Woman Beats Armed Snake To Death

Woman Beats Armed Snake To Death

I woke up today and thought to myself SHIT, I'M LATE FOR WORK! but besides the fact that I was late for work, I thought to myself that I haven't done any news pieces that actually mattered. Sure, I was covering a lot of the stupid pop culture stuff with the Kanye West shit and then there's always the Health Care and Homosexual sides that I cover which... let's put it this way, are pretty old hat for this blog, right? So I went out and looked for the best story that would give me that sense of journalistic integrity.. Sadly I only came back with this.

Women Beats Armed Snake To Death.

An elderly Chinese woman who discovered a snake with a clawed hand protruding from its body was so scared she beat it to death, according to reports.

Xiu Qiong Duan, 68, told the SINA Beijing news agency she woke up in the middle of the night to find the snake clinging to the wall of her bedroom.

"I woke up and heard a strange scratching sound ... at first I thought it was thieves" she said.

"I turned on the light and saw this monster working its way along the wall using his claw."

Ms Duan, from Suining in southwest China, said she then grabbed a shoe and beat the snake to death.

She reportedly preserved its body in a bottle of alcohol which she gave to the Life Sciences Department at China's West Normal University in Nanchang.

Snake expert Long Shuai said the discovery of the creature, which is 40cm long and the thickness of a little finger, was "truly shocking".

"We won't know the cause until we've conducted an autopsy," she said.

You thought I was joking with the title? It may sound like a pun but it's the god honest truth. Look at that snake, it has a fucking arm. One specifically. And she did beat it to death. Beat it to death gooooood!



I think I speak for everyone when I say that this scares the living shit out of me. It does sound like it has eaten something that has punched it's way out of the snake's side, but no... it's an arm on a snake and it used it to make its way along a wall. Run for your fucking life, the shit just got real and I wont be sleeping tonight. It's clearly a thing from your nightmares.

You decide. Caused by Toxic waste or just a bizarre mutation due to evolution? What's next? Spiders with Wings? How about if sharks grew legs? That would be freaky. I suppose if sharks ever started to walk on land in our lifetime, mine would be cut short. With a bullet. Half of me wants to burn it with fire. The other half thinks it's kind of cool. Like a real-life Trogdor. Burninating the countryside.... TROGDOR!!!!!!



Let's see if we can make some sense about this via religion. If God took away legs from snakes as punishment for sins, is a snake with leg(s) a holy snake? Man, if that's the case, this lady doesn't know what she is dealing with.

As a scientifically minded person, I'd like to say that if I had seen that thing in my house that I would have made every attempt to capture it so it could contribute to finding in biology but in reality I would have screamed like a little girl and battered it into a paste with a shovel. When I start shovelin' at something, I don't stop until I'm sure it's dead.


It was the one-armed snake

Then again, that hand looks so inviting. As if it's something you want to just high-five. Once I get past the fear that it's causing, I do sort of want to high-five that snake. I mean, how does a snake grow an arm anyway? I know you may not have paid attention during school, but that doesn't mean we all were sleeping in class or passing notes to Marisol trying to ask them out...

Snapping out of it now, here's how it works. Snakes have dormant genes for both arms and legs. In rare instances they may activate. It's a process called Atavism. While uncommon, yes, snakes have been known to show up with legs every now and then, but I don't know if they're usually was well formed as the one in this story. So yes, it's called atavism.


Not cool... lady.

At the end of it all, I don't think anyone of you would have done anything different. You see an armed snake in your place, you're running in horror. Even without the arm, you'll be running like a pussy or throwing knives at it. It clearly has to be a horrible demon mutant from hell and murder is the only valid response.

But it does bring to light a good question. Would this have happened if the snake was armed... Oh wait. har har.