DEAD MEN DO TELL TALES

DEAD MEN DO TELL TALES

Great news, reader, you are dead. moving off from this mortal coil - all your troubles are no more. You went out in a blaze of glory, don't you worry about that. Now everyone knows your name. You made it big. But wait, oh no. what's this?  The media have discovered your social media accounts. Yup. Thought you can hide your strange interest from a world full of facebook technology? Think again!  They're now on to your Facebook profile, Instagram post, Twitter pointless dribble and all the other social media tools you used to desperately cling on to anything remotely close to attention seeking. Your YouTube comments, that one time you signed up for Tindr and your whole dating profile.

When you think about it, the whole notion that your footprint after you die will be around for a while. Constantly being an embarrassment for your after life to come. It is said that you only die truly after the last person who remembers you is gone. Well then, it looks like we're all fucked in terms of the biggest aspects of ourselves living on will be some self promoting bullshit fluff material.

Just imagine the news reports coming in sounding all like "That guy sure loved to argue about how Apple products were so much better and man, did  he sure like downloading porn".  In fact, investigators will conclude that "Man, lots and lots of weird porn, stupid hobbies as well. I mean, who the fuck finds enjoyment out of doing that in life? Probably a bit too angry and drunk. Also, what the fuck is a Goatse?

I sometimes feel like I'm okay with all parts of my life being exposed. I mean, it's not really much of a surprise. I'm pretty open about how much I'm a piece of shit in general as a whole.

Besides, if you really fear this, you can just make sure that all your accounts are painstakingly detailed in your manifesto, which was uploaded by a dead man's switch at a specific time on the day of the "incident".  Your only regret at that point is that you were only able to execute your plan just once.

Oh, don't you worry. I'll be shit posting and trolling from the afterlife using some sort of script service that automatically will annoy the hell out of you.  You think death will be your sweet escape from my awful writing? HA! Just you wait.

Let me clue you in on a little fun fact - I've been dead for years. What everyone is seeing are just scripted updates to various forms of social media that FEEL like something relevant. But given how time is a flat circle and shit just gets circulated, this is just some generic plug and play bullshit for the days events. In reality, are non-committal bits of fluff posting. Occasionally, an advanced algorithm custom built to my digitally mapped out personality will scan for relevant keywords and draw from a bank of hundreds of thousands of pre-written entries to post more substantial offering that is relevant to the keywords at hand, and just get the scripted AI patterns to make it appear as if I'm contributing to the ongoing conversation... but just realize, I'm nothing but a ghost here.

Just remember, right now I'm looking down from heaven, giving you the big ol' thumbs up for finally figuring it all out. Even if I had to tell you directly. Just as long as no one ever find those Dragonball Z and Evangelion fan fictions I wrote in high school. God, that will be so embarrassing.

Let's be real, most of us will be remembered for dying as we lived - Forgotten and alone. But you have to give some credit to the fact that all your digital footprint, not that any of it is actually of substance or really matters, will be a living reminder of who you are.... and in some cases can be the saddest aspect that you're leaving behind as a means of being impactful.

Let's face it, some of the biggest aspects to your life will come out that you just never came close to realizing your true potential in any aspect of life. But don't worry, that's most of us.

In the end, I probably just will be happy knowing that folks thought I was weird, but nice and I tried my best.  That as well as having a strange fondness red heads, large boobs and insulting Donald Trump Jr to no end on Twitter.


Just remember one final thing;

I TOLD U I WAS HARDCORE!