420

420

It's April 20th so that means one of a few things for you. You can indulge your childish side and talk about weed all day. Except I'm sure you already do that every day.

You could possibly hail Hitler and celebrate the day of his birth.. that is if you even acknowledge birthdays. Then again, maybe Hitlder did what he did because they wouldn't let him smoke his fatty boom batty joint of top notch afghani kush on his birthday. I'm sure Jessie James is making a theme day out of 4/20 which will result in a sex tape to be released later.

The origins of 420 as a code for pot leads back to the 70's at San Rafael High School among a group of about a dozen pot smoking kids who called themselves the Waldos. Fun fact - those people are in their 50's now. Way to be hip and used memaw's words to describe your smoking habit. The code was told so that everyone knew to go meet at the campus statue of Louis Pasteur and they smoked pot there.

But hey, somewhere in the world it's 4/20, right?



I'm of the opinion that marijuana is probably okay as long as you consume it as part of a righteous lifestyle. Perhaps I shouldn't begrudge the stoners. Today is clearly their only chance to find true community spirit. It's a sort of community validation thing. Once a year you let stoners be stoners. Also, it's like, let's see what crazy shit the unemployed cooked up this year. The funny thing is that the number 1 reason that weed is not legal is probably stoners themselves.

Some of you are wondering if you should go out and make that investment for that Vaporgenie. Betcha want to hit dat sweet vape, yo. Well you know what - FUCK YOUR Bourgeoisie expensive drug use attachments. I'd rather smoke weed out of a capitalists skull.



Just think about it. Your average hippie is raging against the conservatives with their plasma screens and suvs as they consume and consume. Yet you're going to buy a $300 vaporizer? Some would say that it's healthier for your lungs. Um, if you smoke enough weed to require a vaporizer to offset the damage you do to your lungs you should probably consider cutting back.

Then there's the whole legalization of it. Honestly, it's so easy to smoke and not get caught, so who gives a shit about legalization of it? Yeah, we're funding some drug gangs and possibly Mexican mafias when you purchase weed, but so what? We fund a war machine with taxes every day and yet nobody seems to give a shit about that. Besides, it's much cheaper and more environmentally sound to grow or buy your weed locally.


Smoke and listen.. oooh yeah

Then again, maybe I shouldn't argue about weed on 4/20. That's like arguing about religion on Christmas eve. Though my annual atheist argument on Christmas eve with my family is the one highlight I look forward to all year long.

I don't hate weed, I just really hate stupid stoners. It's like Chris Rock said

"I don't hate black people, but I hate niggers"

I guess the problem is that people only really notice obnoxious stoners. No one really gives a second thought to the cool guy blazing after work or the professor who smokes on the weekends. Obama smoked weed and all you spineless liberals voted for him.


Iceland started early

Straight edge is pretty lame. Okay, you don't do drugs for whatever reason. That's fine, I guess. Not doing drugs doesn't make you cool or edgy or anything though. Straight edge is good for high school kids, but if you're over the age of 18 and you base your lifestyle off music fads, you're pretty dumb.

4/20 isn't the worse. If 4/20 had been celebrated maybe those Columbine kids would have mellowed the fuck out and not shot up their school. But still, A holiday to celebrate smoking weed is pretty much meaningless to the average pot head who has been smoking on a daily basis for their entire life. It's something retarded losers who don't have meaningful lives do to try to fit in with hippie stoners. No one who's self-actualized wants to talk to those going crazy for 4/20.

Being The President Must Suck

Being The President Must Suck

When I was little I would hear school mates talk about how they wanted to be the President when they grew up. I knew better. Why the hell would I want the nation under my control? What kind of a control freak do you have to be in order to do that shit? You see how much shit Obama is getting trying to get proper health care off the ground. Hell, you have crazy pastors hoping that someone kills him. What kind of childhood ambitions would I have if I aspired to be the President? Might as well just want to be killed.

The President has it bad. Too many choices to make and in the end, everyone just remembers the bad things you did more than the good things you ever pulled out of your ass with a hope and a prayer. Yeah, sure. You're going to be in a select club that only 44 other people are in and if you want to talk about special days, forget Valentine's Day, in order to really feel celebrated try being a President. The majority of the people in that club are already dead and all of them, in retrospect, were only human.



Much like any human, we have our faults. Me? I like to consume large amounts of beer of mircorbrewery levels and then write blogs about pointless topics that have hints of comedy and perhaps some lesson snuck in there. And just to prove to you that your presidents of the past which you should be honoring today aren't beyond human, here's a list of the presidents and the terrible choices they made while in office.

George Washington:
* Pretty sure he said that stopping the lynching of loyalists would be a violation of the "rights" of the people.
* Signed the Fugitive Slave Act.
* Slave owner.

John Adams:
* Sedition Act.

Thomas Jefferson:
* Hypocritical racist slave owner.



James Madison:
* War of 1812, literally the stupidest war the USA has ever been involved in.

James Monroe:
* Imperialist war to steal Florida
* Missouri Compromise

John Quincy Adams
* Nothing, he owns, tell me something he did bad. I dare you.

Andrew Jackson:
* Trail of Tears
* Gag Rule
* Caused Panic of 1837

Martin Van Buren:
* Panic of 1837
* Trail of Tears

William Harrison:
* Literally ran on his genocide of Native Americans.



John Tyler:
* Brutal imperialist war against the people of Mexico for some slave-owning anglos.

James K. Polk:
* Brutal imperialist war against the people of Mexico for some slave-owning anglos.

Zachary Taylor:
* Slave owner.
* Set stage for Compromise of 1850

Millard Fillmore:
* Responsible for the creation of one of the most brutal empires in history just so the US could continue its endless expansion westward.
* Compromise of 1850

Franklin Pierce:
* Overturned Missouri Compromise, making more slavery.
* When both fanatical slavery and anti-slavery groups moved to the newly encorperated state of Kansas, formed seperate governments, and essentially had a mini civil war, he did nothing because of states right

James Buchanan:
* Saw the Civil War's beginnings, did fuck all.



Abraham Lincoln:
* Drafted civilian populace.
* Suspended Habeas Corpus.
* Shut down over 400 newspapers
* Set up a political prison camp on an island off of new york,
* Issued a warrant to have the chief justice of the supreme court Roger B. Taney arrested
* Had senators arrested on the floor of the senate

Andrew Johnson:
* Vetoed a bunch of civil rights bills.

Ulysses Grant:
* Horrifically corrupt.

Rutherford Hayes:
* First President ever to order US soldiers to murder strikers.
* Ended reconstruction

James Garfield:
* Didn't give Charles J. Guiteau his rightful post.

Chester Arthur:
* Chinese Exclusion Act

Benjamin Harrison:
* Annexation of Hawaii.

Grover Cleveland:
* Pullman Strike

William McKinley:
* Spanish-American War
* Philippine-American War
* Open door policy, formally tied US military imperialism to US economic imperialism.



Theodore Roosevelt:
* Invaded Panama to take control of the canal.
* Revised Monroe doctrine to be a rationale for US imperialism rather than a decrying of European imperialism.

William Taft:
* Invaded Nicaragua
* Got Woodrow Wilson elected.

Woodrow Wilson:
* American police state, brutally suppressed dissent.
* Espionage Act of 1917
* Sedition Act of 1918
* Wilsonian idealism
* Manipulated American public to convince them to enter into World War One
* Assistance to white forces during the Russian Civil War
* Initially opposed to suffrage.

William Harding:
* Pussy on lynching.
* Let his horribly corrupt friends run the government, culminating in the Teapot Dome scandal.

Calvin Coolidge:
* Responsible for the economic policies which lead to the Great Depression.

Herbert Hoover:
* Did fuck all for Americans during the Great Depression.
* Sent troops to stop the Bonus Army.
* Mexican Repatriation



Franklin Roosevelt:
* Firebombed Tokyo and Dresden.
* Purposefully, knowingly engaged in actions that would force Japan to go to war with the USA, but simultaneously failed to adequately protect the US Navy from a (probable) surprise attack.
* Illegally interned US civilians on the basis of ethnicity.
* Mexican Repatriation

Harry Truman:
* Overthrew democratically elected governments of Syria and Greece.
* Nuked Japanese civilian targets, a pointless act done solely as a show of force against the USSR (the Japanese surrendered because the Soviets declared war on them).
* National Security Act of 1947.
* Truman Doctrine
* Supported France retaining its colonial possessions.

Dwight Eisenhower:
* Began US policy of imperialism and neo-colonialism by overthrowing the democratically-elected governments of Iran and Guatemala.
* Started Vietnam
* Started COINTELPRO
* Interstate system
* Fomented revolution in Hungary, which was crushed when the US refused to support the revolutionaries
* Operation Wetback
* Lied about the U-2 spyplane shot down over the USSR, which halted talks to halt nuclear weapons production.
* Korean War.
* Overthrew the government of the Republic of Congo.

John Kennedy:
* Stepped up Vietnam War
* Relocated the Seneca Indians, breaking a treaty and a campaign promise.
* Allowed the FBI to wiretap Martin Luther King on suspicion that he might be a Communist.
* Bay of Pigs
* Executed a coup in Iraq.
* Would have been remembered for more terrible things if he hadn't been killed



Lyndon Johnson:
* Drafted US civilians
* Backed Saddam Hussein's acquisition of power in Iraq.
* Stepped up the Vietnam War
* Suppressed Mississippi Freedom Democratic Party (anti-segregation offshoot of Democratic Party)
* Failed to implement Universal Health Care
* Maintained the embargo against Cuba.
* Backed a coup in Brazil.

Richard Nixon:
* Bombed the shit out of the Cambodian civilian populace, enabling Pol Pot's regime to take power.
* Illegal wiretapping
* Directly involved in the overthrow of Allende, established Pinochet
* Watergate
* Implemented the southern strategy which used racism to bring southern whites into the Republican Party
* Ordered a coup in Chile.
* Failed to implement Universal Health Care
* Started War on Drugs.
* Maintained the embargo against Cuba.



Gerald Ford:
* Pardoned Nixon.
* Brought a whole slough of shitty neocons into the political mainstream
* Failed to implement Universal Health Care
* Gave the OK to President Suharto of Indonesia for the invasion and genocide of East Timor.
* Mayaguez Incident.
* Maintained the embargo against Cuba.

Jimmy Carter:
* Stepped up aid to the Jakarta regime in Indonesia as it committed genocide against the population of East Timor.
* Fed Mujahideen
* Backed a coup in Turkey.
* Failed to implement Universal Health Care
* Refused to return Mohammed Reza Shah Pahlavi to Iran for trial.
* Funded the training of insurgents in Afghanistan and Pakistan in order to combat the USSR's invasion of Afghanistan according to the Carter Doctrine.
* Cracked down on pork spending which in turn got the dems in Congress' panties twisted up in a knot and they sat there like children and crossed their arms and went "LALALALALALA" to everything he said from then on.
* The Malaise speech which did the same thing to all of the US and along with the Iran Hostage Crisis rolled out the red carpet for Reagan.
* Maintained the embargo against Cuba.

Ronald Reagan:
* Bombed Tripoli, Libya and killed a bunch of people.
* Initiated the trend of modern prison privatizations.
* Sold Saddam Hussein biological and chemical weapons during the Iran/Iraq War.
* Created mandatory minimum sentencing.
* Appointed Alan Greenspan as Chairman of the Federal Reserve
* Failed to implement Universal Health Care
* Supported Apartheid
* Surrendered the working man in the USA to capitalist-class interests.
* Fed Mujahideen
* Iran-Contra Affair
* Tried to veto Martin Luther King Day.
* War on Drugs
* Invaded Grenada.
* Ignored HIV/AIDS
* Killed Fairness Doctrine, leading to rise of conservative talk radio.
* Supported various violent warlords in the third world
* Reaganomics.
* Cut the taxes on the wealthy dramatically.
* Set record deficit.
* Sponsored death squads in El Salvador.
* Responsible for Savings and Loan crisis.
* Maintained the embargo against Cuba.
* Military aid to Israel.



George Bush I:
* Gulf War
* Failed to implement Universal Health Care
* Pardoned a bunch of people involved with Iran Contra
* Stepped up the War on Drugs.
* Appointed one of the least experienced judges in history.
* Appointed Alan Greenspan as Chairman of the Federal Reserve
* Set record deficit.
* Maintained the embargo against Cuba.
* Military aid to Israel.

Bill Clinton:
* Seriously expanded extraordinary rendition.
* Iraq Liberation Act.
* Appointed Alan Greenspan as Chairman of the Federal Reserve
* Failed to implement Universal Health Care
* Didn't do anything to stop Rwandan genocide
* Ramped up Drug War
* Hit Iraq with cruise missiles.
* Brought heavy influence from the military with personnel and equipment to the Drug War, often in violation of the Posse Comitatus Act.
* Doubled prison population.
* Bombed Somalia, let the entire country collapse.
* Don't Ask, Don't Tell
* Lied under oath.
* Crime Act of 1994
* "Welfare reforms" of 1996
* NAFTA
* Signed DMCA
* Kept and defended China's most favored nation trading status to "democratize them."
* The Massacre at Waco
* Bombed pharmaceutical plant in Sudan which supplied more than half its medicine and 90% of its most critical medicines, leading to countless civilian deaths from preventable diseases.
* Military aid to Israel.
* Bombed civilian targets in Yugoslavia.
* Defense of Marriage Act
* Maintained the embargo against Cuba.



George Bush II:
* Lied to the public to start idiotic war in Iraq.
* Started idiotic war in Iraq, killing many civilians.
* Appointed Alan Greenspan as Chairman of the Federal Reserve
* Began torturing "suspected" terrorists.
* Paid conservative columnists to push his policies.
* Politicized justice department
* Pushed for the allowance of offshore drilling in the Alaska National Wildlife Refuge
* Illegal wiretapping
* 9/11
* Mishandling of Hurricane Katrina
* War in Afghanistan
* Spent at least part of 1,040 days on vacation.
* No Child Left Behind
* Destroyed the budget
* Medicare drugs act
* Failed to implement Universal Health Care
* Attempted to privatize social security
* Allowed the economy to be destroyed on his watch
* Set record deficit.
* PATRIOT act
* No-bid contracts to corporations
* Secret prisons
* Commuted Scooter Libby's sentence
* Military aid to Israel.
* Politicized global warming reports
* Vetoed SCHIP and stem cell research
* Clear Skies Act
* Tried to amend constitution to ban gay marriage. Twice.
* His tax cuts.
* Established Department of Homeland Security.
* Nominated cronies to important political positions.
* Maintained the embargo against Cuba.



Barack Obama:
* Stepping up war in Afghanistan
* Under his regime, torture rates in Guantanamo have gone up.
* Set record deficit.
* Military aid to Israel.
* Failed to implement Universal Health Care
* Maintained the embargo against Cuba.
* Allowed the Banks to pretty much rape the public
* Still has yet to close Guantanamo
* chooms it up
* is a better campaigner than a better leader



And while we're talking about Presidents of the past - let's talk about a moment that I would consider a precious moment in our nations history. Scary enough, it's dealing with someone I would consider the worst president ever. One who I have constantly made plans to go to his library as well as his grave in Orange County and pissing on. Richard Nixon. From the New York Times

WASHINGTON, May 9 President Nixon left the White House shortly before dawn this morning, drove to the Lincoln Memorial and spent an hour chatting with young people who had come to protest his war policies

I don't have New York Times archives so that's all I can bring up on it now. But doesn't this seem like a remarkable thing for a president to do? For all Nixon's faults, his self-pity and his arrogance, I think it's safe to say that unlike the blissful ignorance of Reagan and Bush, he wrestled with a turbulent conscience. Who can imagine a current President doing this? Having the balls to go down to a Washington memorial at 4.a.m and listen to the concerns of America's young? It's easy to despair over what's happening to the US at the moment, but when I look back at something like this it reminds me that American Democracy means something.

Most of all that no-one is beyond redemption. Yeah, a lot of you are thinking that this was nothing more than a presidential photo op. But then again, what sort of photo op is it without a photograph of the event?



Richard Nixon was evil, let there be no mistake in the history books about that. Richard Nixon was an evil man -- evil in a way that only those who believe in the physical reality of the Devil can understand it. He was utterly without ethics or morals or any bedrock sense of decency. Nobody trusted him -- except maybe the Stalinist Chinese, and honest historians will remember him mainly as a rat who kept scrambling to get back on the ship.

In retrospect, I think I'd rather have Nixon be President-for-Life than have any or all of the ensuing administrations. Hell, if having Nixon in office would have precluded Reagan from being president, that alone is worth it. Nixon hated Reagan and probably would have had him assassinated. That in itself is grounds for me saying that sometimes some evils should be accepted.



I'm not going to try to defend the asshole but he was trying to convince Congress to pass UHC before Watergate. I guess we're just cursed to not have health care for all options anytime. Bill Clinton almost got there, but some head really blew that one and made a mess of that term of office. Nixon was also known for instituting affirmative action, pushing forward desegregation, and setting up OSHA. So there was something to come from that evil.

Just imagine that if watergate never happened Nixon wouldbe in the top 5 of the greatest presidents and he would have won that election anyway. What an error on his part to even have to go through the whole watergate situation to begin with. I guess great power does corrupt. So perhaps that's why it confuses me that we even have this day of celebration of only 44 men who have stepped up to the plate to lead us, the utterly mindless public into a better tomorrow.



Perhaps I just answered my own question there. In a nation that is full of retards and people who don't know any better and try to tell lead them is a job that I don't think any sane person would really want. It's thankless and as you can see by me pointing out all the negative events that happened on their watch, many of which are not their fault, some of which were caused by the previous administration, I guess this day should be used to think about those people in the past that made those difficult choices and had to live with the results.

So enjoy this day and try to think of one president in the history of our nation and realize how difficult their actions and choices must have been. Don't just use this day to buy a mattress or appliance.

Happy Presidents Day

Take Your Stinkin' Paws Off Me You Damn Dirty Ape! Darwin Day

Take Your Stinkin' Paws Off Me You Damn Dirty Ape! Darwin Day

Since it is Darwin Day, this topic seemed to be just right. Intelligent Design vs Evolution.



NPR, the educational choice in radio listening, went out of there way to tell us that Darwin's 200th birthday is coming up.

This year marks the 200th anniversary of Charles Darwin's birth, and to say Darwin mania is gripping England does not overstate the case.

The Royal Mint has created a Darwin coin, the Royal Mail has made a Darwin stamp set, and there are countless lectures and exhibitions throughout the country.

Bob Bloomfield is in charge of Darwin200, a program coordinating the celebration. He says there's even a group of knitters paying tribute to Darwin.

"The group created artistic knitted elements which are evocative of evolution processes," says Bloomfield. "Similarly there's a very small group also doing quilts which are doing a Bayeux tapestry of the Beagle voyage."

In other words, Darwin is not the controversial figure in the United Kingdom that he continues to be in the United States. Bloomfield says the reason for this is science has proved Darwin right.

"Unless you want to disregard the weight of evidence, there's not really a controversy," says Bloomfield. "Most difficulties come from people who have a fixed perspective on either the nature of time or either the created nature of the natural world."

But in Britain, even those who see the hand of a creator in the natural world don't have a problem with Darwin. The reason is that science and religion answer different questions, says the Right Rev. Lord Harries of Pentregarth, a member of the House of Lords and the former bishop of Oxford for the Church of England.

"Science is trying to address the question, 'How do things happen?'" says Harries. "In answer to that you get the theory of evolution. Things happen gradually over a very long period of time by natural causes. But if you ask 'Why did things happen?' Then you get a completely different answer."

It's the way of life that belongs in the spiritual domain. Harries believes the problems some religions have with Darwin and evolution come from a literal interpretation of the Bible. According to Harries, while the Bible contains profound truths, it is not word for word true.

"First of all, take the issue of the age of the Earth," says Harries. "Do people really think that the universe is only 4,000 years old when every science — chemistry, paleontology, physics, astronomy … points to, with substantial evidence, to the Earth being billions of years old and the universe more than billions of years old. So you have to ask people, do you think that the vast majority of scientists … are liars?"

The Rev. Malcolm Brown says the Church of England did have problems with Darwin's theory at first, but quickly realized it was not an attack on Christian faith. Nevertheless, by getting the first reaction wrong, "We legitimized, to some extent, later movements, particularly in the United States during the early 20th century, to raise creationism as an ideology and make Darwin a whipping boy."

The creationist ideology, now repackaged as a theory known as intelligent design, still runs strong in certain parts of America.

The University of Kansas in Lawrence actually has one of the 1,250 copies that make up the first edition of On the Origin of Species. But unlike in England, where it seems every scrap of Darwin memorabilia is on public display, this copy of the first edition stays mainly in the vault.

Leonard Krishtalka is a paleontologist and head of the natural history museum on campus. Krishtalka knows the book, with it's notions about how life appeared on Earth, is threatening to some people. And even though Kansas has grabbed headlines with its fights over teaching intelligent design as an alternative to Darwin's theories in schools, it's not a problem unique to Kansas.

"There are actually 34 states in the United States that have passed anti-evolution laws of one kind or another," says Krishtalka, "whether it's stickers in textbooks or warnings that 'Reading this book with be injurious to your mental health," whether it's California or Alabama or Louisiana. For the record, in Kansas, the teaching of evolution in schools never stopped because all of the regulation and rules that the anti-evolution segment of the Kansas City Board of Education tried to get through were never enacted."

But the fight continues. It's not a scientific fight. Science has already proclaimed Darwin the winner. It's a social tug of war. A tug of war that started 150 ago and shows no signs of abating.

America continues to prove its ass-backward mentality, and the UK is chock full of 'chavs.' however, 'chavs' aren't as dumb as the university of Kansas. Britain did something right, in all of its imperialistic glory.



This is the one that gets me though...

"There are actually 34 states in the United States that have passed anti-evolution laws of one kind or another," says Krishtalka, "whether it's stickers in textbooks or warnings that 'Reading this book with be injurious to your mental health," whether it's California or Alabama or Louisiana.

what in the mother of fuck is wrong with you, America?

There are actually 34 states in the United States that have passed anti-evolution laws

It's against the law to evolve in the US? That explains a lot. All along America has been water boarding the wrong people. I think I can explain it. People receive inadequate science education in school and do not learn critical thinking skills. These people join schools boards where they vote against adequate science education and classes on critical thinking. also they cut funding for arts and music classes so they have enough for new football jerseys.

Then again, Britain isn't looking so hot either.

More than half of the public believe that the theory of evolution cannot explain the full complexity of life on Earth, and a "designer" must have lent a hand, the findings suggest.

And one in three believe that God created the world within the past 10,000 years.

But as this chart shows... maybe that's not accurate



So I say to you, Happy Darwin day. Much like Christmas when we're bombarded with Christmas specials, all these Darwin and evolution programs the bbc have been putting out over the past few weeks have been awesome. Then again, most people only look to BBC to see Monty Python or Benny Hill.

I'm just surprised that creationist are having a hard time understanding that we evolve. Don't we see that in our full life time anyway? When you're young you grow up and you become someone entirely different. The me from 10 years ago is completely different than the me today.
Evolution. It's just that simple. It's responsible for things which are so goddamn spectacular that most just cant fathom complex parts being developed through chance, I mean hell even I cant figure out how photoreceptors developed through genetic mutation, let alone how my microwave actually cooks my Hot Pockets and that's why we have religion. Because people can't accept how fucking amazing the universe is without magic.



The worst arguments I've heard are that evolution does not explain the origin of life(even though it doesn't even attempt to) therefore it is completely false, and the "missing link", which is nit picking a whole theory and trying to render it false(even though the "missing link" only applies to humans). I also like the classic "I'm as skeptic of evolution as I am of creationism, and until there is scientific evidence for any i will believe neither". My response to that is that my book on carpentry doesn't explain how to build a car. It's two separate issues entirely.

Forbes currently has a ton of Darwin related articles. The article about social darwinism is a nice example of "I dislike this theory on a personal level therefore it must be wrong" and on a final note Did you know that Dawrin's tortoise died three years ago but lived for 176 years?

Darwin's tortoise, Harriet, dies at 176
By Tom Whipple
SHE visited three continents, inspired Darwin’s theory of evolution and made it into the record books, yet for more than a century everyone thought she was male. Harriet, the world’s oldest tortoise, has died in an Australian zoo, aged 176.

Weighing in at 150kg (24 stone) and roughly the size of a dinner table, the Giant Galapagos tortoise was considered by Guiness World Records to be the world’s oldest living animal in captivity.

John Hangar, Australia Zoo’s senior vet, said that her death came quickly. “She had been sick yesterday with, in effect, heart failure,” he told ABC Radio. “She had a fairly acute heart attack and thankfully passed away quickly overnight.”

Longevity is not Harriet's only claim to fame. Originally named Harry, some believe that in 1835, at the age of 5, she was among the animals transported from the Galapagos Islands by Sir Charles Darwin’s expedition on the Beagle.

She stayed briefly in Britain, but by the mid-1800s had found her way to more tortoise-friendly climes in the Botanic Gardens, Brisbane. She was moved to the Queensland zoo in 1980.
Related Links

Steve Irwin, the zoo owner and wildlife celebrity, said: “I have grown up with this gorgeous old girl and so have my kids. She was a grand old lady.”

Oddly enough, Steve Irwin died three months later.

In the end, I just default to the way Monty Python would solve this issue.


So enjoy this Darwin day and take a look at all the wonders we may never have an explanation for, but that doesn't mean they're not any less amazing.

In Which I Call April A Whore

In Which I Call April A Whore

Now April, this is tough for me. You should sit down for this. It’s sort of hard to say. I like you, I really do. You contain the day that I get one day closer to death. I think I know why April Showers.. it's because you’re out there whoring it up in your whore shoes! This isn’t funny, how could you April? You get around. It’s as simple as that. Oh, don’t play innocent with me. I have the proof. Let’s look at all the things you allow to take place as 'National' holidays or at the very least days of importance.

April has these month long celebrations.

Month:

• National Humor Month - Ha ha, no shit, April fools starts the month off, do we need it to be all month long? I have no idea how much Rick rollin' I could take
• International Guitar Month - I’ll go get my Guitar hero and we’ll rock it
• Keep America Beautiful Month - Earth day doesn’t cover this how?
• Lawn and Garden Month -Dogs have to have some place to piss, right?
  
• National Grilled Cheese month -Okay, I like cheese, I’ll let this one slide. DOWN MY THROAT! OOOOH YEAH!
  
• Poetry Month - Oh get this! Get the fuck out of my month!
• National Pecan Month - Cause everyone likes a nut.
• National Welding Month - Wait.. what?
• Records and Information Management Month -... I just don’t know how to bash this one.
• Stress Awareness Month - Which, oddly enough causes even more stress in itself.
  
• Sexual Assault Awareness Month - This one makes sense, as it feels my month was just raped.
• Alcohol Awareness Month - Yeah, I’m aware of it, now pour me a drink
  
• Child Abuse Prevention Month - I think every month should be this. Just saying.
  
• National Donate Life Month -So you’re not suppose to kill someone, I take it.
  
• National Kite Month - I like kites, I don’t think they deserve a month.
  
• National Car Care Month - Stop treating your car like shit, please.
  
• National Occupational Therapy Month -Scientologist need not apply.
  

You also have these celebrations that weren’t good enough to last the month. So you only get them for one quarter of the time.

Weekly Celebrations:

• Week 1 Library Week -Libraries, Not just for bums on the internet!
  
• Weekend 1 Alcohol-free weekend - Yeah, no thanks, I want to get drunk before my birthday.
  
• Week 1 Read a Road Map Week. -How about getting on the open road?
• Week 2 Garden Week -Already covered in the stupid month long thing
• Week 3 Organize Your Files Week -Data entry wasn’t enough?
• Week 3 Medical Labs Week -sure.. why not.
• Week 4 Administrative Assistants Week -Data entry sure likes to spread themselves this entire month, don’t they?
• Week 4 National Karaoke Week - Which is odd since the month starts off with an alcohol free weekend only to end with an activity that needs as much alcohol as possible.
  
• Week 4, National TV-Turnoff week - What? Crazy talk. This is my month and as someone who makes his bread and butter off TV, it’s not going off!
  

And while all those long term celebrations are enough to make you question the moral standards of the month, we get to the real reason why April is such a whore. Sometimes it even has more than one celebration per day. Here’s the list of the official days as well as what silly meaning they hold. .

Each Day:

1 April Fool’s Day - Yes, we all get it. It’s the day you can prank someone when they most likely expect it. Hey, how about this, pull a prank on someone on March 31st or April 2nd, that’ll be a real surprise.

1 International Tatting Day I thought this was tattooing at first but then realized it wasn’t that cool.

2 Children’s Book Day I guess this one is alright. It’s not the worse on the list.

2 National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day Did this really need a full day? It’s a sandwich. Maybe just keep it to a National lunch holiday.

2 Reconciliation Day Who cares if they cheated on you with your sister, the day commands you to reconciliate.

3 Don’t Go to Work Unless it’s Fun Day - we know your decision. This should just be an offical ditch day.

3 Tweed Day What the hell?

4 Hug a Newsman Day Did Harold Greene create this holiday up? John Beard perhaps? Both of those need a hug after getting fired/losing their job.

4 National Walk to Work Day - first Friday of month and really ignored in any city. Hell, even folks in he country can’t walk to work.

4 Walk Around Things Day you mean like you do every other day of the year?

4 School Librarian Day pfft, they don’t have to deal with the bums like real Librarians.

4 Tell a Lie Day The lie is that this is a holiday

5 Go for Broke Day Or just stay broke today.

6 Plan Your Epitaph Day - a little morbid if you ask me. But shit, better to be safe than sorry.

6 Sorry Charlie Day What does this one mean? You have to say sorry to every charlie you see?

7 Caramel Popcorn Day - Most likely created by a popocorn maker, or an Ecard company. Either way, you’ll pop if you don’t celebrate it.

7 No Housework Day Most home makers celebrate this day every day of the year.

7 World Health Day We can’t even get health care down for the U.S., let’s not try to get the whole world covered just so easily.

8 All is Ours Day I have no clue. I seriously have no clue.

8 Draw a Picture of a Bird Day seriously, what?

9 Name Yourself Day wait.. what?

9 Winston Churchill Day Ok, I can buy this one. The man was great

10 Golfer’s Day Because golfers need another day off to play golf?

10 National Siblings Day I’m not sure what you do here. It’s like the Mother/Fathers day for your siblings, I guess.

11 Eight Track Tape Day - do you remember those? Why would anyone?

11 Barbershop Quartet Day Celebrate something you only see at Disneyland!

12 Big Wind Day - this day blows.

12 Russian Cosmonaut Day fuck that, we beat them to the moon, sure they shot a dog into space and broke orbit, but we staged the moon landing, so give us the credit!

13 Blame Someone Else Day Who do I blame for these stupid holidays?

13 Scrabble Day Ok, I can get behind this one. Simply because I play the game. But do you need a national holiday to play it?

14 Ex Spouse Day Cause you needed a day to celebrate dumping their deadbeat ass.

14 International Moment of Laughter Day Other nations are laughing at this and our other stupid holidays.

14 Look up at the Sky Day - don’t you have anything better to do?

14 National Pecan Day Sometimes you feel like a nut, and that’s because you celebrate days like this

14 Reach as High as You Can Day This is a day to celebrate what exactly?

15 Rubber Eraser Day Someone should rub this day off the calender.

15 Titanic Remembrance Day Do not play that stupid song, do not play that stupid movie. Just no. Seriously, no!

16 National Eggs Benedict Day You have to have eggs to celebrate this day.

16 National Librarian Day They deserve a round of applause for kicking out so many homeless after taking too much time on the internet access there.

16 National Stress Awareness Day Don’t stress out about missing this day.

17 Blah, Blah, Blah Day I.. am confused. So is there a yadda yadda yadda day?

17 National Cheeseball Day Ok, I’ll support this day because I like cheese balls. To Hot Wings!

18 International Juggler’s Day - also applies to multi tasking office workers, which is stupid. Really, who doesn’t juggle a lot of things at once? People who celebrate stupid days like this one, that’s who.

18 Newspaper Columnists Day And if you’re at the LA Times, just be thankful you have a job.

18 Pet Owners Independence Day So do you let your animals run free?

19 National Garlic Day Fuck you Basil, Kiss my ass sea salt!

20 Look Alike Day In SoCal, every day looks alike with any other day. Sunny and in the 70’s.

20 Volunteer Recognition Day And if you’re getting recognition for volunteering, you’re not volunteering, you’re getting payment in the form of recognition. So yeah, this is like celebrating the unknown soldier’s day as Bob’s day.

21 Kindergarten Day Cause nothing says party like busting out the chips and kool-aid.

21 Patriot’s Day - third Monday of the month and really, we wouldn’t want the terrorist to win.

22 Girl Scout Leader Day So buy some over priced fattening cookies on this day.

22 National Jelly Bean Day And another food celebration day. This time for candy. FOR CANDY! I can understand Halloween but not this. Not this at all!

23 Lover’s Day I’m just confused as to why we need this day.

23 National Zucchini Bread Day - they hold this at a time when you are not sick
of all that zucchini. But then again, who really wants Zucchini anyway?

23 Take a Chance Day So what makes this day any different than any other? Like Valentine’s day, everyday you should be taking a chance at something. If you aren’t, then you’re really missing out.

23 World Laboratory Day NERDS!

12 Astronomy Day - Even as a space nerd I can’t stand behind this.

24 Pig in a Blanket Day We have to stop celebrating food days.

25 East meets West Day So.. what does this celebrate again?

25 World Penguin Day what?

26 Executive Admin’s Day (Secretary’s Day) I like how they had to change it because Secretary is not PC enough.

26 Hug an Australian Day No. Seriously. No! Just give them a fosters and let them talk about how it’s not really good beer from down under and how you need to drink the queen’s beer or some shit.

26 National Pretzel Day Another Holiday created by corporate America.

26 Richter Scale Day This is a Holiday? When’s 'Radiation ticker' day?

27 Babe Ruth Day So grab a bat, chug a lot of alcohol and take a couple of swings. Babe would be proud.

27 National Prime Rib Day Now this, I can get behind.

27 Tell a Story Day This should be changed to 'Tell a story WELL' day. Because I know far too many people who just tell really boring stories I want no part of.

28 Great Poetry Reading Day Really, stop being such a pussy.

28 Kiss Your Mate Day - guys, do not forget this one. Kiss her, then read her some poetry. That’ll be the sure fire thing to get laid. Don’t we have one of these back in the middle of Febuary?

29 Greenery Day What does this one even mean? We have a couple of earthy days in April already.

29 National Shrimp Scampi Day Forget Hallmark Holidays, this is a Red Lobster manufactured holiday.

30 Hairstyle Appreciation Day -This is a good one, I normally don’t appreciate the hair style I have and just wake up and go. Thank goodness for this holiday to teach me a thing or two about proper hair care.

30 National Honesty Day -Honesty, You want honest? I think all these 'special' days in the month are too much. Now

As you can see April is a dirty dirty used up whore of a month. It has no shame and it’s not even trying anymore. How can all these celebrations come in on the same month? There should be some committee that green lights these things. It’s completely insane to let all these "holidays" squeeze in there. I’m getting boned out of my Birthday by No Housework day?

I’m about to kick you out on your ass and find a new month to be born in. How could you? How could you allow so many to just plant themselves into your month and use it for all it was worth.

Have some self respect. Especially when this isn’t even counting two important days in April. The 15th being Tax deadline and the week of the 19th through the 27th that is freaking Passover. All those days and they forgot Passover?