Saturday, September 19, 2009

Jennifer's Body: Pro-Feminist Man-Eater Movie of the Year!

Jennifer's Body: Pro-Feminist Man-Eater Movie of the Year!

Oh great, yet another pop culture blog, more specifically one about a film that's by Fox. Am I going to lose my street creditability as being edgy by sounding like a total shill? I mean, I pimped out a lot of fox shows two days ago but don't worry, this one is all bashing and trashing, but most of all it's talking about the pro-feminist movement in the media! I'm sure the ladies will love this one.

Clearly as a comedy writer I'm not one to pick up on the subtle nature of films such as this, but Jennifer's Body is a feminist reversal of patriarchal horror films if I ever saw one. You see, the film clearly shows that the male gaze, which normally denies women human acknowledgment, relegating them to the status of objects, is countered when in this film, the male gaze is nothing more than an evolved predatory tactic to lure one of Jennifer's future prey into a trap by using nothing more than her sexualization. It's all college level Women's Studies 101, if I've ever seen it.

The film centers around some hot chick who eats boys and she's some olde fashioned demon or some shit. While it may be about giving women the power for a change, it's really nothing more than "Megan Fox uses sexuality to kill people." Jennifer's Body was a great movie.. when it was made over a decade ago when natasha henstridge was in it and they called it SPECIES. In Species the alien gal is evil 'cause she secretly wants aryan spacebabies. Megan Fox's character is just stereotypically slutty.

Did no one see Teeth? Teeth is a good movie about a girl biting dude's dicks off with her vagina. Teeth would have been a better movie if it wasn't about a girl biting dude's dicks off with her vag. It did feel like some of it was simply shock value to put asses into seats. It's like Jennifer's Body is the spawn between Species and Teeth fucking.

Instead of being a satire of patriarchal horror films, it's just plainly a patriarchal horror film with no redeeming qualities that Diablo Cody will be celebrated for by hipsters. So I suppose that's a win-win, right? No Oscar steals next year, baby! Then again, with the director of Aoen Flux behind the camera, I better not be doubting that underdog type finish for this film.

Megan Fox is what teenage kids made when they broke into the Disney nubile starlet factory over the weekend and started fucking with the settings. I mean, sure, Megan Fox is pretty hot. Yeah, she stands out from the ugly bitches that are usually in films. I just wish dudes got to pick the female leads in movies for once. Imagine what the world would be like if that were to happen? You would think that they'd take male interest in mind when casting female leads but they're so strict about acting ability, something that Megan Fox clearly has a lot of. I say who cares about acting ability if they have a nice rack and a tan. Am I right men?

You may remember that this movie had leaked pictures of Megan in a wet skin suit to shoot the more "racy" scenes. It is clearly an attempt to show how feminist they are by "accidentally" "leaking" some photos of the main star swimming "nude." Yup, pure feminism at its finest. If a women wants to swim nude and have photos leaked for hype, who are you to say she can't?

Has Megan Fox ever been good in any roe she's been cast in or does she just get cast because she's hot and they need the male teen audience to make lots of money on the piece of crap film they're shilling? I've only seen her in Transformers and she was terrible in it. I didn't bother seeing the second one because I valued my two hours (but not my three hours writing this blog) but it's not like she was the only bad thing about that film. Just about any not robot character was pretty bad and only had redeeming qualities in that Afro-robot with their jive talk and illiteracy and big cast iron blackbot lips. Oh what, he wasn't suppose to be black? MichaelBay, you fooled me again!

The sad part is that this film is exactly like Species but without nudity in it and set in High school. Why are you under age high schoolers even messing with this trash? Go to blockbuster (before they close[oh, topical!]) and just rent Species 1 or 2. You'll at least get to see tits in those films.

Is it sad that I honestly don't remember the last movie that was pro-feminist ideas? Silence of the Lambs comes to mind.. but not much else. Keep in mind that I'm half awake, half drunk (the nature of great writing) but I don't recall too many female empowerment films.

Revolutionary Road was pretty good, I guess. It was about how shitty being a woman in the 60's was. Is that feminist enough? She did die at the end making sure that she did what she wanted to her body, when she wanted. Though it resulted in her death via douche... Yeah, I guess it's not really a feminist movie.

I Love Lucy might be the most Pro-Feminist show ever to grace our television sets. Before I Love Lucy, Women characters were not asked to explain their actions but her husband Ricky Ricardo changed all that. It didn't need scary man-eating chicks with a desired vajajay to prove it.All she had was some 'splainin' to do.

I'm just wondering if the feminist horror movie genre can ever get back to the awesomeness that is Alien. Though I suppose it really wasn't as feminist as one would think. I mean, it was pretty pro-feminism through the movie but then it got to the point where she was alone in the escape pod with the alien and she had to strip down to her underwear and hide her pussy (Seriously, she had a cat. What did you think I meant?) to fight an alien. Why? Why did you need to degrade her to just some swimsuit model to show empowerment? Then again, maybe that scene isn't male gaze-y. It's just suppose to make her appear vulnerable so it's extra scary when you realize the alien is on the escape ship with her.

It may sound odd, but Mad Men is straight up all about female empowerment... 100% of the time. Hell, it has the most female writing staff on any television show. And while Don Draper may be jumping around from hussy to home wrecker, the fact remains that the female characters get the most character development.

Though the show does lead to moral questions. For example, the actress who plays Joan stuffs her butt and boobs for the role, which is very strange altogether because Christina Hendricks is already pretty curvy. But with this piece of information, what does that make me when I stare at her boobs?

To be honest, the most pro-feminist show on television right now has to be Tim and Eric, Awesome Show, Great Job! I'm not even joking. Take a look at it and you'll see that I'm so correct in this matter. A lot of stuff is pretty clever. The Cisco stuff especially. But I'm telling you, Pro-feminist like you never believe!

The sad part is that no matter how bad this movie is, it will be No.1 at the box office this weekend because of how much it's advertised and because Megan Fox's boobs are in it.. Diablo Cody's continued success as a writer insures her position as someone who will be heralded as "A Voice of our time"

Diablo Cody has a distinctive voice, yes that is true. While it may be easy for people to dismiss her because of words like "Freatarded" and exclamations like "Cheese and Fries!" But hey, that's just the way she rolls. And, yes, there are girls who speak that way. Why? I don't know. I just know I'll never date them.

Oh that Diablo Cody effect. United States of Tara was alright, at least the episodes she didn't write. "Honest to blog" is one of the worst phrases ever to grace the big screen. And by grace I mean Take a huge steaming shit in a paper bag and light it on fire. And if it wasn't for a majority of the awful "hip lingo" in Juno, I would have loved it even more. Ellen Page can come off as a bit too much when given that range. I don't blame her for Diablo Cody's shitty script work.

Perhaps this is a feminist movie. If that's the case I should change the spelling of Women in this post to the proper wymyn as they like it. Then again, the word wymyn is kind of sexy looking. Perhaps Zionist feminist have it all wrong in their attempt to kill the male gaze. If it wasn't for that, this film's eye candy wouldn't bring asses to the seats and make it the biggest film of the weekend.

In the end, this film has nothing to do with feminist and really is just a terrible movie under the guise of girl power that Hollywood was able to market from Megan Fox's body and Diablo Cody's witty use of words that no one ever has or will use in the history of mankind.. Especially not on a fucking hamburger phone.

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