ANTI-SOCIAL SUGAR WATER AND CHIP MACHINES

ANTI-SOCIAL SUGAR WATER AND CHIP MACHINES

When you really think about it, vending machines are really just machines that help you maintain that anti-social behavior that you are already doing pretty good at keeping up appearances with. You know, by not appearing... anywhere. In fact, surviving like a rat who just comes out to feed and by that I mean, you only sneak out of your cubicle to get the snack from the machine in all its high calorie empty nutrition ways and running back.

Because yeah, depending on where you are vending machines are either a huge part of your life every day or are only things you see very seldom. In most places though, we have automated most of the process and thus will just have vending machines every where that sell things such as snacks and drinks and awful sandwiches that have a questionable half-life.  Vending machines offer you a means to get your sustenance without dealing with anyone but the change in your pocket. they are quick and always open no matter what and you avoid having to socially interact with anyone or thing.

All you do is put in the dollar and you wait till gravity does the rest when it releases the lock on that item. I generally feel that they are far more expensive than anywhere else, which is odd because the overhead of not having to pay anyone to monitor it should make the items in there cheaper if you think about it. But it doesn't.

Many times they also act as robbers against your money by eating coins and dollar bills. You mistakenly put in some bill really large and you aren't event getting that back as it wont recognize it at all. So there's a chance that it could very well steal your money as well as not work.

Food in there is just going to make you wonder how old it is and if it's not something that can last through a nuclear fallout, you do have to question how long it had actually stayed in the machine before you got to it. Questioning your own freshness count on it, which seems like a pretty important aspect to the whole thing.

On the flip side, it's worth it to deal with them for the fact that I can't shake a gas station attendant until a free reese's fall out.Though, to be fair, I think I only saw one instance where someone successfully shook something out of a vending machine. Typically it's just a waste of both your time and the effort it took to shake the machine up to have nothing happen at all.

Candy, chips and sodas are perfect items for vending machines because they keep well and it's really targeted to a younger audience. Sadly, I don't really consume much of those on the daily because I'm an adult with a metabolism that just fucking sucks and eating any of those things on the daily that warrants a vending machine just seems like a terrible idea all around.

It would be super cool if they, you know, had something I could use. Like beer. If only America would stop being so fucking prudes about this shit and the concept of alcohol being consumed by *gasp* someone like a minor. So yeah, a full of beer vending machine would be awesome.    

In Japan you can buy used schoolgirl panties in vending machines and so that really makes the whole lack of beer thing here even more troubling. 

Like, I sometimes get all antisocial and I really wish I lived somewhere like Japan where you can do all of your shopping out of vending machines. Look, I'm talking about other cool stuff like Ramen and you should totally pay no attention to the fact that I'm writing this paragraph right after the talk about buying panties from vending machines.

I sometimes wonder if anyone here in America has actually purchased a sandwich from a vending machine and lived to tell the tale. I sort of doubt it. But man, one day when I'm bold enough, I'll totally buy some egg salad sandwich and truly live the life I should have been living all along.


Besides, snopes did a story on those panties on who actually stocks them and they came to the conclusion that there is no guarantee that all the panties marketed as having been worn by schoolgirls actually have been. Such details are not scrupulously vetted, you see. So it really makes you wonder if there should be some money in a system that runs through the used panty industry assuring that those sick fucks are getting what they paid for. Look, I may be against the notion, but I am also in favor of consumer protection for anyone who partakes in the shitty aspect of capitalism.

They did conclude that some of the used undies do come from teen girls, thus this "underwear of a Japanese schoolgril" story seems pretty accurate and well, did you honestly think I would have written a piece about vending machines and not get into this strange topic?

Come on now, did you really?  Be honest.