I'M FLY LIKE THAT

I'M FLY LIKE THAT

I've been thinking a lot about something that is so trivial that I'm afraid to talk about it. But here goes it anyway. If flying were a real thing in our world where we could all do it, would people fly parallel to the ground looking forward like superman? Or would standing upright, kind of levitating sort of like Magneto flies be the actual way we move in the air?  Neck strain concerns me and superman's method just seems like you'll get a full blast of wind against your face and your neck is in a strange angle. Would someone fly in this position? Tell me that?!

I think not. You'll wake up the next day where ever you are with a nasty creek in you neck. And before you say that aerodynamics is at play there, consider the following; By what means does a person fly in real life when you look at it. Superman is only realistic if you assume thrust comes from the bottom of your feet like Iron Man. Which in the real world, is fucking bonkers. I'd argue that whatever force is used to levitate you, magnetism, anti-gravity, space bubble of the sort, it's all multidirectional in its origin and nature so it'll allow propulsion on any axis. In this case, standing upright is the most actual natural position in gliding through air.

The only downside to all this is you just look so strange flying in a prone upright position at any speed. You just look like you're on one of those people mover things at the airport you really wonder and question why everyone is using them. Imagine standing upright like a fucking dork hitting the speed of sound, your clothing would just shred right off your body and you'd arrive naked.. It doesn't sound so appealing now, now does it?

Then what happens if Magneto hit a flock of pelicans at full speed. Would they not just kill him? I guess the space bubble protecting him would still destroy the birds, but just think of the nasty mess you'd get of that bubble full of feathers and blood. I can't speak for Superman, but assuming Magneto is applying force from his body against the magnetic force from the Earth's core, if he's able to push from any part of the body, he could just orient himself however he wants. So standing, sleeping, sort of at an angle, sideways. Why limit yourself to boring standing up?

Then you have to wonder about the full speed Magneto would be flying. I mean, he's probably not breaking more than 14 mph. Even if he is hitting a bird flying the opposite direction, at best he might get a black eye if there's no protective bubble.  Which also makes you wonder that if Magneto's top speed is indeed that slow in the low teens, why bother flying anywhere at all and exerting that energy on fighting gravity? Even as the crow flies, it would literally be faster for Magneto to take an uber to the airport than it would be to fly from his house.

I really wonder if he has a bus pass or something for all of this. But yeah, I gues hee can hurl metal objects at incredible speed. So maybe he only flies so slowly out of fear of all the bird life he would be killing. it's not like they want to subvert mutant kind like lowly humans do.

Wait, no. Now that I think about it more, maybe the ultimate way Magneto should travel is indeed by Uber. You see, then he could use his powers from INSIDE the car to accelerate them to insane speeds. Even tossing his metal filled car all over the place at such faster speeds. using the car as a protective pelican shield would be the ultimate thing.

I mean, sure, it'll scare the shit out of that poor Uber driver who is screaming the entire time his sad gig economy revenue generator is being forced to fly across long distances, but hey, he could pick up a lot of fares on the way back.


Back to Superman's neck, I mean, we can just assume Superman is super, so it doesn't effect him much or he won't get tired or sore from it, but for everyday assholes like Magneto's method is so much better. The whole floating bullshit just seems cool. Superman diving at super sonic speeds everywhere, which would indeed create a sonic boom strong enough to kill every human near him and his flight path, which is generally low to the ground with such sheer amount of force of impact, it just seems that Superman is coming out more and more as being the ultimate bad guy for humanity.

What I'm saying is that Superman is a much better villain. I don't know why they call him a boyscout. The fucker has been causing havoc to humanity in so many ways.

But also, his force seems to be coming from his core in how he flies, so perhaps we should change the way he flies across the sky. It should look like he's got a lasso around his torso and is just getting yanked everywhere.

Hmm, you know what, Silver Surfer flies in a pretty awesome way and we never take notice on that. On a silver surf board. I mean, Magneto could be chilling on a lazy boy while he flies but then he'll be using energy to keep that metal hunk of furry furniture up in the air with him. Still, a whole lot better than standing. You know that shit will fuck with your knees with all that gravity as well pulling down on his core like that. He's going to have fucked up knees pretty fast.


You know what else I just though, if you're flying up higher, which is where you want to fly fast anyway due to reduced drag by having a thinner atmosphere, like planes do anyway. I mean, you'd fly faster but then you'd have a tougher problem. It's really cold up there due to the thinner atmosphere. The air temp is well below freezing and if you're going 500mph with win in your face, than it's gong to be a really rough time all around. And unless you're an indestructible alien asshole with no pain receptors like Superman, you're going to need an enclosed cabin or an iron man suit or something containment bubble to protect you.

You know, I'm having a tough time to drop this whole Magneto and bird thing, because a lot of birds have a sort of biological compass in their head which allows them to migrate in the same pattern every year. So in a sense, Magneto's secret power is being a birdomancer. It's a whole lot better than flying with your fucking arms stretched up above your head like some stupid piece of shit asshole curly haired newspaper writer.

It just doesn't make fucking sense. It just makes flying visually and physically awkward to fly with your arms stretched out like that. There's no practical reason for it. If you want something to do with your hands, just put them in your fucking pockets while you fly. Or hold them behind your back - which if you're flying or floating in a bubble, you should do that anyway because then it puts more emphasis on how much better you are than other people, especially those people on the ground, who literally and figuratively look up to you. I walk around with my hands held behind my back a lot anyway and I always feel like I'm better than others.

Certainly much better than pumping your arms and legs so you could feel like you were running at an incredible rate, because even though 14mph is faster than most, it's not that fast.


Then there's Iron Man and Falcon. Who seem to fly in a titled 45 degree angle and let's be real, I already wrote a lot of pointless words and humor about Magneto and Superman's flight patterns, I'm not going to waste even more of your time bringing int his 45 degree angle bullshit. We'll be here all night.