GOOGLE PLAYING DIRTY POOL

GOOGLE PLAYING DIRTY POOL 

The superbowl was filled with ads touching nostalgic corners of your childhood or past things that entertained you. And in years past that was the goal.  You really don't want to go for the big ticket serious topics when your audience is pretty much hammered to fucking hell and stuffed full of guac and wings.

That's the biggest reason why the Nationwide ad a couple of years ago was way too fucking heavy for the time frame of the viewing audience flew over like a led balloon. Don't believe me? Just you watch!


Fuck. that was a record scratching sort of fucking reality check. Did you put down your hard seltzer and check to see that you didn't leave your kid to drown in the tub? I mean, holy fuck. That was dark. Way too dark. So dark that Nationwide had to file an apology later that night after it aired. It was that much of a mind fuck. I guess the general rule after that was perhaps don't make shit that's way too dark for some mass consumption of national football day's ads.

Well, this past weekend you had something pretty hard coming at your feels and well, damn. Man. You see, then Google decided to turn up the amp and tell Nationwide to hold their beer. Because fuck, this one hit hard.


It's like Google hit up Pixar and said, hmmm we stealing that concept of putting a whole life of two loving people into an ad instead of a 10 minute cry fest and fuck you and your emotions, YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE IT!

That was a take no prisoner to your emotions and I don't know how to feel about that other than it's put me in a box of my emotions. Listen, it touched me. I had this whole history of these two people who loved each other very much until one died and then the other is slowly losing their mind to something that is very relatable to most folks and man, you're just like... please google, save me. Even though we already seen that you don't need to tell a fucking computer about your past when you could just write it in a notebook.

GOOGLE, REMIND ME THAT I NEED TO WATCH THE NOTEBOOK AGAIN.

But yeah, that was UP ramped up to a new level of fuck your emotions and I guess that's where the difference stands. The nation wide ad was just a big fuck you with the reveal that the kid wasn't able to do all this and that because he didn't have the chance to... SURPRISE! He's dead.  And this one was telling you through a whole history of these two lovers.

Either way, I'm going to be me and try to make light of it. Because, let's be real, this is the only way I handle emotions - through mocking them to the point where I don't feel them anymore. It's really a classic tool that I have to admit, is pretty much a staple in surviving. 

Think about it. I bet you Loretta would have probably used google reminder to tell him, whomever the character reminding himself of shit, that he should put the fucking toilet seat down. Or maybe that he needs to trim is goddamn ear hair. Because at some point, we all get ear hair and the moment you get it pointed out, you wonder how a fucking piece of hair has grown that much. 

Damn it, stop calling me Loretta, that was the name of your 3rd Ex-wife, Harold. I'm still alive. Why are you talking to the computer like I'm dead?!

Google, remind me that the nurses are beating me and that's where the bruises come from... Okay, maybe that one was a bridge too far. But still, did you expect anything different from me? This is the material here!

Fuck, okay, let's just face the facts. That ad was fucking deep and I don't know what to tell you other than perhaps we deserved that half time show of visual enjoyment to wash away the fact that Loretta is goddamn dead and this guy is slowly losing his memories he shared with this woman and man, that's fucking deep in a way that I can't explain.

I mean, when you think about it, you're not ever really truly gone until the last to remember you finally goes themselves. You can leave little things behind, but it's not going to be the first hand understanding of who you are. So for the guy to be alive and losing his memories and being able to document that stuff is nice. But man, just think of how hard those memories hurt when the computer's robotic voice brings it up - Hey Harold, remember that you had a loving wife that you no longer have.  But hey, perhaps you should take your penicillin to fight that STD you got at the senior center bingo after hours party.

What I'm trying to say is that old people have a lot of fucking sex. A LOT! I mean, goddamn, you don't want to picture it in your mind, but realize that me'ma is slapping skin a lot at the senior center and she's enjoying it. Shit, she's getting it far more than you are and on the regular without any strings or other bullshit to hold her back in that whole playing game.

Wow, did this just turn into a discussion about old people fucking? Man. What the fuck is wrong with me. This was suppose to be a wholesome discussion about a sentimental ad on the super bowl. I guess that dirty DIRTY game really tainted me and the discussion of everything wholesome. Like the ability to tell Google memories of your dead wife in order for them to try to sell you some shit. Like, perhaps when you tell your computer about how you and Loretta would go to Home town buffet for that all you can eat bland chicken fingers, they'll just lump you into another group and sell off your precious memory moments to the highest bidder who wants to know who to sell chicken finger ranch sauce to, because oh man, you may want to spice up your chicken fingers.

Just remember, google wants to sell you shit Loretta would have told you to buy. In fact, that's probably their newest selling tactics.   "Reminder - Loretta would have wanted you to have some jimmy dean sausages.