Saturday, January 9, 2010

What Will You Do For Your Safety?

What Will You Do For Your Safety?

If you haven't heard by now, some kid from Nigeria tried to blow up an airplane on Christmas day using bombs that he sneaked onto the plane in his underwear. This caused a lot of concern because he was able to get past that much talked about TSA security that I have hated since I first started doing a lot of traveling for work back in 2001.

It was a bit of a bad timing for me. I just got a gig that required me to fly around and do location shoots, which would have me away for weeks at a time, but worse of all, I had to first really start flying after 9/11 and the levels of security were just annoying. I knew the risk, I was more than happy to take them. Hell, chances were that they just did an attack via planes, why would they do it again so soon?

In any case, I really hated TSA. I'm sure you're going to tell me that they're keeping the air safe for travelers. I disagree. Their tactics are nothing more than Security Theater. In that it's security countermeasures that are intended to provide the feeling of improved security while doing little to nothing to actually improve security.

I suppose for many the feeling of safety is actually more important than being safe. That's why we're in the fear based society we are in today. Because the only thing you really need to control the people is fear. So with that in mind, there's a new method to try to weed out the potential problems on a flight.. futuristic x-ray machines. Stuff that will see past your cloths and will only stop with your skin...

I just have one thing to say; I'm a grower not a shower, it's such bullshit having to explain that to security every time I go to an airport. Or having them look at me odd when I go into this super x-ray machine with a stiffy. I mean, maybe they'll feel like there's some sort of awkwardness to be felt between the two of us. I'm also pretty excited and I can't wait until a transgender gets arrested and humiliated because they think it has a bomb.

It's perfect for all of you who love showing off your supple bosoms to homeland security. Hey, just doing your patriotic duty for them boys in blue, am I right? I mean, look at the following old lady get the classic Tit split. Tell me if that's not anything more than security theater. It's not really proving anything, other than she doesn't have one of those boob dividers or bombs in her cleavage.

why such the fuss about these things? is it that perverts would use it as spank material? we would only have to worry about perverts that are attracted to slightly-anthropomorphic blue human-shaped blobs. On the other hand, avatar did make a lot of money...

Think about it, wouldn't you want to be the TSA agent when the Swedish bikini team is flying out? It'll be like watching muted Tool videos all day. Then again, given that TSA is one of those agencies that it's sole existence is to give people who couldn't get a job at McDonalds a pay check, I suppose that would be an ideal task for them.

While they're trying to rush them both in the US and in Europe, it's facing a small problem there as it... um.. sort of crosses the lines into the child porn laws. But really, this is all for nothing. Especially when people can turn themselves into bombs these days. Just like the attempt on the Saudi Prince Nayef last August where the dude had a bomb sewn into his body to bypass security. Let's face it, it's simply too easy to get through security anywhere if you really want to.

Protip: If you remove the firing pin in a glock and attach it to your key chain with other ornaments to disguise it, you can get it through security just fine. Oh wait, you also need to take the barrel out and the bullets because they are metal as well. Turn them into a modern art sculpture. Attach that sculpture to your keys as well. It's fail proof. You know what? Just put te whole gun on the key ring. When have you ever seen security check any keyrings? That shit's going to slip right by them.

Besides that, until they make a scanner that detects aluminum and iron oxide or magnesium that has ill intent there's pretty much no way to keep planes safe sort of physically examining every single piece of luggage because basically anyone with an alarm clock can make an inextinguishable incendiary device and get it into the luggage compartment.

And the day after they figure out how to prevent someone from filling the frame of their suitcase with thermite, someone will simply toss a grenade at the security check in line and kill 50 people. Or convert one of the pilots themselves into being a sleeper agent. There's nothing we can do to make planes super safe. They are designed by nature to allow way too many factors into the system to sabotage something.

This doesn't mean we shouldn't take precautions to prevent highly impulsive or easy as buying a ticket and getting on a plane acts of sabotage from happening. It's just to say that life comes with risk and the more safety you want, the more of your personal freedom it will require. Speaking for myself, I feel like my personal freedom has already been stomped on to the point of me not caring. Especially when it's all for nothing.

You should be thankful in the fact that these terrorist attack are more of a symbolic attack. Just take a moment to wonder what they could do that would be thousands of times better in terms of targets that have no security and would destroy our way of life. Very few of them don't even involve suicide. Imagine what one motivated guy with basic internet level knowledge of explosives, a couple tons of easy to steal mining explosives, a van and some basic understanding of infrastructure could do. He could take out railways, power grids, water, major buildings, etc.

It's a good thing that Islamo fascists are per definition, dumb as shit. Things that would actually do a lot of damage are rarely all that symbolically satisfying as the things like blowing up planes or blowing up some big buildings.

All I know is that the first thing I'm going to do the next time I fly anywhere is write "Fuck You" on my ass in electrical tape and then fly around the country shaking it.

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