about the patriarchy and all that jazz, it's really something that will make a statement regardless if you want it to or not. Though it should be mentioned that we are stuck in this cycle because we keep perpetuating it. Like I mentioned in the poll earlier, many thought it was a legal requirement or that it wasn't even an option when you get married to take on the bride's name instead of your own. That is how deeply engraved this mental thought is. It really just takes those brave enough to buck the conventional to see change happen.

I can tell you for myself, I don't give a flying fuck about my last name. I really don't. Even though it's rather unique and rare in the area I live, there is plenty of places in the world where my name will constantly live on in pages and pages of phone books. I don't see my value or legacy being passed down in my name alone. So I don't care. Being the feminist that I am, I have always stated that if my partner requires their name, something they built up through years of actually branding it in the form of getting higher education, publishing work or even just something they need to use like being a teacher, then I would instantly choose to end my time as having my last name. It's not even a question and the choice is beyond easy at that point.  Shit, even if it wasn't some branding thing, I don't care. I think equality in being able to communicate and have the option in how the partnership comes together is far more important than the sum of its part's last name.

If the partnership has the thought to create a new name, that's fine. How else do you think different names were created? Land title ship? pfft. Anyhow, it is something that both partners can be invested in. I just have to question why we keep pushing this idea that a man's last name is the given one that they will be using from now on to describe the duo, not just the single. Not to mention it just screams of insecurity and "ownership", which I guess I could have gotten in to, but let's just realize that I have written a lot up here already.

TALKING WITH THE WALKING DEAD

TALKING WITH THE WALKING DEAD

I avoided talking about this shit because,  A.) I hate Chris Hardwick with a passion.  B.) I hate these fucking post show shows that have no purpose other than extending the show a little more for that ad dollar. Yet here we go, AMC has deemed it fit to go ahead and reinstate Chris Hardwick after firing him due to allegations that he was a piece of shit to an ex-girlfriend and in an era of #METOO, that shit was pretty bad.

I mean, if AMC thinks he didn't do anything, then he definitely did something because that channel is ran by and for sadistic morons when it's not showing Breaking Bad, Mad Men or Better Call Saul.

It was after a quick rush job of a investigation of the situation that they decided to allow him to come back.  Also, just a heads up though. The law firm and PR people that AMC used to investigate this, is the same firm that the Hearst family uses and has used a lot int he past. Why that is something worth noting? Well, Chris Hardwick is married to Lydia Hearst. So, you know, it's in their best interest to clear him and get him on the air.

In any event, there's nothing to be done about this cause it is what it is. But I do have one big question.  Did we need him back? 

What the hell was it about Chris Hardwick that he had the special chemistry to bring us up to date with the material we literally just saw like no one else could? Just about any moron can sit in front of a camera and shout "Woah, I can't believe this character died!" for an hour while slowly teasing what happens next week in the most vague way possible. It's like every bad part of a Comic Con panel. Guest who either don't know anything or are under an NDR so that they can't say shit or risk getting shit canned.

More than anything else, Yvette Nicole Brown was going to be the new host for the show. So not only would you have taken a piece of shit off the show, but you would have added some color and a female host. But hey, that would be too much diversity for the sake of Walking Dead zombie shit lords.

Chris has been perpetrating grievous crimes against comedy for far too long and it's about time someone tried to take him out. If they thought it was a bad enough hit to his and AMC's reputation to take at the time, so much so that they took him off the Comic Con panels he was going to moderate as well, I don't know why they'd bring him back. I'm guessing that they looked at his contract and figured that if they didn't give him his job back, they'd be opening themselves up to a lawsuit for wrongful termination without just cause.

Here's something else I wonder. What the hell is the long term, if any, value of Talking Dead to AMC? With shows like Breaking Bad, Mad Men - even The Walking Dead, you can sell the production in syndication, rented on home video and sold as well as reaired for years of stretching the value. But when you think of commentary shows like Talking Dead, what's the fucking long term worth of any of those?

I guess the fact that it cost almost nothing to make and you can sell even more ads attached to the walking dead franchise with it is the best reason why it still exist, but it's still fairly short sighted in the grand scheme of things  Add in that Talking Dead probably gets higher ratings than anything else AMC has attempted to put in the time slot after TWD. Though with this being yet another lame ass year of stories, I do wonder what the return of viewership is on the series as a whole.