Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Vote Yes On Prop Z: Restoring Traditional Zombie Values

Vote Yes On Prop Z: Restoring Traditional Zombie Values

My friends, I come to you today with a grave situation that is ruining our traditional zombie structure. I speak of the running undead. Those undead that instead of shambling, they run like they're doing the 50 meter race. It's not as our God, G. Romero intended. They want to be considered zombies in the pure sense of the word. Well I say NO THANK YOU!

We need to protect the traditional zombie structure where you are only considered a zombie if you shamble. There's often times when a zombie is close to their target and they throw themselves or quickly exert their power to get that attack in. That is justified because it shows that they saved up whatever energy they did have and used it for that one attack. They aren't gong to be flinging themselves nonstop at people.

Down with the sickness.. but not a zombie

The only way Zombies occur is by one human meeting one death. None of this alternative choices like virus, curses and whatever else. Death should not give you super powers. So it makes little sense for them to run. Being dead means that their joints are going through rigor mortis. There's really no justification for them to run. It's difficult to run when you're sick. If you have a hole in your leg or missing a huge chunk of muscle where the zombie bit you, you're not going to be running.

To those who are the running undead. Those of us that support Prop Z acknowledge that you running undead deserve rights as well. Have you be undead that were infected with this blood/brain lust via biological agent, virus or even witch curse. But we do not think that you should be called Zombies.


Those that oppose Proposition Z want to ruin the traditional values by making it fully acceptable and legal to call running zombies true zombies. They want to extend the rights to the zombie title to the undead. This will increase the number of zombie films ten fold as just about anything would be considered a zombie. Do you really want to taint the zombie name any further?

If Prop Z doesn't pass then this bastardization of the term Zombie will be taught in your film schools. Think of your mid-twenties film student child who are making terribly shot zombie stories that are using running zombies. Make a stand now and vote Yes on Prop Z. Think of the film students and all the shitty "Zombie" films they'll make that will ruin their dreams of ever actually making anything good.

The Nuclear family.. the way it should be!

Now I believe running zombies should get the same rights as pure zombies. I've loved a lot of "zombie" movies that have had running undead in them. I thought that the Dawn of the Dead remake was going to be pure shit because it looked like it had undead running the 100 meter dash. I ate crow because it turned out to be a really awesome film. But I'm not going to start calling both running and shambling zombies the same thing. They should be entitled to be treated as the undead. That is they deserve a bullet between the eyes just like any zombie would be taken care of, but they should not be called the same thing.

But where do we stop? It's a slippery slope once you allow the fast moving undead to be called Zombies. Next thing you'll be doing is allowing Mummies to be considered zombies. They are undead and while they do move slowly, unless chasing Brandon Frasier. But they are far from any sort of traditional Zombie. So where does it all stop? Where is the line drawn on what we call a Zombie and what we consider not a zombie?

What a slippery slope you opened up there, Mummy!

You can't kill vampires with ultraviolet light, werewolves can't fly and zombies don't run. It's a misconception and it takes a lot away from the social commentary of the classic origins. Please help protect the traditional zombie structure and Vote Yes on Prop Z.

They already bastardized the word Zombie by including the term Corporate in front of it making someone a Corporate Zombie. Allowing that to fly only opened the door to anyone else who wanted to be a mindless follower. Never mind the fact that they aren't going after brains or slow moving. Clearly not a true Zombie.


The most important thing that changes when you go from slow traditional zombie to fast undead is what kind of fear it presents to you. Sure you can push aside the slow ones. You can walk right by those clumsy, shambling, unorganized zombies that are in groups. Try as you must to run away from them, no matter how fast you run or how far you hide, they'll eventually find you. They are relentless and that's what makes it scary.

With the fast moving undead you get an entirely different fear. It's quick and you really have no chance in hell of surviving or even knowing what bit you before you're descended upon by hundreds of them. It's like being scared with a bang or someone yelling BOO when you least expected it opposed to slowly building up the tension as you hear floor boards upstairs slowly get stepped on when no one is home. It's a quick thrill at the expense of a more profound sense of dread. Just because 28 days did the undead doesn't mean they are Zombies. At best, they were Virus induced undead set out on a RAGE trip.

So when you're in the voting booth today buying your copy of Left 4 Dead, make sure your voice is heard in saying that the running undead are not zombies at all. They are simply the undead and while the game is filled with those fast moving "Zombies", there's more than enough shambling to make this a picture perfect Zombie game that is fun for the whole family... That is if your idea of family fun is blasting the heads off of Zombies in groups of four. Go out and buy it today!

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