I DON'T NEED NO FRIENDS

I DON'T NEED NO FRIENDS

I'm not socially isolated and alone. I swear, It's just that I'm to damn cool to need friends and you noobs just can't handle how cool I actually am. I am far too busy doing rad shit all by myself to waste time arranging for friends to join in the fun. Having to take turns and share the awesome would just slow me down anyway.

I don't need a fucking buddy system or someone holding my hand to not get lost on an excursion. I don't need a bunch of dudes cramping my style. I don't to share my kickass thoughts and perfectly healthy emotions. I am the party. I am the night. I am the squad. I am the goals. I am the bros. I am supportive relationship. I am.... all that I need.

I also don't have any siblings either, you know, no one to bring down my style from the same womb. They closed that mofo down after I came out because that just shows that I'm basically all that this world needed. Even if I'm at the club and some chode is eyeballing me with all his bois and looking to step up to me, I don't feel like the 5 vs 1 is going to be any sort of disadvantage.

Look, I'll be the first to say that choosing to relax in the comfort of the metal locker all during Highschool is basically what I just want to live out my day. I feel sorry for all you jocks stuck out there in nowheresville.

It's no wonder why I'm single: the women in this town are terrible. What sort of masochistic wimp would want to be burdened with that? Women be falling apart out here still thinking men are the ones that need to put the work in. These girls have blank resumes but extensive health records (see: mental). The so-called "ladies" here are only not homeless or living with their parents by virtue of always having a man to crash with. Well the rent I'm worth paying is too high for them. This dick ain't free. Broke-ass locals can't afford me.

I am too fucking cool for this relationship shit, but I'm not so shallow that I can jive with casual sex. I'm too deep and thoughtful for hook ups and flings. Deep in a cool way. I'm like a philosopher, but one of the cool ones who speaks deep ass truths but can party equally with monks or rockstars. These basic bitches wouldn't get me and I don't see the value in dumbing it down for such an unworthy audience.

In short, I'm pretty awesome if I do say so myself.  So fuck off with your friendship bullshit.