Tuesday, January 12, 2010

We're Whalers On The Moon, We Carry A Harpoon

We're Whalers On The Moon, We Carry A Harpoon!

This is going to be one of those articles where I make comments that aren't going to be received well by many and they may sound very much harsh. But just stick with me and by the end of this you'll see that logic is on my side.

If you ever tuned into that terrible piece of shit show Whale Wars on Discovery or whatever other Network that I never seem to bother watching because it has Mike Rowe as the voice over of the show, then you would know of the pointless efforts of the Sea Shepards. They're a band of rag-tagged individuals who must have had a calling from their Pot headed days in college to waste their life and go out to try to save the whales from evil whalers.

They use tactics like.. um.. ramming their larger boats into whaling ships and then just become annoying to most whaling boats. They recently got a lot of money and bought a super fancy boat that looks like Batman decked it out. But for anyone who's following this year's anti-whaling campaign by the radical group Sea Shepherds, the high tech 1 million dollar ship Ady Gil is no more.
Sea Shepherd are back down to two boats.

Paul Watson has confirmed that the Japanese whaling vessel Shonan Maru #2 cut the high-tech $2 million Ady Gil in two, paralyzing her. He said the stealth boat was idling in waters near Commonwealth Bay when it was suddenly approached and rammed by the Japanese ship. “This seriously escalates the whole situation,” Watson told the Sydney Morning Herald.

“It cut eight feet off the front of the vessel. There is a big gaping hole, so it can’t go anywhere or it would fill up with water,” he said.

The crew of six have all been accounted for, Watson confirmed. Five are on the new ship MV Bob Barker, with one still on the Ady Gil. We imagine that guy to be Captain Pete Bethune, who designed and built the boat.

Obviously, there are a whole bunch of questions as how a boat as fast as the Ady Gil could be surprised — and not get the hell out of the way. But furthermore, the Japanese should be held accountable for ramming a much smaller vessel — and putting human lives in great danger in the process. This appears to have been a full-on collision — not some accidental sideswipe. They should be prepared for a great deal of international outrage with this one.

[UPDATE 1] Jeff Hansen, Australian director of the Sea Shepherd organisation, said the Ady Gil had come to a stop in front of the Shonan Maru 2 vessel.

“It was stationary at the time. It tried to back out of the way but the Shonan Maru 2 had it in its path and it cleaned it up. It’s still floating at the moment, but chances are it will take on water and sink. Mr Hansen said the crew of six were uninjured. “Everyone aboard is safe, we’ve managed to get everyone off and they’re ok. We have it all on film and we’re getting onto all the authorities at the moment.” [via Australian Herald Sun]

[UPDATE 2] The Japanese ships refused to acknowledge the May Day distress of the Ady Gil and used the incident to break away from the scene of the ramming. According to eyewitness Captain Chuck Swift on the Bob Barker, the attack happened while the vessels were dead in the water. The Shonan Maru No. 2 suddenly started up and deliberately rammed the Ady Gil ripping eight feet of the bow of the vessel completely off. According to Captain Swift, the vessel does not look like it will be saved. [via Sea Shepherd]

[UPDATE 3] The Sea Shepherd are now requesting that the Australian government send a naval vessel to restore the peace in the waters of the Australian Antarctic Territory.

[UPDATE 6] The official Sea Shepherd account of the distress call has changed from the first release. It now reads “The Japanese ships initially refused to acknowledge the May Day distress of the Ady Gil, but ultimately did acknowledge the call. Despite acknowledging the call, they did not offer to assist the Ady Gil or the Bob Barker in any way.”
Here's the video from the Japanese perspective;

The first thing I think about is that I'd be pretty mad if I donated a 1.5 million boat to them and they trashed it within six months. Talk about kids with a new toy. Can't you take care of anything? Besides, that how do you surprise attack a world record holding speed boat with a whaling vessel? I got a good idea, I'm against a policy, let me spend millions of dollars to harass and threaten the lives of workers rather than focusing my wrath on the policy makers and profiteers.

Then you have the idea that this Batman like ship is destroyed. I bet batman is really going to be pissed at those Sea Shepherd dudes for wrecking his boat. You should have seen the ass kicking Robin got when he screwed up Batman's TiVo settings and he missed out on the Sex in the City final episode. Then again, that Bat boat wasn't very bat-like.

Not to mention that you destroyed a god damn 1.5 million dollar toy. If you're so incompetent that you can't out-maneuver a large whaling vessel in a 1080 hp 1.5 million dollar floating batmobile, you deserve to get rammed. What the fuck did they expect was going to happen? Yeah, toss your million dollar carbon fiber speedboat in front of a giant whaling ship. Great idea.

I just have to wonder about the Sea Shepards. Apart from making an entirely unprofitable (and therefore government backed) enterprise unprofitable, how are the Sea Shepherds accomplishing anything? It sounds like their activities are probably setting back anti-whaling efforts in Japan (where it matters) by ten years just by alienating a lot of people that didn't give a shit about whale meat in the first place.

Just take a second to look at their fucking logo. Just look at it. It's an organization that protects sealife having a trident in its logo. Seems kinda odd. Do they not know those were used to kill fish? But man, what big pussies these dudes turned out to be. "Yeah we're totally pirates and OH SHIT THEY RAMMED US CALL THE PRESIDENT OF THE NEWS"

Have any of the Shepards come out with an explanation of why it's okay for them to ram much smaller boats with their ice breaker but not okay when they get rammed? You play with the bull, you'll get the horns, you know. I mean, the answer that they're the guardians of the whales and anything they do is above question really doesn't fly. Nor does anything that is done to them a crime.

Maybe it's because the Sea Shephards aren't crazy enough on the open seas. I sort of want to see some captain Nemo shit with drill-subs and attack dolphins, and they all wear seashells as hats or something. Now that would be something else entirely.But then again, that would be like Vegans trying to stop the evil and harmful beef industry by blowing up a farmer's house.

What about Tuna? Aren't they noble enough to deserve a Batboat to protect them? You see, the problem here is we have a very big misconception on what endangered and soon to be extinct really means. Or why even bother with this cause in the first place? It's clear that there's an agenda here. Not to mention that they go after the easy to hate target. I guess they learned their lesson from past mistakes on who to paint as the enemy.

There was a while back when the Sea Shepards got into a retarded fit because the Makah Tribe can legally hunt whales. They made threats that they were going to kidnpa the children on the reservation of those tribes. While it may sound harsh, I don't see all too much wrong with a tribe killing 10 whales a year because food is expensive in the arctic. Not to mention that white food is horribly unhealthy.

But these tribes were even less harmful to the whales population as they were going to kill 1 or 2 whales a year. Even though it's completely legal under US Law for them to hunt it, whenever natives try to do it in the lower 48 states, people get pissy and explode about it. Something along the white guilt that we brought whales to extinction in the past, so no one has the right to do anything because some group fucked it up long ago. Again, there's laws that allow for a specific number that has been shown to not effect the population.

The Sea Shepherds would be much less viable as a TV show and as an organization if they were harassing Icelandic or Norwegian whalers rather than the Japanese who we already see their traditions as backwards as fuck. Don't tell me you're not reminded of that South Park episode. Fuck you, Dor-fin! Fuck you Wae-ru!

Yeah, sure. Japan actively works to undermine international whaling treaties that were designed to allow sustainable whaling. Instead of allowing moratorium to continue until whale stocks are once again plentiful, Japan seems to be only interested in sustaining its commercial enterprise. But even then.. they ones in the southern hemisphere - the ones that the Sea Shepards are going after aren't even the ones that are doing much evil here.

Hmmm, perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself here. We should first ask a really important question. Why are people even against whaling? Now this sounds harsh but stay with me. It seems that the major reason is because whales are 20% more intelligent than a rat. They're the closest mammals to us and so we have a kindred spirit connection to them, right? They have to be so noble and smart.. Just ask Carl Sagan

Maybe if the fight against whaling today was spearheaded by awesome people like Carl Sagan and not worthless obese LARPtards like Paul Watson, I think they would see a lot more success. But even then, that leads me to the next point on why people are anti-whaling.

We assume all whales are endangered. Maybe what we need is an environmentalist movement dedicated to making sure that cows and corn and weed doesn't go extinct. At the very least that sure would make for a lot cheerier species status reports out of the EPA

Kentucky Bluegrass status: Not extinct.

At this point two dudes from Green peace would give each other a high-five.

When it comes to whales Sei, Sperm, Fin and Brydes are the ones on the extinct list. The Sea Shepherds are harassing Minke whaling boats who are quoted to take ~900 minke whales per year. That is literally the only type of whale they catch in the southern hemisphere with exception of 13 fin whales caught in the past 25 years.

Oh no! The Japanese might wipe out that wale with populations of around 650-750k by taking .1% of their population every year. There is no reason that people should get their panties in a wad over Japanese whaling unless you like getting hard on over useless laws being enforced. Take a look at the permits, it's completely legit.

What they do in the Northern hemisphere with Sperm, Sei, Brydes whales might be naughty. But I guess its harder to make a TV show based on catching whales up north if they only do it for 150 whales rather than 1000. In short, if you're anti-whaling, you should also be anti-slaughter of cattle and other farm animals.

Yeah, sure. We don't bred whales in a barn or inject them with too much corn.. in fact, you should be more concerned about your corn fed cattle injected with all sorts of steroids so they wont die on the farm before getting to your market, than you should ever worry about a whale in the ocean.

So what's the final verdict on that 1.5 million dollar boat? Welp, she sank:
Ady Gil sinks after whaling skirmish

The Sea Shepherd speedboat Ady Gil has sunk after it was sliced in two by a Japanese whaling vessel during a clash in the Southern Ocean on Wednesday.

Sea Shepherd founder Paul Watson told ABC News Breakfast the Ady Gil went down shortly before 8:30am AEDT today while it was being towed to an island.

"I think they were towing for about six or seven hours," he said.

"Even the act of towing was taking more water on. The Japanese vessel had cut the vessel completely in half and made it unseaworthy."

Looks like it sank and took out 3 whales on the way down. Ha. Nah, just messing. But that would be pretty funny if it did So hey, let's all take a moment and give this lost boat some well deserved silence.. RIP Ady Gil you'll be saving the whales in our hearts

1 comment:

Shark Diver said...

We would like to congratulate Sea Shepherd and Animal Planet on a fantastic staged event for television - perhaps one of the best staged disaster moments of 2010.

As production people ourselves we know the hazards and very real dangers of staging live disasters for television. It's a highly technical world only professionals can effectively operate in.

Multi-million dollar staged disasters are often canceled at the last minute due to OSHA (Occupational Safety and Health Administration) non-compliance or studio fears of death and dismemberment. Sea Shepherd on the other hand have found a way to circumvent all of the requirements for staged disaster television by only allowing volunteer crews and staging the events against non-paid, non-union, Japanese whalers.

By-passing all clean environmental requirements for television productions by producing this man made disaster in the Antarctic ocean was another master stroke. The clean up of several thousand gallons of bio diesel spilled by the Ady Gil and retrieval of the vessel from the sea floor would have cost Sea Shepherd and Whale Wars Productions millions if this disaster had been filmed in the USA.


Managing to move Sea Shepherds $2 million dollar vessel Ady Gil into the path of Japanese whalers was a quirk of nautical timing by a seasoned captain who knew his vessel and the direction wind, waves, and engines were carrying it. Catching the whole thing on video from the Bob Barker at just the right angle was pure reality television.

We were doubly impressed with the witty and show branding quote from SSCS Paul Watson immediately after the stunt, "Now we're in a Real Whale War!" reminding the global audience that this is, after all, Must See TV!

Sea Shepherd Conservation Society have clearly evolved from earlier staged productions such as Paul Watsons being shot by Japanese whalers. In terms of production quality and emotional leverage that earlier staged event was not one of the top three of the 2007 reality television season.

Kudos to Sea Shepherd Conservation Society, Paul Watson, and Animal Planet for once again bravely leading the way into a new decade of reality television firsts. The televised disaster staging they have created together keeps getting better and better, and their complete and ongoing circumvention of all production norms and safety regulations allows their organization to literally shoot-for-the-moon.

We're looking forward to more man made disasters in the coming months!