Friday, November 28, 2008

The 10 movies you should watch online

The 10 Movies You Shouldn't Watch Online

If you were one of the lucky ones to not get tramped to death in a Wal*mart black Friday sale for a $300 piece of shit laptop, then perhaps you have something to be thankful for. One.. your life. Two... a new laptop. But the real question is what will you do with that new laptop? Sure you can just watch porn on it or do your taxes or play solitaire on it. You certainly aren't going to want to watch films on it, right?

Because Yahoo released a list of films that you SHOULDN'T watch on your computer. My question to that is.. Um.. what? Why? Is there any film that you specifically want to watch on a smaller screen opposed to a bigger screen? This should apply to ALL films. Watch them as big as you can.

I have an Video iPod and I can't recall a single time that I sat through a whole movie on that small screen. Then I realize how big monitors are getting these days. Some are trumping most TVs. Hell, my monitors are bigger than one of my TVs. Wait, why do I have more than one TV? Maybe I just explained the name of the blog. Who knows.

So this is the list of movies you simply SHOULDN'T see on your computer. As if you're just looking for stuff to watch on your monitor besides porn and youtube videos.

1. Lawrence of Arabia - Because seeing a desert on a small screen makes ol' 'rence (As I call him) look like a tiny ant.

2, Last of the Mohicans - Killing Indians shouldn't be limited to a tiny screen.. Wait, what?

3. Jaws - We're gonna need a bigger screen.

4. North By northwest - Has anyone seen more of this film besides that scene with Cary Grant being chased by the plane? Didn't think so.

5. Star Wars - I don't get this one. Wouldn't it be convenient to be a mouse click away to complaining how much Lucas has raped your childhood in changing the original?

6. WarGames - Ok, this is their description as to why this one can't be seen on your computer.

There isn't anything so cinematic about this 1983 thriller starring Matthew Broderick . But watching a movie about Cold War -era paranoia in which a computer threatens to bomb the world might cause you to panic out of distrust for all things computerized and throw your laptop out the window.
What. the. fuck? What retard wrote this? Serious shit. I already don't trust my computer.. or at least the Nigerian prince who reside on the internet.. Besides, Matthew Broderick is only known for ONE role... I speak of course

7. Barry Lyndon - Meh, I'd really like to see Kubrick's 2001 as the one to see on the bigger scren.

8. Raiders of the Lost Ark - Unlike Crystal Skull, this one is a must see just about anywhere.

9. The Third Man - This is not Rick Astley. So anyone reading this won't ever see this nor ever care to..

10. You Got Mail - Wait.. what? This movie just begs for you to find your one true romance on eHarmony or craigslist.

Yahoo has it all wrong in suggesting which films NOT to watch. I can't think of many films that you'd want to first experience on a small screen. Then again, most laptops are bigger than most TVs I've ever owned. The important thing to remember is that you should enjoy films to the fullest however method you want to. At the very least make sure you see half of the list of films there. I know many people who never even seen Raiders of the Lost Ark. FOR SHAME! Both on Yahoo and those who haven't had the pleasure of watching great films. Oh yeah, sucks for that one dude who got killed but you knew the risk before you took the chance. Right.

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