Howlla At My Alaskan Peeps

ARTICLE BY ME LEVI JOHNSTON WADDUP?

HELlo my name is Levi Johnston but you can call me Hockey Johnston or just Hockey if you want. Might of heard of me. I'm the dude that knocked up Bristol, Mrs. Palin's daughter. The older daughter. Willow is H.A.F. 2 but im just talking about Bristol. I only tore that up. Not Willow. Ever.

So whats up. I just wanted to introduce myself to America. Say how are things with you and whats going on. Fillin' in for that punk ass Javier as he goes celebrates the convention floor getting his poon on. They says republicans are wild in the sack, yo!

Things have been really hecktic for me. First I found out Bristol was pregnant and I was like...you know...whoa. Not on my watch. Lets find you a doctor. You know what I'm saying?

But Bristol was all blah blah blah gods plan this and blah blah blah a brother for my other son that her mom gave some crazy ass name like tranquilizer or some shit. I don't know what the fuck is up with that but that baby sucked anyway it had fetal alcohol syndrome or some shit. Mrs. Palin parades that baby around like its hers and even feeds it from those sweet ass titties shes got so im cool with that.

theres bristol with the fucked up baby we got rid of her mom calls it like trang or some shit

Maybe I need to get me some fetal alcohol you know what I mean. Drank that shit down and then chug on Mrs. Palin's titties. Hahahah fuck yeah nigga!

Naw, but Bristol wouldn't get no abortion and I was like "damn girl your pussy is all ripped up already lookin like dried apricots you cant handle two of them motherfuckers coming out you." She refused to talk to me so I just took that shit to the ice and took it out on some faggot ass goalies. Scored all in their shit.

Then me and Doofus and Bluto drank some labatts and went out on the 4 wheelers and shot at some shit with our shotguns. I shot the fuck out of some crazy cow or something. Doofus said he shot a dinosaur but it was just a big bird with a white head and then we ran like fuck because Bluto heard the rangers and said we would get fined crazy money and be in the paper and everything for killing a dinosaur.

Pretty much everything is cool now though. Bristol called a couple days ago and said her mom is gonna be something called a "VEEP." I guess its pretty big and that old dude with the face is the veep now but he is leaving or retiring or some shit and Mrs. Palin is going to take over. I was all like "what the fuck do i care did u call the doctor about getting that baby the fuck out of you???"

Bristol calmed me down though she said she could get this surgery from a doctor called a C-section and then her pussy would still be hella tight and if the baby was all fucked up and crazy again we could just throw it away and pretend it died from like baby shit like a rattle or something. Then she said the cool part was when her mom becomes VEEP she is like real powerful and that makes Bristol like a princess and then by extension i become like a duke or a baron or something. A Lord maybe.

dont lie to me nigga you know you would be all up in that bitch if she just dropped them panties and was like what

I think that is bad as fuck. Lord Levi Johnston, your table is waiting. Lord Johnston, do you mind if I model this lingerie for you? Ha ha ha just kidding I am totally 100% faithful to willow.

Yo so anyway I got to go all up in the big convention where her moms is speaking about whatever crazy ass shit she talks about all the time. Like drilling for oil everywhere and killing bears or some shit. I don't know when that bitch ain't holding a gun she is holding a baby and one day she is gonna get mixed up and be shooting a baby and shit and squirting milk from them big ol titties on an m-16.

I don't know how it all worked because I was fucked up as hell on oxy and everclear when they was telling me on the plane but I guess like Mrs. Palin married some other dude to become VEep. I guess thats cool because Todd is a total chodesworth. She fucks everybody and he is too busy driving around in snow machines and fuckin fishing or some shit to even notice. This other dude that Mrs. Palin is marrying though is like 1000 years old and he always looks pissed.

I met him at the airport and I think the dude was like...I don't know man...like maybe a little bit dead. Like can you be 80% dead? Maybe about there. He just sort of growled and showed me these yellow teeth and then disappeared into a black truck. Whatever. As long as I get to be a Duke or some shit I don't care what monster MRs. Palin is takin' a sausage from. Could be wolf man for all I care.

The important thing is Bristol can get that surgery so her pussy doesn't fall out of her ass or whatever. Then before I went in there to the convention they gave me this gay ass haircut and made me wear a special shirt. They had me wright down all kinds of shit and answer a bunch of stupid questions like "what sort of shit do you love?" I totally put bristol down as number 1 because i always know how to answer that shit the way they want. Then i was like 2 america, best country ever, and 3 hockey. Woulda put Brooks & dunn and carharts too but i figure 3 was enough numbers.

i still feel like i might be 10 percent dead after the old ass dude touched me with his grim reaper claw

Bristol said her mom is running against a black guy. One guy on the plane with us said the black guy had more experience but he was like a senator and i was like "uh hello mrs. plain was a GOVERNOR and a WHITE LADY" I think that counts for a little more.

Everyone is all freaked out about the media. I guess their righting articles about me and bristol having a baby or whatever and first off FUCK THEM second off I HAVENT SEEN DIME ONE. they cant just talk about me for free this is america. their using my name to sell there tabloid sleebs.

I will KICK THEIR EFFING ASSES if they start coming around here trying to mess with me or my girl.

Anyway, america whats up? whats on your mind? ne hot chicks out there reading this shit?

fuck this righting shit is gay as shit

LEGALIZE WEED!!

brb gonna go say hello to that baby.......with my DICK hahahahha

god bless america

laters

- Levi "HOCKEY" JOhnston