EXECUTIVE MEMBER WIENERS - A COSTCO TALE

EXECUTIVE MEMBER WIENERS - A COSTCO TALE

To say I'm a fan of Costco is an understatement. I'm there at least weekly for my large consumer goods as well as even the small shit like the cheese selection. Which when I say small, I guess that's not really an indication that they sell small portions of cheese, I call it a Javier portion of cheese since it's about the size I want to keep around at all times.

I'm a bit of a cheese whore, you see.

And even though I don't have a large family to supply for, I still make my way there weekly for purchases. While there, I used to enjoy the food court. I say that because as awesome as a buck fifty hot dog or a two dollar size of really greasy pizza is, the wait in line has grown and I honestly don't have fucking time for that bullshit anymore.

It's true. I go in to costco and if there's more than five people in line, I can't handle that shit. The same thing happens every time as well, as limited as the menu is, it takes a solid few minutes for folks to realize and start wondering what they want at the goddamn window. It used to be the menu wasn't that extensive. Well, now it's just gotten a whole lot worse.

They're throwing up random stuff on there like a soy based Al Pastor salad. Which, let me just say shouldn't exist. I get it, soy-rizo from trader joe's is passable, but come the fuck on. I'm eating a salad at costco, at the very least you can give me REAL Al Pastor This fake shit is just going to piss me off more. Their salad is decent and has huge chunks of chicken in there to make you feel like you're just not eating rabbit food. It also, in true Costco fashion, feeds about a family of four easily.

What is causing the stir though, is the fact that your hot dog options are suddenly limited to just... a hot dog.  Wait, what? Yeah, you see, the Polish hot dog was once on the menu as an option when you ordered. It was either a Hebrew National or a Polish Hot Dog. The Hebrew National became too expensive for them to retain that $1.50 price tag, and so they changed those out for a house made dog. But the Polish hot dog was always the one I choose. It was great, but also it was one that I seldom ever saw anyone else even bother with.

But the unthinkable has happened. Costco unveiled a new menu for its food court and the biggest change is fucking social media over like crazy. No more goddamn Polish Hot Dog. And the masses are going ape shit. Why exactly? I have no goddamn clue. I honestly don't feel like my life is any different now without the option of a Polish sausage in my mouth. You want tubed meat, you'll get your fix with the already offered hot dog. No big deal, to be honest.

In any part, I guess the reason everyone is losing their shit is because they tossed on the board some healthy options like an Acai Bowl. which, if I'm being honest, I don't give a fuck as to what exactly that is, let alone why it exist. I guess it's the latest diet craze? I don't really know or care. Another option is a $5 Burger, which, I can be perfectly honest in saying, I will never ever ever fucking buy that. Why the hell would I want to spend five bucks on a burger at costco when there's really cheap food options. I don't have an ounce of faith in that burger even being remotely worth half that price and if I wanted a hamburger, I could just go to a fast food drive thru window if I'm craving that shit.


I do love the quote that the company's chief executive said about that already mentioned Al Pastor salad;

“This new plant-based protein salad, I know that excites you. But it is healthy. And, uh, actually, it tastes pretty good, if you like those kind of things. I tried it once.”
-Craig Jelinek 

 Sure sounds like a ringing endorsement. Talk about enthusiasm.

In any event, a #SaveThePolishDog movement has started and I'm still confused on who really ordered it very often. And at a buck and a half, what's the point of arguing for it to remain. You know you'll just order the stupid slice of pizza or a churro, they do have the best prices in town for them. Makes me never want to spend more than that for a Churro ever. Especially when I see the prices at Disney for those dough sticks of sugar.

So yeah, save the polish or don't. Who the fuck cares any more. Just don't get rid of those 25 cent bottled water machines inside the store. Even though they'll never go to the actual button location you pressed, getting a cold kirkland bottle of water on these hot days is just a miracle in itself.