In yet another installment of talking about Costco on this blog, which I'm sure will eventually just morph into a site that just yaps on and on about how Costco is the best place on earth and in the event of some major natural disasters, will be my first and main stop to try to re-up supplies or just build a new life in one of those.
Don't tell me that it wouldn't be perfect of a place to be to survive. I will fight you.... which is exactly what these two old Boomer bastards did at Costco for free cheese.
A cut in line for free samples at a Costco turned into a fight — between two 70-year-old men, according to police.
A 70-year-old man said he was waiting in line for a complimentary piece of cheese at the Costco in Greenville, South Carolina, when a 72-year-old man “cut in line, took some cheese and walked off,” according to a July 26 incident report.
After the 70-year-old moved on to a line with free samples of cheeseburgers, police said the man saw the 72-year-old approaching.
The 70-year-old was still upset about being cut in front of, and according to the incident report, he told the other man that “he could get in front of him because he knew he would just cut the line anyway.”
The 72-year-old man responded by saying “I will do it again!” — then saying to the 70-year-old man, “You’re a jerk,” police reported.
The 72-year-old then hit the 70-year-old in the right side of his head and caused his hat and glasses to get knocked off, according to the incident report.
The woman who was working at the cheeseburger sample stand said “she saw two men argue in front of her station,” and she confirmed the 70-year-old’s account when she told police that a “man in a Hawaiian shirt hit the other man in the head and it sounded very loud, and that the man’s hat flew off his head.”
Though the 72-year-old had left the Costco by the time police officers arrived, they tracked him down. When an officer reached him on the phone, the 72-year-old admitted he was involved in an altercation at Costco, according to the incident report.
Police reported that the 72-year-old said he “hit the man’s hat off his head after the man got in his face and he felt that the man was going to hit him because the man was balling his fist.”
Greenville Police Department Public Affairs Manager Donald Porter told The State that no arrests have been made in the incident.
Police are attempting to get surveillance footage from Costco to help in the investigation, and the responding officer said further investigation was needed because the men’s stories are inconsistent and “the witness did not have much to say,” per the incident report.
I will fully admit that Costco has the sweet allure of free samples. It's like the Sirens song on my Odyssey in getting bulk consumer goods. Tempting you ever so to try these new offerings even though doing so will smash you against the rocks of other fucking morons who are all up in there trying to get a taste of some tiny ass snack.
What's that you got samples of? Tortilla chips with a bit of salsa? Why, I don't mind if I do. I'll just park my cart here sideways in the middle of the aisle to block anyone trying to carry out normal consumerism. Oh, what's this one aisle down? A ritz cracker with a piece of salami? Never have I heard of such exotic treats. Better do a taste test before I make any rash decisions and purchase a whole crate of these bread like items. And what is this fine treat? 5ml of orange juice? Now Costco, you clearly are spoiling me. Oh, where di I leave my cart at this point? One can fathom a guess, but I'm sure it is fine.
I used to be okay with them, but at this point in my Costco shopping career, I fucking hate samples with the might that one can hate a stupid promotional item. Oh yes, let's all crowd around this one cart and block all the pathways through a crowded store so we can wait for a free sample of 1/8th a mozzarella cheese stick. Besides, maybe it's also just an inherent distrust of strangers giving me food and not eating with me. That's how you poison someone.
I now actively avoid sample tables if more than two people are milling around. Especially if they're just waiting for the re-up of the product. Those are the worst. Stop standing there like you're in some Cold war Russian bread line waiting for that taste on your lips of food for it has been so long since you've had any sustenance.
I don't doubt that story for one second. Old people are the goddamn worst when it comes to Costco. They cut in front of everything as if they feel like they have survived long enough on this planet that they are bullet proof. I can tell you gramps, you keep cutting in front of me and I will fucking end you. I often just want to burn the world down at that point. Wait patiently for the new batch of frozen Philly cheese steaks to come out and take six at a time and just flip everyone off as I back flip the fuck away from the scene.
On a side note, consistently the most unpleasant thing about any Costco experience is the attempt to sell me on Direct TV. I've tried a few different approaches when it comes to them. Telling them you have no TV shuts them up pretty quickly. Telling them you already are a Direct TV customer can often times get you a high five, but it's not a guaranteed thing.
Then again, I should be thankful it's not some Solar City asshole trying to sell me some product. That guy keeps trying to sell me solar panels even though the average person my age doesn't own a home. I mean, sure, it's an INVESTMENT, but people my age don't have homes. Stop making me the exception to the rule. On that note, why the hell are any of those big ticket merchandise salesmen thee anyway? Why yes, I'd love to drop 12k on a new furnace/AC on my way out of this costco!
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