I MADE IT THROUGH THIS YEAR, IF IT KILLED ME

I MADE IT THROUGH THIS YEAR, IF IT KILLED ME 

I'll be blunt and say that today is April 7th, 2019 and I have come a long way since April 7, 2018. Back then it was a rough time. I mean, really rough. My relationship of almost 10 years just basically ended in not a bang, but a whimper. A lame ass "take a break" which was just a chicken shit method to slowly rip off the bandaid of the relationship a week before.

But this was already known. What was also known was that for the past four years prior to that I had been dealing with the death of my father, who I had a huge amount of unresolved issues with and who left a mess the likes of which only a hurricane could rival.

What I didn't know was that the year was not done with me. The following year would test me to no end in my ability to handle some bullshit that was thrown at me. In the way of a foreclosure situation with my Mother's home and then dealing with a fraudulent investment she made with a neighbor that I had to do a lot of work to collect. On top of that I was still trying to salvage the relationship as best as I could and be the supporting partner that I had been for the last ten years of the relationship.

Late in the year when I finally resolved the foreclosure and the money was attained, my mother had a huge health scare that rocked me and for the following months weighed me down in helping in ways that broke me and tested me to no end. Life can not be said to be kind to me on any of these things. 

I can honestly say, breathing in the air of now being 39, that nothing was handed to me. This was one of the most difficult years I have ever endured. But I did it. So while I've posted this before, I look back at laugh at me back then not realizing how bad it could get and more to the point, how much I can endure and survive through. Because I did. I fucking did. You hear that, life?  Fuck you.