Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Hitting The Hut

Hitting The Hut

I just caught wind of some news that Pizza hut is dropping the pizza. No, you shouldn't be hopeful, they're still going to be cranking out cheese on cardboard and calling it pizza. They'll just be calling themselves a different name. You see, Pizza Hut will now be called The Hut..
Blame recession cuts. Pizza Hut is reportedly slicing the "pizza" from its name. The fast food chain will now be known simply as "The Hut."

The chain, which has recently expanded its menu beyond pizza to include pasta, could not immediately be reached for comment Friday. Media and advertising trade publication MediaWeek characterized the name change as an attempt to transform its stores into hip hangouts. There are more than 10,000 Pizza Huts worldwide.

The new "hut" stores will be more than simply places to place a delivery order, according to MediaWeek. They will include televisions that broadcast CBS programs such as "Wheel of Fortune" and "Entertainment Tonight."

The company has tried to become more hip and youth friendly in recent months. In April, it introduced the Pizza Hut "Twintern," an employee who uses the online service Twitter to update customers about store events and pop culture news.

This isn't the first time for Pizza Hut-parent Yum Brands to change the name of one of their iconic restautant chains, which include KFC and Taco Bell restaurants. In 1991, the company rebranded Kentucky Fried Chicken as KFC. Recently, to highlight the company's healthier grilled chicken offerings, the company has referred to the KFC brand as KGC.
This place has been Pizza Hut since I was old enough to know words. I don't think I could realistically go to some placed called "The Hut" and pretend like I'm ok with it. Who the fuck wants to eat at a place called "The Hut"? This is actually worse than "SyFy." That's saying a lot. It sounds like the name Dane Cook would give it. become more "hip" and youth friendly, they decide to broadcast...Wheel of Fortune. And Entertainment Tonight. Those kids sure do love Vanna White.
"So what do you guys want to do tonight?"
"Lets go hang out at The Hut and watch Wheel of Fortune"

The fact remains that the biggest patrons of Pizza Hut are old people who want to eat pizza out and little league baseball teams. They're never ever going to be a cool hangout. This whole promotion appeal to the lower classes so that they will sit around at "the hut" all day watching free CBS and eating expensive pizza. I mean, they start the sentence by claiming hip new atmosphere, and finish it with "The Price is Right." That's no where near hip.

It sounds like the atmosphere of a coin-op laundrymat more than a hookah lounge. But, to use a recent cliche, in this economy, the former will probably make them more money. FREE CBS?!? I'm so poor that I will gladly pay for "expensive pizza" for that! But then again I'm lower class so I don't know any better. Right? Then again, anyone eating at Pizza Hut is better off sucking down a quart of vegetable oil if they actually want to eat that much grease.

I do find it funny that Pizza Hut is going to new extremes to drop the Pizza aspect of their name. First in doing the Pasta promotion and then now with the Hut aspect. With thei name change we could start a pretty funny urban rumor. Much like KFC, let's just say that legally Pizza Hut has to change their name because they haven't sold a product that can be called "pizza" in about a decade.

I often like to play marketing genius. Let's see if we can come up with a history towards how this name change is going towards:

Pizza Hut
The Hut
Da Hut
As in, "I dunno, where you wanna eat?" "Duh!"
Yes I am a marketing genius. Let me try to hip up a few other restaurants.

Chipotle - The Chip
Corner Bakery - The Ner
Taco Bell - The Tac
Burger King - The Rger
In n Out - The Nout
Wendy's - Pigtail's
In 'n Out should just get it over with already and have a picture of a dick going into someones butt. There would also be a bible reference somewhere under the balls.

Because we all know that the name change will make the service better and the pizza fresher, as names always do. So why am I giving them a hard time? I dunno. I'm sort of jaded. After having Apizza Scholls it's like seeing how the other side lives. Once you go Apizza Scholls, you can't go back to normal pizza. I mean, look at this thing. It's a thing of beauty. They hand toss their own dough and once they run out, they close up shop. That's fuckin' dedication.

Let's see what Pizza hut has to offer in terms of pizza...

That sir, is a "true" work of culinary genius. I'm pretty sure you can just go to Food4Less and get a personal pizza for 78 cents. It tastes like failure, but if you have an extra dollar fifty to spend on extra sauce and a couple pieces of string cheese it only tastes like your father's disappointment.

I'm sure that if things get really bad, they could always just combine all of the shitty food together. I Present to you: KenTacoHut

Who's going to meet me there next week so we can watch Sixity minutes.

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