THANKFUL

THANKFUL

Look, best move along if that's what you're hoping to find here. I'm really not. This year has given me very very little in the way of being thankful for. It seriously found every possible way to go "Oh, you're already down? Ha ha, fuck it. BOOM!" KICKED IN THE NUTS!  And then a good stomp and twist for good measure.

Too much? I guess. Look, I get it, today is suppose to be all about being Thankful for making it through hard times. The pilgrims, escaping religious persecution... irony aside that their settlement up on this bitch of a land would just lead to them persecuting other's religion. Yup, the cycle continues. Anyhow, the point I'm trying to make with that before I got all ADHD'ed out was that after a long journey, they were thankful for making it to this land. Sharing a meal and all that. So now we do the same thing in some commercialized crazy way.

I have no  plans for thanksgiving. After many many many years in a relationship where I depended too much on my significant other's family for the functions around this Holiday, I find myself without anything. My family shunned me for looking out for the interest of my mother when my father passed away. Yeah, that's still a head scratcher to me. And well, I haven't heard of any orphan Thanksgiving situation.

But really, I think the whole thing with that is also being somewhere not for the food, but for the feeling of family and belonging. And I've accepted the  fact that it's going to be a long time from now before I can get all that stuff back in the way of building something else.

I can't even find comfort with the strays I take care of because it has really brought me down that in the last 4 weeks, 3 of the ones I was caring after and that were essentially mine, passed away. So the heart is a little heavy right now. I also have a buddy who is getting married soon. Shit, I should be thrilled. I introduced them. They're my best friends. But it does make me feel a little bit raw about since essentially the department I had of having a partner went bust.

Okay, this is a ranting blog post. Nothing of real informational knowledge to be gained from this. I'm also trying really hard to not be a pity party. I get it, it's a time of year where you spend it with loved ones and reflect on the harshness that you have gone through in the year in preparation for winter, an even harder time. So I mean, I can't expect this to actually be even better or anything. It is what it is. I just sort of hoped I would feel better about the whole place and being on this green Earth right now. Well, not so much green but on fire. Yeah...

That's another thing, those wild fires that ravaged California were such a heavy thing to have to carry with. Both in your lungs but as a whole since it was very difficult to go far without finding someone who was effected by the closures and potential risk of losing it all.

So maybe I should be thankful. Thankful that I'm still around. Even if it's sort of in a state of not feeling great. I get the chance to make it better. Even if the prospect of Thanksgiving Dinner is to be solo.

Well, hope you are all enjoying it. Would you look at that, I didn't even touch on the troupe I always get on about commercialize and consumerism that is around Thanksgiving.... but now that you mention it.....

Also, fuck you whomever eats at 2pm. What the fuck kind of bullshit is that? Learn to eat at a proper time. Do you really need to rush out to Best Buy and beget your family when there's others out here who don't have a lot of loved ones to spend time with. You mother fuckers you..

Oh, great, I went at it. I'll just see myself out.