PAUL RUDD - AMERICA'S ASS

PAUL RUDD - AMERICA'S ASS

No Paul, you're really America's ass and I love it. The man is comedic gold in the most effortless way as well as completely ageless in every possible way. I'm not sure how he does it but I'm pretty sure the real Avenger that everyone wants to be like is Paul Rudd.

Now here's more proof why.

A SONG OF FIRE AND VANILLA ICE

A SONG OF FIRE AND VANILLA ICE 

Well, it's the day. This is going to be a shit show of a fucking Game of Thrones episode where you'll probably have all of your favorite characters at the edge and cliffs of potential death. So, how about we just add so sort of levity to this whole thing and try not to get so emotionally, cause this shit is going to be very very rough....

JENNY OF OLDSTONES

JENNY OF OLDSTONES 

This weekend's Game of Thrones episode may have been more set up to the epic battle of Winterfell that is about to happen, and it's a given that it will be a hard fought battle with the potential of huge amount of failure and death.

But the song that they sang in it was both beautiful and it probably has a lot of foreshadowing of all the dancing that will be done in the crypt tomorrow. The song, which is basically the song for House Targaryen and a huge hint at what tomorrow's high death count will be like.



So enjoy while I coast right in to just another sort of lazy ass blog post.

AVENGERS ENDGAME - DON'T TALK TO ME

AVENGERS ENDGAME - DON'T TALK TO ME 

I mean, look, the guy isn't wrong.

My boyfriend sent me a very sternly worded note about our cinema trip to see #AvangersEndgame tomorrow. Mad because I thought it was just date night 😩🤷🏽‍♀️ pic.twitter.com/ZWfsCwRqV7

— Kamilla Rose (@KamillahRose) April 24, 2019

A little crass? Perhaps, but I say again, he isn't wrong. After Endgame, I'm sure a lot of us will need a solid half hour to contemplate the meaning of it all. I mean, you can only expect at least that much after 11 years of Marvel Movies building up to this.


What I'm saying is.. HE ISN'T WRONG.

AVENGERS ENDGAME

AVENGERS ENDGAME 

No spoilers, you shouldn't ruin the Endgame for anyone. But 11 years later, we reach the end of this run on this story today. I'm crazy excited. So I'm not going to say much today other than just leave this video....



I'M GONNA FEEL SO MANY FEELS TONIGHT

PRESIDENT DUTERTE HAS A BIG DICK

PRESIDENT DUTERTE HAS A BIG DICK 

I'm sort of confused why we don't hear this sort of thing about Trump more often, but it looks like the Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte just likes to tell everyone that he has a huge dick.

After calling opposition senatorial candidate, Chel Diokno "Ugly", something that he has done many times already, Duterte then said that a man is measured by his character. He then said that a man's good looks won't matter if he has a small penis. This is also not the first time he talked about this. He would have been unhappy if God gave him a tiny penis, he went on to say. The crowds laughed as they typically do.

But Duterte continued on about his dick size that during his trips to the YMCA as a student, he would draw admiration while walking around nude. That he thanks his father for gifting him a long dick genes.

Yup, I'm just... eh... not sure how great it is to talk about it like that. It's something to be a grower and not a shower.  Then again, Duterte is just a piece of shit and we can leave it at that.

INFLUENCERS ON VACATION

INFLUENCERS ON VACATION 


Tired of dealing with wannabe-instagram "influencers" begging for free shit in exchange for promoting the target of free shit's items, the owner of a beach club in the Philippines decide to take a stand against this stupid action. The manager and co-owner of the White Banana Beach Club on the island of Siargao, Gianluca Casaccia went ape shit at the whole subgroup of leaches in the blogosphere saying
"We are receiving many messages regarding collaborations with influencers, Instagram influencers, we kingly would like to announce that White Banana is not interest to collaborate with self proclaimed influencers and we would like to suggest to try another way to eat, drink and sleep for free. Or try to actually work for a living."

It has gotten to the point where these freeloarders would write shit like "Hi, I'm an influencer, we like your place, we're staying from XXX in February to XXX February, we're three people, you provide food and drinks and we draft an Instagram post and we tag you on our story."

The thought that was your big business model for gathering brand appeal and promotion is fucking crazy. It just goes to show that everyone now a days thinks they're some play maker that can get away with asking for something for literally nothing.

Then again, this shit isn't anything new. Photographers, editors and other media content folks who try to get your material in exchange of "exposure". Yelpers who fucking gave the noun yelper a terrible name because they were demanding little shits.  Influencers is just the new normal of shit heads trying hard to be relevant

This does bring to light the nature of the whole concept of the so-called influencers. Many people just assume because they bought a lot of bots or have a lot of follows that they some how make a difference to anything now. We live in this Kim Kardasian world were folks just want to be famous for existing and it's really sad.

Some got offended by being called out and suggested that their social media manager should have handled it a lot better, but fuck that. you need to cut the weeds in order to survive and the only way you'll do that in this case is by making it as obvious as possible that you aren't handing out free shit to freeloaders.

Even the concept that influencers can provide a huge boost of recognition to the location seems far fetched because now with the digital age, you don't need someone else to prop you up and promote you as much given the fact that there's so many other ways to get promotion for your business in the digital age.

YOU'RE THE WORST - THE END

YOU'RE THE WORST - THE END

Now, there's going to be some spoilers in here, but given the fact that you weren't watching this FXX series in it's fifth year, does that really matter?

What does matter is that the show came to a conclusion this week and I can honestly say that I have never seen a show end on a more perfect note that it promised and that was true to the characters as this one did. So much so that Stephan Folk really made the best possible choice for his Dramady sort of romantic comedy and that it ended with being as true to the characters as possible. All too often in romantic comedies, the ending is sort of a quick left turn that you sort of expect to see. Not in this case. While it did have a sort of "Happy Ending", it did so in its own way and I love it so much more for what it did and how it pulled it off.

First off, the characters didn't get married. Let's just say that. They choose to remain together. Everyday choosing to remain in one another life. That, is, well, too true for our generation. The social aspect of marriage, through the decades of increasingly high rates of divorce and the perception that a piece of paper and a vow made in a very expensive day of celebration doesn't mean shit in terms of a bond between two people. In current day it can be broken with the simplest of one side just not wanting it anymore and walking away.

The show was very true to that, and true to the characters, which is something that fully makes me respect and love this ending as much as I do. It knew how to tie a bow to the life of these characters in terms of the story we were seeing and how it would have come to an end. Not like a forced romantic comedy happy ending. These folks are flawed, extremely flawed. But they want to be with one another and going through the whole wedding as some significant ritual was not something they would do.

I have many friends who are also in that situation. Or at least the one where they have kids and basically live life together with one another as if they were married but they are not. This isn't strange and it's not taboo. It is the new normal in the evolution of marriage. Something that is a good thing. Hell, less than 70's years ago the idea of a divorce in the family structure would have been something completely crazy. What would happen to the children and all that. But now it's pretty common to live with someone until you just don't want to continue that relationship any more. Does it make love mean less? Nah. It really doesn't. It is a choice and it's about time that everyone was equal in having that choice to make on their own.

So yeah, I mean, there you go. If you haven't seen this show, it's probably one of my favorite shows as a whole. With moments that are often too real and you'll relate in ways that you probably aren't proud of, to just having a sense of enjoyment in how the characters interact with one another. 

VACCINE SIDE-EFFECTS - NEARLY WIPING OUT HPV

VACCINE SIDE-EFFECTS - NEARLY WIPING OUT HPV

For all of you that just are anti-vaccination, well, you're probably not going to be reading this blog anyway. So me wasting my breath in talking to you would just be better suited in something productive.

But researchers have discovered that the vaccine had led to a 90% cut in pre-cancerous cells and basically those who took the vaccine will be the generation that starts to get more immune to at least this cancer risk. It's great to see that those who were smart 10 years ago are

In the UK, schoolgirls routinely receive HPV vaccine when they're 12 or 13, and for that, it's actually doing some solid good. In Scotland, 90% of the crisis. Their studies concluded that the HPV vaccination program has led to a dramatic reduction in preinvasive cervical disease. So basically, stop trying to prevent progress, you fucking assholes.

CAUSE I'M THE TAX MAN

CAUSE I'M THE TAX MAN 

A funny thing happened ever since Trump became President. You see, twice as many companies are now paying zero taxes under his new tax plan. For all those fuckers complaining about social aid users getting free milk and cheese and basic goods at the market to feed their family, twice as many corporations are just riding off into the sunset

Yup the tax cuts and jobs act lowered the corporate tax rate from 35 percent to 21 percent. In its first year, the number of companies paying NO TAXES went from 30 to 60. Well, if that's not making America great again, I don't know what is.

So while you're scrambling as a taxpayer to make that last minute payment due to the IRS today, many of the country's largest publicly held corporations are dong a lot better, they're reporting that they owe absolutely nothing on the billions of dollars in profits they earned this last year. Isn't that great! That number is more than twice as many as was found last year. So hey, thanks new tax law that went into effect. you're the real winner here.

On a side note, fuck the state.

GAME OF THRONES

GAME OF THRONES 

Well, the season is finally here. The last of the series in a hand full of episodes. This will be epic, this will be grand. This will be something else entirely and if you spoil it for anyone, someone's gonna die.

Besides all the characters you hope wouldn't. Hey, this is Game of Thrones, yo. That's how shit works. Anyhow, here's something light and funny to fill your time as I totally avoid writing about today since I'm both at Dapper Day and gearing up for a screening party.



Goddamn if the Hound isn't the best character, then you're a bloody fucking cunt that doesn't deserve to have an opinion come out of that cunt mouth of yours.

GUAC? THAT'LL COST A LOT EXTRA

GUAC? THAT'LL COST A LOT EXTRA

Before I get into this topic, can we just talk about why any place needs to say that Guac will cost extra anymore? I mean, we all know it's not going to be a standard option anywhere. It's always extra and for a good reason - it's fucking good. But it's also just a premium item and anyone who assumes that it doesn't cost a small fee more is just a fucking idiot anyway. Listen, it's just the way of life as a certainty. Death, taxes and guac will always cost extra.

Then again, if Trump's latest veiled threat that is really just another way to have Russia disrupt the U.S Economy as closing the boarder crossing in general would fuck up a lot of commerce. For example, avocados will be pretty much fucked. So much so that according to growers, the U.S. would run out of avocados in three week's time if that happened.

But more important than that, beyond Guac, the entire automotive industry would shut down in a matter of a week if the Mexican boarder was to shut down. Which makes Trump's threat, be it an empty piece of shit one, just that much more ignorant and that more of a threat on our global position. I wonder how the average trump supported just assume that we can go back to only making American when the reality is that the parts that we put all those cars together with or even the other products that everyone used to be proud that it was made in America with just come from all over the world..

But I guess that's the problem. No one really thinks about the small things that you basically have to deal with in making the whole big picture thing.

Either way, I guess Guac may be more expensive to put on your burrito and that's what really matters, right?

DARKLORD FUNK IT UP

DARKLORD FUNK IT UP

Universal is finally embracing the dark side of the Harry Potter Universe. In which Universal Hollywood is finally getting some deatheaters out and about to scare up the crowd of Hogsmeade. A practice that J.K. hasn't wanted to do with the theme parks as she has taken it that Hogwarts not be apart of Horror Nights in the Halloween season.

The closets we have gotten was Universal Tokyo having a bit of fun with deatheaters. But now Universal Hollywood has a Dark Arts projected show and, well, I'm looking forward to it. The preview event was last night and today and, well, I had my fill of Butterbeer in all its glory. The darklord has been kind to me in such fashion. Here's my liquor goblet, just fill it up, yo.

Anyhow, I didn't feel like writing much today, on account that this weekend will be hell-a busy with Harry Potter, Game of Thrones and Dapper Day, so just enjoy this.



Darklord funk you up, indeed.

NETFLIX WANTS TO BUY THE EGYPTIAN

NETFLIX WANTS TO BUY THE EGYPTIAN  

Gonna go out on left field and say that this is probably a bad idea. The famous Egyptian theater in Hollywood is the latest target that Netflix wants to own. And I guess it's because they have been dealing with a situation that if the Hollywood Guild has their way, movies that AREN'T in theaters aren't going to be allowed the privilege of getting awards glory. So you buy the theater and you can check that shit off your list as you do a limited couple of nights screening of your film at this theater and there you go.

So what's all the bad that could happen from this? Let's go back a way. Studios owning theaters was probably one of the most clearest examples of vertical intergration, that is to say, a cautionary tale in the whole monopoly aspect of this field. We literally have done this before and it was complete shit and why the fuck would we dare do it again?

So I see Netflix owning a theater as something that can completely go fuck itself with their in home-made content. I want a streaming service to do one fucking thing and that one thing is only to stream as much of the existing content to me it owns as possible in my home. I wish they'd work on that core aspect of the whole thing. If they have a show, have all the seasons of that show for me to tackle whenever the fuck I want. I wish they'd work on the core

I guess they just want to show that they have "Respect" for old school cinema, but this is not the hill that they should try to die on because fuck you, it's a historic theater.

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY FOR A BALL GAME

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY FOR A BALL GAME 

It's baseball season, and it's really my favorite time of the year. I just love the smell of the game in the area, the way the stadium looks and feels

99 mph shouldn't move like that. 🤯 pic.twitter.com/MHx38w33TS

— MLB (@MLB) April 3, 2019

Then he was back to do it again

José Alvarado's other 2 Ks were just as filthy. pic.twitter.com/ryMceGxB9f

— MLB (@MLB) April 3, 2019

Oh my goodness, the way that ball moves. It's just too much. That is some crazy late breaking movement on that ball that is already going 99 miles, I just can't really understand how it moves that way.

Anyhow, catch me at a ball game this season, cause damn it, I want to go out to a ball game.

I MADE IT THROUGH THIS YEAR, IF IT KILLED ME

I MADE IT THROUGH THIS YEAR, IF IT KILLED ME 

I'll be blunt and say that today is April 7th, 2019 and I have come a long way since April 7, 2018. Back then it was a rough time. I mean, really rough. My relationship of almost 10 years just basically ended in not a bang, but a whimper. A lame ass "take a break" which was just a chicken shit method to slowly rip off the bandaid of the relationship a week before.

But this was already known. What was also known was that for the past four years prior to that I had been dealing with the death of my father, who I had a huge amount of unresolved issues with and who left a mess the likes of which only a hurricane could rival.

What I didn't know was that the year was not done with me. The following year would test me to no end in my ability to handle some bullshit that was thrown at me. In the way of a foreclosure situation with my Mother's home and then dealing with a fraudulent investment she made with a neighbor that I had to do a lot of work to collect. On top of that I was still trying to salvage the relationship as best as I could and be the supporting partner that I had been for the last ten years of the relationship.

Late in the year when I finally resolved the foreclosure and the money was attained, my mother had a huge health scare that rocked me and for the following months weighed me down in helping in ways that broke me and tested me to no end. Life can not be said to be kind to me on any of these things. 

I can honestly say, breathing in the air of now being 39, that nothing was handed to me. This was one of the most difficult years I have ever endured. But I did it. So while I've posted this before, I look back at laugh at me back then not realizing how bad it could get and more to the point, how much I can endure and survive through. Because I did. I fucking did. You hear that, life?  Fuck you.

SEVEN DAYS UNTIL WE'RE BACK IN THE REALM

SEVEN DAYS UNTIL WE'RE BACK IN THE REALM

Only seven more days until Game Of Thrones airs the last of the episodes and we come to the conclusion of this epic series. So hey, here's a little bit of a leisure day of writing as I'll distract you with no blog post with this fountain show.



For the Throne... how about from another angle.

LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE

LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE

Lately I have heard a lot of folks telling me that they see my social media and think that I'm living the best life I could be. That I'm a true Renascence sort of man to just be a jack of all trades and well, just flat out taking in all these awesome experiences.

The truth is, I don't know if this is my best life. I mean, I'm enjoying it and I'm letting my creative side come out a lot more these days for myself, but am I living my best life? I think the issue really at hand is that you don't know if you're truly happy until you basically gotten through it and then it's still another chase in trying to get the next thing that brings you happiness. It's a strange sort of constant worry that you keep going after.

It makes sense, I mean, if you have nothing to starve for, no drive.... then you die. That's why retirement really sucks. You do nothing. You don't have your hobbies anymore. But, you know, you need that drive. But that drive is the same thing tricking your mind into the concept that you aren't happy to make you go after it.

Pretty sick if you ask me.Vicious cycle. Now I'm just trying to do the best for myself to keep my enjoyment for the moment and keeping in the moment to make sure I'm aware that I am living not only for the best life for myself, but being aware that I have been doing a solid amount of things that should make me proud that I am doing it.

Living my best life, one day at a time.

KING NABONDIUS WAS EMO AS FUCK

KING NABONDIUS WAS EMO AS FUCK 

King Nabonidus wasn't about getting stood up, as you can find in the discovery from the Liberty University through this 6th century BCE Neo Babylonian king's break up letter ever discovered.

Yes, that's right. We seem to have proof of the first break up letter ever to be written according to the discovery of this archeologist work to be found.

“News has reached me via the Upper Euphrates that you were visiting with my childhood friend Nisaba. I am devastated by this betrayal, as you are one of my favorite concubines. You have until the end of the month to pick up your flax shawls and sandals or else I will donate them to the temple of the moon god.”

Bitch, get yo shit and GET OUT!  Just makes you realize that jilted lovers transcend all time and space, and that's some classy as fuck sort of way to break up with someone.

A SERIOUS CONVERSATION ABOUT A SERIOUS MAN

A SERIOUS CONVERSATION ABOUT A SERIOUS MAN 

Since we're nearing Passover and my deli intake is through the roof, I tell ya, I should really slow down. But what do I know. I'll just sit here, go ahead and ignore more. What's one old culturally Jewish person's opinion after all?

Anyhow, back to passover. Well, not just passover, I wanted to have a serious conversation about A Serious Man. a Coen Brother's film that was so overlooked and is frankly, the most spot on Jewish quintessential "modern", be it mid-century modern story about the religion. Here's the trailer



Now, that was in true fashion very Coen Brothers, but this, Lebowski aside, is probably my favorite Coen Brothers film ever. It spoke to me in a way I can't even begin to describe. I mean, I guess the all in Yiddish cold opening isn't as inviting to the average Lebowski quoter, but let's just get it out of the way, it sets the tone of the film so well. The message that sometimes bad things just keep happening to you and well, you must receive it all in simplicity. Or shit, maybe we're just cursed. Or maybe it is what it is.

It doesn't hold your hand and it's very much a great film world all its own. I mean, I probably can go on for hours, but this video sums it all up on why I love the film, the message and the way it treats you as if you aren't some stupid person.

ROBO CALLS

ROBO CALLS

At this point in our society the worst thing you can do with a cell phone is actually make a phone call with it. You see people constantly on speaker phone talking to someone on the other side of that line, who you can tell everything that is being said because they just feel like they could just shout at one another and get everyone involved in this conversation that shouldn't even be happening. And why? Because holding up a phone to your ear now may as well just press so many more buttons that you'll lose said call.

On top of that, I don't know when the last time I answered a call I got from a number I didn't recognize. Everything goes straight to voice mail if I don't know you or have your name in my contacts already. Why? Because of fucking robocalls.

In the coming year, over 40% off all the network traffic of calls will be robo calls trying to sell you something or in most cases I have dealt with, trying to scam you in some way shape or form. So that has lead to this conclusion that we should just text one another. Straight up the future of communication is just using one sentence statements every couple of hours and injecting emoji's and funny gifs.

Because again, what sort of monster actually calls one another to communicate and exchange words in real time. I'm pretty sure that it's the main reason why social interactions in person are getting harder for all of those that I have dealt with lately. It's all about making a statement, getting some sort of reaction, if that at all, and then just sort of awkward silence it for a bit.

I mean, let's be real, the FCC will not do shit about this robocall situation because there's money to be made and the top 10 percent of calls being made are lame ass attempts to collect on debt by major companies - who have a lot of pull and if they feel like attempting to squeeze blood from a stone in this manner gets them some sort of results, I guess they'll just try to continue to do so.

US

US

I'm going to make a hot take here. I didn't think US was great. In fact, I thought it was a hot mess of a sophomoric outing and I'm a little annoyed by it. First off, none of the funny shit was actually funny. None of the scary shit was actually scary.

I enjoy laughing at movies and I'm consistently scared by even the lamest scary movie. I'm not a hard mark to get across either of those two emotions.  But when I got home I slept like a fucking baby without any small ounce of concern or even effected by the message. It had very little spook factor to it all even though it's a film that was billed as a home invasion horror. The home invasion stuff is a small part of the film and not even that was all that remarkable.

Also, it did not think that the movie should have been a whole two hours long. I mean, when someone ask Alexa to call the police and it plays "Fuck the police" by NWA, I mean.. el oh el, but then again, they don't follow that up and write it off as just the system is overwhelmed. It was filled with a lot of groan worthy moments and it seemed like every actor was in a different movie. You could have cut out the rest of the family and the movie would have been 40 minutes shorter and a lot more interesting to do just a character study of the sort of invasion of the body snatcher concept.

It also wasn't very deep. It wanted to be filled with symbolism and it was basically a "I'm 14 and this is deep" level of thought process to the whole fucking thing. Wouldn't it be so fucked up if this tethered lady doppelganger smothered make-up on it's face. As if the clone wants to be hooooooooooman. Let's spend 8 minutes on this roaringly deep concept even though the tethered version would have put on make up a billion times by this time in their connected life. 

When the twist came about at the end, It felt like someone slapped a three week old fish on the counter and acted as if this was some catch of the day. It just tried too fucking hard. Which I don't mind if it fails on that part, but the ride throughout the movie was not worth the pay out. I would be better about it if the trek through the film was at least funny or scary or enjoyable

Then there's this plot hole that I can't scratch. It's like the fundamental motivation of the characters and it's all strange. Why set up a rule that the up-side people control their tethers? Then just have it break, only to be used in certain instances again when it was needed like with the little boy and the fire pit.

Aren't horror films suppose to have a more stern approach to their rules that they themselves establish? Isn't that the device that allows you to suspend disbelief and enjoy yourself? This movie just shits all over them for the sake of a scare.  If the tethered people could ignore the puppet rules sometimes, why does that kid walk backwards in to the fire? If they can ignore the rules, why is it such a big deal that they're puppets. They made a big stink about it in the down below area that they were forced to mimic all these actions and it just didn't make any fucking sense any more.
 
 You have this government situation that they were doing this cloning shit just to mind control folks? Like, what the fuck was the point of all that bullshit? Especially in the era that the movie started. That just seemed silly. Also, the fucking rabbits. what's the point of all that anyway?

They made a big deal about how "Red" had to rip a baby out of her clawing it. Like, what the fuck was that about? That the control was so strong that the little boy burned himself constantly, not really explaining why the fuck the little kid clone was face burned other than, I guess it was cool to show it that way? No clue. 
 
Now that I think about it, why the fuck did they do the hands across America statement if they were just going to kill their tethered person. Like, who the fuck was that even for? I love Peele, he has a good eye for freaky shit, but this was just a mess. This was an Episode 1 sort of thing where Lucas didn't have anyone who had the balls to tell him that his idea isn't very good and he should consider condensing it down or something.    

More than anything, he needs someone to tell him that he should really lay off that tear going down people's face. I mean, the guy just loves doing that shit. And while I'm only a few hours away from watching the new Twilight Zone, where his social commentary would be better suited in a proper place, I felt this was a total misfire as a horror and as a social commentary. It's just totally inept at generating any menace or sense of building tension. The "tethered" shadows.

In general, I felt like the fundamental conceit of the film failed and if that fundamental idea of the movie doesn't hold water, then I can't give it a pass to all the other issues with the tone and the writing of it. I think the line "We're Americans.." line is where I started to really hate the movie I was watching. 

I get that I'm in the minority in this opinion and well, that's perfectly fine. I'm not trying to make you change your opinion on the film we both watched, but the flaws just are too big for myself to move past it.

I'M PREGNANT!!

I'M PREGNANT! 

Oh wait, yesterday was the day to do that stupid comment on social media and other spots to family members and what not. Which can we talk about that for a second? I never understood why it would be of my concern or even care if you told me that you were pregnant on April fool's day. It's along with other comments like "I LOST MY JOB! OH NO!" and faking injuries. You clearly think too highly of yourself in this situation and assume that I care.

The thing is this - no one cares about April fool's day jokes because they are low hanging fruit and often are worse than puns, which I have been told is my taste and all that, but isn't as highly viewed as other senses of humor.

Anyhow, back to talking shit about folks who self depreciate or make themselves the mark on this past April fool's day. I say that you're really not doing it right. Even using yourself as an example of getting something that isn't offered up. I saw a slew of  "I got myself _____ tickets" or some nonsense that in today's modern era of internet can be figured out is a flat out lie or just not the case, then your quick ruse is just... well, a little sad.

Anyhow, by mid day of the fowl day of Fools I was already not feeling any sort of prank as clever or even witty. I just have to say if you're going to partake, at least take some pride in actually doing something that everyone can find comical. You know how in stand up when the comedian picks on that one guy to make everyone else laugh? Well, yeah, you need to do that. You need to find your mark and honestly, if you make everyone else the mark than it's not really all that entertaining for the rest of us to actually enjoy. It's almost as if you're just trying to amuse yourself and no one likes a stingy person like that. 

On a side note, maybe I have trust issues because every year my inbox has a slew of promotional April birthday free meal offers and discounts from the many many online sites I have stupidly given my email to. And it happens to land on April 1st as the beginning of that wave of freebies which makes me question if it's a joke or an actual thing I just got for reals.

I forgot to include the "we're getting married" comments on social media. look, NO ONE CARES. stop acting like they do.

IT'S APRIL FIRST, JUST LOG OFF OF THE INTERNET

IT'S APRIL FIRST, JUST LOG OFF THE INTERNET

I'm honestly telling you for your own sake. Just log off. Nothing good happens on this day on the internet. Everyone assumes they're some comedic lords and it's the most annoying stupid pranks possible. You're better off just logging off and coming back online tomorrow. Because today will be nothing but half assed jokes that you will see well through any of them as sad attempts of humor.

Think Geek will come up with stupid products you know they wont produce. Nerdist will do a lot of dumb shit that you wouldn't even believe on a normal day. I mean, the whole internet thinks they are some witty mother fuckers today and you just have to chalk it up as this is just some stupid day that you just need to avoid the internet on.

Walk away. It's not worth it.