Sunday, November 23, 2008

Chinese Democracy? More like Chinese Supremacy

Chinese Democracy? More like Chinese Supremacy

Duke Nukem is going to be a little lonely today on the shelf of the Vapor ware section. Why, do you ask? Well the new Guns N Roses album 14 years in the making finally hits stores. Let's restate that. 13 years. 13 FUCKING YEARS. That's 15 more years than the last time Guns N Roses was relevant.

Albums completely vapor ware... or just pure shit

This is months after it was leaked on the internet and panned terribly which kicked off a lawsuit which no one cares and really. Who gives a shit about this band anymore? Does anyone really care? Hey, at least it's not some Wal*Mart exclusive like AC/DC's latest attempt in making news.
The only benefit of this not being vapor ware anymore is the saving grace on what it's providing us in benefits from our Doctors. Our Dr. Pepper that is.

Doctor Doctor, give me the news. The upside to the album being released is that we all get a free Dr. Pepper. Yes, that's right! One free bottle of Dr. Pepper. I actually think that it's the only reason why Axle even finished this god awful album.

On Sunday Dr. Pepper's website will allow you to register for a free bottle of soda. I'm sure it'll be an E-mail based coupon. So start creating a ton of e-mail addresses to register for free soda. Don't worry about ethics. If you were smart and pirated the cd already, you would have saved yourself the ten bucks and the time you spent listening to that piece of shit. So weigh in the ethics of multiple e-mails against pirating music. Yeah, didn't think it added up to bad.

While you drink your Dr. Pepper and place your burned album into the microwave to nuke it, you should really be more focused on the real story here. That is what lies in the name. Chinese Democracy. More importantly what happened in those 13 years that past since Axle came up with that title. China has grown wide and expanded greatly.

Yup. I know. I just shit my pants also. It's game over America. Game FUCK'N over. The People's Republic of China looks like a RTS where someone turned on the money cheats. Look at that. Just look at those pictures. If that's what socialism looks like than I'm all for welcoming a new socialist President. If pictures weren't a thousand words here's some food for thought on the roads they built so quickly.
The Expressway Network of the People's Republic of China is one of the longest in the world. The network is also known as National Trunk Highway System (NTHS). The total length of China's expressways is 53,600 km at the end of 2007, the world's second longest only after the United States and roughly equals that in Canada, Germany, and France combined. In 2007, 8,300 km expressways were added to the network.
that's about 12% of the US Interstate Highway system built in one year by the way.
Expressways in China are a fairly recent addition to a complicated network of roads. China did not have an inch of expressways before 1988. Until 1993, very few expressways existed. One of the earliest expressways nationwide was the Jingshi Expressway between Beijing and Shijiazhuang in Hebei province. This expressway now forms part of the Jingzhu Expressway, currently the longest expressway nationwide at over 2,000 km.
Welp pack it up Western Culture, we got our asses handed to us. Shit, we're still struggling to see if Prop 1A will survive all the lawsuits from NIMBY's. So we get a bullet train from Los Angeles to S.F. China built in a longer time frame than China takes to build their highway infrastructure.

We might as well cash in our chips and convert our cash into whatever crazy coins those Chinese use since they'll be our super power soon. It's not all that bad. If they can put into place all those highways in that short amount of time, I'm willing to bet that the pot hole in the road down the block will be fixed quickly.

So Axle, your witty album title is clearly outdated. I'm sure when you do the Chinese leg of the tour you'll realize that your new overlords will not look kindly on being mocked upon 13 years ago. I'm sure they just progressed in that time simply to spit you.

But hey, thanks for the Dr. Pepper. Shame that your album just flat out sucks.

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