THERE'S NO GAMES IN VIOLENCE

THERE'S NO GAMES IN VIOLENCE 

Well, would you look at that. Last week we saw yet another situation of a violent crime happen in America. While it was in Florida, that doesn't excuse the fact that this is yet another mass shooting to happen and we probably will only respond with "thoughts and prayers" since the color of his skin is white.

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. - Sources say at least eleven people have been shot and four are dead after a shooting at the Jacksonville Landing Sunday afternoon.

Police urge everyone to stay away from the area because it is not safe.

Early reports say they were shot inside a game room at the Chicago Pizza and others may have been wounded in the gunfire.

News4Jax have crews on the scene. Several ambulances, firefighters and police officers are on the scene and roads are being blocked off downtown near the Jacksonville Landing.

Bay Street from Pearl to Main Street are closed as police investigate.

News4Jax will update this breaking story with more information as soon as it is confirmed. 

Would you look at that. I can't believe it but my mom was right all along. Video games are linked to violence. I better start wearing the scarf she kept nagging me to put on. 

The odd part of all this is it was literally because he lost on Madden. I was probably playing it pretty fast and loose in all sorts of dangerous ways in my youth by going with the hail mary every single play back when I was a youth who got suckered into playing a football game. Then again, I kept winning every single time because the hail mary pass in a video game has way more success than it does in real life.

We should ban Madden tournaments.  Also ban guns, video games and anime. While we're at it, let's ban football and sports in general as well. Fuck it, ban all hobbies except golf. Nobody bad ever played golf. I mean, except O.J. Simpson, Tiger Woods, President Trump.... in fact, every white collar criminal can be found on the golf course teeing off at some point.  Fuck. Okay, I'm going to need a minute to reconsider this whole outlook. I think I got it. Ban all hobbies except Mini-Golf. It's like real golf, but only the innocent and those going on their fourth date do.

I found it incredibly odd that news stations showed clips of DOOM in their violent video game montage highlighting this tragic event. Perhaps they should have showed clips of NFL BLITZ.

Can we also take a moment to point out that anyone who calls themselves a gamer is probably a piece of shit. This is coming from someone who spent many years playing computer games and console games in my youth, as well as operating a computer cafe back when those places were actually a thing and not everyone had a personal computer that was cheap enough to run games. I'm just saying that anyone who self-identifies as a gamer just stinks and should be avoided. Your hobby shouldn't also be your defining attribute in life.

In general, video games are a hobby, mostly for the odd and cast out of society sort of isolated people. Maybe at one time it was a sort of bonding moment to play Pacman or Space Invaders, but now it's really not the same situation. You have people collecting dozens, sometimes hundreds of games. Nobody needs that many outlets to escape reality. Eventually the goal is completed and they do fly out of the realm of sane rationale. 

Of the folks who got shot. I wonder how much more they're fucked now because they have to deal with all the medical expenses and debt they'll get from the situation in saving their lives. It's bad enough they're "professional gamers", I mean, the amount of hospital bills after that will make sure that they live in mom's basement for a financial reason.

Or maybe these kids just aren't playing enough video games. I tell you what, a youngster with a controller in both hands has no hands left to do shootings. He also has no time left to even protest or realize that his shitty min. wage job isn't going to do much more than pay for my social security when I get old, so it's all sorts of benefit to keep them just as numb as possible until I'm gone. 

Back to self identifying with a hobby, because I'm sure that will be the gas on the fire in this article, simply identifying solely based on a singular hobby is a sure sign of someone not being completely balanced in their mind and most of all, someone you probably don't want to interact with if you can avoid doing so. Such as "Goths", "Metalheads", "Foodies", "Trekkies", "Bronies" "Gearheads, etc. etc. 

The whole notion of Fandom was a mistake in itself. It gives this notion that you have to earn some ability to enjoy whatever the fuck it is you enjoy and that you have to pick a hobby like a college elective and have a clear goal with it to finish it and get to a certain mastery of it. This leads to a lot of fucking obsessed folks who get this sort of feeling that they are awarded experience points in leveling up and being a master of that shit, which in turn creates this toxic gatekeeping situation where they feel like they did a specific amount of work in becoming a fan of whatever that they need to weed out those who don't share the same commitment as they do.

The question never becomes "Is Fandom X toxic", it's always "How toxic is Fandom X?" And when you just give in to a situation where you have to be a professional gamer to get respect, than well, what the fuck is wrong with you.

Oh yeah, and a whole lots of Thoughts and prayers. cause this was a white shooter and we know that crap can't be attached to building a wall or keeping out minorities from our country. So nothing more to do about this situation at all.

MR. MOM

MR. MOM

I have a confession to make. I want to be a stay at home dad. I'm a feminist first and so I think that any of the two parents could be the bread winner for the household. More so than that, I already had my career. I spent 15 years working in television and I can honestly say I'm okay with it being over. I have a good nest egg to fall back on and some income generating in different projects I set up along the way. But the short of it is, I believe that both adults in a serious partnership should be able to achieve the goals in their own career.

I don't subscribe to the notion that the female has to be the stay at home mother. To begin with, they do not get as much credit as they deserve. It is seen as an easy job even though it is anything but. More than anything, it is far more difficult than a standard 9-5 Job.

A study conducted by the AVEENO baby surveyed new parents with 31% claiming that staying home with kids is much harder than returning to work. The struggle was pretty real in it that the basic idea is that as a stay at home parent, most of your meals will be consumed with one hand and that you can actually function fairly well with four hours of sleep and a cup of tea will never be finished again between having to chase around the kids and most of all, the insanity that comes from watching the same television programs or face the wrath of the little ones.

It's really true. When you are in your 9-5 work place, you get to socialize with other human beings that can... get this, communicate with the same level of intelligence. Being social is a huge relief in the long run of things in terms of keeping your sanity.

"Becoming a parent is an amazing experience, but we understand that entering this new chapter of life can also bring with it a great deal of stress and worry, so we wanted to discover more about what new parents experience in the first few years, what they wish they had known and how best we can support them."

With that being said, of the 1,500 UK parents who were asked, 55% said that having a baby was "hard work",  20% admitting parenthood was "very difficult." and many who just said that being a new parent is difficult.  Despite all that, 48% of the parents polled described their journey into parenthood as the "perfect experience". So I guess the take away is that it's fucking hard as hell and for that, you're actually going to value and claim to enjoy it more or you'll just go insane. Because in the end, if it's tough as nails, then of course you're going to justify it as being well worth the hard work.

Here's the real odd part of the survey. Well. Not so much odd but more true to form. 71% said that they admitted that the mixture of social media and parenting made them feel more competitive in capturing this new and scary life.  22% said that social media platforms added a whole other level of pressure to be the perfect parent. Which, let's be real, social media in general just adds pressure to be something you are not and constantly living chasing the next instagram perfect person. When in reality that profile is so filled with lies that it's a joke.

In the end, it was stated that no matter how many parenting books or studying up on the subject you do, parenting is fucking difficult stuff to do an going to a 9-5 job and being able to take sick days, fuck around and all that bullshit is far more easier of a thing to do than staying at home and taking care of the crumb cruncher for not only 8 hours, but the whole 24 hours. Even on the clock while you are sleeping those simple 4 hours.

It may be hard work, but at the end of the day it's rewarding in that same sense. Because nothing easy is ever really worth doing. And that's why I feel like I don't mind being the stay at home father for whatever partnership I get into. I already did my daily grind. I have the financial aspect set up and I would want my partner to not have to fall in to gender roles because society dictates that females are mothers.

Seems like a strange blog post, I guess it was more stream of consciousness than anything else. A little rant and a little bit telling of myself.  I don't mind being the stay at home dad. I guess I can easily say that now even though I don't have kids and all that.

BIRD PANDEMIC AND LIME DISEASE

BIRD PANDEMIC AND LIME DISEASE

I'm not sure if your area has been hit hard by the latest wave of Bird and Lime issues, but my area of Pico/Robertson has started to get as bad as Santa Monica and Venice in terms of this deadly outbreak.

What am I talking about? The latest in lazy ride sharing mobility getting around apps. The motorized scooter. There's a couple of them that pop up and you'll recognize em all by the annoying folks zooming past stop signs and just almost hitting folks walking down the street.

One issue I have with this is folks under 18... well, no. scratch that. ANYONE is legally required to wear a helmet by CA. Law, which they don't. You can get Bird to send you a helmet via mail, but that shit doesn't really seem okay. It's like asking UBER to send you a seat belt.

Now the biggest thing to know about these scooters is that it pretty much fills up an E.R. room with accidents on the daily. On the 4th of July, there was far less burn accidents and at least three times as more Bird Scooter accidents.

The problem comes from the fact that the learning curve on these scooters is pretty damn high. You have to know how to operate it well. You are jumping on something that can go 40mph easily. On top of that, the shocks on them aren't the best. With Los Angeles having some really messed up road conditions, you can easily eat shit just hitting some bumps in the road.

On top of that, the company has really fucked themselves in terms of their use in cities. The whole concept comes from a mentality that it's easier to ask for forgiveness and pay the small fine than it is to just go through the paper work and hassle of apply and asking for permission. But that seems to be the biggest thing that is fucking them over right now. Beverly Hills has opted for an outright ban of these scooters for six months. I constantly see them littering the ground a block away from the Beverly Hills city limits. I honestly want to light them on fire some times the way they're just thrown about.

In a 4-1 vote the Beverly Hills City Council agreed to a six month ban on all motorized scooters in the city prohibiting the mobility devices from being placed in any public right-of-way area or public property. So yeah, they kind of fucked themselves on this one. Basically Lime and Bird just got their just desserts in this whole thing. Why? Because they figured the whole time it would be better to ask for forgiveness instead of actual permission on it all. Police in the area will give anyone riding any of those in the city limits some shit.

Then in Santa Monica, the place that they just ran free, there was a bit of a protest by the two companies in that they shut down all of their birds and Limes for the area because they lost the bid for the city use.

Look, I like riding a bike. I like public transportation. I also like getting less cars on the road. Uber has not been successful with that because it was never going to be successful with that mission. The biggest problem is that these scooters just bring out the worst in people. Those that assume that the whole riding process is as easy as standing and just pulling the throttle. Then you have the morons who just don't know how to ride something electric through busy streets causing even more accidents because they just don't know how to cope with NOT being a motorist.

In the end you have to realize that you are a motorist and you can cause serious injury to yourself and to others on these. And that reality doesn't set in until you basically are sitting in the E.R. because your dumb ass decided that your scooter could take that pothole like a champ.

BILL GATES HOPES WE ALL DIES

BILL GATES HOPES WE ALL DIES

Did I get your attention yet? Look, I don't think Bill Gates wants us all to die, but when a 1% Illuminati member to worry about a global pandemic is a little more to worry about. Because he states now 

"The next deadly disease that will cause a global pandemic is coming and we're not ready. An illness like the pandemic 1918 influenza could kill 30 million people within six months, Gates said, adding that the next disease might not even be a flu, but something we've never seen.  The world should prepare as it does for war" 

Now time for a little scare youtube video;



We are a global world and it has been a while since a deadly global situation has happened, and it can happen easily. I think the issue here is that Bill Gates is a source to listen to and maybe we shouldn't just be throwing money away on silly parades and wars and actually put them towards getting that universal flu treatments done. As well as work on getting folks out of poverty around the globe and smashing things like Polio and malaria.

We need to focus on the pandemic preparedness. And I write this as someone who doesn't really have a fully functional Earthquake preparedness kit going. Then again, unlike earthquakes, diseases can be weaponized. Hell, Gates even ranted on in his talk about a non-state actor building an even deadlier form of smallpox in a lab for whatever evil threat. So hey, prepare yourself for something like SARS and MERS viruses

And while Gates is one to doom and gloom all of this, I think he is putting some money where his mouth is and offered $12 million in grants to encourage those universal flu vaccine development. In any event, just better start shitting your pants, cause I'm sure some crippling pant shitting diseases will show up sooner or later!

NO AC

NO AC

I cannot live another day without air conditioning! Says tomorrow is going to be hotter. You know, just like the other day and the other week and well, fuck it's a goddamn heat wave! 

Oh sears!


It's really wild how much mileage Sears got out of that one commercial. Especially now that we're suffering global warming. Then again, they have been running this ad for a solid 20 years now. Even more exciting is that looking at that house, it's pretty swanky. Come on, dude. You totally should get that air conditioning unit. Especially if I had one in my home and that was a total dump.

But let's say if you don't have AC. What the hell are you doing these days? The weather is fucking brutal lately. I guess you can just imagine that you are a pioneer on the trail west. Or perhaps you can take some wash cloths and a small towel, get them moist and then throw them in the freezer for a solid 30 minutes. I say go for the big time, take them out when you want to cool off and put it on your head all flying nun style. It'll cool you down a lot.  It's super cheap, it's super effective and it'll make you look so stupid! So many wins!

Once it gets warm, moisten it again, throw it in the freezer and pull out a previous one and there you go. forever cycle through them. It's the cheap and affordable way to have AC. There's other great free or nearly free ways to enjoy AC. For example, you can go to the movies. I mean, not with MOviePass. That ship has sailed on free AC. It's actually what probably killed MoviePass. The heat wave and clearly unsustainable business models.

I wouldn't go to Starbucks to sit down and enjoy the AC, even though you can do it without ordering somethings now, but if you do it while being a minority, you're still probably going to get bothered. So again, totally a good AC option unless you're of color and you just want all the starbucks in the country to close down for another two hours.

They also say that hot showers cool you down more than a cold one. So by that logic, boil some water and pour it upon your persons.  Feel the cool. Over all, we're a generation of soft ass babies and I wouldn't have it any other way. AC and indoor plumbing is something I wonder how people survived without. Especially during this particular heatwave.

To be fair, I wrote this piece a few weeks ago and just post dated it. I'm pretty sure that it's still hot as fuck... cause, you know, global warming and all. So fuck it, we are all going to die anyway. Just a matter of time before the sun crashes down on this Earth in an explosion.

At this point Neil jumps in and corrects me that the sun will expand out but we'll all be dead long before that ever happens. I'm sad to be missing such a cosmic event.

THE RACE TO HAVE THE MOST MONEY

THE RACE TO HAVE THE MOST MONEY 

One thing that has always confused me about capitalism is that, well... How much fucking money can one person have and why the fuck does it matter after a certain point where you are living comfortably. Capitalism is indeed like a vampire. Sucking away at labor and churning out profits to a bottomless pit. A never ending greed for more more more.

Amazon's owner, especially after getting  primed during Prime Day pushed good ol' Jeff to become the richest person in the history of history. It's societies big dick waving contest. To see who is swinging the most for some unknown reason.

Walk talk about how Facebook, in one day, lost 119 Billion because of poor performing stock prices. Again, how much money does it take to be successful? And how little do these billionaires actually give a shit about the day to day loss of a couple of billion? They don't. I mean, I'll lay it out there, this piece isn't going to be much more than an editorial with very little facts and mostly opinion put in to it.

For example, when TIME calls for Kylie Jenner to be the youngest or fastest self made billionaire, I just have to wonder what crack they are smoking and why the felt that was actually a story worth writing about. You can start off by not throwing that in to everyone's face because you fail to mention that in this game of richness, Kylie Jenner would essentially have started out two feet away from the finish line.

Self made? Hardly. Yes, she did a lot of branding of her stupid shit herself, but guess what, she had such a huge advantage in the whole race for it that throwing it out there is denying the simple fact that you're setting impossible standards. Add in that you're allowing folks to say  "See, if they did it, you can too! What's your excuse"  You know, other than you didn't have a famous name to spring board you lame ass ideas and constantly failures before the one that strikes fire eventually picks up.

Because there's plenty of failure to be had when a child of a well off family decides to make it on their own using every bit of tool and advantage afforded to them through our social structure. Failure after failure and getting bailed out constantly. A failure that would most certainly bankrupt anyone who doesn't have the luck to have been born in a rich family. That's for damn sure.

Then the moronic aspect was folks were starting go fund me bullshits to donate money to Kylie so she can complete that goal. I don't think they understand what the whole meaning of Self Made Billionaire actually meant. Otherwise they wouldn't be giving her money like that BECAUSE IT'S A GODDAMN FALLACY AT THIS POINT ON WHAT THE MEANING FUCKING IS!  You literally can't ask for free money and still have it be something you earned yourself. That defeats the whole goddamn meaning of anything and I just want off this reality already.

Then we get into why it even matters to be a billionaire. I mean, other than to leave it to your ancestors who can then feel all high and mighty because they won the lotto and were born rich to then be able to tell folks born into social and economic hardship that they should be able to attain that level of richness to if only they weren't so lazy.

Take for example Meghan McCain. She is a host on The View - Why? Because, I mean, I guess her dad and all. So right off the bat she's spring boarded off the name of someone that came before her. But she lost her fucking shit when talking to a Democratic-Socialist on the show and the audience cheered constantly for the guest endorsing socialism.

We had her on this show, and I asked her this question, what do you mean by Democratic-Socialist?” said co-host Sunny Hostin. “She went over her platform: Medicare for all, fully funded public schools and universities, paid family and sick leave, justice reform, immigration justice, infrastructure overhaul, clean campaign finance, economy of peace, housing as a human right.”
Co-host Joy Behar greeted each proposal with words of encouragement, and the audience cheered when Hostin finished listing the policies.
audience cheered when Hostin finished listing the policies.
“That sounds like a successful country,” Behar said.
The conservative McCain was furious.
“This makes my head explode, I hope Democrats do run a Democratic-Socialist (campaign) because I think you’ll lose spectacularly, and then I’ll look forward to Election Night when I can tell everybody, ‘I told you so,’ if you end up running a radical.”
She quoted Margaret Thatcher, who said socialism depends too much on “other people’s money,” and she insisted Americans would never tolerate paying taxes at the rate of European countries like Norway.
“They have given this enormous tax break to the richest people in the country,” Behar said. “That tax break doesn’t have to be so generous to the wealthy, does it? If you don’t give that money to them, what happens to that money? Better schools, better post offices, better garbage pickups.”
The audience cheered loudly, which only made McCain angrier.

Let's get this out there. Meghan was born into one of the most powerful families in DC and is the heiress to a $300 million dollar fortune. Literally, in her mind it is the worst and stealing from that big pool for poor people to have healthcare because she may be losing a small amount of change to that. It literally makes her head explode because it might make her giant inheritance just slightly less giant.

This is what I don't get. This is what just annoys the fuck out of me about this race for riches. Do you even need that much money?  Lewis Black had a comedy bit about this, at what point do you just spend on the dumbest, most rich service possible?  Oh hey, I need a ball washer to wash my balls while I walk here. Why yes, that seems like the right thing.

Rant over.

BIG BROTHER IS LISTENING

BIG BROTHER IS LISTENING 

Not to be all tinfoil had style and all, but at this very moment with your cell phone sitting right next to you as you gossip about whatever with your buddy, your phone is probably listening to you. It's not that paranoid of an idea. The very basic of it is this... we now call it Data Mining and you are perfectly okay with it.

A couple of weeks ago I was watching some random television episode. It was boring bullshit to begin with, but the important aspect to this all was that the television show had some melodramatic moment in it and the Counting Crows started playing. Since I was using my laptop to view it and my phone was on the desk, I didn't really think of anything being an issue, but then the next day while scrolling through my facebook feed, the Counting Crows concert promotion came up as a suggestion for me to check out.

Now, I hate the counting crows. I mean, okay, hate is a strong word, but aside from that television episode, I think the last time I heard the Counting Crows rip some ballads was when I ripped off Columbia House for 8 CDs for a penny. Let's just say it has been a very long time since I have heard them. So this sudden suggestion by Facebook seemed a little bit of  Alex Jones level of creepy.

Logically speaking, this shouldn't be the case. In order for your smart phone to record your conversation, there has to be some sort of trigger word stated to start the monitoring. "SIRI" or whatever the equivalent for Google needs to be stated in order for that information to go somewhere. Otherwise it will stay within your own phone. Then again, remember when you allowed Instagram and Facebook with access to your microphone so you can do that stupid Kiki dance and upload it for all the likes in the world?

Yeah, they have access to your non-triggered data because of that.

"From time to time, snippets of audio do go back to {apps like Facebook's} servers, but there's no official understanding in what the triggers for that are,  Whether it's timing or location-based or usage of certain functions, [apps] are certainly pulling those microphone permissions and using those periodically. All internals of the applications send this data in encrypted form, so it's very difficult to define the exact trigger."

Is the official confirmation to all this madness. It could very well be that facebook and Instagram have thousands of triggers that kick off in recording the shit you say. Yet again, companies such as those mentioned  deny listening to our conversation

Google, on the other hand, is pretty open with the fact that they listen to you. So the general assumption is to just realize that every other company is monitoring you and something triggers the audio portion of it. It also makes sense considering a marketing standpoint, and with their end-use agreements and the law both allowing it, why wouldn't they be doing so?

You should try it. I know for damn sure that last night I was snoring, since my phone was sort of left on with the music, and both the band that I was playing also was advertised in the feed as well as sleep study consultation offer. But try it by mentioning something like vintage dresses and see if Pinup girl or Unique vintage pops up. Some jeans? Damn right you know that will be shilled towards you.

So now that it's a given that your phone is monitoring you for the sake of advertising, you have to wonder what can be used with what you say. In general, I wouldn't worry about it being sold off. There's no reason to sell off your information when they can make all the money off it. They run off making sure they hold the keys to who it is that is interested in a said product, so the apps will just keep the data for themselves and never unload it.

I guess the bigger question you should also ask yourself is if it's safe from the thought police. Because given that all those companies at the mercy of the NSA, they can get your information told to them as well. Just assume that with your phone on you, you're completely being monitored at all times for whatever you happen to say.  Then again, you're a pretty fucking boring person and whatever things you think are edgy to say.. they're probably not giving a shit unless you're talking about which fast food chain you'd want to go to.

And here you thought advertising wasn't going to be the end of you.

BLEEDING EDGE

BLEEDING EDGE

Yo, check this out. I'm different than the rest of you. I don't try to be different, it's just who I am. I'm always pushing the edge and jumping over the line. A habitual line stepper if you will. I just don't see boundaries, like I don't see color or shapes. You all just square to me. People often are all like, "Yo Javi, you are so edgy - perhaps you should step back from that ledge my friend." and I'm all like "Nu uh, no way Jose!"  I think that was his literal name, I dunno. But anyway. Look bud, or pal, or I mean, it just depends on who I'm talking to in how I refer to them. I'm gonna get even closer to the that ledge. I'll walk right up to it and proudly declare who I am. Edgy as fuck.  It's like, well, imagine if you weren't such a sheeple. I guess that's probably hard for you to do because you're such a conformist piece of shit. But just try really hard and imagine it.

That's exactly what it's like to be me. I know, right. flipping awesome AF.  Sometimes I dress differently than the pod people all around me. It's just the way I am. DEAL.WITH.IT.  I'm something fierce and quirky and you can't contain this level of edge, homie. So step back before you wreck yourself. Sometimes people like you will stare at me, but I'm all like, "whatever poseur." I guess my individuality scares you, right? That's because I'm full on rebel all the time. I'm not like the rest of you. I'm like on a higher plane of thought and existence than the average joe six pack. That's why no one understands me. It makes me so mysterious. Not a loser like my step-dad Kyle says, and, even though I've never talked to one, chicks fucking dig me. I'm just that smooth. I don't know what to tell you.

Oh, I see you noticed my walking stick. Yeah, I get that question a lot. It just really speaks to my soul. I don't actually have any use for it. My legs function just right. But look at this whole sweet native bead thing on the top of it.  I don't do it to be cool or anything, it's just who I am. I'm sorry that my being an individual with spiritual undertones is just too much for you to bear. Ever thought about taking off that defense of not allowing anyone NOT like yourself in, Kyle?  I didn't think so! What does mom even see in you, you're such a jerk!

WHEN YOU'RE HERE, YOU'RE NOT EATING WELL

WHEN YOU'RE HERE, YOU'RE NOT EATING WELL

Just throwing it out there, but Olive Garden is having this sort of special. Well, it's not so much a special as it is more of a punishment. For the low price of $300, you can get... well, nothing great from Olive Garden.

Olive Garden’s Never Ending Pasta Pass promotion is back, and for year five the Italian restaurant chain is adding an annual option for $300.

Only 1,000 of the annual pasta passes will be will be sold, giving customers 52 weeks of unlimited servings of pasta, soup or salad, and breadsticks.

The Darden Restaurants Inc. DRI, -0.31% chain is bringing back the eight-week Never Ending Pasta Pass as well, with 23,000 available for $100. The deal applies for eight weeks starting Sept. 24.

Never Ending Pasta Passes will be available for purchase on Aug. 23 at 2 p.m. Eastern time, for 30 minutes. The passes have sold out in seconds in years past.

Would you look at that! The ultimate in bad use of $300 happens later today, you better jump on it for the 30 minute window that it is offered! I mean, they do say that in the years past, it has sold out in seconds. To whom? I have no clue and I honestly don't want to meet the person who will take advantage of this sort of offer. It just sounds like a bad endless bottomless pasta show down you can possibly have.

Olive Garden is just flat out now very good. I really can't see myself being excited to eat unlimited amounts of it for a couple of weeks, let alone a year. Hell, I don't think I would even accept getting paid $300 to eat a year's worth of that food. It's just not good in the slightest bit. Though, I guess if I was down on my luck and homeless, $300 for all the meals to be covered for a year may be a solid plan. Though I would have to really question the mental awareness of such action.


Like, seriously, if you want to feel like a garbage person, just go to Oliver Garden and eat a plate of Alfredo and their bread sticks. It's just a pile of carbs with butter, cream, and enough cheese on top of it to forget how shitty your life really is.

Though, maybe I'm too tough on the chain. Most American food chains are garbage and I just have to accept the fact that I'm not like most folks and I know a thing or two about quality. I'm sure there's folks who think Olive Garden is some fancy as hell place and they'd love to take a date there. We all have to start somewhere and maybe I'm just too harsh on it all.

Let's lay it out there. Olive Garden is always unbelievably busy every night of the week for some reason whenever I pass by one. It's sort of like how other chains that make something inoffensive offerings regardless of where you find yourself. It's the cheesecake factories of the world, I hate that place and the menu is the size of a phone book, but they get packed like crazy because it's a one stop shop to take a lot of different mouths that have different cravings.


Then again, maybe I'm just making fun of this offer because I'm afraid of commitment. That's why I'm alone and sad. That and I'm sure I don't have enough fancy clothing to wear to go to Olive Garden every day of the week. Besides, that $300 don't cover tip and man, that's going to rack up the debt right there.

While I have a negative reaction to Olive Garden, the company has targeted advertising pushing the idea that it's a quality restaurant, and if you weren't in a city, it was actually one of the fanciest places you probably could hit up when you felt like your dead end town didn't have much to offer. It's just a business model in the end and this is just a way to do that sort of Gym membership in hopes that you don't come every day to eat, and even if you did, pasta is so cheap and the idea that you will come alone to eat is silly. So they are assuming they'll get some turn around business on this in the long run.

Either way, spending $300 on this seems like an option if you really like pasta and just want to eat it until you die for the year because like I said earlier, pasta is dirt cheap. Like a buck at the market. Just imagine how long that box of pasta will last you? See, you don't have to go some place where you feel like family.

But, I mean, don't let me stop you from bad choices.

OPEN WIDE FOR THE DENTIST

OPEN WIDE FOR THE DENTIST

I know this is an uncomfortable question, and once you're past the age of living with your parents, which, I guess in this modern era isn't much of an age limit to begin with. Okay, let's put it this way, once your past the age where your parents can force you to do something, going to the dentist is probably low on your priority list of things to do.

I'm wondering how often you, the reader, have been to the dentist. Yeah, I know it's crazy for me to actually address you. I mean, I'm usually so ignorant to the plight of you, blog reader, that I may come across as cold. But what do you do to keep your teeth as teethy as they can be?

I would say that you should use listerine or its generic equivalent. But not the non-alcoholic mouthwash, that shit is bullshit. Using non-alcoholic mouthwash is like using deodorant that doesn't have an active ingredient in it to stop you from sweating. You're just lopping perfume onto your disgusting, smelly body and doing nothing to remedy the real issue and problem in smell prevention - stopping your body from producing that shit.

Also, brush your tongue. I have a really strong gag reflex, so this is really tough for me to do as I almost ralph daily doing it, but your tongue holds a lot of bacteria. Probably more so than your ex's crotch. I learned this young when the dentist told me that I need to use a tongue scraper for cleanings. My guess is that working on my mouth was like walking into a bathroom that hasn't been cleaned well after two summer concerts.

Look, it was a  little embarrassing, sure. But your tongue is the smelliest part of your mouth unless you don't floss. But even then, if you see your tongue up close, it's basically a bunch of little fleshy hairs and pockets. If it is white or yellow, scrub the fuck out of it and it could potentially remove the bacteria and drastically improve your breath smell. It should be closer to pink if clean and you probably need to clean it twice a day too.

Finally, use toothpaste with added fluoride. I don't care if it's turning the frogs gay or you may not want it in your drinking water. It's probably best to go for the ADA Accepted logo toothpaste that has it on the tube. These are all great preventative measures to not have to pay a lot when you do finally go to a dentist. Because yeah...  going to one is a huge amount of hassle for many.

I mean, I know what you're thinking. How can I, an American citizen, afford health insurance, let alone dental care. Well, you can't. But still, it's worth every penny that you have to go into soul crushing debt for to keep them pearly whites their whitest.  If you have insurance, going to the dentist twice a year for a cleaning is pretty damn normal. Once a year they'll take an X-ray to make sure no weird stuff is going on. When they do a cleaning, they'll scold you on the fact that you drink coffee so much in order to be a functioning human at work in the morning. But for the most part, aside from the guilt and the threat of pain on your teeth, you don't want to wait until you get some nasty tooth infection because of a dead tooth or something to go.

In fact, the fear of dentist is pretty common. Most folks have had it instilled on them since childhood. I know plenty of folks who are terrified of dentist and then that changes when they find one who is very generous with the gas, if you catch my drift. Yes, this is a PSA to do drugs. Because what I'm really saying is that in order to be super happy with dental work, just find a dentist that will get you high as fuck.

Let's also be clear. dental insurance is only worth it if you can get it through your job. the individual market is really lame. And a lot of times if you have it, the doctors will make sure you have as much treatments that you probably don't need. Including removing your wisdom teeth even if you don't actually need to.  I once went to a dentist that said I needed a crazy number of fillings and the visit would cost me $300. Later I went to a public clinic dentist and she said I only needed 2 because she had no incentive to lie to me and told me to trust other dentists as much as a mattress salemean. That visit was $50 out the door, but she earned my business. 

If you're really broke, dental Universities have options to be a patient at a program there where the students do your dentist stuff under the supervision of an actual dentist professor. I mean, it's really cheap but does have a lot of huge negatives. They take several hours to do anything and they fuck up a lot. You're going to here a lot of "oh shit, my bad", but what can you do? Teeth are important. Novocaine will wear off a lot and they will cry a lot in front of you as their professor looks at their work on your teeth and make worried noises, which will guarantee that you spend another 45 minutes of discomfort in that chair. Though, look, as negative as that sounds, it's a dental adventure and you don't have to spend thousands of dollars on your teeth.

MAKING ENDS MEET IN THE MODERN ECONOMY

MAKING ENDS MEET IN THE MODERN ECONOMY

Oh hey, did you know that 43% of Americans can't afford the basics like food and rent?  We now live in a country where 51 million households can't afford a monthly budge that factors food, child care, health care, transportation, a cell phone and of course, the housing itself. Let's break it down a little. 

Price of a loaf of bread:
1977: $0.32
2016: $1.96

Median income, ages 25-34:
1977: $34,000
2016: $34,000

Hmmm, something seems off here and I'm not sure I can put my finger on it. Maybe we should just keep paying people to write news articles about how the new generations are at fault for society's problems because they eat avocado toast and don't want children.

It's amazing that the idea that paying people enough to live is even for a moment considered a radical and far left position that we better show those liberals who's boss mentality. It just screams about the status norm of our nation's politics and it's so god damn scary to think about.

In a different rant of mine a while back, I touched on the fact that Boomers will want to retire and sell their home eventually as they saw their property as a long term retirement investment. Well, if folks can't even afford the staples or the children required to fill those suburban homes, then they got nothing for the next generation.

To think, this is what we dump billions of C02 and waste into our atmosphere while toppling governments overseas for resources. What we kill hundreds trying to cross the border to get into a country that can provide a comfortable life to... maybe 30% of its population. We live in a lie. The American dream is simply that. A dream that many reach for but few actually achieve. It's really sad when you think about it.

The state that I love so much, California, as well as a few other great places to live like New Mexico and Hawaii have the largest struggling families at about 49%. Jesus. That's just really sad. For example, in 2016, the basic survival budget for a family of four was 85k. That would demand that you get a $42 per hour wage. But places like Washington State only had 14% of jobs paying more than $40 an hour. So how the hell is anyone suppose to survive on any of that?

But hey, at least Trump's tax cut will bring us more economic viable jobs to our nation..... oh, I guess not.  It's amazing that wages are falling and not rising. No wait, that's not amazing. It's totally expected when a tax cut that saw the major indicator that companies were just going to buy back stocks and pump up their numbers in looking good to the economy wouldn't actually benefit anyone but the company itself.  This is pretty much what everyone expected to happen with this tax cut because it is what literally happened the last time we had a tax cut like this that favored the wealthy.

Add in the latest tariff war and we're pretty much on a course to being fucked for a long time to come. Way to go. You know what will actually save taxpayer money? I mean, maybe this is crazy and all in thoughts, but perhaps getting out of the Middle East and not putting people in prison for non-violent offenses like smoking weed, walking past an imaginary boarder and then kidnapping their children and making them represent themselves in court alone.

Then again, all those things benefit capitalism so we may as well got and fucking burn the world down.  Yes, I'm jaded as fuck. But there's a very justified reason for it. I'm sorry I yet again brought you another article that has doom and gloom news instead of comical stuff. Maybe tomorrow the funny will be back, right now I just need a drink.

DEAD MEN DO TELL TALES

DEAD MEN DO TELL TALES

Great news, reader, you are dead. moving off from this mortal coil - all your troubles are no more. You went out in a blaze of glory, don't you worry about that. Now everyone knows your name. You made it big. But wait, oh no. what's this?  The media have discovered your social media accounts. Yup. Thought you can hide your strange interest from a world full of facebook technology? Think again!  They're now on to your Facebook profile, Instagram post, Twitter pointless dribble and all the other social media tools you used to desperately cling on to anything remotely close to attention seeking. Your YouTube comments, that one time you signed up for Tindr and your whole dating profile.

When you think about it, the whole notion that your footprint after you die will be around for a while. Constantly being an embarrassment for your after life to come. It is said that you only die truly after the last person who remembers you is gone. Well then, it looks like we're all fucked in terms of the biggest aspects of ourselves living on will be some self promoting bullshit fluff material.

Just imagine the news reports coming in sounding all like "That guy sure loved to argue about how Apple products were so much better and man, did  he sure like downloading porn".  In fact, investigators will conclude that "Man, lots and lots of weird porn, stupid hobbies as well. I mean, who the fuck finds enjoyment out of doing that in life? Probably a bit too angry and drunk. Also, what the fuck is a Goatse?

I sometimes feel like I'm okay with all parts of my life being exposed. I mean, it's not really much of a surprise. I'm pretty open about how much I'm a piece of shit in general as a whole.

Besides, if you really fear this, you can just make sure that all your accounts are painstakingly detailed in your manifesto, which was uploaded by a dead man's switch at a specific time on the day of the "incident".  Your only regret at that point is that you were only able to execute your plan just once.

Oh, don't you worry. I'll be shit posting and trolling from the afterlife using some sort of script service that automatically will annoy the hell out of you.  You think death will be your sweet escape from my awful writing? HA! Just you wait.

Let me clue you in on a little fun fact - I've been dead for years. What everyone is seeing are just scripted updates to various forms of social media that FEEL like something relevant. But given how time is a flat circle and shit just gets circulated, this is just some generic plug and play bullshit for the days events. In reality, are non-committal bits of fluff posting. Occasionally, an advanced algorithm custom built to my digitally mapped out personality will scan for relevant keywords and draw from a bank of hundreds of thousands of pre-written entries to post more substantial offering that is relevant to the keywords at hand, and just get the scripted AI patterns to make it appear as if I'm contributing to the ongoing conversation... but just realize, I'm nothing but a ghost here.

Just remember, right now I'm looking down from heaven, giving you the big ol' thumbs up for finally figuring it all out. Even if I had to tell you directly. Just as long as no one ever find those Dragonball Z and Evangelion fan fictions I wrote in high school. God, that will be so embarrassing.

Let's be real, most of us will be remembered for dying as we lived - Forgotten and alone. But you have to give some credit to the fact that all your digital footprint, not that any of it is actually of substance or really matters, will be a living reminder of who you are.... and in some cases can be the saddest aspect that you're leaving behind as a means of being impactful.

Let's face it, some of the biggest aspects to your life will come out that you just never came close to realizing your true potential in any aspect of life. But don't worry, that's most of us.

In the end, I probably just will be happy knowing that folks thought I was weird, but nice and I tried my best.  That as well as having a strange fondness red heads, large boobs and insulting Donald Trump Jr to no end on Twitter.


Just remember one final thing;

I TOLD U I WAS HARDCORE!

COSTCO LIFE - FREE SAMPLES

COSTCO LIFE - FREE SAMPLES

In yet another installment of talking about Costco on this blog, which I'm sure will eventually just morph into a site that just yaps on and on about how Costco is the best place on earth and in the event of some major natural disasters, will be my first and main stop to try to re-up supplies or just build a new life in one of those.

Don't tell me that it wouldn't be perfect of a place to be to survive. I will fight you.... which is exactly what these two old Boomer bastards did at Costco for free cheese.

A cut in line for free samples at a Costco turned into a fight — between two 70-year-old men, according to police.

A 70-year-old man said he was waiting in line for a complimentary piece of cheese at the Costco in Greenville, South Carolina, when a 72-year-old man “cut in line, took some cheese and walked off,” according to a July 26 incident report.

After the 70-year-old moved on to a line with free samples of cheeseburgers, police said the man saw the 72-year-old approaching.

The 70-year-old was still upset about being cut in front of, and according to the incident report, he told the other man that “he could get in front of him because he knew he would just cut the line anyway.”

The 72-year-old man responded by saying “I will do it again!” — then saying to the 70-year-old man, “You’re a jerk,” police reported.

The 72-year-old then hit the 70-year-old in the right side of his head and caused his hat and glasses to get knocked off, according to the incident report.

The woman who was working at the cheeseburger sample stand said “she saw two men argue in front of her station,” and she confirmed the 70-year-old’s account when she told police that a “man in a Hawaiian shirt hit the other man in the head and it sounded very loud, and that the man’s hat flew off his head.”

Though the 72-year-old had left the Costco by the time police officers arrived, they tracked him down. When an officer reached him on the phone, the 72-year-old admitted he was involved in an altercation at Costco, according to the incident report.

Police reported that the 72-year-old said he “hit the man’s hat off his head after the man got in his face and he felt that the man was going to hit him because the man was balling his fist.”

Greenville Police Department Public Affairs Manager Donald Porter told The State that no arrests have been made in the incident.

Police are attempting to get surveillance footage from Costco to help in the investigation, and the responding officer said further investigation was needed because the men’s stories are inconsistent and “the witness did not have much to say,” per the incident report.

Honestly, I didn't have to cut and paste the whole article since I don't normally do that. But I felt like this one was just too fucking delicious not to give you the whole thing right there on a silver platter. Because, Jesus. What the fuck is wrong with people. Especially old people.  Hitting hats off each other. EL. OH FUCKING EL. I say.

I will fully admit that Costco has the sweet allure of free samples. It's like the Sirens song on my Odyssey in getting bulk consumer goods. Tempting you ever so to try these new offerings even though doing so will smash you against the rocks of other fucking morons who are all up in there trying to get a taste of some tiny ass snack.

What's that you got samples of?  Tortilla chips with a bit of salsa? Why, I don't mind if I do. I'll just park my cart here sideways in the middle of the aisle to block anyone trying to carry out normal consumerism.  Oh, what's this one aisle down? A ritz cracker with a piece of salami? Never have I heard of such exotic treats. Better do a taste test before I make any rash decisions and purchase a whole crate of these bread like items. And what is this fine treat? 5ml of orange juice?  Now Costco, you clearly are spoiling me. Oh, where di I leave my cart at this point? One can fathom a guess, but I'm sure it is fine.

I used to be okay with them, but at this point in my Costco shopping career, I fucking hate samples with the might that one can hate a stupid promotional item. Oh yes, let's all crowd around this one cart and block all the pathways through a crowded store so we can wait for a free sample of 1/8th a mozzarella cheese stick.  Besides, maybe it's also just an inherent distrust of strangers giving me food and not eating with me. That's how you poison someone.

I now actively avoid sample tables if more than two people are milling around. Especially if they're just waiting for the re-up of the product. Those are the worst. Stop standing there like you're in some Cold war Russian bread line waiting for that taste on your lips of food for it has been so long since you've had any sustenance.

I don't doubt that story for one second. Old people are the goddamn worst when it comes to Costco. They cut in front of everything as if they feel like they have survived long enough on this planet that they are bullet proof. I can tell you gramps, you keep cutting in front of me and I will fucking end you. I often just want to burn the world down at that point. Wait patiently for the new batch of frozen Philly cheese steaks to come out and take six at a time and just flip everyone off as I back flip the fuck away from the scene.

On a side note, consistently the most unpleasant thing about any Costco experience is the attempt to sell me on Direct TV. I've tried a few different approaches when it comes to them. Telling them you have no TV shuts them up pretty quickly. Telling them you already are a Direct TV customer can often times get you a high five, but it's not a guaranteed thing.

Then again, I should be thankful it's not some Solar City asshole trying to sell me some product. That guy keeps trying to sell me solar panels even though the average person my age doesn't own a home. I mean, sure, it's an INVESTMENT, but people my age don't have homes. Stop making me the exception to the rule. On that note, why the hell are any of those big ticket merchandise salesmen thee anyway? Why yes, I'd love to drop 12k on a new furnace/AC on my way out of this costco!

THE DAY AFTER THE PURGE

THE DAY AFTER THE PURGE

It seems like the day after The Purge is the bigger deal. I mean, let's face it, things can get pretty awkward when you think about it. You may have killed a few of your coworkers and now they just won't be coming into work anymore. No judgement, they sort of had it coming. Who the fuck steals food out of the company fridge, right? But now you're going to have to work OT picking up their slack until HR gets on top of hiring and training someone new.

You should have thought about these sorts of consequences before you went all purge happy that night. Maybe you wouldn't have blown off Janet's head for constantly taking too many smoke breaks during the work day if you had known the number of Saturdays you'd have to come in to make up her work load. Can't wait till the boss does his typical post purge announcement.

"Morning everyone. As you know, this weekend was the purge. I hope you got it out of your system and I just wanted to say there will be some changes around the office. You see, we don't have a full final headcount just yet, but so far we know that Charlie got purged and so his direct reports are going to be reporting to James until we find a replacement. I'm glad to see no one burned down the building this year - I guess that speaks a lot about how satisfied you guys are with the company. Thank you. Everyone's computers will be coming out of the bunker in the next few days. So just sit tight and do what you can on your phones and the dull pencils that weren't taken. The graffiti will be cleaned up over the week so bare with us. We've already papered over the stuff that was a gross HR violation, and I hope to get you all back to a pleasant work environment by the end of the week without giant phallic objects on the wall. 

We will be passing around a get well soon card for Catherine, our front desk receptionist, who, as you may know now, was violently raped by Todd from accounting. She will be recovering and in the meantime I've assigned Todd the task to sit at the front desk and do her job. I mean, it seemed only fair and all"

I mean, I really should have killed him. I know. But hey, we all have regrets. Not to mention that your wife broke into the neighbors houses and stole their TVs and let their horses out. Now it's just all super awkward going out to get the paper in the morning off the driveway. You can't even look at your neighbor in the one good eye they have left. Again, you really should have taught your wife better bow and arrow aiming.

I know what you're thinking... Should have just finished the job killing your neighbors. Look, my schedule was pretty goddamn busy in the purge hours.

You're also probably wondering who cleans up all the bodies the day after. I mean, does my tax dollars go towards that? Because if I knew that, then perhaps I would make a bigger mess just to get my dollars worth. Just like how I sweep all my dirt into the gutter the night before street cleaning. Make those fuckers pay for the few times I forgot and got a ticket. That reminds me, before the next purge I need to look up the addresses of the parking enforcement.

I just think it's impolite to remark upon all the things one did during the purge. It's like when you go into a bathroom and you know the person in the stall next to you. Yeah, you would think that the first thing you would do is strike up a conversation. But yeah, that's not the case cause you know goddamn bathroom unwritten rules.

While on this topic, let's just lay it out. The people who do all the murdering and raping during the purge are such chumps. The real pros just sit in a bunker and infringe intellectual property and commit fraud and other white collar crimes. Honestly, if I was in the purge world, I'd probably just park in a 30 minute parking spot for 31 minutes. Ha ha! Fuck da man!

Or maybe I'll finally do it. I'll just be edgy enough to go online shopping on Purge day and NOT pay the sales tax. You just don't understand the monster I keep at bay, and now he's finally free to play! NO LAWS, WOOOOOOOOO. Side note. What the fuck would the Purge do for the insurance industry? Or will there be a lot of loopholes in their system like it currently is so they can avoid paying out a single fucking penny for anything.

Let's face it. Purge: The Day After would probably be a better and more entertaining movie than any of the real ones. It'll be especially more convincing to have it in a sort of Curb Your Enthusiasm sort of episode style.
Also, since it was all legal during that one night, is it okay if you just sit around and taunt the family of the poor bastard you murdered, abused and tortured? I mean, it's not a CRIME, is it, for me to just get on the same bus as them every single day and smile at them making a scared expression that was the last look on their loved one's face while gesturing with my hands.  Clearly THAT can't be considered a crime?

Once they had enough and finally snap and attack you, the law makes it so crimes committed the other 364 days of the year are just punished severely, so you get to smile with the grieving family as they are tossed in jail. You just got to make sure that the day before the next purge, you need to leave town. Can't have too many purges under your belt as you need to deny the rest of that family the satisfaction of getting that sweet much needed revenge on you for ruining their life and murdering that one dude. Play your cards right and that one purge can just last you a long time in being a complete asshole.

I know what you're thinking now - The purge just seems like it would create a lot of revenge killings all year round. It's almost as if the purge is, like, a bad idea or something.

If you haven't seen the movies yet because you think it's the kind of thing your coworker who listens to KORN and Slipknot would be into, you're not missing much and I think the whole premise could be fairly easy to figure out. I generally have the biggest experience with the Purge movies in that people keep tying to poke holes in the premise by pointing out the exact same problems that the movies repeatedly hammer in the least subtle ways possible. Also, if you haven't seen the movie yet, I applaud you for reading this far.

It's really just a metaphor for capitalism and how it presents the illusion for a free-for-all where anyone has a chance to murder and do stupid illegal shit to their hearts content. But in reality the wealthy have all the power and it's nothing but an excuse for them to exploit everyone else for literal fun and profit while also getting rid of people they deem less than worthy for life.

I think a lot of folks miss the point of the movies. That the only people who actually do much enthusiastic purging and don't get purged themselves in the process are the rich and the army. Everyone else mostly just emerges from their fortified homes if they didn't get burned down in the chaos. The purge was specifically set up to get rid of undesirables. If you're out purging, you're going to get purged yourself.

How about we just lay it down like it is. It's a pretty super conservative religious fanatic fascist government all up in that world, I'm pretty certain that anyone who manages to kill someone important, purge or no purge, is hunted down and executed on whatever pretense anyway. If you're rich enough, you're purge immune. Which makes me wonder why any non-poors would spend so much on security systems when they could just book a vacation somewhere that doesn't have the purge. Your house might get ransacked to all hell, but at least you won't be raped or murdered. 

Can I just make one more comment about the movies. The thing that bugs me the most about them is whenever they show someone wearing a scary mask, they do that head tilt thing. That's not scary. That's not even a thing someone who is wearing a mask would even do. Stop putting it in every horror movie ever made where people wear a mask. That just isn't something that is needed anymore and frankly we're all starting to worry about your movie making skills.

COSTCO - HOLD THE ONIONS

COSTCO - HOLD THE ONIONS

I wrote a piece not too long ago about how Costco was changing up the food menu in their food court by removing the option of a polish hotdog and tossing in a lot of strange new additions. Well, one thing I didn't realize is that all over the U.S., the bigger tragedy that isn't being reported on is happening.

Costco is removing the onion dispenser.

Just think of the scenario. You just plopped down your buck and half to get your hot dog and cup for soda and go over to the condiment section and the classic triangle metal onion dispenser is gone. No crank that barely worked and you often wondered if it was empty to turn. Nothing. You're just there left with a deli mustard, relish covered hot dog with no goddamn onions to speak of.

I feel like I've lost a dear friend. I mean, sure, it always seemed empty. So it's not much of a change, but not having the option anymore... now that's just cold blooded, Costco. 

Sure, you'll still be able to make yourself an adult hot dog and ask for some sauerkraut... that being said, the sauerkraut is given to you cold. But it's a buck and a half for your hot dog and soda needs, so you can't really complain. Also, you could just take the soda cup and fill it with onions and take that home.

Never have to buy onions anymore or waste time dicing them once you learned that life hack. Yeah, I bet you didn't read that one on the interwebs. Just remember, that onions are chock full of folic acid and that's just the best way to scare away any social interactions with anyone ever by having a cup full of onions to work with.

So why are all these changes happening? Well, it's a result of shareholders and not the corporation as a whole. Which I guess does make it easier to take that Costco isn't betraying you. It's those evil shareholders trying to save, like, a few hundred dollars. Some fear that the days of a $1.50 hot dog are going to be long gone. What will Costco be then? I don't know and I'm afraid to find out.

One option would be to do the onions like they do the kruat, put it in little plastic containers so at the very least you can enjoy good old fashion onion filled hot dog. Even if it's an outrageously wasteful action and they should just bring back the dispensers. I thought we were in America.

Then again, I'm guessing that those dispensers must have been a real pain in the ass to clean. And if they do offer them in prepackaged onion packs, then it probably just cuts down on waste in the form of onions going bad sitting out in the open air in a metal container. I guess the sky isn't falling after all and all will be right in the Costco Kirkland world. 

BLOOD RED SKY

BLOOD RED SKY

As per the usual, California is burning right now. The Holy Fire is consuming a large part of Orange County. I would hate to imagine the air quality currently if you're visiting Disneyland. Anyhow, the sky is now filled with as crappy of air quality as you can find. You will notice that from the amount of hacking of your lungs you are doing. I know I have woken up with stuffed nose full of gunk coming from these smoked filled mushroom clouds high above, making it so that the sun's light that transfers through it just makes everything look like a red hue. 

I am a fire sign. I don't really put much of any weight into astrological nonsense. I don't think Mercury in Gatorade does much of any good or any bad for anyone. I don't think because the moon is closer or further away that it effects your mood. You just want something to blame for your lack of self control.

Anyhow, aside from being a fire sign, I have always been touched by the thing that flickers in the dark and provides a dim light. I loved beach bonfires. Load up the truck with a huge pile of wood and just light up the night sky. It's a place for story telling and for just fending off the darkness that would have been scary as fuck to our ancestors... you know, the ones who didn't have snap of your finger sort of lighting.

Most of all, if there was a wild fire going and it was night time, I would find myself jumping in the car and getting as close to it as possible to watch the sort of chaos in the flame. I mean, none of this Game of Thrones stuff where the lord of the light is telling me the future bullshit. But I would look upon it with some sort of wonder and awe.

It was a strange feeling. I would feel terrible for the loss of land, life or worse that a fire caused. I'm not admitting I'm some arsonist, because I don't like to start them or anything like that. There's no imaginary friend telling me to burn things or anything like that, but man, there's something so naturally powerful as some raging fire. I don't know how to exactly explain it.

I guess there's also something very beautiful in the chaos that comes with it. You see dark nights lit up with this sort of orange and red flicker dancing to the beat of its own heat. It was something that just struck a chord with me. I dunno. I guess this isn't the most interesting post. But it's just a reflection on the destruction this fire is causing and that there can be some beauty in the most ugly of things.

FUCKING SERIOUSLY, CHIPOTLE? AGAIN?!

FUCKING SERIOUSLY, CHIPOTLE? AGAIN?!

I still don't get it. My body understands that Chipotle is a dangerous thing to eat and every time I do so, there will be major issues in having to find a bathroom shortly after. Perhaps the stomach knows that I'm feeding it essentially poorly handled food because yet another goddamn sickness has broken out with the company.

Over 700 inquiries have been filed with the local health authorities in Delaware County, Ohio, and after more than 500 interviews and several stool samples, they … have no leads.

Tests have come back negative for the usual suspects, including salmonella, shigella, E. coli, and norovirus. Could it possibly be a new bug? Maybe it’s a germ that aliens sent to Earth to kill us all through our burrito habits, and our civilization will soon collapse? Really, anything is possible at this point.

No, you know why they are getting sick? Because it's fucking Chipotle. The only reason folks don't lose gain weight and attribute it to a weight loss due to the food is because they all get fucking sick and have to shit out 10 pounds of their innards after eating there. It's not so much that you're negating the effects of eating a 1k calorie burrito. It's that you're beyond sick for the next few days that you can't keep down solid foods.

It's a goddamn cleanse and I don't get why folks continue to go there. When Jack in the box gave some one E.Coli back in the 90's, the chain was almost going to collapse in on itself. Now it's the weekly special at Chipotle. I just don't understand. Do you think that shitting uncontrollably is a normal thing when you eat Mexican food? Look, Montazoma's revenge isn't actually a real thing that you want to happen.

Maybe I will just never understand why folks keep going to this place for their Mexican fix. It's not particularly good. It's like a line service of slop plopped down on a burrito for your enjoyment, I guess. I don't know. I will never know. All I can say is that the local roach coach you stigmatized for decades makes a better burrito that won't get you sick at half the price.

And now... this. 

ALEX JONES

ALEX JONES

I mean, look, I know that Youtube, Facebook and just about any relevant media outlet has decided that you can't broadcast your type of crazy on the air. It's rough. I get it. But we here.. and I mean, I. Because I'm the only one that writes for this blog, would like to extend the hand to allow your brand of fucking nuts to broadcast your message on this platform.

Yup, enjoy all zero readership that it comes with. You can spout off how the frogs are getting turned gay because of the fluoride in the toothpaste and hawk your dust powder protein that is the equal to ground up Chinese newspapers for longevity and health promotion all you want here.

Why yes, no longer will Facebook be the place your friends try to sell you make up and face cream. I will provide a venue for Alex Jones to tell you the secrets to health, musculature and virility! For you can rant here all you want, good sir!

Oh wait.. you don't need it? But I thought you were banned from every where... Oh. I see, there's still one place that accepts your stupidity.  Why am I not surprised? You see, Alex Jones, for being banned on Apple, Spotify, the soap box outside the Jack in the box and just about anywhere else on the internet where common sense is still alive, is still fucking Verified on Twitter.

Yeah, Twitter still allows him to rant to his heart's content. And I keep wondering why? Then I realize that Twitter still lets Donald Trump rant to his stupid heart's content away and I come to the conclusion that any sane person should have a long time ago - Twitter is bad and anyone who is banned from it should be thankful. You can't realize how negative and toxic Twitter is until you stop using it.

I stopped a long time ago because I felt that 148 characters was a stupid format to do anything. Yeah, I'm into the whole brevity thing, sure enough, but you see my blog post. Do you honestly think I could get across that much content and comedy in the restrictions that Twitter demanded? Even upping it, the whole concept was and remains stupid as fuck.  Almost as stupid as suggesting anything turns frogs gay.

But I know what you're thinking... Slippery Slope, man! Where's the first amendment rights! Man, I couldn't wait to turn on Fox News and see all the folks jumping over themselves to get on screen and repeat the phrase "Slippery Slope!" until they started frothing of the mouth. It's the same dumb fucks who think that the 2nd Amendment meant to carry fully auto, hallow point bullets is perfectly fine to protect themselves from the government they claim to love.

You see, freedom of expression doesn't mean that what you're expressing is either true, or protected from a private company shutting down your microphone. Twitter just seems to be the dumbest of the social media platforms and I still often don't get why people use it to announce anything. It's literally one of the worst ways to socialize. It's a shout box where you say something and it gets echoed and echoed and echoed again, but the content or the value of the message is just a waste to begin with.

Anyhow, back to the fat fuck who claimed Sandy Hook was a series of crisis actors and the deaths of children never happened. The man behind the stupid Infowars brand who is dedicated to exposing the hidden agenda of the American government, such as Hillary Clinton being a lizard person who uses black Magic to do whatever the fuck it is that middle America enjoys. Not to mention she runs a child sex ring out of a Pizza joint that eventually had one of his nutty listeners go in and shoot up the place to protect the children.

But you see, he's simply an entertainer and shouldn't be taken seriously! Is what his defense was to the whole mess when he went to court over it. So he's the bringer of the hard hitting news whenever it serves his interest but then if it gets him in trouble, he has the defense that he's just an entertainer.

Fuck that guy. I'm not saying that as some hidden lizard person who is part of the New World Order who is putting shit in the water so he has to sell you a water filtration system that is made out of asbestos. Look, if you don't believe me, then eat this sandwich that has the meat injected with mind-controlling agents that prevent god fearing citizens to fight back from the tyranny that has been trying to get a hold of their small town life! 

But seriously, good riddance. I can only hope that Twitter, when it catches up to civilization in another five years, will decide to ban him then as well. 

RESUME AND YOUR HONESTY

RESUME AND YOUR HONESTY

In this job market, it's basically a cut throat world where not even a fancy college degree that you got into crushing student debt for can really guarantee you a spot in the high stakes world of employment. But face it, you need a job.  Makes you wonder that even with your no experience having self, if you apply for something you are pretty sure you can handle, but don't have the experience on paper or work history to... should you lie on that resume? More than anything, what will be the consequences of you lying on your resume?

First off, the Holy Ghost will clearly look down upon you with anger and furious spite.

But if you can get past being able to look at yourself int he mirror for the rest of your life, I have good news. It's usually very easy to get away.  In reality, most HR departments are over worked and understaffed as is, that they very rarely do anything more than minimal background diligence when hiring someone new. Besides, jobs are just a means to an end. not your whole identity of your life. So fuck it, lie if you have to get in.

Shit, lie your way to the top. Believe me, a lot of people do it. I got the best job of my life because I lied about it. Last a shit ton of years and well, while I knew a bit of what I was doing, a lot of work these days are learned on the job. The whole scam of school and internships are just a means to keep people working hard for little to no pay anyway. If you aren't fucking the system, the system is fucking you. Just remember that, kiddos. In re-reading that, I'm now starting to realize why I was never asked back to talk to kids from my elementary school.

For the most part people don't have the time to deal with checking qualifications, let alone past work history. I mean, if you want to not bullshit everything, probably just get character references for who you are. Though I'm not going to be a prude. If you want to just flat out lie about your history report, go for it.

I don't mean to encourage lying, but we all have someone who will answer the phone and say you worked for them even though they never did. There's really is no downside to lying on your resume. If you are confident that you can do the work, actually, fuck it, even if you are NOT confident that you can handle the job, you still should lie and then fake it till you make it. That is, after all, the American dream.

More than that, like I mentioned earlier, in this job market, you flat out MUST lie on your resume. Everyone else is doing it and if you aren't, you're already five steps below them. Don't go small either. Like, leaving it at just padding the years and using flowery language for meaningless task you did. No. Straight up make up whole stretches of high level work and degrees you don't have. Go big, homie. GO.FUCKING.BIG!

Most people worry about putting old jobs that they got fired for questionable shit from. Look, just lie about why the reason you left was. Most of the time companies are only willing to confirm employment and won't give any detail for fear of being sued for defamation in case they fuck up and say something off or it comes back to bite them. We live in a world of fucking each other over. So start doing it!

Just think, there's people who just decided that they wanted to be a dentist and started practicing dentistry. Didn't get no fucking degree and aren't caught for, like, 30 years. Meaning presumably there's some that just never get caught at all. It's straight up anarchy out there and your living it.

Besides, we're probably one of the last generations that will ever be able to get away with lying about employment histories....

 ... You see, because we are all going to die in a nuclear war, climate change, or just some stupid virus in the near future. So fuck it, go wild.  Then again, if there's a nuclear war you probably won't die in the initial exchange. You'll just rot away from radiation sickness or cancer, or you'll get murdered by roaming bandits. The point is nothing really matters so you may as well just say you worked an extra year at that one place you didn't actually.

"But lying is unethical!" you say. Then again so are most businesses. So really, you'd be showing how well you fit into a corporation structure by being a huge phony just like them.  In fact, why even stop at that one job. Look, how about you just lie your way into a job, then after a few months you use your current job as evidence to get into your next job. Repeat one or two times and then you'll have a "real" resume and won't have to worry about being found out. See how you can launder your lies to a real fully fleshed out job experience?

Some people would just advise you to embellish stuff that is rooted in truth. Like instead of  putting a garbage man, you can always just say you're an environmental technician or instead of a subway asshole, you can just write that you are a sandwich artist. Either way both positions deal with trash all day and I will still look at you the same way, so you may as well just lie and tell me you spent four years in a technical college.

The point is that most companies don't even read resumes anymore when they hire because, let's be real here, everyone fucking lies on them. Lying about skills and credentials are essential for any job. Just think about it. While we're at it. Why would you lie to get a job anyway? You want money, not the job. Lie to the bank and just take their money. Unless you just want to lie in order to get the job in the bank! Then you get tons of money, and you get to continue to lie.

The point is just lie. No one is going to fault you and if they do, they're fucking lying to your face. The world revolves around liars. People lying to shareholders, the government, customers, other employees, your coke dealer.... literally everyone.

THE INTERNET IS HISTORY

THE INTERNET IS HISTORY

Look, I think it's about time we just realize the internet was a big mistake and come to terms that we have to throw the breaker on this whole experiment and call it a day.

You recall when you heard the voice say "YOU GOT MAIL!" and you were all excited to read what some random stranger sent you via 1's and 0's. Now you're just clicking that shit straight to the spam folder. Peace out, you garbage. Times were different then. You had to make a choice;  Surf the internet or answer the phone.

Remember when there was the polite rule of No Flaming? HA, that's a requirement these days with the hostility online. But I guess we were calmer then. Wanted to load this flash movie? Well then, here's this flash game that you can play in the meanwhile as the hour passes to load.

And heaven forbid if you were the "Relative who was good with computers", holy shit, you'll have to fix every dumb mistake your family made in trying to download porn.

And do I need to say anything more than Icy Hot Stuntazz? No sir, we can not top the internet anymore. It's just a wasteland now compared to the good ol' days. May as well wrap it all up. Then again, I seem to recall somethings always remaining the same....
FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: Funny jokes about Democrats! 

It seems like forever ago since people started using Image Macros and then called them memes. At least that was the case at YTMD... oh man, could it be that You're the man now, dog was the start of this whole meme explosion?


Then you have Homestar runner. Man. What an era to be alive. At least we now have a Trogdor board game in the works.


Honestly, I'm not sure where this blog post is going. Maybe it's just to promote that, but chances are I post marked this blog for a day past when the kickstarter ends, so oh well. I mean, in general I'm all about promoting something, especially Homestar Runner. But yeah.

Sometimes when you think about the really strange shit you posted on the internet when you were younger, you got to remember that you were pretty dumb then. If you disagree, just use the wayback machine and look at your online diary you wrote in high school or.. shit, heaven forbid you look at your old Geocities sites and Live Journals. Man, those do not age well.

Honestly, I lost the point of this post. So get off my webspace, you young webersnappers!

SHARP OBJECTS

SHARP OBJECTS

Ah, HBO, you going for that True Detective feels again, aren't you? Cause SHARP OBJECTS has the makings of feeling very much like a True Detective follow up than season 2 of True Detective could ever be.

What's it about, you ask? The story summed up is about Camille Preaker, a crime reporter, suffering from crushing alcoholism and recently discharged from a psychiatric hospital for self harming, returns to her shit hole of a south home town in Wind Gap, Missouri, to investigate and write about the murders of two young girls. It takes her back to confront her childhood home under the critical eye of her Socialite mother, Adore, which forces Preaker to confront some of her personal demons.

In a sense, Sharp Objects is a fantasy show about a woman getting paid to go somewhere for weeks to report on a story. That shit isn't much reality and it was a delusion to me when I wanted to actually be a journalist. And while I did say this is worthy level of True Detective, Matthew Mcconaughey is a much more entertaining alcoholic southerner murder investigator. But hey, Amy, You're trying and that's what counts.

What made True Detective work was that it was about clues. well, not so much clues, as creepy factor and that is something this show has plenty of. That creepy factor. Especially when it comes to dead young girls... which seems to be a running theme lately. What the hell, man. I don't want to be known for the guy with the strange young murder content.

Let's talk about Amy Adams. Or should I say Frumpy Amy Adams. She said in an interview that she was so self conscious about having to be naked on screen when the scars were being made up on her because she had stopped going to the gym given that she figured her alcoholic character, only consumed junk food and booze, wouldn't be so believable to look like she did in American Hustle. Not to go all patriarchy all up in here, and in fact, it's more of body self reflection and acceptance, but she looks really good this way. I mean, aside from, you know, the massive amounts of cutting and scars that she self-inflicted... and all... shit, there's no way I can get out of this paragraph, is there?

Cut to non-sequitur cut away shot...

Okay, that's another thing that happens in the show. there's a lot of quick cuts to scenes that you have no idea what the hell they are doing there. It really puts you in Camille's head. Like every glance tells you what she's thinking. When she looked at the trolley of bleach early on, and you know exactly what she's thinking about from all the show's done to put you in her state of mind. It's really a brilliant way of getting you into the POV of the character.

I also love the fact that this is a hard lined mini series that will not get dragged on till its death. More TV shows need to do this method of just telling a quick story. Fewer sequels for movies and shows are needed. Being deliberate about the story you want to tell, getting it told as you wanted it to is perfect. None of this forcing a show that wanted to die a long time ago to do two more seasons it has no story to tell in them and it just ruins the whole point of why you are there to begin with.

It's also very addicting. I've been watching it week by week, but if had been on Netflix, I would have just watched the whole thing in a single night. Even if the subject matter is extremely rough. It just screams multiple Emmy's for best drama and music and actress, as you know the general rule, if you make yourself ugly as a woman, you're going to get those nominations.

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

In a 2011 study, it showed that 72% of adults believe a woman should give up her maiden name when they get married. Half of those polled even thought that it should be a legal requirement and not a choice. What in the ever loving hell is that about?  Up until the mid 70's, woman could not legally vote under their maiden names if they were married.

When you flip the genders, in which a man takes on his wife's name, that was a fucking unicorn of a situation. out of 877 heterosexual married men, less than 3% of them took their wife's name when they got married. I mean, just take note of all the weddings that you had to be dragged out to this wedding season and do a count on how many times the bride's name was the one that the couple decided to land on forever more?

Yeah, not so much the norm. Yet it hasn't always been this way. In Medieval England, if a man was marrying a woman of wealth and some esteem, then, well, you bet your ass that the more one who had the bigger name was the one that kept their name. I mean, is that really all that much better than we exchange gender as a factor to class warfare? But it is true, that throughout England and France in the 12th thru 15th century, it was very normal for upper-class families to take the name of their estates.

When you think about it, that Princess complex comes from somewhere. Could it be that deep down inside, that little girls want all that comes from being a well off Prince because it means that for once, they'll get to keep their name? Sure enough, just as the little Princesses want to meet their Prince, Men to dreamed of marrying a Princess for that instant status update.

So what's the excuse here in the states for completely ignoring that whole timeless status change? Well, it's pride that's fucking with them. It's sort of been the thing that if a man takes their bride's name, then they worry that they'll be seen as less of a man. And according to several studies, they'd be pretty accurate.

It was found that a woman keeping her last name or choosing to hyphenate change it to meet the groom's name completely changes the way others view their relationship. It increased the likelihood that others would see the man as less dominant, almost as the weaker one in the household. In fact, with anything but completely having the bride change her name, it was viewed as the man being weaker and his status went down in life in the eyes of others.

Partially because it is seen as one person giving up a piece of themselves. Something they carried through life as a marker of who they were for so long. Not to mention that since it's such a rare instance, if you choose to take the bride's last name or even go the hyphenated route, you're going to be faced with questions for the rest of your life when talking to people who remember what your stupid last name was before you got married.

Add in that it could be seen as a political statement about the patriarchy and all that jazz, it's really something that will make a statement regardless if you want it to or not. Though it should be mentioned that we are stuck in this cycle because we keep perpetuating it. Like I mentioned in the poll earlier, many thought it was a legal requirement or that it wasn't even an option when you get married to take on the bride's name instead of your own. That is how deeply engraved this mental thought is. It really just takes those brave enough to buck the conventional to see change happen.

I can tell you for myself, I don't give a flying fuck about my last name. I really don't. Even though it's rather unique and rare in the area I live, there is plenty of places in the world where my name will constantly live on in pages and pages of phone books. I don't see my value or legacy being passed down in my name alone. So I don't care. Being the feminist that I am, I have always stated that if my partner requires their name, something they built up through years of actually branding it in the form of getting higher education, publishing work or even just something they need to use like being a teacher, then I would instantly choose to end my time as having my last name. It's not even a question and the choice is beyond easy at that point.  Shit, even if it wasn't some branding thing, I don't care. I think equality in being able to communicate and have the option in how the partnership comes together is far more important than the sum of its part's last name.

If the partnership has the thought to create a new name, that's fine. How else do you think different names were created? Land title ship? pfft. Anyhow, it is something that both partners can be invested in. I just have to question why we keep pushing this idea that a man's last name is the given one that they will be using from now on to describe the duo, not just the single. Not to mention it just screams of insecurity and "ownership", which I guess I could have gotten in to, but let's just realize that I have written a lot up here already.

TALKING WITH THE WALKING DEAD

TALKING WITH THE WALKING DEAD

I avoided talking about this shit because,  A.) I hate Chris Hardwick with a passion.  B.) I hate these fucking post show shows that have no purpose other than extending the show a little more for that ad dollar. Yet here we go, AMC has deemed it fit to go ahead and reinstate Chris Hardwick after firing him due to allegations that he was a piece of shit to an ex-girlfriend and in an era of #METOO, that shit was pretty bad.

I mean, if AMC thinks he didn't do anything, then he definitely did something because that channel is ran by and for sadistic morons when it's not showing Breaking Bad, Mad Men or Better Call Saul.

It was after a quick rush job of a investigation of the situation that they decided to allow him to come back.  Also, just a heads up though. The law firm and PR people that AMC used to investigate this, is the same firm that the Hearst family uses and has used a lot int he past. Why that is something worth noting? Well, Chris Hardwick is married to Lydia Hearst. So, you know, it's in their best interest to clear him and get him on the air.

In any event, there's nothing to be done about this cause it is what it is. But I do have one big question.  Did we need him back? 

What the hell was it about Chris Hardwick that he had the special chemistry to bring us up to date with the material we literally just saw like no one else could? Just about any moron can sit in front of a camera and shout "Woah, I can't believe this character died!" for an hour while slowly teasing what happens next week in the most vague way possible. It's like every bad part of a Comic Con panel. Guest who either don't know anything or are under an NDR so that they can't say shit or risk getting shit canned.

More than anything else, Yvette Nicole Brown was going to be the new host for the show. So not only would you have taken a piece of shit off the show, but you would have added some color and a female host. But hey, that would be too much diversity for the sake of Walking Dead zombie shit lords.

Chris has been perpetrating grievous crimes against comedy for far too long and it's about time someone tried to take him out. If they thought it was a bad enough hit to his and AMC's reputation to take at the time, so much so that they took him off the Comic Con panels he was going to moderate as well, I don't know why they'd bring him back. I'm guessing that they looked at his contract and figured that if they didn't give him his job back, they'd be opening themselves up to a lawsuit for wrongful termination without just cause.

Here's something else I wonder. What the hell is the long term, if any, value of Talking Dead to AMC? With shows like Breaking Bad, Mad Men - even The Walking Dead, you can sell the production in syndication, rented on home video and sold as well as reaired for years of stretching the value. But when you think of commentary shows like Talking Dead, what's the fucking long term worth of any of those?

I guess the fact that it cost almost nothing to make and you can sell even more ads attached to the walking dead franchise with it is the best reason why it still exist, but it's still fairly short sighted in the grand scheme of things  Add in that Talking Dead probably gets higher ratings than anything else AMC has attempted to put in the time slot after TWD. Though with this being yet another lame ass year of stories, I do wonder what the return of viewership is on the series as a whole.