NO SMOKING IN THE MAGIC KINGDOM

NO SMOKING IN THE MAGIC KINGDOM 

As of May 1st, your dumb ass can't smoke in any of the Disney Parks anymore. So yeah, we get it bro, you vape. We know it because of the amount of car wars scented smelling smoke that comes out of your face hole every now and then in the most smug way ever ten minutes. But we also just assume that you can live your life without that hit from the pipe. I mean, otherwise you're just as addicted to the e-cig alternative as you would have on the cancer sticks.

Anyhow, the whole concept of smoking at Disney is a bit moronic. I guess I'm saying this as a non-smoker. I would ride on Big Thunder and, well, that shit has gotten bad lately because of that smoking area that is in the back area. On some of the rides there has been times when I would just get taken through a big puff of god awful smoke that would make me feel like I just took a couple of hits from someone's vape machine or cigars.

Add to that, once Star Wars land opens, that whole area will be a bottle neck area to get into the whole Star Wars area anyway. So if they were to keep that area being a smoking area, that would be some pretty shitty thing to do for all those who were walking into the land of Star Wars' Galaxy Edge.... end... I honestly don't know the name truthfully as I assume no one knows it, but they all know it as the Star Wars area that will be a complete cluster fuck for the first two months.

But yeah, On may 1st, all of the parks, including the magic kingdom, epcot, animal kingdom, DCA, Hollywood Studios and the water parks will be completely smoke free and I couldn't be any happier about that fact. Am I being mean towards smokers? Look, that's your problem. I am a crushing alcoholic and at least I have a few options, but for the longest time I wouldn't be able to drink in the Disney parks, at least not all of them and I survived. You will find ways to survive as well.

I DON'T NEED NO FRIENDS

I DON'T NEED NO FRIENDS

I'm not socially isolated and alone. I swear, It's just that I'm to damn cool to need friends and you noobs just can't handle how cool I actually am. I am far too busy doing rad shit all by myself to waste time arranging for friends to join in the fun. Having to take turns and share the awesome would just slow me down anyway.

I don't need a fucking buddy system or someone holding my hand to not get lost on an excursion. I don't need a bunch of dudes cramping my style. I don't to share my kickass thoughts and perfectly healthy emotions. I am the party. I am the night. I am the squad. I am the goals. I am the bros. I am supportive relationship. I am.... all that I need.

I also don't have any siblings either, you know, no one to bring down my style from the same womb. They closed that mofo down after I came out because that just shows that I'm basically all that this world needed. Even if I'm at the club and some chode is eyeballing me with all his bois and looking to step up to me, I don't feel like the 5 vs 1 is going to be any sort of disadvantage.

Look, I'll be the first to say that choosing to relax in the comfort of the metal locker all during Highschool is basically what I just want to live out my day. I feel sorry for all you jocks stuck out there in nowheresville.

It's no wonder why I'm single: the women in this town are terrible. What sort of masochistic wimp would want to be burdened with that? Women be falling apart out here still thinking men are the ones that need to put the work in. These girls have blank resumes but extensive health records (see: mental). The so-called "ladies" here are only not homeless or living with their parents by virtue of always having a man to crash with. Well the rent I'm worth paying is too high for them. This dick ain't free. Broke-ass locals can't afford me.

I am too fucking cool for this relationship shit, but I'm not so shallow that I can jive with casual sex. I'm too deep and thoughtful for hook ups and flings. Deep in a cool way. I'm like a philosopher, but one of the cool ones who speaks deep ass truths but can party equally with monks or rockstars. These basic bitches wouldn't get me and I don't see the value in dumbing it down for such an unworthy audience.

In short, I'm pretty awesome if I do say so myself.  So fuck off with your friendship bullshit. 

THAT DAMN REPORT

THAT DAMN REPORT

Look, are we going to talk about how a couple hundred page report got boiled down to 3-4 page run down by some bias, on the pay sort of fella? I mean yeah. I guess we are. But let's also throw it out, anyone expecting a smoking gun out of all this was expecting too much.  It's hard to hide "collusion" that was in flat out plane sight. You can't really ask a foreign leader to hack your opponent and then it happens that night and not just chalk it up as straight up collusion in your face.

But also, I'm just really tired of hearing about it. We have been down this road for the last two years and it's just boring as all fuck now a days. I'm also just  really tired of the media reporting on this on both sides that act as if this is some sort of winning side that, well, this has been a 2 year build up and you expect this to be over so soon? nah man, this is going far more months or years in appeals and request of documents to be released. It's far too soon for anyone to assume that there's the ability to make a victory lap on all of this.

What insight do I have on all this? Honestly, I have none. I'm tired of it. We all know that Trump is fucking goddamn crooked as a two dollar bill.... wait, those actually exist? Here I thought that the post office was just trying to rip me off. Okay, Three dollar bill. That's what I meant to say.

Anyway, stop assuming that the report was going to take him down. Worry not, his stupidity will be doing the majority of the work on this anyway. He continues to just do whatever the fuck he wants and it will eventually catch up to him. Just... yeah, this week has been rough because it's all been sort of one side won instead of, you know, the continuous slow uncovering of all this nonsense. 

Jussie Smollett The Movie

Jussie Smollett   The Movie

I'm not even sure how to fully grasp what has happened with the life of Jussie Smollett, I don't want to say star ore  tv show because, he's really like, a nobody. But the dud has done some strange shit up in Chicago and now after faking his own hate crime and getting so caught red handed because the whole fucking thing was stupid.  The story thus far could be summed up in this video



But, you know that isn't the end of the story by any means. I mean, now the Chicago police department took on basically a 10k bail bond forfeit and time off on past community service and the fact that he's gay. As the court claims, though Jussie Smollett is doubling down on it all and saying it was cleared and he's got nothing on him, it's  really so strange and I'm wondering when it will have an end to this very very strange roller coaster ride of a media craze

ITS GOING TO BE STRANGE WHEN HOWARD STERN DIES

ITS GOING TO BE STRANGE WHEN HOWARD STERN DIES


Just think about it. I mean, I know you haven't really thought about Howard Stern in a long time. It's been like more than a decade since he went off the air on radio and went to what was suppose to be the next big thing - satellite radio. But just imagine what happens to the pocket universe he created. All those hanger ons who still are obsessed with him and with his employees. Te entirety of Fat lonely Long Island, Westchester and New Jersey fuck faces are going on like this extinction level event of revolting pieces of shit that have made Stern their entire reason for living. Without him, they will just be laid low like the Nazi's at the end of Raiders. Their faces melting, their sweatpants foaming with molecular disintegration.

I wonder about this stuff. And when it happens, and the fucking implosion that it leaves in its wake with this particular subset of human folks. It's going to be some seriously funny shit. I'm a west coaster and don't give a fuck about this asshole. I do wonder that if he really cared about his audience, he'd fake his own death just to cull the herd for all of our entertainment. I also wonder about Robin. He main job is to just to laugh at stupid jokes and agree with everything he says and is probably a millionaire by now. But in the grand scheme of things she's just there so that his nonsense doesn't get to crazy and he can have a token black friend to shield him of his bullshit.

Whatever humor was left in his show died when Artie Lang left. So I mean, there's that. Artie himself, still not dead somehow. Which amazes me since the dude should be dead twenty times over by now. But I'm sure that when Howard dies, there will be a sort of Kurt Cobain like display of bawling rejects, suicides, and autiscally cringe youtube videos ripe for the snickering.

I will say this. Howard is a decent celebrity interviewer. He likes to break down the walls to whomever he talks to and exposes them for who they really are and not the image they try to project. In some ways, that was probably the only treat that his show held. In cutting the image they try to project and getting to the core of the person. 

People treated his show as some sort of confessional or public courtroom to set rumors straight because he would cut the crap and get to the heart of it all. Then again, he'd just ask relatively inncouous question and then immediately casually follow it up with something like "so how many women did you have n the set of this movie? I mean, sexually... come on, like at least five?"
which, I guess is one way to cut the bullshit but at the same time is sort of the stuff that later just made me hate him so much,.

So yeah... when he dies... sure will be interesting. 

ONE SMALL STEP FOR WOMEN, ONE EVEN SMALLER EQUIPMENT

ONE SMALL STEP FOR WOMEN, ONE EVEN SMALLER EQUIPMENT 

In a very strange twist of... well, just random news, an all women first space walk by NASA was postponed because, and get this... a shortage of outerwear.

I don't even know what the hell is that about. But it was an a NASA planned all female spacewalk and it isn't happening because the agency doesn't have enough spacesuits to fit the astronauts. I'm not even sure how the fuck that makes any sort of sense and more than anything, for an agency that has spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to come up with equipment like pens that write upside down, you would think that putting together the funds to get all the astronauts properly equipped for the damn mission.

This is ground control... and we just don't have any fucking clue how to properly dress our space people. It comes about because McClain found that the medium size upper torso shirt fit her best, but the agency said that only one such top can be made by the launch on Friday. So now the trip looks to be postponed until the 8th of April. Which just seems like an overall strange situation that has happened and a really odd reason for a space mission to just not happen.

And here we are with more proof that there is a glass ceiling. Specifically one that is around the whole space program. Go figure.

JOHN OLIVER AND GUN CONTROL

JOHN OLIVER AND GUN CONTROL 

Since there wasn't a new Last Week Tonight yesterday, here's a little John Oliver action from his days on the daily Show which was one of the best segments he ever did.



Followed by this one..


Truly some amazing work.

IRISH CAR BOMBS

IRISH CAR BOMBS

Even though we're well past the zone of Irish Car Bomb drink orders, I still want to talk some fucking sense in to you fuckers to stop ordering the drink like hat. You know, I'll cut you a lot of slack and just say you can just say to the bartender that you want an Irish Slammer. Then again, by all means, do not dare order anything of the such outside of American because you will be a huge asshole.... more so than you already are.

The creation of the Irish Car Bomb was invented in Connecticut bar by a bartender named Charles Oat. It happened on St Patrick's Day 1976, with a shot that was made up of Jameson Irish Whiskey, Kahlua and Bailey's Irish Cream. I mean, let's just say I don't know what the Kahlua is doing in there, but by all means let's just ignore that for a moment. But the shot getting dropped in a shot's name IRA, which by all means was talking about the Irish Republican Army. 

Thus they took that IRA shot and dumped it into the typical Guinness and well, there you go. They claim that they were never making light of the Troubles in Northern Ireland... you know, the decades-long conflict that resulted in more than 3,500 deaths. Of course Oat never considered all those lives... but you name a drink after a major tool used through the Troubles and, well... let's just say I don't buy that it wasn't some bar room humor that really has no place in the current political climate.

Even if the owner has gone on record saying;
 “IRA and Carbomb are ‘cool’ in the bar scene, but in the reality of today NOT.”

Gee, thanks for that reassurance. Either way, the drink has been created, so I just ask, order it some other way. It's a tasty drink, it's just a tasteless name. 

JUMPING THE GUNN

JUMPING THE GUNN

Last week it was announced that Disney reinstated James Gunn as the writer and director of Guardians of the Galaxy. He originally got fired because some right wing assholes pointed out some deep dives of his tweeter and found some rape joke from ten years ago. After the firing and post many occasions to discuss the situation with Gunn, and how he handled the apology of the situation, Alan Horn, Disney Studios chairman, decided to reverse course and own up to jumping to quickly on this one.

It's nice to see someone admit that they were wrong instead of doubling and tripling down on it as it all too common in this day and age. Though, it would be pretty tragic or awkward if we found out that he's some huge pedophile after he died. I mean, that would make us all who fought for him to get re-instated, because let's be frank, Guardians of the Galaxy only worked because he was a part of it guiding it to what it became and where it would be going. Without him... well, what's even the fucking point of a GotG without him, I ask?

 

Not even with Taika Waititi taking over would it have the same feeling. It just was a bad thing that I could not even think of anyone else who would bring the same level of enjoyment as a director to that franchise than James Gunn. 

 

Now you have folks like James Woods, who the fuck gives a shit about what he has to say anyway. He's James Woods. Anyhow, you have him mouthing off about how Disney isn't calling back Roseanne to come back as if it was even closely similar of a situation. You know, James Gunn saying something 10+ years ago vs. a woman who double down on racial comments that no one should have had to listen to. As if this was some sort of battle field. 

Cause you know, much like Facebook, twitter and apple. Disney is straight up not a capitalist corporation looking for the right amount of money coming in vs. money going out. Clearly it's a Democratic Socialist organization fighting for equality and is at the forefront of wokeness. How can all you sheeple not see this!?! 

Okay, if you didn't pick up on sarcasm on that, you're clearly a Russian bot. You should check your wokeness levels. 

That's what bothered me the most about this whole situation. You don't think that in the course of a guy's 20-30 year career making films, mostly as a Troma guy, a company that has the most balls to the walls out there in terms of what is appropriate and what probably wouldn't get a laugh from the normal general public, but you don't think that in that time frame that he would grow and change and stop making as many intentionally inflammatory jokes as he did when he was young? That he can somehow be a completely different person now through the course of life lessons, experiences and understanding of what probably isn't going to be a huge troll of a comment? 

On top of that, you hired him knowing full well of his history in film making, most of which would never even fly in the world of Touchstone or Miramax, but you put him on the lead of a major Marvel movie, not only does he bring you lightning in a bottle once, but twice and majorly impacts the cinematic universe you hired him for. But then you fault him for shit you full on well know and had scrubbers searching for in the PR world for years now?

That's what gets me. There was nothing absurd about Gunn's situation until the part where some weird twitter nazi managed to trick some corporate dunces with out of context tweets from yesteryear and then have them eat their own.

 I'm sure if it was to be upheld, Disney would just go on and avoid this situation in the future by never hiring a capable writer-director to oversee a franchise ever again, because clearly they fucked up or something, right?

While I have you on the topic of the marvel movies. I will continue to insist that the marvel movies aren't all the same and that gripe is fucking silly as all hell. They're all a continuous interconnected story.  Each movie is like another issue in a stack of comic books, which crazy enough is what they're suppose to feel like. You wouldn't look at a stack of comic books and say "ugh, those are all the fucking same" would you? Did anyone ever blast whoever wrote the Hardy Boys or Nancy Drew of Agatha Christie for making a bunch of shit that's all the same?

NATURE'S CLOSED, GO AWAY

NATURE'S CLOSED, GO AWAY

With the sudden influx of rain that hit the Southern California area over the past few months, something strange happened that has gotten people to really care about going out and taking in nature, despite it's constant warning signs that you should do no such thing in the form of allergies and pollen telling you to get the fuck away like some rattlesnake's rattle.

We now have a super bloom of vegetation. Which, in general the last time this happened social media wasn't as prevalent as it is today with so many goddamn influencesrs and models. So we had a really cool thing that folks who enjoyed nature went out to view.

But this is why we can't have nice things. With the ever growing lust to get that perfect instagram photo that will get you so many likes and attention that you will fill the void in yourself from actually socializing and having to, you know, actually have some sort of personality to be liked, all these folks rushed out to those fields and destroyed them to the point that, well, a lot of the areas are just closing down access to the very simple thing of nature.

;Let that sink in. Nature is closed to the public because you simply didn't know how to behave yourself. Now you should be ashamed of yourself but it's true and it's fucking sad beyond all measure.

"No additional shuttles or visitors will be allowed into Walker Canyon. This weekend has been unbearable for Lake Elsinore"

Which goes on and says it all. You fucking people are the goddamn worst and this is why we can't have anything nice and we should all deserve the ill timed fate that we will probably die of our own stupid undoing because let's just say it again, we can't even be trusted to conduct ourselves with some sort of small common sense when visiting a bunch of plants.

No! You fuckers have to basically trample it all when taking that picture of you hanging out in a field because clearly that is how carefree and happy you are and what you normally do when you're sadly depressingly scrolling through Instagram trying to figure out how you can be as happy and infulencing as the person you are liking the photo of. Ironically, their smile is a fake as well and they are trying to figure out how to be as happy as the next person they scroll up their feed.

It's all a vicious cycle when you think about it but hey, why don't you NOT trample the potential of circle of life vegetation that can plant many more fields of pretty poppy's if you hadn't just stepped all over those potential pollination flowers.

Way to go. Please go away now.

“We will evaluate all options next week, including ways to shut this down,” Lake Elsinore said on its Facebook page. “Thank you for your understanding. We know it has been miserable and has caused unnecessary hardships for our entire community.”

You people make me fucking sick. 

SNITCHES GET STITCHES

SNITCHES GET STITCHES

Or, you know securities fraud put on them. 

This a bit of a funny story of all around stupidity. You see, while you're hearing talk about the whole college admission scandal, the way it all got kicked off in terms of being exposed was a proud Yale father just thought this was too much and was the whistle blower for the damn thing. Well, he originally exposed it when a soccer coach at Yale allegedly offered to get his daughter in for a fee. 

"Mr. Tobin was being questioned in an alleged pump-and-dump investment scheme—in which people conspire to inflate the price of a stock so they can sell it at a profit—when he offered a tip to federal authorities in an effort to obtain leniency, according to people familiar with the matter."

I mean, talk about scum trying to turn on scum. Such a triggered man, but don't think it was for good reasons that he did it. He was just saving his own ass in the grand scheme of things. Ended up wearing a wire and exposed that for his daughter, he coach would charge him 450k just to get her into the school. 

Man, I hope all these folks just rot.

DAVID LYNCH AND HIS ZEN LIKE STATE

DAVID LYNCH AND HIS ZEN LIKE STATE

Which is really not what is happening here. Just watch David Lynch get really pissed off during the filming of Twin Peaks The Return. Which, let's be honest, we should all be angry at him for how weird and strange and not very Twin Peaks feeling it was



Yup, He mad

COLLEGE, NOT FAIR, AND WHAT MONEY GETS YOU

COLLEGE, NOT FAIR AND WHAT MONEY GETS YOU

I'm about to talk about this latest scandal that hit this week where two celebrities and a slew of other rich mother fuckers did something that shouldn't come to a surprise to anyone. They threw money at a problem they had to fix it. The problem they had is that their children were too stupid to get good scores and into the college of their choice on their own merits and so mommy and daddy became a helicopter parenting situation and just handled it for them.

This should not come to a surprise to anyone. Folks have been paying to get favors for their children for a long time. It just means that right now you can go "See, this is unfair and that's why I didn't get into the college of my choice!" to which I say, shut the fuck up. You didn't get into the college of your choice because your high expectations of what college is actually for is dumb anyway.

Life is unfair. That's the reality. Those who have social and economic foot above yourself will always get what they want because that is what it is. Life being unfair. It's also not even the issue here. Because folks are using examples of donating millions to the university to get a new building put in for the favor of getting their relatives or offspring into the school - that is not the case here.

This is a bit different in that they committed fraud to do so. By making fake ID's with sports on their record as well as literally helping them with the right answers on SAT questions, the people they were bribing was for low values and the bigger issue, the one that they are going after them for here is because that money they used to pay off these scams was being written off of their taxes. Which, let's just say that Al Capone went to jail not because of his acts as a bootlegger, but because he avoided paying taxes. You can cheat the system all you want, but when you don't give Uncle Sam his proper payment, you are going to get fucked.

Let's touch on another thing. Those fake ID's that showed those kids as sports participants, come on, like your asses didn't lie all the way to the top in terms of your college letters and recommendations. People lie all the fucking time and it's just not fair for the next guy who isn't putting their finger on the scale in terms of being this perfect acceptance recipient to this college.

The bigger issue here, and the one I think folks are missing out of all of it is that you got to realize that you are putting these colleges up on a pedestal in all the wrong ways. Stop acting like going to USC or UCLA is the best of the whole aspects. As we learned in this economic standing it's a worthless paper if you go to that college and you don't know or have a clear focus on what the fuck you actually want to be in life and do with your career. You'll just be pissing away a lot of time and money trying to find something you will give a damn for.

We shouldn't be focus on getting into a good school more than we should give kids the ability to fuck around a bit and especially, I feel, not have them make hundred thousand dollar debt choices when they can't even fucking buy alcohol or rent a car. How the hell do you think they will know what they want. Community college isn't a terrible fucking thing, you know. You're putting too much worth on the school's name on that degree than you are actually doing something in finding what your passion is for without going into a lot of student loan debt.

Most of all, life is not fair. Remember that. Just embrace that suck and you'll be a little more at ease on the whole thing and not be so bitter that some rich fuckers did what they were going to do from the get go. Buy their way into the means that they feel they want to be in a social setting.

A DAY WITHOUT THE INFLUENCERS

A DAY WITHOUT THE INFLUENCERS

Picture this, a world where normal people putting on way too much make up and showing off their bodies try to sell you products and attach themselves to brands by association because their normal day to day life is so fucking boring and pathetic. Using different filters to attempt to grab attentions and "likes" from strangers on said post. Now think of a day when you don't have that happening and everyone is equal. That's what life was like for one brief day.


On Wednesday both Facebook and Instagram had major issues in not loading up and, well, basically becoming useless apps that you couldn't escape the harsh realities of life with. Making you go back to a time when our ancestors used fire and actually socialized with one another to pass the time. Perhaps even think and maybe to some degree, had to actually pay attention to the surroundings around them as they waited for the metro. Think of all the magazines that finally got picked up and read again in waiting rooms across the world.

Another thing that was a fallout from that.... several billion men and women lost that ability to say that they were models. Without Instagram to be self referential on those credentials, how could you prove that you were an actual model. Not by having any actual paid work or spread that wasn't just some retweet or regrammed IG.

I think we are all a little shocked at how we survived this day without influencers. Who could I turn to in order to fulfill that need of telling me what their favorite products are and why you should also buy them or use them or shop at said stores. I mean, let's be real, these folks aren't actually getting paid to shill these products. They wish they were, but they're not.

I wonder how those folks felt that day that both Facebook and Instagram was down and they had to just live with their own self instead of seeking attention from others and pretending to be something that in itself is just a made up nonsense pile of garbage lies anyway.

Another question comes up as well. With Facebook being the parent company ownership of Instagram, whatsapp and all those other apps, what does happen when the system all falls down. Do they just sort of pack all their things and go. Imagine if it wasn't just down for a day, but forever. Most folks don't even have each other's phone numbers anymore as they depend on their entire communication means through these apps. And while having it all in one place is nice and all, it does make you wonder what exactly happens when the system all fails. Do you not have any means to communicate with those friends you have through facebook, instagram and the such?

Really makes you wonder. 

JAMESON VS BUCHMILLS

JAMESON VS BUSMILLS

Clearly the simple thing to decide today is if you're catholic or protestant and if so, Jameson vs Bushmills.

You just have to remember that Jameson is a Catholic whiskey and Bushmills is a Protestant whiskey. Mainly because Northern Ireland is predominantly a Protestant region and that is where Bushmill's is made, and Jameson is from Cork, and is mainly the Catholic heavy region.

Don't believe me? Ask McNulty.


But that notion could be completely wrong and turned on its head. John Jameson, a Scottish man, ought the Bow Street Distillery in 1780, which at the time it was the biggest distilleries in Ireland. You have to remember that the Scottish Reformation happened in 1560, so the chances are in that favor the founder of Jameson distillery, Scottish and all, was a damn Protestant.

I know, tough pill to swallow. Even tougher is that Bullmills was officially licensed in 1608 by King James I, and despite of its location in the Northern area, which was Protestant country, has a Catholic as a master distiller.

Then again, this is really only an issue in the United States because blind Irish-American fandom for a drink. I mean, Jameson is currently owned by a French liquor conglomerate Pernod-Ricard, and Buhsmills by the English firm Diageo. So in the end, it really doesn't matter.

A CASE FOR SAINT PATRICK'S DAY

A CASE FOR SAINT PATRICK'S DAY

I used to be one of those that was so rebellious that I would buck social trends. Valentine's Day? Pfft, that's for people who are forced to show their significant other that they care. St. Paddy's day? Bush league amateur hour in terms of drinkers who just needed to find an excuse to chug back beers and have the excuse that it's socially accepted to drink in excess today.

Not anymore. I think there's something to it. I mean, I always celebrated this very non-Irish holiday by cooking corned beef, which in its very nature is just not Irish in the fucking slightest. So perhaps I had to reexamine the very nature of what I didn't really like about this day and then just learn to embrace it.

Because yeah, Corned Beef is by far not something they do in Ireland, where meat from a cow is pretty sacred and scarce compared to the amount of beef we have in the U.S. Besides, in Ireland it was soups and potato based foods. A fisherman's pie or cottage pie. Some cabbage, carrots and potatoes. The more than likely scenario is that Irish immigrants to the U.S. found a sort of kindred spirit in the Jews, another background that was getting shitted on by the majority, and that corned beef process was adapted by the Irish as a staple American thing.

Much the same, St. Paddy's day in the U.S. is celebrated far more than it ever would be if you were in Ireland as an actual thing. So in a sense, to celebrate St. Paddy's day is basically to celebrate an American tradition and that in itself should make it A-okay to do. The justification to chug back those things that represent a sort of home away for a new home here. The same way that Cinco De Mayo is celebrated here far more than it is in Mexico and is by no means an actual independence day of the such. But it's one that Mexican Americans have attached themselves to and perhaps that should be enough to make it an official thing worth celebrating.

I guess that's a new way of looking at it. Or, hey, just imagine that it's a decent way for the Bostonian folks to thin each other out with all the fights and blood about to be shed this weekend. At least that aspect makes me smile. 

DEATH SENTENCE FOR DEATH PENALTY

DEATH SENTENCE FOR DEATH PENALTY

California did something amazing this last week. We did away, for the most part, with the whole lethal injection death penalty. Honestly, I feel like the whole "Eye for an eye" nonsense just doesn't fly. Considering most homicide cases remain cold cases and unsolved, the amount you save from the pointless death penalty

I'm not some pro lifer because, generally speaking, pro-lifers are the ones who scream to high hell that the person who committed a crime of killing someone and is on deathrow should die. Which seems like the complete opposite of what someone who is pro-life would do, but yet here we are.

In any case, I do think that the death penalty is a waste of fucking time because life in prison for the crime of murder seems just about equal and "just". more than anything else, It's not that we're ridding someone who murdered off the planet so much as we're doing the same act they did and calling it justified which seems like horse shit. The thing to remember is that we should be better than that. We should be more humane than that.

On top of everything else, as I briefly mentioned, the act of getting to the lethal injection or electric chair is filled with appeals and paper work that on average, it's millions of dollars spent to kill someone who is already rotting away in a prison for the crimes they committed. To me, that's a lot worse of a punishment than putting them out of their misery in the dumbest way possible.

We still rub alcohol on the spot that the lethal injection will go in. Man, thank god, we sure wouldn't want him to get an infection from the needle or anything. Then you have the situation that those chemicals have had their own issues in fully working. It's a complete waste of time when you already have sentenced the man to live the rest of his natural life in a small prison.

So I'm glad that we're doing away with it. There's about 740 folks who currently are in line to die. Just imagine all the appeals court time being wasted on that shit. How many tax dollars are we blowing just to get them through that line and jam a needle into them. It's far far far FAR cheaper to just feed them 3 "meals" and keep them alive. I mean, if that's what we are doing with prisons in general and not bothering with reforming them, then lets just do it that way.

The justice you think the family and loved ones of those who the killer killed is not going to be felt even with the death. You're not bringing anyone back. you're not doing anything than perpetuating a system of killing someone and we need to be better than that. You shouldn't have to scare folks from killing one another with the threat of death.

In any case, that's my words. I'm anti-death penalty as it doesn't do anything productive to bring back those lost and it cost our already fucked up system too much money.

CAPTAIN MARVEL - AN INCEL REVIEW

CAPTAIN MARVEL - AN INCEL REVIEW 

Let me get this straight, Nick Fury had this pager to summon a Carol Sue Danvers (MARY SUE MUCH!??!) and he didn't use it when NYC was under attack by an alien invasion or when an A.I. Robot tried to take over the world and settled by just destroying some shitty country that Russia was probably going to try to reunite with?  See, clearly they're just pandering to women here and giving them empowerment to break that glass ceiling with magical blast from her hands because, you know, she's so witty and sassy with the come backs against the powerful magic negro Nick Fury.

I mean, sure, Nick Fury probably didn't want to blow his load on he NYC thing because it was his attempt to get together his Avengers... convienent that they're even making the name of the team a creation by Carol. Man, Marvel, do you not want my money anymore? Don't you see what happened with Star Wars when they got all girl power? Did you not like my cash!?!!

Ha. Just fucking with you, but seriously, I'm tired of Marvel pushing their agenda. I'm one step away from boycotting this movie because I'm sick of all the political radicals in Hollywood shoving their agenda down my throat with bullshit moral messages in my face such as it is okay to join the air force. Fuck you, industrial war factories and government industrial complex of death!

Even if it's a reference to the clearly not homosexual line stepping that is Top Gun. Honestly, the only real complaint I had about Captain Marvel is that they used No Doubt's Just a girl for a key fight scene and while other 90's music key moments felt forced, that one was the one that made me sad because it just didn't match the tempo at all, and the lyrics were louder than folks yapping.

Clearly they should have used Hole's Violet. Would have had the same impact for maximum female empowerment and maybe we could have also checked off the Kurt Cobain connection so we didn't have to also have that Nirvana track on there. Look, I'm not hating on the Mary Sue, I'm just hating on the fact that they went completely vanilla in terms of the musical selections of the 90's and maybe I'm a little more on this kick because my prime teenage years were throughout the 90's and there was far more superior choices they could have gone with in the musical selection.

Anyhow, it's nice to see that the Marvel Universe has a place for women to look up to a central hero that has her own film. I know Black Widow and Scarlett Witch are around, but Brie comes into her own on this and seeing little children dress up as Captain Marvel and look up to the character is fucking awesome. Finally, we're one step closer to moving away from the male gaze patriarchy....

Oh.  Well fuck.

DEATH METAL AND YOUR INNER HAPPINESS

DEATH METAL AND YOUR INNER HAPPINESS

Despite what you may think, those who listen to Death Metal are not more likely to be violent people. Not at all. In fact, a new study shows that for them, it brings out some joy and happiness and because of that, they are not desensitized to violence as your asshole mind probably assumed they were.

Go ahead, admit it. You thought that long haired, all black wearing, chained up and spiked collar fella was going to be some violent sex predator and murder your face for looking like a plain ol' vanilla self that you are. But no. They aren't any less prone to violence than the next person and in fact they are probably happier and more soft than you can probably think.

Violent video games on the other than, those will desensitize your ass to violence and calling someone's mom a bitch more than anything else. You see, there's a difference between hearing that very loud ear piercing noise and banging your head than actually sitting behind a monitor and owning newbs on the internet.

Really makes you think, don't it? About the perceived notions we have for one another just because of little shit like this or that. Honestly, I know a lot of metal heads and they're often the most gentle of giants who love kitties and other bullshit of the such. I also know thin ass white boy gamers who probably should be on FBI watch list cause they're bound to shoot up some mother fucking office space.

Just goes to show you that perhaps... you should carve a pentagram into your arm and listen to some mother fuckin' DEATH METAL!!!!!1

Or.. you know, just enjoy classic music like most serial killers do.

THE ART OF THE DAD JOKE

THE ART OF THE DAD JOKE

On my commute today I heard Larry Mantle act completely dumbfounded by the whole "Dad Joke" concept in that he felt it was a new labeling on an old thing. While it may be called a dad joke now, I feel like Dad Joke, as a term and as a concept existed for a long time now. We all grew up with your father saying some sort of lame attempt to break the ice in the form of a shitty joke. It was a way for someone who didn't spend most of the time in your space like the nuclear family model of your mom being around you all the time growing up attempting to inject themselves into your lives

In the patriarchy, the bread winning father would be off to work most of the day and would never really interact. After a long day of bread making hard work, they would come home and to add some levity to the situation, the dad joke existed. It's always been a dad joke. It'll always will be a dad joke.

Larry Mantel, who I constantly feel is completely out of his element in any new subject that seems to come up, just didn't understand the concept of bad jokes and the enjoyment one can take from making other people suffer. For every groan and every ugh spouted by someone who heard a really shitty pun filled joke, myself, for example, take so much enjoyment that one can come up with someone's displeasure in actually hearing it. It's like seeing someone get kicked in the groan. Sure, it's a terrible situation if you're getting hit, but if you see the person's reaction... yup. that's joy.

That's why I say stupid pun jokes. That's why I embrace the fact that I have told so many bad dad jokes - as if it's a bad thing. Getting a reaction is getting a reaction. No matter what the reaction is.

Hmmm, maybe I'll do more science into this matter and get back to you on the complete break down of dad jokes. Be happy I spared you of any of them.

SOCIAL MEDIA IS TO BLAME FOR EVERYTHING

SOCIAL MEDIA IS TO BLAME FOR EVERYTHING

Everything bad, at least. I mean, if anti-vaxxers and flat earthers are a clear example, we need to have some sort of level of test to see who the fuck can be on the internet. Because of those two groups of morons, there is a rise in people believing that the goddamn earth is flat as well as vaccines will give you some illness and thus, the rise of shit that was tackled many years ago.

Rather sad when you think about how much power this series of tubes can bring, and then to realize how wasteful it is being abused by with all the morons just saturating the good out of it with their own stupidity in terms of content.

Youtube, I'm looking at you. Stop being... well, you. Just stop it. Facebook is also now going to be a bit more insulator in terms of content, which is probably a terrible prediction of what sort of bubbles will form and what echo chambers will be coming out of it. I swear, you can't have a good debate with anyone any more because we all just like to enclose ourselves with like minded thoughts and while that may push further your own sort of understanding of things, it also means you're completely not willing to even entertain the thoughts of others that may not agree with your particular stance. So that's pretty fucked up in general.

In short, I blame FB for whatever the society has become and I'm sure that it'll only just get worse and worse as time goes along... whatever time that is left, that is. 

TIMES HAVE CHANGED, MOM AND DAD

TIMES HAVE CHANGED, MOM AND DAD! 

Look, I get it. You think that I should be able to find a well paying career with ease because your asses had that ability no more than 30 years ago. But guess what, the times have fucking changed.

Just a heads up, Since 1978, the cost of College tuition increased by 1,120%.  Medical care has increased by at least 601% Food has been bumped up by 244% and shelter, the fact of paying rent for some place that isn't you basement, went up by 360%.

Meanwhile, the pay of the typical workers rose by just 10%   Minimum wage workers fell by 5.5% and if that's something to gawk at, just remember that the average CEO's pay increased by 937%

What I'm trying to tell you with these statistically factual numbers is that times have fucking changed and perhaps you should change the way you view this whole goddamn thing we call a life because the average college graduate can't make a living, especially because it's a pain in the ass to just get a decent paying job that will barely tread water with your student loans, let alone the crushing fact that the cost of living in an apartment that doesn't have 10 people living in the same space is just a pipe dream due to the raised rents.

And while you think this is just some whining Gen X'er bitching about the reality of the day, it's not. I'm not a Gen X'er, nor am I a Millennial. Because man, if I was I would just swallow a bullet because they are beyond fucked. I have a little bit of a nice situation going on, but I feel like I should write as the voice the majority who constantly gets shit on with the mentality that life is the same as it was 30 years ago when boomer's would just walk into a job and get a 40 year career out of it with retirement benefits - and, oh yeah, a fucking safety net that is social security. That's something the previous generation is probably not going to see a dime of and my generation would be fucking crazy thinking we'd get anything out of it.

It's fucked, but perhaps you folks should just change your mindset on this whole cost of living and even surviving. 

Florida Gonna Floirida

FLORIDA GONNA FLORIDA 

I lived in Florida for a brief stint in my early 20's and well, I seem to find myself coming back to this state more than I like to admit. I mean, it doesn't hurt that Disney is here as well as a far superior Universal Studios in terms of Harry Potter fandom. But I come yearly for a beer festival that the brewery I work at throws and I guess I'm just the most qualified to handle the strangeness that Florida has to offer.

So yeah, not much updates and post lately. Mainly because, well, I'm busy. But this time around Florida feels a little stranger. It was about a year ago at the last beer event that I came out here that my relationship sort of took some strange turns before slamming itself into the side of a mountain. But I recall the most confusing aspect of it all being that I was in the middle of my work trip and getting told on the phone that they were going to be at their parents and I should get an uber back from the airport - mind you, I didn't have any of my keys on me. To then a day or two later when I did get back to LAX get picked up by them with some in & out in hand ready for me.

Talk about confusing shit. I mean, spoiler alert, the whole thing burned down in the "break" period that followed, so I mean, I guess there's a little bit of aspect of this trip out this year being a sort of make up for that strange last time feeling.

Last year I was dreading the final two extra days after the beer event where I was just puttering around wondering how my life was just going to collapse on itself and wanting to, and being itching to get back home to deal with the situation. This time, I dunno. There's some nerves but let's just say I'm making the best of this trip with as much self care as possible because... well, it's a year later. I'm in my late 30's and I'm now single for about the last year and I sort of feel like the wounds are still going to be there, that I'm healed and out there living for me.

That's one thing about me, I always seemed to put other's needs before my own and well, that's just not really something I want to do right now. I'm putting me first. And while I know I will always be the chivalrous type, I am aware that this is the route I need to take otherwise I will never be really satisfied. So yeah, I'm on my own right now - honestly, I enjoy trips with people, be it the person I'm in a relationship with or just friends because this is all about making memories and I'm not sure my memories will last forever. So I guess there's a bit of loneliness there, but I do like my own company and I'm not afraid of befriending strangers along the way.

RADIO IN THE SOUTH IS FULL OF RACISM

RADIO IN THE SOUTH IS FULL OF RACISM

I mean, it should come to no surprise given the political climate in Florida, but man, I wonder how I survived with the noise that comes out of these radio announcers in terms of racist shit and deep red beliefs.

I mean, this wasn't much of a revelation nor was it much of an article, but I don't have much time to write in the next few days, so yeah, I guess this is twitter level post and I'm better than that. Oh well, just know that somewhere, I'm out here living the best sort of Agent Mulder type of life in finding intelligent life here. 

GOOD OMENS

GOOD OMENS 

Look, I need Good Omens for the next few days, but while we're talking about that, Neil Gaiman's Good Omen's is just looking so fucking amazing that I can't wait.






Little content, but for as little as it is, these trailers are just amazing and I'm so happy for this to show up on Prime later this month.

D-DAY

D-DAY

I'm not talking about the war act D-Day, I'm talking about something far less important, but then again far more impactful to the daily lives we live.  D-Day, the day the Disney and Fox deal closes. It's looking like the first week of March will be the end of it all.

Side note, I worked for Fox for more than 15 years. It is basically where I did the majority of my film and television work. It is a place I have a fondness in my heart regardless of what you may think of the Fox News Network, 20th Century television was a very liberal. And from the looks of this deal, at least 5,000 to 10,000 jobs will be lost the moment the deal goes through, which looks to be on the 8th.

Add to that, the investors meeting is on the 8th, so man, this whole blood bath is just geared up for some massively bad times down the road for a lot of folks. All the while the fans are clammering because you can finally have Wolverine and the Avengers in the same movie as if that is worth more than the jobs and livelihood of 10k folks. 

It also means that Hulu will be majority owned by Disney since Fox had a 30% share. So, the streaming scene is going to be completely different in a year's time. I don't know what Disney+ will be like, I know I'll get it because I'm a Disney whore, but this is some major bad stuff for the landscape of digital streaming media in terms of choices. Netflix better pucker up because this can be a really tough time for them. You're thinking that their original content will be strong, but it's all the known tv and movies that gets them from day to day. And with two media networks not going to work with them because of direct competition, as well as CBS doing its own streaming service knocking that content out of the running, you can see that it's not only those 10k jobs will suffer.

But again, the fans are happy that marvel will have all its cheaply licensed out properties back under one roof... which means very little. Especially since stuff on Netflix like Daredevil and Jessica Jones, which were loved, just got killed over this battle between Netflix and Disney.

How this didn't end up as an anti-trust to anti-family grounds sort of situation, I don't know, because everything about this just screams monopoly. But hey, the bigger fish will always eat the smaller ones, right? I guess that's the take away from all of this.

KILL ‘EM DEAD WITH NEEDLE & THREAD

KILL 'EM DEAD WITH NEEDLE & THREAD 

 With Mardi Gras happening in a few days, I wanted to share with you a tradition that transcends the notion you have of Fat Tuesday celebrations of throwing beads out in order for some drunk person to flash you. Because if you think those are the only beads that are around for Mardi Gras celebration, then well, you have a lot to learn

It's the masking of the Mardi Gras Indians. Mardi Gras Indians, you say? Yes, they don't look like native Americans, I know. But these folks "mask" by putting on massively elaborate costumes and walk around the neighborhoods in a group of their posse to honor when Native Americans would be used as slaves by the early settlers, but said fuck that shit and ran into the swamp lands where the fuckers wouldn't go chasing after them. And in doing so, they helped the early slaves escape their persecutors as well. So masking up in an outfit that honored the land's natives were just something they did as tribute.

Each area had their own sort of gangs for their respected neighborhoods. So just think of it as Mardi Gras Indians being local groups that would beef with one another.  In the early days, Mardi Gras day were a time for both food, drink and enjoyment as well as a day to settle grudges and thus, a lot of fights broke out. The song Iko Iko basically gives you the run down in its lyrics.
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So in the early days, it was a problem that each tribe would just be essentially  That was until Chief Allison "Tootie" Montana stepped in and changed it all up.  No longer would you see the violence towards each group.
"I was going to make them stop fighting with the gun and the knife and start fighting with the needle and thread."
And that he did, so instead of violence, battles between each tribe was done not with fist, but with seeing who could be the most Prettiest dressed. Yes, that's right. They would now compete on the basis on who was the Prettiest. 

And it went down like this;


Taking up like 9 months to a year in getting your attire done. Going through thousands of dollars, endless trips to Joann's and Michaels. There's a massive sense of pride in making that outfit and it's crazy to think that they put all that effort in to it so that they could only wear it a couple of times before starting a new one. It's a sort of spiritual experience.

If you happen to spend some time not on Bourbon Street, there's museums set aside for viewing these outfits and it's an amazing thing to see in person how much detail goes into these outfits. Mad respect goes out to them for it cause man, this stuff looks like so much commitment.

The Backstreet Cultural Museum is a place that if you're ever in New Orleans, you need to go. Simple as that.

Just think about that. Maybe the gangs beefing with one another today should learn something from that. That instead of going after one another with the gun or knife, you should just Kill 'em dead with the needle and thread.

Fight to see who's the prettiest. Yeah, I think the world would be a better place if that was the way we approached our issues with one another.

CAFFEINE ADDICTION

CAFFEINE ADDICTION 

I'm sure I talked about it in the past, but there's something to revisiting a story over and over again until it's warped to a point of being completely different. Look at hoe Ronald Reagan would constantly tell interviewers about how he missed going to the newsstand to buy a fucking magazine.

Anyhow, I used to drink a lot of caffeine. To the point that I was going through at least one or two 2-liters of Pepsi a day. I favored Pepsi because I was a horrible monster and well, who the fuck gives a shit about the war between Pepsi and Coke, it's two consumer products so filled with sugar that you probably should be dead both inside and out if you consume them to a large enough degree. 

Side note, even though i say they're both the same shit, if I'm in a diner and I ask for Coke and they say "we only have Pepsi, is that okay?" I will say FUCK YOU, IT'S NOT THE SAME, I'D RATHER HAVE WATER!" for some reason, but I doubt that it's because the soda is any different, but the moment you take my choice away, then well, I just don't give a fuck anymore.

But back to the whole thing. Caffeine is a bit of a drug, well, it's completely a drug. On the same level of cocaine and heroin. In fact, studies have shown that the effect and addiction that it has on you is about the same. So yeah, if you consume caffeine daily. If you're a coffee drinker, there's a reason you'll get  a headache when you DON'T get that daily fix. And well, that should be a good sign that this love hate relationship you have with it is probably completely hate hate on their part. You consume it, you get addicted to it. But hey, at least it gets you awake in the morning and gives you the boost that you need to function as a human being without killing someone.

Was this post about some sort of hard hitting evidence? Of course not. I mean, this isn't news to you. You know this shit and yet you still toss back that caffeine into your system on the daily because you already knew these risk and you calculated that it's far better to be a functioning person than go without addictive Caffeine.

Well there you go. That was an article. Now someone give me a fucking cup of coffee.

THE KETO COOCH

THE KETO COOCH

Carbs are evil. Is what we're constantly told. Thus the Atkins diet and now the Keto diets are all the rage. Even though carbs are fucking delicious and well, I like eating them, they say that bread makes you fat and what can you do about that? But did you know that carbs are the only thing keeping the puss from getting stanky in your system?

Women's Heath magazine is basically going on about how a lot of women who are on the Keto diet are not feeling the most... freshest. In fact, it's a bit of a Keto Crotch. A strong sell that your vagina begins to spew out after dieters cut out all carbs and live that best life you oh so wanted to live.

Without carbs, there's also another situation that arises. Keto dieters suffer from having their breath smell like nail polish remover as well because our body burns fat for energy rather than carbs. It goes into Ketosis, which in turn causes the body to produce more ketones than you norally do. Which include acetoaceate, beta-hydroxybutrate, and acetone. You know, that stuff literally in your nail polish. That increase in your system's ketones make for a smellier shit, pee, and breath.

So yeah, I guess you dropped all that weight, but who the fuck wants to be around your stank breath ass. Not to mention who the hell wants to go down on you when your no carb eating ass just stank like crazy. Man, I'm being mean here, aren't I? 


Though the ketosis isn't what makes your love box smell. The changes in your carb intake in the diet can alter the vagina's pH levels and that's what causes the odor that you're probably having. Which who knows if this is actually a situation you can control with or off the keto diet. It's just a matter that those on the diet seem to be the common factor in it all.

Then again, a high carb diet can possibly lead to yeast infections. So, you know, maybe it's just a matter that we all need to practice a little moderation on all those matters.

ANTI-SOCIAL SUGAR WATER AND CHIP MACHINES

ANTI-SOCIAL SUGAR WATER AND CHIP MACHINES

When you really think about it, vending machines are really just machines that help you maintain that anti-social behavior that you are already doing pretty good at keeping up appearances with. You know, by not appearing... anywhere. In fact, surviving like a rat who just comes out to feed and by that I mean, you only sneak out of your cubicle to get the snack from the machine in all its high calorie empty nutrition ways and running back.

Because yeah, depending on where you are vending machines are either a huge part of your life every day or are only things you see very seldom. In most places though, we have automated most of the process and thus will just have vending machines every where that sell things such as snacks and drinks and awful sandwiches that have a questionable half-life.  Vending machines offer you a means to get your sustenance without dealing with anyone but the change in your pocket. they are quick and always open no matter what and you avoid having to socially interact with anyone or thing.

All you do is put in the dollar and you wait till gravity does the rest when it releases the lock on that item. I generally feel that they are far more expensive than anywhere else, which is odd because the overhead of not having to pay anyone to monitor it should make the items in there cheaper if you think about it. But it doesn't.

Many times they also act as robbers against your money by eating coins and dollar bills. You mistakenly put in some bill really large and you aren't event getting that back as it wont recognize it at all. So there's a chance that it could very well steal your money as well as not work.

Food in there is just going to make you wonder how old it is and if it's not something that can last through a nuclear fallout, you do have to question how long it had actually stayed in the machine before you got to it. Questioning your own freshness count on it, which seems like a pretty important aspect to the whole thing.

On the flip side, it's worth it to deal with them for the fact that I can't shake a gas station attendant until a free reese's fall out.Though, to be fair, I think I only saw one instance where someone successfully shook something out of a vending machine. Typically it's just a waste of both your time and the effort it took to shake the machine up to have nothing happen at all.

Candy, chips and sodas are perfect items for vending machines because they keep well and it's really targeted to a younger audience. Sadly, I don't really consume much of those on the daily because I'm an adult with a metabolism that just fucking sucks and eating any of those things on the daily that warrants a vending machine just seems like a terrible idea all around.

It would be super cool if they, you know, had something I could use. Like beer. If only America would stop being so fucking prudes about this shit and the concept of alcohol being consumed by *gasp* someone like a minor. So yeah, a full of beer vending machine would be awesome.    

In Japan you can buy used schoolgirl panties in vending machines and so that really makes the whole lack of beer thing here even more troubling. 

Like, I sometimes get all antisocial and I really wish I lived somewhere like Japan where you can do all of your shopping out of vending machines. Look, I'm talking about other cool stuff like Ramen and you should totally pay no attention to the fact that I'm writing this paragraph right after the talk about buying panties from vending machines.

I sometimes wonder if anyone here in America has actually purchased a sandwich from a vending machine and lived to tell the tale. I sort of doubt it. But man, one day when I'm bold enough, I'll totally buy some egg salad sandwich and truly live the life I should have been living all along.


Besides, snopes did a story on those panties on who actually stocks them and they came to the conclusion that there is no guarantee that all the panties marketed as having been worn by schoolgirls actually have been. Such details are not scrupulously vetted, you see. So it really makes you wonder if there should be some money in a system that runs through the used panty industry assuring that those sick fucks are getting what they paid for. Look, I may be against the notion, but I am also in favor of consumer protection for anyone who partakes in the shitty aspect of capitalism.

They did conclude that some of the used undies do come from teen girls, thus this "underwear of a Japanese schoolgril" story seems pretty accurate and well, did you honestly think I would have written a piece about vending machines and not get into this strange topic?

Come on now, did you really?  Be honest.