THE DAY AFTER THE PURGE

THE DAY AFTER THE PURGE

It seems like the day after The Purge is the bigger deal. I mean, let's face it, things can get pretty awkward when you think about it. You may have killed a few of your coworkers and now they just won't be coming into work anymore. No judgement, they sort of had it coming. Who the fuck steals food out of the company fridge, right? But now you're going to have to work OT picking up their slack until HR gets on top of hiring and training someone new.

You should have thought about these sorts of consequences before you went all purge happy that night. Maybe you wouldn't have blown off Janet's head for constantly taking too many smoke breaks during the work day if you had known the number of Saturdays you'd have to come in to make up her work load. Can't wait till the boss does his typical post purge announcement.

"Morning everyone. As you know, this weekend was the purge. I hope you got it out of your system and I just wanted to say there will be some changes around the office. You see, we don't have a full final headcount just yet, but so far we know that Charlie got purged and so his direct reports are going to be reporting to James until we find a replacement. I'm glad to see no one burned down the building this year - I guess that speaks a lot about how satisfied you guys are with the company. Thank you. Everyone's computers will be coming out of the bunker in the next few days. So just sit tight and do what you can on your phones and the dull pencils that weren't taken. The graffiti will be cleaned up over the week so bare with us. We've already papered over the stuff that was a gross HR violation, and I hope to get you all back to a pleasant work environment by the end of the week without giant phallic objects on the wall. 

We will be passing around a get well soon card for Catherine, our front desk receptionist, who, as you may know now, was violently raped by Todd from accounting. She will be recovering and in the meantime I've assigned Todd the task to sit at the front desk and do her job. I mean, it seemed only fair and all"

I mean, I really should have killed him. I know. But hey, we all have regrets. Not to mention that your wife broke into the neighbors houses and stole their TVs and let their horses out. Now it's just all super awkward going out to get the paper in the morning off the driveway. You can't even look at your neighbor in the one good eye they have left. Again, you really should have taught your wife better bow and arrow aiming.

I know what you're thinking... Should have just finished the job killing your neighbors. Look, my schedule was pretty goddamn busy in the purge hours.

You're also probably wondering who cleans up all the bodies the day after. I mean, does my tax dollars go towards that? Because if I knew that, then perhaps I would make a bigger mess just to get my dollars worth. Just like how I sweep all my dirt into the gutter the night before street cleaning. Make those fuckers pay for the few times I forgot and got a ticket. That reminds me, before the next purge I need to look up the addresses of the parking enforcement.

I just think it's impolite to remark upon all the things one did during the purge. It's like when you go into a bathroom and you know the person in the stall next to you. Yeah, you would think that the first thing you would do is strike up a conversation. But yeah, that's not the case cause you know goddamn bathroom unwritten rules.

While on this topic, let's just lay it out. The people who do all the murdering and raping during the purge are such chumps. The real pros just sit in a bunker and infringe intellectual property and commit fraud and other white collar crimes. Honestly, if I was in the purge world, I'd probably just park in a 30 minute parking spot for 31 minutes. Ha ha! Fuck da man!

Or maybe I'll finally do it. I'll just be edgy enough to go online shopping on Purge day and NOT pay the sales tax. You just don't understand the monster I keep at bay, and now he's finally free to play! NO LAWS, WOOOOOOOOO. Side note. What the fuck would the Purge do for the insurance industry? Or will there be a lot of loopholes in their system like it currently is so they can avoid paying out a single fucking penny for anything.

Let's face it. Purge: The Day After would probably be a better and more entertaining movie than any of the real ones. It'll be especially more convincing to have it in a sort of Curb Your Enthusiasm sort of episode style.
Also, since it was all legal during that one night, is it okay if you just sit around and taunt the family of the poor bastard you murdered, abused and tortured? I mean, it's not a CRIME, is it, for me to just get on the same bus as them every single day and smile at them making a scared expression that was the last look on their loved one's face while gesturing with my hands.  Clearly THAT can't be considered a crime?

Once they had enough and finally snap and attack you, the law makes it so crimes committed the other 364 days of the year are just punished severely, so you get to smile with the grieving family as they are tossed in jail. You just got to make sure that the day before the next purge, you need to leave town. Can't have too many purges under your belt as you need to deny the rest of that family the satisfaction of getting that sweet much needed revenge on you for ruining their life and murdering that one dude. Play your cards right and that one purge can just last you a long time in being a complete asshole.

I know what you're thinking now - The purge just seems like it would create a lot of revenge killings all year round. It's almost as if the purge is, like, a bad idea or something.

If you haven't seen the movies yet because you think it's the kind of thing your coworker who listens to KORN and Slipknot would be into, you're not missing much and I think the whole premise could be fairly easy to figure out. I generally have the biggest experience with the Purge movies in that people keep tying to poke holes in the premise by pointing out the exact same problems that the movies repeatedly hammer in the least subtle ways possible. Also, if you haven't seen the movie yet, I applaud you for reading this far.

It's really just a metaphor for capitalism and how it presents the illusion for a free-for-all where anyone has a chance to murder and do stupid illegal shit to their hearts content. But in reality the wealthy have all the power and it's nothing but an excuse for them to exploit everyone else for literal fun and profit while also getting rid of people they deem less than worthy for life.

I think a lot of folks miss the point of the movies. That the only people who actually do much enthusiastic purging and don't get purged themselves in the process are the rich and the army. Everyone else mostly just emerges from their fortified homes if they didn't get burned down in the chaos. The purge was specifically set up to get rid of undesirables. If you're out purging, you're going to get purged yourself.

How about we just lay it down like it is. It's a pretty super conservative religious fanatic fascist government all up in that world, I'm pretty certain that anyone who manages to kill someone important, purge or no purge, is hunted down and executed on whatever pretense anyway. If you're rich enough, you're purge immune. Which makes me wonder why any non-poors would spend so much on security systems when they could just book a vacation somewhere that doesn't have the purge. Your house might get ransacked to all hell, but at least you won't be raped or murdered. 

Can I just make one more comment about the movies. The thing that bugs me the most about them is whenever they show someone wearing a scary mask, they do that head tilt thing. That's not scary. That's not even a thing someone who is wearing a mask would even do. Stop putting it in every horror movie ever made where people wear a mask. That just isn't something that is needed anymore and frankly we're all starting to worry about your movie making skills.