Forget about the amount of Caffeine, your energy drink doesn't mean shit if it isn't insulting your manhood and questioning your ability to be a complete bad ass man's man unless you drink nectar from the roots of human balls.. and in which case.. that sounds a little gay if you ask me. First off is an contradiction, MOTHER energy drink
If you need a MOTHER of an enery hit.Jesus Christ, I just wanted to stay awake. I get the idea that the whole ExXxTREME marketing but can they sell this in any other way besides screaming ARE YOU MAN ENOUGH FOR DIABETES? I don't get the big black can line. Is that some sexual metaphor that I'm suppose to get hinted at? The ad campaign as a whole sounds extremely gay. They should change it to something that describes how only this drink can give you the same feeling inside as that of a mothers love. Nothing is more manly than loving your mother.
you need MOTHER. It delivers twice the kick,
in a big black can.
So now when a mate turns up with a wussy-sized
can, you can raise your MOTHER up and
proudly say 'did yours come with a man-bag?".
WARNING! HIGH CAFFINE CONTENT...OK, WE KNOW THAT'S
WHY YOU'RE DRINKING IT BUT OUR LAME LEGAL GUYS MADE US
WARN YOU NOT TO FEED THIS TO KIDS, UP THE DUFF WOMEN OR
THE WEAK, WHO JUST CAN'T TOLERATE IT.
Without the stupid marketing it's just a can of sugar water. That's where the problem falls. The marketing on drinks like this is simply awful. It seems that they make it so extreme that it passes the point of edgy and gets to levels of absurdity. To be honest, this theme seems to run true with all energy drinks on the market.
Got some Gay fuel in my man bag
This one goes towards the opposite direction. Perhaps it's one of those hipsters who does everything "ironically" so drinking something called Gay Fuel just fits their alternative lifestyle. Having trying it, it taste as gay as you'd think it would. It's dyed pink, made with elderberry, and enhances "sexual performance." so yes, it's really gay.
Remember, I'm trying these things for science. Nothing more. Though with my heart beating at hypersonic speed, it shows I'm committed to my work on this blog.. even if it's only for another 20 minutes before my heart explodes.
DELIGHTFULLY UNREFINED ENERGY (made with refined sugar (only drink this if you like boobs))
Does HOOTERS need an energy drink? I mean, seriously? They just slapped tits on a can and hope you swallow it down. I would understand it more if you were getting it served to you by a hooters girl while paying way too much for wings and watching whatever shitty sports team lose on the boob tube, but why take Hooters home with you or look to it for five hours of energy.
I had a Von Dutch energy drink can and it has a bunch of spiel about being "creative" and "unique" and "original" by consuming von dutch products. From what it tastes like i think it's made from the chemicals they use to cure the leather.
Nothing says socialism like your face on a fucking brand label energy drink..
Hey kids, wanna do some speed but are too afraid to ask a black guy to sell you some coke?
Cocaine is a highly caffeinated energy drink distributed by Redux Beverages. It contains three and a half times the caffeine of a more popular energy drink, Red Bull, symbolized by three and a half steer heads on the label. Aside from caffeine the label boasts 750 milligrams of taurine, another common ingredient found in many energy drinks.The cocaine energy drink burned more than actual cocaine. Then again, I don't think you were suppose to snort it. It was taken off the market because of the obvious drug relationship. I talked to a former meth addict friend of mine. He had really no comment on the matter other than telling me that after bumping meth for a week at a time for a year, energy drinks were like trying to recapture the excitement of dancing on the surface of the sun by standing on a heating pad under a 60 watt bulb. So kids, why bother with these pussy drinks.
If your gonna get something to keep you sharp and alert, may as well get some proper crank. Seriously, if you're that in need of a quick energy boost you might as well just go ahead and develop a coke habit. On the other hand, if you can afford it go down to your local psychiatrist and tell them that you have trouble concentrating and get yourself an adderall prescription. stuff's nasty and you should use only when absolutely necessary, but man it comes through in a pinch.
I somehow doubt you'd get energy from HEMP...
A couple of questions come to mind. First off, is there any god energy drinks? monster, Rockstar and Redbull all taste like shit. 5 hour energy is tiny and you aren't supposed to taste it. Adding redbull with vodka makes you feel like you're about to die, if you haven't already. Why bother getting energy from something that taste like ass? Don't ask and no description needed for this link. Just click here to see everything wrong with energy drinks.
Jesus christ, now I know how old people feel about the world when they see interracial dudes kissing
Like you people need more sugar in your diets. Drink some coffee/tea if you need caffeine. America's love affair with coffee and disdain for tea sucks hard. I suppose it all goes back to when we tossed a shit ton of it into a river. America gained independence over tea and yet we look at it as if it was leafy dirty water.
The idea that Americans don't like tea isn't completely correct. As long as you package enough sugar in that shit and can it with an Arizona logo, then they'll love it. But tea is civilized. When I drink tea, I like to think of myself as Winston Churchill, sitting on the lawn at Blenheim, enjoying some Earl Grey and a morphine lozenge.
Purple rain refers to the color of your piss after drinking.
I seldom drink Soda these days. When I was in my early 20's I would polish down 2 liters of Pepsi a day and that was at a minimum. Then after my third heart attack I cut back. Not only did I lose weight by not drinking soda daily, but I gained some respect for the drink. I sit here and enjoy my Sarsaparilla. It's a special treat. I'm sure I could be happy drinking this everyday, but then it wouldn't be a nice treat every once in a while. But don't you dare call it pop!
Calling Soda "Pop" is strange and very much confusing to me. Perhaps I'm simply not from Chicago and don't understand the fear against calling soda soda. Maybe we shouldn't take the word of anything that come from a place that if it isn't the most corrupt state in USA it is certainly one hell of a competitor Then again, perhaps I don't want to get into a war on what to call carbonated sugar tonics.
Either way I don't drink much caffeine; I don't need it. Every morning I fire out of bed, full of vigor, tackling my amazingly successful life is its own reward. My zest for life is boundless. Certainly not any sort of drink that questions my manliness.
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