Did you think that you would get by a Halloween season without me making my annual "Halloween is a free pass for women to dress like whores" rant? Well then, you obviously don't know me well enough. Why yes, it is indeed the time of year when you are allowed to dress like Meg Whitman...
But seriously, why does everyone dress like a whore on Halloween? Well, okay - not everyone. Guys can't get away with it unless they're going to the West Hollywood Halloween celebration.
Maybe I'm just looking at this whole thing wrong. Maybe this is just the final goodbye to the male gaze as we are approaching winter and, well.. we all know that the sun dresses and other revealing clothing gets put away this time of year. So Halloween ends up being that last goodbye to the patriarchy. The final curtain call where you can sadly see curtains....
I don't recall Johnny Depp's Mad Hatter having his tits hang out?
But perhaps the reason this feels so wrong is because it seems to have been jumped all over by capitalism in the worse way. You end up paying more for a flimsy little piece of fabric than you would for much more coverage.
I wondered why but then I looked up Costumes for women and sure enough, "sexy costumes" are nothing more than reclassified sexy lingerie. Yandy.com is a website which I guess is normally for sexy lingerie, in essence, shit to spice up your bed room relationship issues and explore fetishes and it's clear that they realized that something you'd wear to get it on is pretty much easily crossed over to something you'd wear to show off your body in public.
To say their site had a few odd choices would be an understatement, but in the name of comedy and for something to write about, let's take a look.
I'm not exactly sure who that appeals to? I mean, are left overs left overs for a reason? How much does it boost the self esteem of a girl to dress up as something you toss in the fridge and potentially only eat it if you have no other options later.
I have a fortune for you, you will be ignored for a week and then tossed out after your bad smell is discovered. Lucky numbers 2, 4, 18, 23, 64.
Who you gonna call? Perhaps a seamstress to sow up that top.
Is it even like a geisha like design? I mean, I have a thing for Chinese pattern dresses, but is this giant leftovers box suppose to turn me on? I also like the well placed "THANK YOU". You know someone's getting down tonight! And without the need to verbally thank the other person after as they could just read it right there.
The site is also like many other stores this time of year in that they're already gearing up for Christmas, as it features this excellent Santa Claus costume that any young child will want to give their wish list to.
On a side note, I believe Santa Clause is more real than anything on that girl's body. But fake holiday character costumes aren't the only thing you can find here. I would be completely sad if I didn't mention sexy female george washington (Who wouldn't want to fore score with her?)
I would like to request a sexy Leon Trotsky be made as well. Garter belt not necessary. Then there's other selections that I really have to question if this site is just some soft core porn site for those who don't have a credit card to enter a real porn site and for those who don't know how to use bittorrent to just download it.
I mean, how the fuck is this a costume and not just an example of the male gaze?
I guess it's just one of a few separate foundation garments they sell to be used as part of a costume. Like hey, check out this tutu-style petticoat they're selling! You can match it with... well, shit. I don't even know what you could match a tutu with and not look like a silly attention whore.
Don't you dare go to a Halloween party without one of these fabulous accessories
and who doesn't like shoes? They sure seem to have a shit ton of them there.
This next one transcends into the new world of Hipster Indians, which I finally saw first hand at Fat Tire's Tour De Fat the other weekend. But sure enough, nothing says classy as sexifying the native people of this land..
I honestly can not tell whether that's purely digital or a heavily heavily airbrushed photograph to the point of having the skin match the costume so much that it looks like she's draping flesh.
I'm not even sure how they got to the point of thinking like dressing up as an Indian would be a good idea. I mean, we oppressed their people, took their land, killed them off in droves and then stuck them in casinos. It seems that it's only adding insult to injury to make Halloween costumes mocking them, or at least stealing their identity and putting it on some college age white girl.
In fact, the only thing I could think of to say about that one is that I'm sure there's many people who would want to give her small pox.
I'm not even sure what this next costume is trying to suggest or even how much sense it even makes. As far as I could tell it's just dressing up like a giant female remote control
Nothing says female empowerment like a giant mute button over one breast and a power button over the other. Oh hey, what's that? You can turn up and down the volume of good and bad girl. Why gee, I wonder what I will choose in terms of bad girl. You don't want to bump it up too high, or you'll get the snapping finger
I'm also not sure why you would need a forward and reverse for Hotness. Is there such a thing as someone saying "Whoa there, you're waaaay too hot now, let me rewind you back a little and ugly you up." I can't even make out what the bottom buttons are for.
Just look at that battery on her back. How empowering, I must say! But now that you made up your mind as to what you will wear, what's next? Well it's time to figure out where you're going to show off your small article of clothing, of course!
The standard answer if you're like me in Los Angeles would be to hit up the West Hollywood parade. But that in itself is a nightmare of unimaginable proportions. Just look at the street closures and traffic circus involved..
the city relaxes its strict parking permit enforcement citywide (in some areas, not displaying a permit means more than a ticket, it means a tow) between 5 p.m. on Halloween to 6 a.m. Monday morning. Parking meters, however, will be enforced and the city warns that because it shares a sometimes tricky border with Los Angeles, make sure you read all parking signs (clue: most all L.A. street signs say "City of Los Angeles" at the bottom in small letters).The event officially goes from 6 to 11 p.m. Below are the street closures and public parking locations ($15 to $20):
Street Closures
- Santa Monica Boulevard between Doheny Drive and La Cienega Boulevard including all side streets from 12 p.m. Sunday, October 31 through 6 a.m., Monday, November 1, 2010.
- Robertson Boulevard between Melrose Avenue and Santa Monica Boulevard from 12 p.m., Sunday, October 31 through 6 a.m., Monday, November 1, 2010.
- San Vicente Boulevard between Cynthia Street and Melrose Avenue from 12 p.m., Sunday, October 31 through 6 a.m., Monday, November 1, 2010.
- La Peer Drive eastbound turn lane onto Santa Monica Boulevard from 12 p.m., Sunday, October 31 through 6 a.m., Sunday, November 1, 2010.
- Santa Monica Boulevard between La Cienega Boulevard and Holloway Drive/Croft Avenue from 4 p.m. Sunday, October 31 through 6 a.m., Monday, November 1, 2010.
- La Cienega Boulevard between Sunset Boulevard and Santa Monica Boulevard from 4 p.m., Sunday, October 31 through 6 a.m., Monday, November 1, 2010.
- Sunset Boulevard eastbound and westbound turn lanes onto La Cienega Boulevard from 4 p.m., Sunday, October 31 through 6 a.m., Monday, November 1, 2010.
Yes sir, that is one hell of a nightmare for anyone that lives anywhere near Santa Monica Blvd or the West Hollywood area. You really want nothing to do with that area for the whole Sunday through Monday morning aspect of things.
What exactly are you getting yourself into in that endeavor? A lot of body parts hanging out and since it's centered in a gay community, you know the inhibitions just go out the window. So of course you'll be seeing more costumes that would get you arrested for public indecency. But then again, it wouldn't be Halloween without that, right?
The main problem other than the awful parking, which in my mind is reason enough to skip out on it, is that happens is you and your friends wander around West Hollywood in a very slow moving shuffle with the rest of the folks out there in a vain attempt to figure out which bars or clubs you're going to try to get into to justify this trip to West Hollywood's madness.
Police force, while relaxed in terms of parking, is going to be way up in police check points and other inconvenient means. It's also a Sunday. Most folks actually have to work the next morning. I know I do. So staying out late doesn't seem like such a great idea. Nor does drinking till you can't remember. This is why I'm sure that most parties will be on Friday or Saturday this year... in some cases - Both!
Or you could take the drive 90 miles out to Santa Barbara for Isla Vista's little Halloween Parade which has the benefit that it's invaded by the masses of the local College UCSB. Which if you were in the younger demographic would be perfect material to pick up on that "Sexy Nurse" that crosses your path or that "Sexy bloody chick". You never know until you try your luck, right?
I've been to Both and I have to say that I had a lot better time in UCSB. The party scene, well.. when I was a good 6-7 years younger was more suited for my style and it was less of a mad house than West Hollywood. I can't say I'm much of a club going as well. So that just was pointless to me.
No matter what you do this weekend, it's a lot better for the memories to stay safe and not drink to hard - potentially risking your Monday 9-5. Let alone a DUI all for the sake of all Hallows Eve. It's probably also not a good idea to wear very little and expose yourself to the elements.
Then again, I go back to thinking that this is that final bow to the low cut exposed summer time attire. I'm sure the guys appreciate the view, but remember.. You don't have to wear a costume that has the word "Sexy" in front of it.
If anything, this should show you that if you really want to dress like that, then by all means dress like that normally. Too many people use this Holiday as a free pass to enact their inhibitions. Just do it if you really want to. But don't use Halloween as an excuse.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment