Saturday, June 6, 2009

Banning Zombies

Banning Zombies

Well, here's your monthly Zombie blog because I have a quota on at least writing about those damn undead at least once a month. On a message board I read often they actually had to ban any talk about potential zombie attacks.
Zombies. Goddamn zombies. Guess what... they're not real. The dead will not walk and we do not need three weekly threads discussing how much of a boner shooting a corpse would give you. Besides, everyone knows that the real threat comes from rogue unicorns.
Makes sense really. "Zombie" threads have been banned on some of the other gunboards because the mods and admins eventually realized that "zombie" = anyone who can't pass the paperbag test.

Speaking as a person who digs the whole zombie situations, I can honestly say that they're nothing more than a metaphor for the perception of high-density urban chaos and suburban white flight, it's only natural that a gun psychopath would latch on to them as a sanitized vehicle for their murder fantasies. All they are is just methods to shoot at a human looking target without the regret or repercussion of actually killing a "human being"

Seriously, Zombie apocalypse fiction is just survivalist shit for nerds. I'd like to put something on the Sci-fi channel. It would be a cross between that god awful Deadliest Warriors and Discovery Channel's Survivor man. It'll be a reliving of actual horror situations. Then again, Sci-fi turned into some game hybrid named Sy-fy or some shit. So that's not going to happen.

Till then I can just pull Political messages out of my ass for the Zombie situation. Because as we all know. Only our white cowboys can stay the barbarian hordes

Watch on as our brave security forces suppress lawless urban savages

We must secure the existence of our people and a future for white children.


Remember at the end of Night of the Living dead when Ben got shot by the armed militia? Maybe the real zombies... are us? At least all of those of you who are racist fucks! I mean, come on. Look at this cover!

I love the Walking Dead as much as the next guy but that cover alone just screams out a race war going on!

Really, the zombie works on multiple levels for the antisocial, gun-toting losers. First you have the post-apocalyptic fantasy of social collapse and post-social fantasies hold special appeal to people who feel as though they either don't fit in or have been denied the particular stance in their social hierarchy.

By wiping the "slate" clean(slates are, of course, black) they are given a chance to reassert their social role via rugged individualism and a reaffirmation of the power of their masculinity, both of which are culturally intergrated with gun ownership and use, the zombies as a convient target. A backdrop against this re-illumination of the ideal of manhood, a shambling, incoherent "mass" entity with no individualsim and apparently high levels of cooperation. The communist urban masses that the antisocial individualist msut rise against in order to reestablish the natural order of things.

Then again, the horror and fantasy act as distancing mechanisms through which people can "safely" and vicariously act out a variety of social anxieties and conceits. The 50's spawned a lot of these with hilarious atomic horror movies because of their nuclear paranoia, and the development of the urban-rural sociogeographical divides helped push zombies onto the stage . The original dracula story was about the fear of the Slavic "other" and the defense of the purity of anglo women. Sure it's changed a lot over the years and now has been nutered with the use of vampires in Twilight. Still doesn't change the origins.

Zombies are those socially inept lashing out. DEAD SET was the most culturally insightful Zombie films as of late highlighting the zombie rush towards reality programing and what it says about us.

Then you have things like World War Z. Which is probably the most liberal take on the situation. The world comes together to cooperate against zombie threats, Colin Powell becomes President with Howard Dean as VP and Cuba becomes an island Paradise. Not even Romero's films can touch that sort of Zombie utopia off an apocalypse scenario.

Then again, all that shit is too deep for the moment, I'm suppose to be away from the computer. So I'll save all that deep shit for another blog. As if I need more blog fodder.

Then again, Maybe these fine folks should join me as I move to Boston. It seems that the Boston Police are willing to warn the public about a zombie uprising. At least they are on twitter. Which with the way that society is going is going to be the only means of communication come another five years.

Boston_Police: INJURED OFFICER: Officer from district 4 transported to Beth Israel Hospital, human bite to arm, suspect in custody.

willcady: @Boston_Police if that was a zombie bite, would you tell us?

Boston_Police: @willcady Yes, absolutely

Boston police. I tell you. I wonder how they tell the difference between drunk Red Sox fans and Zombies? It really does bring a new meaning to the Green Monster. Unless of course the zombie actually looks gray and gross. Then they could totally change the name.

But if you're like me, you don't trust the po-po. You should find your own means to protect yourself from zombies. How about a plant?

Besides being an addictive game, it's really a funny concept. I have some gardening gloves that promote this game now and I think I'll do some planting.

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