Saturday, June 20, 2009

Shitty Tattoos Return

Shitty Tattoos Return

It's hard to escape it, really. I mean. I will gladly continue to open up with the tattoo question on why I don't have one. The real reason is because I'm not going to commit to one image on my body for the rest of my life. I can't even remember what I was into and enjoyed five years ago, let alone what I will enjoy or find witty enough to keep on my body thirty years into the future.

These following folks, on the other hand, will gladly know the answer to that.. they will have shitty tattoos on their body. Now let's take a look at their crappy tattoos and learn that the body is not something to fuck with.

First up is Taco Bear. No, I didn't type Taco Bell wrong. In someone's mind I suppose they misheard the name and in their drunken stupor just rolled with it. But then they went ahead and figured that they would come up with the design of a bear enjoying tasty tacos. This is the end result.

Then we got this gem. She got this from a guy who shoehorned a jay and silent bob reference into his deviantart url. she admits it looks 'sketchy as hell if u havent seen the art' but perhaps thats because the art is sketchy as hell and she is some sort of retard who would rather use a shitty sketch than take the (awful) idea and have another artist redraw it to make it work better for a tattoo. oh and she got it smack dab between her tits. welp. Hope you enjoy having a penis shaped blender between your tits.

Though I guess it's a worse than the other tattoo she got that has secret meaning to it

get it. a square. on her hip. hip to be square. get it. She also apparently does that annoying air quotes thing so much she thought it woudl be agood idea to get actual apostrophes tattooed on her fingers in white ink. no, you wont really be able to see them but im sure next time she air quotes something she will really enthusiastically airquote the shit out of it and desperately look for someone to notice her shitty tattoos.

I'm not sure if it says Hold Fast or Mold Fast. Perhaps he's concerned with how long he has before the food in his fridge spoils? You would think that if you were getting something on your body that you'd want to make sure that it can be read with ease.

No, it's in step. But the real question is how much will you be able to read of it when he's out of shape. Will it look like a mushy pile of ink? Either way, foot tattoos are a little strange. Maybe it's because I'm not a hippie who only wears sandals, but I don't see all that many openings to show off your feet to anyone other than at the beach.

Many dumb tattoos can be blamed on drinking too much. This one is a direct result of drinking too much..

Nothing is more cool than a dragon tattoo. Not unless you count a dragon tattoo wrapped around a sword. Swords are awesome! They're sharp and they can cut things. Too bad you can't cut coolness with this.

While I enjoyed most of Lost for what it is, these fine folks decided that the number mystery was too much and they must simply get a tattoo reminding them of how awesome it is. I'm sure in twenty years the lotto numbers will be exactly these and then 20 thousand nerds will have to share the winnings.

Those aren't bug bites. This person is trying to relive the awesomeness that is Predator by mimicing that their leg is about the blown off by a Predators laser gun. Way to be cool, homie.

Star Wars nerds know no bounds. This one looks like an average lightsaber tattoo. Nothing strange about it, right?

Wrong. At night it lights up with the help of UV light. So you know this douche walks around everywhere with a UV light on his keychain showing this off.

This one... speaks for itself.

I'm not entirely sure I know what Hug Life is all about. I do know that I don't want any part of it.

While I love this state very much, I would not bother writing its name on my arm. What with the whole state budget in the shape that it is in and all.

Now the person with the next two I know. She's a nice person and hell, she let me share a room with her during one year at comic con when I wasn't able to book a room for myself. But I wouldn't be fair and balanced if I didn't point out the obvious in this stuff.

Take notice on where Link is jumping from. Her crotch. I have to say that after growing up playing the Zelda franchise I don't like to picture Link jumping out of someone's crotch. I remember that game all too well. I know what I would do when I was bored in the game. I would run around with Link and start slashing at bushes. Maybe I should stop with that metaphor while I'm ahead...

Here's a profile shot and notice that she has the Zelda life bar meter on her upper chest. Yes, that's pixeled hearts right there. I guess that's not a shitty tattoo. But I do have to wonder if she'll still like the game franchise or if she'll even remember when she's old and those hearts look like little lip stick smeared marks.

But hey, she did house me during comic con, so I can give her a pass, right? As for the other people's tattoos I pointed out in this blog. Fuck 'em. They're losers for getting those tattoos. Wait, let me correct myself. They're losers for getting those SHITTY tattoos.

Me on the other hand, I'm looking to get this tat'ed all on my back


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