Gather around, children, so you can listen to the amazing tail of William Henry Harrison. He was your 9th President of the United States and you see, he was the greatest president. His first move as president was delivering a 2 hour inaugural address in the cold rain without any hat or coat, led to his death by pneumonia 1 month later.
This should be widely regarded as ingenious, preserving his legacy by removing any chance of fucking things up. This portrait of William Henry Harrison looks like it could be Dewey from Malcom in the middle all grown up.
You see, by enacting nothing of any consequence, he objectively fucked up less than all other US Presidents combined. In this day and age, say for example 2012, we need a visionary to carry on William Henry Harrions' vision of not fucking anything up. These days, it's increasingly clear that any attempt to make anything better just fucks things up worse.
Bailouts? Should've let them fail. Healthcare reform? Watered down to a glorified insurance company handout package. Financial reform? Still contains retarded loopholes. Who can we trust to not to fuck anything up?
And for those who say he was a war criminal... Well, there's not much of you anyway because who the fuck keeps up with American history anyway? I mean, most of you think that Ben Franklin was one of our Presidents for fucks sake. But anyhow, he was only a war criminal whilst not President, so my statement still stands as accurate.
Only a few others come close. Linden Johnson was close as the great American President just wanted to kill poverty while simultaneously shooting the kids at school. But William was the first person to ever kill a sitting U.S. president, so he has that going for himself.
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