Thursday, June 25, 2009

Army Ads - Lying To Get You To Sign The Dotted Line

Army Ads - Lying To Get You To Sign The Dotted Line

I have to say, the worse ads I have ever seen have been those for the armed forces. These are methods to get morons to sign up for the forces to go to other countries and kill kill kill. I remember these growing up and thinking that they were pretty bad. But it has been more in my face on how utterly insane these ads are the more that I see them.

Let's take a stroll through some of these awful ads so you can see how bad they really can get.

That has to be the worse ad I have ever seen for the Marines. I mean, what the fuck does this whole lava monster mean? Back when it first was released in the 90's there was desert storm to join up for. Or did we not have a "protecting your freedom" excuse during that time? Well, I guess the lava monster is a metaphor for women and children

This one follows the same model in making you think that getting through the Marines is like going through a maze or some shit. I really don't know. Maybe they just saw Labyrinth one too many times

What the fuck is up with the sword again anyway. You're more than likely asking if you actually get a sword. Yes, you do. But you have to pay for it or if you manage to recruit five guys or something along those lines you get one for free. I'm dead serious. 5 human lives for a kickass sword is pretty good

At least this next one tells it like it is.

Yes, it's upfront with you. YOU ARE A PAWN. Then again, you may be saying that the guy who is highlighted in the ads is actually a knight. Don't mistake that, your role in this whole thing is as a pawn, the pawn that died immediately at the beginning of the ad.

This is one that goes a different route in that it questions your manhood.

The only thing I got out of that ads was that minivans are for Pussies. Only real men fly planes and open up on a playground with a mark 19.

But is there any easier target than video game players?

Especially when they make the video games themselves..

Then again, this isn't the first time these ads for the armed forces were so stupid. Look at this one from the 50's.

How about we take a look at the army ads from other countries

Oh those Japanese. Notice how it's for defense only. They're still on time out due to WWII

If that doesn't make you cry.. you have no heart and should be bombed on non-stop.

Now that is pretty funny. I'm sure you get the message in that ad. Join now and you'll get laid. Here's a little fun fact that I learned from a friend who had a lot of talks with recruiters. They told him that they would get to fuck hookers nonstop. When he didn't seem interested in the option of collecting VD's, they didn't much talk after. Then during boot camp, they made them go through a training that says that buying the services of a hooker or foreign porn might be inadvertently supporting slave trade/ terrorist. There was a lengthy scenario describing how to avoid getting suckered into supporting an industry that relied on slaves.. Ironic? I think not. Go Navy!

How about those assholes up north?

Fuuuuuuuuck, they're sinister fuckers, aren't they.

Since they have an armed force, perhaps we need someone to equal their fighting style.. so the army clearly needs women, where's the chicks?

Back in 1981 must have been really boring to be in the armed forces

Webster defines strong as having great physical power,
as having moral or intellectual power,
as striking or superior of its kind.

But with all due respect to Webster,
there's strong,
and then there's Army strong.

If there was any more reason NOT to sign up for the armed forces, it would be because Kid Rock was endorsing them

All these ads remind me of Starship Troopers

Then again, that's what they're suppose to do as Starship trooper was a parody on the propaganda that the armed forces pulls

A lot of Army ads now target parents to get them to soften up at the prospect of their child wanting to join the military.

yea mr. farmer guy, who the fuck would be nervous if they had a son dumb enough to choose a career in killing people in war that is more or less universally recognized as being stupid bullshit?

Just remember Mom and Dad... you two can be in future television spotlights if you allow your son to join the armed forces..

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