Halloween 2: Revenge of the Costumes

Halloween 2: Revenge of the Costumes

So it's Friday and I'm still a little on the fence on what my halloween costume should be. Given that there's always parties and what not this weekend, it's just a matter of time that has run out on me.

I mean, every year it's pretty last minute what I choose to actually go as. There's always the classic fall back options that require little to no actual work in preparing. Clark Kent is an easy one since I just toss on a Superman shirt under a button up and with my glasses it's pretty much sold itself. Then there's always Super boy.. which is just my other nerd shirt with jeans. Yeah.. that's tough.


More proof that Bill Maher has never done anything funny

But what if I want to be edgy? There's always the crossdressing option. It's really the only socially acceptable outlet for it. Hey, if women can dress up like slutty whores on this holiday, why can't men gay it up a little, I say! One weekend a year, no one gives you shit for putting on woman's clothing. All you have to do is go as something shockingly offensive, but have it be "ironic" so it's A-okay!

I think that a good Halloween costume should be easily recognizable by your standard party goer drunk at least 10 feet away from you, otherwise you're going to spend the entire night explaining what exactly you are. I think this may be the reason why women just don't wear a lot for the holiday. Why bother? People don't typically ask you what you are when your tits are hanging out. They just drool over your tits. Saves you a lot of time explaining away some poor choice at the costume shop.



Like, I originally wanted to go as a "whore", but, to no surprise they only had "slutty whore" at the costume shop. I mean.. what the fuck? Who said I wanted to look slutty when I'm dressed like a cross dressing whore?

I love yandy.com, its also home to: Sexy Grim Reaper, Sexy Polar Bear, Sexy Big Bird, Sexy Hugh Hefner (as well as dozens of more traditional Playboy costumes), Sexy Pacman, Sexy Snowman, Sexy Jason Voorhees, Sexy Beer Mug, Sexy Lady Pimp, Sexy Viking, Sexy Willy Wonka, Sexy Ninja Turtle. i dont even know which one of these to bold for emphasis they're all ridiculous



Why is female Freddy such a moron that she'd cut her own shirt? Fuck'n women can't do anything right. This is just terrible. Ooooh wait. It's to show off some skin. Man, I completely forgot that you had to "Sexy" up any costume. Even if it's a costume of a board game...



Yup, you guessed it.. Sexy Scrabble. Nothing turns me on like a triple word score.. with her! Boooyah! I'm just glad I can't read the words they're making out on her stomach. I'd probably get some sort of aspergers rage at the fact that they don't have proper letter allotment. I mean, you'd have to have more than one X to make up words like XOXO and I'm sure the other words on there are shit like LUST and BITE or TICKLE. No one would play those words as they aren't worth that much points.

The problem here is that the kind of women they get to model the outfits and actually look good in them don't need those outfits to show off how good they look. I'm pretty sure you could do a sexy quadriplegic and the model will be way hotter than she should be.

Recall that one picture of a "Sexy Ghost Buster" from the previous Halloween costume blog a day or two ago? Let's look at the picture of how it looks on an actual model..



How embarrassing it must be for her to walk around like that... What with her proton pack being upside down and all. Just more proof that these costumes only really look good on those who otherwise would look good anyway.

Besides that, everyone's doing sexy outfits. Though I once spent Halloween in a brothel and that was the one night no one was dressed up sexy. You know what's even more comical about all those "Sexy" costumes? The costumes based on historical sex workers like Moulin Rouge dancer, Geisha, and Saloon girl tend to be the ones that show the least amount of skin.

But hey, this next costume is a great one if you're a fan of David Lynch...



Even though I have to say that a skimpy ski uniform seems a little nonsensical even for sexy Halloween costume standards.

I also don't want to go as a couples costumes. I find those to be some of the worse war crimes possible to humanity. They're so awful in every possible way. There's nothing more awkward than having to deal with a couple in a matching costume short of having to actually stand there while they make out.

They're so obnoxious in both their choice of clothing as well as their manner they carry themselves as a costumed couple. Why don't they just go home and make out in the closet or something. What purpose does it have to show off how much in love you are that you're willing to dress in matching attire? All it really does is make it so that when you break up, that year's Halloween costume is forever gone in both pictures and mention.



Then there's the idea of just cranking out the anime to a full 11 on the dial and going in a full on Neon Genesis pilot suit...

But back to my situation. I think it's a matter of making it so that people actually get what or who I am. I once told my friends I was shooting to go as Trotsky and they had no fucking idea who that was. It was a clear indication that I possibly needed new friends.

So lets take a look at the popular choices for costumes most years...


Yeah, that sounds about right. I'm just going to be a drunk for Halloween. Potentially a groper. Depends on how much of a drunk I end up being. Yup sir, that sounds about right. Or maybe I will just dress up as a secular, rational human being who doesn't buy into a commercialized Pagan holiday turned into an excuse to slut it up and chug till I'm piss drunk.

Or I'll just be Donnie Darko.

Hiptsers Gone Injines

We Need A Hippie Reservation

First they took over and destroyed the Keffiyeh...



And now this? I would say fuck hipsters and may they all drown in PBR unironic deaths, but it seems that I wear a lot of clothing that would commonly mistake myself as a hipster. Oh my, I've become what I hate.

So anywhere, we need to get a Hipster Reservation going because it seems like the newest trend for hipster is to get down with their 1/64th Native American self.



I'm not sure how fashionable it is, but from Native Appropriations Blog post on hipster's embrace of their headdress fashion;

So why can't I wear it?

• Headdresses promote stereotyping of Native cultures.

The image of a warbonnet and warpaint wearing Indian is one that has been created and perpetuated by Hollywood and only bears minimal resemblance to traditional regalia of Plains tribes. It furthers the stereotype that Native peoples are one monolithic culture, when in fact there are 500+ distinct tribes with their own cultures. It also places Native people in the historic past, as something that cannot exist in modern society. We don't walk around in ceremonial attire everyday, but we still exist and are still Native.

• Headdresses, feathers, and warbonnets have deep spiritual significance.

The wearing of feathers and warbonnets in Native communities is not a fashion choice. Eagle feathers are presented as symbols of honor and respect and have to be earned. Some communities give them to children when they become adults through special ceremonies, others present the feathers as a way of commemorating an act or event of deep significance. Warbonnets especially are reserved for respected figures of power. The other issue is that warbonnets are reserved for men in Native communities, and nearly all of these pictures show women sporting the headdresses. I can't read it as an act of feminism or subverting the patriarchal society, it's an act of utter disrespect for the origins of the practice. (see my post on sweatlodges for more on the misinterpretation of the role of women). This is just as bad as running around in a pope hat and a bikini, or a Sikh turban cause it's "cute".

• It's just like wearing blackface.

"Playing Indian" has a long history in the United States, all the way back to those original tea partiers in Boston, and in no way is it better than minstral shows or dressing up in blackface. Like my first point said, you're stereotyping and collapsing distinct cultures, and in doing so, you're asserting your power over them. Which leads me to the next issue.

• There is a history of genocide and colonialism involved that continues today.

By the sheer fact that you live in the United States you are benefiting from the history of genocide and continued colonialism of Native peoples. That land you're standing on? Indian land. Taken illegally so your ancestor who came to the US could buy it and live off it, gaining valuable capital (both monetary and cultural) that passed down through the generations to you. Have I benefited as well, given I was raised in a white, suburban community? yes. absolutely. but by dismissing and minimizing the continued subordination and oppression of Natives in the US by donning your headdress, you are contributing to the culture of power that continues the cycle today.

But I don't mean it in that way, I just think it's cute!

• Well hopefully I've illuminated that there's more at play here than just a "cute" fashion choice. Sorry for taking away your ignorance defense.

But I consider it honoring to Native Americans!

• I think that this cartoon is a proper answer, but I'll add that having a drunken girl wearing a headdress and a bikini dancing at an outdoor concert does not honor me. I remember reading somewhere that it was also "honoring the fine craftsmanship of Native Americans". Those costume shop chicken feather headdresses aren't honoring Native craftsmanship. And you will be very hard pressed to find a Native artist who is closely tied to their community making headdresses for sale. See the point about their sacredness and significance.\

I'm just wearing it because it's "ironic"!

• I'm all for irony. Finger mustaches, PBR, kanye glasses, old timey facial hair, 80's spandex--fine, funny, a bit over-played, but ironic, I guess. Appropriating someone's culture and cavorting around town in your skinny jeans with a feathered headdress, moccasins, and turquoise jewelry in an attempt to be ‘counterculture’? Not ironic. If you’re okay with being a walking representative of 500+ years of colonialism and racism, or don’t mind perpetuating the stereotypes that we as Native people have been fighting against for just as long, by all means, go for it. But by embracing the current tribal trends you aren’t asserting yourself as an individual, you are situating yourself in a culture of power that continues to oppress Native peoples in the US. And really, if everyone is doing it, doesn't that take away from the irony? am I missing the point on the irony? maybe. how is this even ironic? I'm starting to confuse myself. but it's still not a defense.

Stop getting so defensive, it's seriously just fashion!

• Did you read anything I just wrote? It's not "just" fashion. There is a lot more at play here. This is a matter of power and who has the right to represent my culture. (I also enjoy asking myself questions that elicit snarky answers.)

What about the bigger issues in Indian Country? Poverty, suicide rates, lack of resources, disease, etc? Aren't those more important that hipster headdresses?

• Yes, absolutely. But, I'll paraphrase Jess Yee in this post, and say these are very real issues and challenges in our communities, but when the only images of Natives that Americans see are incorrect, and place Natives in the historic past, it erases our current presence, and makes it impossible for the current issues to exist in the collective American consciousness. Our cultures and lives are something that only exist in movies or in the past, not today. So it's a cycle, and in order to break that cycle, we need to question and interrogate the stereotypes and images that erase our current presence--while we simultaneously tackle the pressing issues in Indian Country. They're closely linked, and at least this is a place to start.
  

Well then, Miss Cultural Appropriation Police, what CAN I wear?

If you choose to wear something Native, buy it from a Native. There are federal laws that protect Native artists and craftspeople who make genuine jewelry, art, etc. (see info here about The Indian Arts and Crafts Act). Anything you buy should have a label that says "Indian made" or "Native made". Talk to the artist. find out where they're from. Be diligent. Don't go out in a full "costume". It's ok to have on some beaded earrings or a turquoise ring, but don't march down the street wearing a feather, with loaded on jewelry, and a ribbon shirt. Ask yourself: if you ran into a Native person, would you feel embarrassed or feel the need to justify yourself? As commenter Bree pointed out, it's ok to own a shirt with kimono sleeves, but you wouldn't go out wearing full kabuki makeup to a bar. Just take a minute to question your sartorial choices before you go out.

Let's go down the list of the Hipster cultural bingo, why don't we



This whole thing is just as bad as running around in a pope hat and a bikini. Actually, that sounds like it makes some fashion sense. Why don't the hipsters get on top of that. Somebody better get that going cause pope hat and bikini is so totally post modern hipster status.

Where was I again? Oh yeah. That's right - the rape of the American west by the soulless red man.



What was up with those red men anyway? No one's really sure what the Indians were doing to the Buffalo but it must have been pretty damn sick because millions of those noble creatures committed suicide by jumping in front of the white man's guns.

Did you know that a peaceful napping general Custer was murdered in his sleep by bloodthirsty Indians while he was on a family camping trip? The sheer horror of it!

Then again, if there's any one reason to justify this it's that "White culture is boring", which is a pretty good argument for this whole thing.

Mice Suspected In Deadly Cat Fire

Mice Suspected In Deadly Cat Fire

Going on the record as being a big pussy and getting all emotional for animals, it's easy to see that I do what I can for animals without homes. While I may not like the fact that the humane society puts down the "less desirable" animals I do respect the work that they do in putting a pet into someones home.

So when I heard that a humane society burned down and killed a lot of potential pets it really made me sad. Then I read today that mice chewing through wires are to blame, and honestly I can't help but crack a bit of a smile and laugh because shit, that's pretty odd.

Then again, it's not so much ironic as it is coincidence I don't want to be an Alanis song or anything. Mice killing cats isn't the norm, but it's not like we need to stop mice extremism. In related news, radical Imam Mickey Mouse has issued a Fatwah on both Garfield and Heathcliff. One man's terrorist is another rodent's freedom fighter. The war between Mice and Felines is near. Choose your side. Man your weapons. The shit is about to go down.


Until this article I almost forgot it was possible to be laughing and crying at the same time. This seemed too much like an itchy and scratchy cartoon. They fight! And bite! And fight and bite and fight! Fight fight fight! Bite bite bite!

After the oddness of the article wares off it's just back to the reality of a really shitty situation.

Close to 100 cats, three dogs and several rabbits and rodents perished in the blaze. The initial death toll of 150 cats was downgraded after firefighters tallied the bodies yesterday.

That would be a pretty awful job and an terrible way to end an already tragic day. Who the fuck counts all the corpse?
Fireman: "95, 96, 97. There are 97 dead cats in this building."


It takes a cold heart to do that job ah ha ha ha ha!

Kind of reminds me of that news story from last year where some guy tossed a live mouse in a fire. The flaming mouse ran out of the fire and inside the guy's house, burning it to the ground. Ah yes, strange news is always something that I love to read.

So hey, why not go take your kids out to adopt a pet this year? It's a gift that wont go out of style after a couple of weeks and will bring mutual benefit to all involved. You give a deserving pet a good home and you provide a best friend to the household.