Fuck You, Commercials.

Fuck You, Commercials.

I was flipping through late night television the other day and came across this ad that has been running for a while now.



Thanks Duracell but next time do you think you could try to sell me batteries without indirectly threatening me with the death of my child?

Is using marketing practices like this acceptable? What can I blame for this so I know where to drive my truck full of fertilizer-bombs? Think about this shit. Even worse is that such a product as a "child locator" exists scares me. Paedophile panics really are becoming the popular way to keep people in line, can't use pogroms to deflect public anger? Well folks have you heard of kiddie fiddlers? THEY COULD BE ANYWHERE! THEY COULD BE ANYONE! Truly we must fight these paedophiles (and Muslims) if we are to live in a happy and safe society.

It doesn't end there. It seems that the best tool for selling anything is to scare people because they're already scared enough. You can scare people into buying basically anything.



Then again, perhaps people should see the world for what it is.. a scary ass place where you can die at any minute.



Yeah, now that was a great ad. Too bad the Smurfs did the same concept a while back



Though I guess you can win with it if you make it into something you really should fear... which is not landmines or bombs. It's aliens



Gotta say though, this one is just playing on the fears of working in a dangerous field around dangerous equipment.


She was just asking for it..

But not all stupid ads are horror filled. Some are just stupid because they're stupid. I know that's not very descriptive but just follow me on this one. Let's take a look at this ditty over at menards storage sheds.



Thanks for selling me cheap metal storage needs while there's a tornado warning going on. I was really lacking some metal pieces sticking out of my chest. Maybe with the money I save I can afford better CGI effects for my advertisement



Or.. Maybe not. Sometimes you just have to get jiggy with it



This is just a shitty commercial because it's so drastically different than how Miners actually look.



That ad makes me want to puke. I mean, it really has to be the worst commercial ever. Sure, you have hot chicks sweating up a storm. But listen to the message. Everything even the song is about company stores. I'm sure it offered no informative PSA about the strikes at Ludlow. Renewable energy my ass! I'm sure it offers an informative PSA about the strikes at Ludlow. Speaking of blowing smoke up your ass. Let's look at this Discover Card ad



I'm pretty sure the only way to live a happy and fulfilling life is through material wealth and massive credit card debt, what the fuck are they on about? Let's look at your past, Discover Card



Which is more of a commentary on the health care of our society. But speaking on keeping healthy.. Remember this Nike ad?



Besides having a hot chick run in a sports bra, I guess it did more to the effect of showing you that you should be able to run.. or you'll die. One step to getting healthy is to eat good food.. like these bars



BABIES!!

Here's another helpful hint in staying healthy... make sure your whites are white.



That one made me skid mark my pants.. I shit you not. And when I think of Tennessee Trash, this isn't the first thing I thought of...



Just consider the fact that there exist advertising agencies at all. Advertisement is a commodity, abstracted from what is being advertised. If advertising reflected an attempt to present consumers with information to make informed choices, there would be no reason that any large firm would feel the need to hire an ad agency instead of just making ads in house, since after all they are the most familiar with their products and should be in the best position to describe them. Just ask Cal and his Pussycat, spot.