IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY - PLEASE DON'T GO OUT TO EAT

IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY - PLEASE DON'T GO OUT TO EAT


This is my annual attempt to make you realize that the last thing you should ever possibly do on Valentine's day is go out to eat. It's stupid. It's expensive and it doesn't even lead to a good dining experience.

First off, every place is going to hike up their prices because this is the night all the couples come out to show they care. So every spot you think you can get in to will have a long reservation system. Or at the very least a long stand-by wait to get in to. You really don't want to put yourself in the position of that, do you? Waiting 45 to an hour and a half to sit down and eat. Nah, man.

Then when you do sit down and eat, the menu is completely different than any normal night that you would have gone to this establishment. They do this because they want to generate a shit ton more money off you rubes on this day of forced affection. Pre-fixed menus are every where. You can't escape it. A solid three times the cost for a chicken option and two other plates you really didn't want. They also do this because it's far easier to flip a table and have some ease on the chefs in the back.

The staff is also not happy. The amount of table turnover is just too intense. The level of expectation in terms of service is way too high for those who on average do not go out. So their eating out manners are a little rusty. The whole concept of tipping is foreign to those, or at the very least outdated. So those waitstaff through the night just see how low the average person is tipping and just slowly get more annoyed as the night goes on and more annoying customers come in.

To say the least, your service is not going to be great because of a whole slew of factors. It's really not the best time to go out and eat, is what I'm saying. Places offer up the worst in terms of service, food, and experience as a whole. You are better off just skipping the eating out and do what I would highly suggest.

Make it low key. Or shit, even cook for yourself. Something you made, even if you can't cook for shit, is still a whole lot more effort than going out. Your significant other should appreciate that shit at the very least or you're with the wrong person. Make it a mac and cheese and cheesy movie night. Get some tacos. Everyone loves tacos. If you don't love tacos, you should question if you deserve love at all. Not liking tacos is just a strange thing that I can't support. No thank you. Love tacos.

Yeah, I'm sure I could make a crude joke right here, but you best be loving tacos at least today. Come on, man. Don't be that guy who doesn't "eat out". Wait, where is this conversation going? I don't know Eat out... but DON'T eat out on Valentine's day, is what I'm saying. And if you're the piece of shit who doesn't normally eat out other nights of the week, what the fuck. I feel sorry for your girlfriend/wife/whatever she be.

Okay. I have spoken my peace.