Saturday, June 27, 2009

Autobots: Transform And Slow Your Roll

Autobots: Transform And Slow Your Roll

First off, if you waited in line on Tuesday night to watch this movie, go ahead and go kill yourself before you continue reading this piece. No, I'm serious. You went to a god damn midnight screening for this piece of shit? You're a worthless human being.

Anyway, remember how in the first Transformers movie they had wacky fat black character and Jazz was a black robot. Add in that he was the only one that got killed as well as all those hilarious Indian call center jokes? Well, Transformers 2 bumps it up a notch there, buddy. Because you know what a sequel mean. More of everything! Woooooo! And when you have Michael Bay in the mix, all bets are off. Let's turn that racism dial up to 11 and see what happens!

why does a robot need teeth?

best not to go full tard, man.

Transformers' Jive-Talking Robots Raise Race Issues
SANDY COHEN | June 24, 2009 12:57 PM EST | AP

LOS ANGELES — "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" introduces some 40 new mechanized characters of all shapes, sizes and even sexes _ but it's a pair of jive-talking 'bots that critics are singling out as more than just harmless comic relief.

Skids and Mudflap, twin robots disguised as compact Chevys, constantly brawl and bicker in rap-inspired street slang. They're forced to acknowledge that they can't read. One has a gold tooth.

As good guys, they fight alongside the Autobots and are intended to provide comic relief. But the traits they're ascribed raise the specter of stereotypes most notably seen when Jar Jar Binks, the clumsy, broken-English speaking alien from "Star Wars: Episode I _ The Phantom Menace," was criticized as a racial caricature.

sheeeit nigga we got dat all spark
Michael Bay had an interview with the Associated Press were he was made to defend himself against racial allegations. These charges steam from two of Bay's secondary robot characters, Mudflap and Skids. People seem to think that these two characters promote offensive racial stereotypes. Michael Bay does not disagree, he just doesn't see anything wrong with it.

These two robots have all the trimmings from enormous jug ears, bug eyes, and a enormous gold tooth sticking out of one of their faces to speaking in high pitched voices that remind you of Chris Tucker in Friday. Mudflap and Skids are voiced by Black actor Reno Wilson, and comedian and voice talent Tom Kenny. The dialog suggests that the two robots will start popping a cap in another robot.

"We're just putting more personality in," Bay told the Associated Press. "I don't know if it's stereotypes - they are robots, by the way. These are the voice actors. This is kind of the direction they were taking the characters and we went with it."

New York times critic Manohla Dargis wrote that the characters speak with "conspicuously cartoonish, so-called black voices that indicate that minstrelsy remains as much in fashion in Hollywood as when, well, Jar Jar Binks was set loose by George Lucas."

Michael Bay goes on to defend himself by stating: "I purely did it for kids, Young kids love these robots, because it makes it more accessible to them."
Outside of the movie theater where I was watching Away We Go... you know, something that shows movies can be good, I overheard the following from folks coming out of the transformers screening:
"them two nigger robots was the best part."
Then I heard them called Decepticoons and the Jiggabots. Totally classy. I guess when you see these robots in action, that really is the only reaction you can have. Want to see a snippet?

Yeah... way to go, Bay. Them there robots don't read much. How about a Hasidic robot who rads the Torah? Persian robot that transforms into a chariot and shoots Neda. Maybe an Italian robot that rapes female robots and is covered in a thin layer of grease.

Michael Bay is the worst filmmaker but is okay because it serves as a cultural litmus test exposing the dumb among us. The only tool useful for pointing out tools is Ed Hardy clothing. But movies this bad are cultural treasure troves that pack in all the worst elements of our society crystallized for entertainment value, like a rare geode that you crack open only to find that it's full of baby spiders.

Transformers 2 is 2 hours of US Military porn, Megan Fox being ludicrously hot, a Transforming SR-71 Blackbird , some forced funny lines and terrible acting from Shia Leboeuf, utterly mind-blowingly bad and undeterminded CGI. It is 2 hours of utter mindless entertainment. I suppose that appeals to some.

In the first movie that Even Stevens dude hit on Megan Fox by saying there was "More than meets the eye" to her. And they made a sequel based off that.. yeah.. I know.. it's a terrible terrible world.

But hey, since we're on Megan Fox (Hey now, who wouldn't want to be?) Let's talk a bit more about her. Remember, she claims to be a feminist:
How did you feel about being sexualized like that when you were 15?
I thought it was awesome. I was going to a Christian high school and I wasn’t a feminist yet. I hadn’t sat back and analyzed society yet. I was 15! I just did what I was told to do.

What did your parents think?
My mom was with me! I was always übersexual, so she wasn’t shocked. I was always wearing the smallest clothes I could find. I would go to the mall like that — in a short, short skirt and a giant wedge heel. That’s what you do when you’re a teenage girl in a small town.

Do you think you’re good-looking?
Well, I’m clearly not ugly.

There have been a lot of comparisons between you and Angelina Jolie.
I think it’s a lack of creativity on the media’s part. Because I have tattoos and dark hair and I was in an action movie? That’s as far as the similarities extend. I’m not the next anyone.

You’ve said you’re afraid of her.
I was joking! She always seems otherworldly in her power and her confidence. I’m sure she has no idea who I am. But if I were her, I’d be like, ”Who the f— is this little bulls— brat who was in Transformers that’s going to be the next me?” I don’t want to meet her; I’d be embarrassed.

What’s the worst-case scenario [for your caeer in five years]?
Umm…that I’d be on The Hills?
I suppose I could link you to the full thing on Entertainment Weekly's site. I mean, the stuff that spew out of her mouth are hilarious. Here's another snippet.
EW: You've only done a couple of movies, so you're still mostly known as a sex symbol rather than an actress.

Fox: It doesn't bother me. I don't know why someone would complain about that. That just means that the bar has been set pretty low. People don't expect me to do anything that's worth watching. So I can only be an overachiever. I think all women in Hollywood are known as sex symbols. That's what our purpose is in this business. You're merchandised, you're a product. You're sold and it's based on sex. I think women should be empowered by that, not degraded.

Here are some more choice quotes from the 23-year-old actress:
Megan Fox: I happened to be such an outrageous personality that people wanted to start writing about me because it was deemed controversial.

I think most people are extremely insecure. As far as girls go, I have a really badass personality. I'm smart and I can be really funny and interesting and I can go toe-to-toe with anybody in a conversation. So I'm not afraid to speak, and I think that's what people read as this überconfidence. I have a mouth and I'm not afraid to use it.

Women seem to have an issue with you. Do you get that impression?

Sure, for the same reason they didn't like me in high school. I come across as confident and they assume that means that I think I'm hot shit. And that makes them feel bad about themselves and so they hate me.

You also said that when you go to Hollywood parties you feel like chum to these creepy older guys...

I notice them circling me and deciding what their plan of attack is going to be, and I think that's because I have this image of this little sex kitten — this oversexed wild child. So they think that I'm ready to throw down. And so everybody wants to try and, like, get in there. And I'm actually not that way at all.
tldr: überbrainless Megan Fox is shallow human garbage setting back gender roles by 5 decades. Don't believe me? Look at her quote from her days working on the set of Bad Boys
Megan Fox: I got paid extra because if you allow them (crew) to put water on you, you get paid extra. I got probably 600 dollars. "I thought it was awesome. I was going to a Christian high school and I wasn''t a feminist yet... I just did what I was told to do.
That was as an extra in Bad Boys 2. Michale Bay is her abuser. Just remember that the next time you see all the uber hot looking women in a Michael Bay film. They get paid extra to get hosed off.

So there you go. Transformers 2: Racism and Sexism. Then again, when did I become such a prude? It's just that if you've read those interviews you'll get a fine whiff of superficiality. She's a PG-13 pornstar who thinks actresses are empowered by only getting typecast into eye-candy sex roles. She's a self-described feminist who is clueless about feminism and is actually harming the feminist cause with her exclusive "total slut" roles in mass media (quotation hers), would lead me 2 believe she is at best willfully ignorant and at worst a greedy narcissist.

Mass media such as movies can have the power to change minds and attitudes. as for responsibility, any celebrity or public figure is viewed by millions of malleable minds, and their actions and attitudes can either maintain the status quo (Hollywood's White Patriarchy) or shift it toward a more egalitarian society. since we already know her next movie (she's a 16 year old "total slut" who has an orgy with a group of men) its safe to assume she prefers the patriarchy.

Hell, the fact that me, as a guy, would bring up how awful she sounds as a feminist when I've talked so much about the issue would show that she's pretty god damn awful when it comes to talking about all that. It's just a matter that why bother with this PG-13 porn with Linkon Park as the soundtrack when for the same shitty story, you're better off watching actual porn.

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