Unfortunate iPod Engravings

Unfortunate iPod Engravings

I saw this ad today on my homepage


It struck me as kind of insulting to the person that is receiving it. But then it made perfect sense. You see, once you engrave an electronic device you can't return it, as reported by the consumerist.

Ever wonder why some places will engrave your electronics for free? It's so you can't return them. Really. That's the reason. Returns of perfectly good, non-defective merchandise account for 95% of returns and "free engraving" is a cheap, easy way to ensure that that item won't be coming back.

Back in May of this year, Sony told the WSJ that free engraving had recently saved them a million dollars.

So what, you ask? Well, if you're buying the iPod or the laptop or whatever as a gift — you might want to skip the engraving unless you're totally 100% sure that the person wants it. As in, they said to you, "Aunt Awesome and Uncle Kickass, please get me a new iPod with my name on it, pretty please???" Otherwise, you might just be causing problems for your loved one (or their parents) if they try to return or exchange the gift.

If you are currently stuck with a beautifully engraved iPod you don't want, we've heard rumors that you can try to exchange it for a more expensive one. Here's some advice from someone who claims to have done it.

Bottom line: Engraving is a cool thing for people who know they won't have buyer's remorse — but risky for a gift. Beware.

This got me to thinking that you're giving someone a gift, you better expect them NOT to return it or re-gift it without any sort of funky explanation as to why they got it engraved that way for the next guy. So since I got my mind going, I thought up some engravings that I'd like to see to ensure you can't return the gift!



"RIAA: 0
ME: 1"

"RIAA vs. [insert name]
EXHIBIT A"

"For external use only"

"Screen's on the other side, dipshit."

"Property of __________ unless you stole this, then it's yours!"



"Merry Christmas.. ps you were adopted"

"Enjoy it while you can/it'll be outdated in a year"

"Irreplaceable"

"If you lose this one you're dead"

" 8=========D "

"8===========D~~~~~~( . Y . ) "



"iRiver is not a company, you've never heard of it, iRiver doesn't exist."

"WARNING: CONTAINS SLAYER. IN CASE OF HIPPIES PRESS PLAY"

If you have a Marine to give it to than:
"There are many like it, but this one is mine."

"Warning: Do not put in eyes"

"had no idea you could engrave your iPod"



"TRAPPED IN IPOD FACTORY. SEND HELP"

"If you don't put out after
I bought this, we are done"

For those who travel a lot:
"Not a bomb. Seriously. Would I lie?"

"This is not a coke mirror. Wait, yes it is you hipster fuck."

"If you bought this on craigslist it was stolen *insert phone number* "



"From Dad: Don't see me"

"From Mom: Call me, I worry"

"Music in this iPod are cooler than they appear"

"Do not use to sing in the shower"

"If it's too loud, you're too old to have an iPod"

If you're getting one for your husband you can always put your wedding date. Just so they don't forget.

Hopefully with those helpful suggestions you can get the best possible engraving for the iPod you're about to give as a gift.