What Are You Doing For MLK Day?

What Are You Doing For MLK Day?

MLK day is this coming Monday and that means that only two week after we had a pretty long New Years break, we're getting another three day weekend. I have to wonder about how much we're actually getting done in the first few weeks of 2010. Doesn't seem that it's very productive.

But never the less, MLK is one of those holidays that is important. So important that even though it was Martin Luther King's birthday on Friday, we're making sure we get Monday off to make it a three day weekend. Which doesn't make sense because if we had Friday off, it would have still been a three day weekend. Let's be honest, if this wasn't part of a three day weekend, racist white bread America wouldn't care about the Holiday.



What it does mean is that we get a couple of days worth of MLK quotes in every media outlet. Much like this MLK quote I'm going to drop on you now;

You can’t talk about solving the economic problem of the Negro without talking about billions of dollars. You can’t talk about ending the slums without first saying profit must be taken out of slums. You’re really tampering and getting on dangerous ground because you are messing with folk then. You are messing with captains of industry… Now this means that we are treading in difficult water, because it really means that we are saying that something is wrong…with capitalism… There must be a better distribution of wealth and maybe America must move toward a Democratic Socialism.

Hmmm, so this whole idea that a powerful black man is all for socialism isn't a new thing after all. Who would have guessed that?

But hey, at least we're still celebrating it. Well, unless you're in Virgina, where it is offically called Lee-Jackson-King Day. That is until it was finally changed in the year of our lord two-fucking-thousand. Remember that there were almost riots in Richmond when they changed it. Man, that sure pissed off a lot of rednecks. If you ever want to out "redneck" someone, I suppose telling them that you're from an area that gave you the day off of school not for MLK Jr. Day, but rather because it's the first day of Deer Season.


hmmm.. yeah, not proper MLK day stuff..

One ex of mine grew up in that sort of thing. She would tell me of her young school days when the guys in her elementary school would take an extra day off or two to make sure that they came home with that fresh kill. Oh yes, starting the new year not celebrating a dream, but a buck shot. That was a very strange relationship filled with a lot of culture clash, that much was true.

Then again, there's some theory that it was either MLK or President's Day that only exist because the ski industry wanted a 3-day weekend in the winter to pump their profits up a bit more before the end of the season. I'm not a skier, so I wouldn't really know.



It does lead to a good question as to what you actually do on MLK day. Who is actually doing something interesting on Monday? Besides nurse the hangover from Sunday. Maybe I'll re-watch the wire. How about you? Please don't say that you're going to be drinking malt liquor, smoking menthols/Kools, eating fried chicken or watermelon and/or drinking orange soda and purple drank.

You could go down for a drive on MLK Blvd, cause I know unless you live in a really racist state, you need to have at least one of those in your city. I think that's the litmus test to see if you live in a non-gentrified city if you don't have a MLK Blvd. And as Chris Rock would say it best, those are the most dangerous places to be around. Such a tragedy.



But perhaps it's better that he died for the cause. I'm sure if he had lived, he'd probably have moved far to the right after seeing the 70's crime waves and the implosion of cities because of the great society.

Maybe I'll go old school this MLK day. You know, do something that Luther himself would do. Such as get investigated by the FBI, have communist sympathies, and get assassinated. Hmm, maybe I'll skip out on that last part. I have no cause that I really care enough about to die for in order to advance. I mean, I'm all for striking down Prop 8 and giving homosexuals the right to marry, but I'm not really to take one in the chest to get it done.

Hmmm, in retrospect I could have phrased that last statement better. Happy MLK day

Memorial Day Thoughts

Memorial Day Thoughts

Well, I don't have any BBQ to attend and I'm taking the day sort of in. Cause why not, I work my ass off all the other times and no one remembers the Javi or anything. But then again, I'm not homeless and hungry like most of those we're suppose to be remembering today. So I can't complain, right. Doesn't mean I can't do what I typically do and get on my soap box and rant and rave. Indeeeeeeeeeed



Did you know that in the Soviet Union, Veterans were actually paid yearly based on the medals that they were awarded during their time in the army. I know, the horrors of socialism! If I was a vet sitting in the VA right now wacked out of my mind due to the horrors of war, I think I would much rather like to get a check I could cash in for a beer to numb the pain.

Since this is the day to remember those who fought in a war, why don't we take a look at them..



Me, not to sound unAmerican, but I can't say I don't give a blank respect check to anyone just because they fought in a war. Has any soldier kept me safe since WWII? Since then we've been fucking around in countries we had no place or business being in.

I feel bad for people who were drafted but I don't get why any volunteer enlisted would think they deserve respect. Especially any females enlisting. Why would you want respect for a mistake.



Support are troops!!!!!!!!! Unit it becomes financially incovenient. You want to really honor the memory of the troops that defended your "freedom"? Go to the VA hall today and do some work.



I talked to an Army Ranger and he hates Memorial Day because "people can act like they care once or twice a year then talk about how worthless we all are any other time." So it's the same mentality that I share with Valentines day.



I wonder what kind of lives these guys would have had if they had done the honorable thing and gone to prison instead of answering the draft.



Yeah, I know the drill, if I'm typing this in English, I should thank a veteran. If you're not reading this in English, well then... How is that possible?

Then again, if you're reading this blog at all thank the brave colonial pilots of galactica or the brave men and women who chose not to join in the mutiny on board the starship Dahak, depending on your brand of scifi.



We really need to reexamine the people we choose to "defend" our country. Most of them are mentally incapable of taking care of themselves. Why do I think they can take care of the country? You see them getting married left and right before they're shipped off so that they can carry this idea that they have someone back home to come to.



In most cases those significant others are out living their life while their troop spouse gets fucked over in the head or killed. Of course they're going to distract themselves from the idea of the person they love dying somehow. In most cases it's in the arms of someone else.



How mentally stable do you think our troops our when they get the shocking news that their loving spouse/significant other is getting nailed by someone else? Sure doesn't sound like this whole defending our troops thing, right.



But hey, we gotta welcome them back when they do come back, right? So hey, instead of a moment of silence or a thought or a prayer, how about you give that Vet some change the next time you see him on the off ramp of the freeway instead of pointing them out to your child and telling them "See Timmy, that's what happens when you don't finish school."

Memorial Day

Memorial Day

Well, it's memorial day weekend. I didn't even realize it till it was waaaay too late to plan for it. Then again, do you really need to plan for relaxation and the whole BBQ fun? Meh, I'm too lazy to even write an update. So don't act all surprise, your ass is probably reading this a week after Memorial day anyways.


Something's wrong here....

So this may sound unamerican but what's the difference between memorial day and veterans day? All I get from others is that one honors the living and the other honors both the living and those who died in war defending our country. I dunno. I mean, that's two holidays for one group of people. I wont even get on the subject on if they were wars that were defending our country or freedom cause that's a big can of worms in itself. But it seems that the whole thought of honoring those who fought in war took a back seat for a simple three day weekend.

Add in that I doubt many even give a crap about those soldiers anyway. An extra day to get drunk, AM I RITE? It has gotten to a point that even with a war going on, it's overlooked in favor for a grill and some slabs of meat. I'm not saying that in a bad tone. I mean, grilling is something I love doing. That's whay articles like the following from The L.A. Times appeal to me. I mean, how else do you maximize your memorial day fun but with a belt that you can carry beer in? Who needs to walk the 10 feet to the cooler to get a beer when you can grab one from your belt.



But let's not fool ourselves, do we need any sort of tool to make drinking anymore easier on this festive three day holiday? Just the other night I saw someone plow into a pole near where I was staying. Destroyed the shit out of it and caused glass to break and create a hassle for my Saturday. Way to go, drunky.

So excuse me if I'm not going to jump on the BBQ wagon, I already did that quota for the memorial day weekend. I cooked bacon wrapped hot dogs and drank beer I brewed myself, as well as some that others brewed. What can I say, gotta have a memory for those drinks already drunk. Most of all, Memorial day is the unofficial start to summer.

But why is unofficial? We have national holidays for just about everything. You mean to tell me that we can have a day set aside for daylight savings time but we don't have one for when Summer officially begins? Well, if they're not going to give it anything more than an unofficial start, we might as well get the ball rolling right.



Let's get this summer off to a good start already. And with that, I'll be done with the blog for the day. No need to push it. Besides, I have a lot of drinking and bbqing to get done today! Just don't forget to quickly remember those who need to be 'membered.

The Irish Are Pathetic, Potato Eating Filth...

The Irish Are Pathetic, Potato Eating Filth...

But I love them anyway. I jest of course. If my morning in court is anything to show for my day, I really do need a drink. Perhaps one that is food colored green may be of help. But at the end of the day I had a rather good day. I split a shamrock shake and I got to work on an Irish themed show... be it in all it's pop singing glory. I also got to eat some corned beef. Can there be any better way to spend this festive day that celebrates


RACIST!

I have a sort of a love/hate relationship with St. Patty's day. On one hand the widespread caricaturing of Irish people as drunkard simpletons with funny accents is racist as all hell. On the other hand everyone dressing up in green and going out to get drunk seems to undermine the notion of st Patrick's day as a day to be proud of being Irish and therefore undermine related retarded nationalism so it could be a good thing.

Then again, the Irish people don't care about the racist caricature because they are by nature of their blood a strong people who aren't whiny pussies. Usually Irish lads and lasses are some of my favorite people. When you go through a devastating famine because you're lacking Fry material, you learn to become an upbeat person.


Aye, just how I like 'em... Red and pasty.

I don't seem to celebrate St. Patrick's day these days because it seems to be an excuse for everyone in the west to get drunk as hell and spend lots of money and I'd rather not be part of that. It really comes out to light how much it sucks when I go to the my regular 5pm happy hour, every bar is packed to the gills with white college students wearing Kelly tophats and boas. I think the real drunks are hurt by this holiday instead of praised.

What are the incentives to going to a bar on St. Patty's day anyway? You get the option of green beer. Which, while it's a nice novelty, a bottle of green food dye would take care of that for you. The bars are extremely packed and there is no happy hour or special deal. Why would their be? They know everyone will be out in full force getting their drink on anyway.


Aye, Irish Lass!

On to the Irish women. I'm a big fan of red hair. It's no damn secret. It's just what I like. Can you blame me? The typical idea of the Irish girl is always one that is hot. Well, let's crush some dreams. Only 10% of irish people have red hair. There are no 'gorgeous redheads' in ireland, only pasty freckly gingers. redheads are only cute when they have 20% "something else". You see, it's the mixture that helps. That's why this melting pot that we call America is so awesome. Full of mutts. God bless America for having some of the hottest women in the world (also some of the ugliest women in the world). go big or go home!

The typical American who has pride in their heritage on days like these are the type that will go around screaming on how they have Italian pride but then when you ask if their ancestors are from Sicily or the mainland of Italy, to which they look at you with a confused look asking what Sicily is. The same kind that can't speak a word of the language and have never visited nor ever plan to visit their land of origin.


I think he nagged at snakes... or something.

Then again, it's very easy to forget the real meaning of St. Patrick's day. What was it again? Some dude who really didn't like snakes and yelled at them till they ran away? Something like that, I believe it is. Perhaps he did so with some Irish spring soap. It's the one that cleanses you of all your snakes.. and sins.

Maybe the holiday is to celebrate such good music like the Dropkick Murphy's, Flogging Molly and some river dancing to round out the mix. I once dated a girl who was causins with someone from Flogging Molly. Can't say that connection ever helped me. At least helped me remember them for that whole thing. Talk about Irish pride.


Guinness for me
Guinness for you
you have a guinness
i'll have one too

When talking about Guinness you'll get a mixed reaction. Some people love it. Some people hate it. I don't think anyone can really say for certain unless they have a pint of it near to the source. American Guinness is a bit like watered down to the original. But no matter what you'll get the reaction that it's like eating a loaf of bread. That sort of alternative eating method happens when you put all your eggs into one basket of potatos.

In honor of St. Patty's day, let's have the good ol' Irish lad Conan O'Brien show us a thing or two about how to prepare for the holiday.

While I'm no Martha Stewart, I can try to make a mean Irish meal.

Watch here and I'll show you how to get some Corned Beef done. It's not just a meal for St. Patty's day. Corned beef is also a traditional meal for Easter. So if you haven't had your fill of it in the next few days of leftovers, get ready for it again on Easter.



Gather corned beef brisket, cabbage, chopped carrots, onions, taters and some Guinness.



Dice up the taters, carrots, spices (thyme) and some garlic cloves and toss it into a slow cooker



layer the cabbage in there



lay down that beautiful brisket..



Pour in three bottles of Guinness, add in water to completely cover the brisket



Ah yes, it should look something like this.. very strange and foamy.



let it cook on low for 8-10 hours. I think this is why it's the best meal for the Irish, you can get shit faced, pass out and then get up and drink again in the time span it takes to make this.



After that time you should have it look like this. The smell will be amazing.



Close up... oh yeah.. beautiful, don'tcah think?



take it out and let it cool slightly.



Cut across the grain and enjoy..



Perhaps in the form of a nice sandwich. To add to this whole thing, may I suggest you make a glaze for the brisket.

1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup water
1 cup Dijon Mustard
1/2 cup Bourbon

Heat the brown sugar, water. Add in the bourbon and the Dijon Mustard and simmer. The end result will be a very delicious treat for your corned beef.

In Which I Call April A Whore

In Which I Call April A Whore

Now April, this is tough for me. You should sit down for this. It’s sort of hard to say. I like you, I really do. You contain the day that I get one day closer to death. I think I know why April Showers.. it's because you’re out there whoring it up in your whore shoes! This isn’t funny, how could you April? You get around. It’s as simple as that. Oh, don’t play innocent with me. I have the proof. Let’s look at all the things you allow to take place as 'National' holidays or at the very least days of importance.

April has these month long celebrations.

Month:

• National Humor Month - Ha ha, no shit, April fools starts the month off, do we need it to be all month long? I have no idea how much Rick rollin' I could take
• International Guitar Month - I’ll go get my Guitar hero and we’ll rock it
• Keep America Beautiful Month - Earth day doesn’t cover this how?
• Lawn and Garden Month -Dogs have to have some place to piss, right?
  
• National Grilled Cheese month -Okay, I like cheese, I’ll let this one slide. DOWN MY THROAT! OOOOH YEAH!
  
• Poetry Month - Oh get this! Get the fuck out of my month!
• National Pecan Month - Cause everyone likes a nut.
• National Welding Month - Wait.. what?
• Records and Information Management Month -... I just don’t know how to bash this one.
• Stress Awareness Month - Which, oddly enough causes even more stress in itself.
  
• Sexual Assault Awareness Month - This one makes sense, as it feels my month was just raped.
• Alcohol Awareness Month - Yeah, I’m aware of it, now pour me a drink
  
• Child Abuse Prevention Month - I think every month should be this. Just saying.
  
• National Donate Life Month -So you’re not suppose to kill someone, I take it.
  
• National Kite Month - I like kites, I don’t think they deserve a month.
  
• National Car Care Month - Stop treating your car like shit, please.
  
• National Occupational Therapy Month -Scientologist need not apply.
  

You also have these celebrations that weren’t good enough to last the month. So you only get them for one quarter of the time.

Weekly Celebrations:

• Week 1 Library Week -Libraries, Not just for bums on the internet!
  
• Weekend 1 Alcohol-free weekend - Yeah, no thanks, I want to get drunk before my birthday.
  
• Week 1 Read a Road Map Week. -How about getting on the open road?
• Week 2 Garden Week -Already covered in the stupid month long thing
• Week 3 Organize Your Files Week -Data entry wasn’t enough?
• Week 3 Medical Labs Week -sure.. why not.
• Week 4 Administrative Assistants Week -Data entry sure likes to spread themselves this entire month, don’t they?
• Week 4 National Karaoke Week - Which is odd since the month starts off with an alcohol free weekend only to end with an activity that needs as much alcohol as possible.
  
• Week 4, National TV-Turnoff week - What? Crazy talk. This is my month and as someone who makes his bread and butter off TV, it’s not going off!
  

And while all those long term celebrations are enough to make you question the moral standards of the month, we get to the real reason why April is such a whore. Sometimes it even has more than one celebration per day. Here’s the list of the official days as well as what silly meaning they hold. .

Each Day:

1 April Fool’s Day - Yes, we all get it. It’s the day you can prank someone when they most likely expect it. Hey, how about this, pull a prank on someone on March 31st or April 2nd, that’ll be a real surprise.

1 International Tatting Day I thought this was tattooing at first but then realized it wasn’t that cool.

2 Children’s Book Day I guess this one is alright. It’s not the worse on the list.

2 National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day Did this really need a full day? It’s a sandwich. Maybe just keep it to a National lunch holiday.

2 Reconciliation Day Who cares if they cheated on you with your sister, the day commands you to reconciliate.

3 Don’t Go to Work Unless it’s Fun Day - we know your decision. This should just be an offical ditch day.

3 Tweed Day What the hell?

4 Hug a Newsman Day Did Harold Greene create this holiday up? John Beard perhaps? Both of those need a hug after getting fired/losing their job.

4 National Walk to Work Day - first Friday of month and really ignored in any city. Hell, even folks in he country can’t walk to work.

4 Walk Around Things Day you mean like you do every other day of the year?

4 School Librarian Day pfft, they don’t have to deal with the bums like real Librarians.

4 Tell a Lie Day The lie is that this is a holiday

5 Go for Broke Day Or just stay broke today.

6 Plan Your Epitaph Day - a little morbid if you ask me. But shit, better to be safe than sorry.

6 Sorry Charlie Day What does this one mean? You have to say sorry to every charlie you see?

7 Caramel Popcorn Day - Most likely created by a popocorn maker, or an Ecard company. Either way, you’ll pop if you don’t celebrate it.

7 No Housework Day Most home makers celebrate this day every day of the year.

7 World Health Day We can’t even get health care down for the U.S., let’s not try to get the whole world covered just so easily.

8 All is Ours Day I have no clue. I seriously have no clue.

8 Draw a Picture of a Bird Day seriously, what?

9 Name Yourself Day wait.. what?

9 Winston Churchill Day Ok, I can buy this one. The man was great

10 Golfer’s Day Because golfers need another day off to play golf?

10 National Siblings Day I’m not sure what you do here. It’s like the Mother/Fathers day for your siblings, I guess.

11 Eight Track Tape Day - do you remember those? Why would anyone?

11 Barbershop Quartet Day Celebrate something you only see at Disneyland!

12 Big Wind Day - this day blows.

12 Russian Cosmonaut Day fuck that, we beat them to the moon, sure they shot a dog into space and broke orbit, but we staged the moon landing, so give us the credit!

13 Blame Someone Else Day Who do I blame for these stupid holidays?

13 Scrabble Day Ok, I can get behind this one. Simply because I play the game. But do you need a national holiday to play it?

14 Ex Spouse Day Cause you needed a day to celebrate dumping their deadbeat ass.

14 International Moment of Laughter Day Other nations are laughing at this and our other stupid holidays.

14 Look up at the Sky Day - don’t you have anything better to do?

14 National Pecan Day Sometimes you feel like a nut, and that’s because you celebrate days like this

14 Reach as High as You Can Day This is a day to celebrate what exactly?

15 Rubber Eraser Day Someone should rub this day off the calender.

15 Titanic Remembrance Day Do not play that stupid song, do not play that stupid movie. Just no. Seriously, no!

16 National Eggs Benedict Day You have to have eggs to celebrate this day.

16 National Librarian Day They deserve a round of applause for kicking out so many homeless after taking too much time on the internet access there.

16 National Stress Awareness Day Don’t stress out about missing this day.

17 Blah, Blah, Blah Day I.. am confused. So is there a yadda yadda yadda day?

17 National Cheeseball Day Ok, I’ll support this day because I like cheese balls. To Hot Wings!

18 International Juggler’s Day - also applies to multi tasking office workers, which is stupid. Really, who doesn’t juggle a lot of things at once? People who celebrate stupid days like this one, that’s who.

18 Newspaper Columnists Day And if you’re at the LA Times, just be thankful you have a job.

18 Pet Owners Independence Day So do you let your animals run free?

19 National Garlic Day Fuck you Basil, Kiss my ass sea salt!

20 Look Alike Day In SoCal, every day looks alike with any other day. Sunny and in the 70’s.

20 Volunteer Recognition Day And if you’re getting recognition for volunteering, you’re not volunteering, you’re getting payment in the form of recognition. So yeah, this is like celebrating the unknown soldier’s day as Bob’s day.

21 Kindergarten Day Cause nothing says party like busting out the chips and kool-aid.

21 Patriot’s Day - third Monday of the month and really, we wouldn’t want the terrorist to win.

22 Girl Scout Leader Day So buy some over priced fattening cookies on this day.

22 National Jelly Bean Day And another food celebration day. This time for candy. FOR CANDY! I can understand Halloween but not this. Not this at all!

23 Lover’s Day I’m just confused as to why we need this day.

23 National Zucchini Bread Day - they hold this at a time when you are not sick
of all that zucchini. But then again, who really wants Zucchini anyway?

23 Take a Chance Day So what makes this day any different than any other? Like Valentine’s day, everyday you should be taking a chance at something. If you aren’t, then you’re really missing out.

23 World Laboratory Day NERDS!

12 Astronomy Day - Even as a space nerd I can’t stand behind this.

24 Pig in a Blanket Day We have to stop celebrating food days.

25 East meets West Day So.. what does this celebrate again?

25 World Penguin Day what?

26 Executive Admin’s Day (Secretary’s Day) I like how they had to change it because Secretary is not PC enough.

26 Hug an Australian Day No. Seriously. No! Just give them a fosters and let them talk about how it’s not really good beer from down under and how you need to drink the queen’s beer or some shit.

26 National Pretzel Day Another Holiday created by corporate America.

26 Richter Scale Day This is a Holiday? When’s 'Radiation ticker' day?

27 Babe Ruth Day So grab a bat, chug a lot of alcohol and take a couple of swings. Babe would be proud.

27 National Prime Rib Day Now this, I can get behind.

27 Tell a Story Day This should be changed to 'Tell a story WELL' day. Because I know far too many people who just tell really boring stories I want no part of.

28 Great Poetry Reading Day Really, stop being such a pussy.

28 Kiss Your Mate Day - guys, do not forget this one. Kiss her, then read her some poetry. That’ll be the sure fire thing to get laid. Don’t we have one of these back in the middle of Febuary?

29 Greenery Day What does this one even mean? We have a couple of earthy days in April already.

29 National Shrimp Scampi Day Forget Hallmark Holidays, this is a Red Lobster manufactured holiday.

30 Hairstyle Appreciation Day -This is a good one, I normally don’t appreciate the hair style I have and just wake up and go. Thank goodness for this holiday to teach me a thing or two about proper hair care.

30 National Honesty Day -Honesty, You want honest? I think all these 'special' days in the month are too much. Now

As you can see April is a dirty dirty used up whore of a month. It has no shame and it’s not even trying anymore. How can all these celebrations come in on the same month? There should be some committee that green lights these things. It’s completely insane to let all these "holidays" squeeze in there. I’m getting boned out of my Birthday by No Housework day?

I’m about to kick you out on your ass and find a new month to be born in. How could you? How could you allow so many to just plant themselves into your month and use it for all it was worth.

Have some self respect. Especially when this isn’t even counting two important days in April. The 15th being Tax deadline and the week of the 19th through the 27th that is freaking Passover. All those days and they forgot Passover?