Monday, March 23, 2009

The Perfect Donut

The Perfect Donut

Dunkin Donuts is great at many things. For one, it's great at taunting me with its delicious donuts and coffee by not having any locations out west. Well, upon further inquiry, they have one location in Antioch and really, who heard of that place, let alone been there? No one important, that's damn right. You read me! So I have to ask you Dunkin Donuts franchise workers. Why not come to Los Angeles?

Now they're taunting me by allowing us to create any sort of donut we think would be a good addition to their cycle of donuts. If your donut is selected you can win $12,000! So join me, if you will, and come make a special donut off Dunkin Donuts Website

You may be tempted to put some of many toppings on yours. Sprinkle one with Mounds Bars, Twizzlers, and Jolly Ranchers!

Mister Simpson, A Jolly Rancher is not a sprinkle!

Too bad they won't let me create something everyone would like: A standard ring doughnut with filling. It would be easier to eat than the standard round shape, and less messy. Surprised no one has done this actually. I guess it just makes too much sense to ever attempt.

Oh well, perhaps I'll dumb it down a bit and go for the few donut options that would actually have a donut hole's chance in hell to sell. Usual the system to create a new donut seems to be pretty easy to work around. So let's see, what do we have up first.

Name: 12" Chocolate Delight.
Inspiration: Who doesn't love something that is long, dark, sweet, and cream-filled? We could call it the Hope Dough Donut.

My problem with these fast food generator contests is I always create something that I really want to eat - and will never, ever get them to make. Hazelnut kreme filled donut, topped with chocolate icing and crunchy crumbled graham crackers...WHEEEEERREEE ARRRREEE YOUUUUU?? Gather 'round the campfire, young'uns. I'll tell you a tale of simpler times...

The Smore or S'mores Galore
No matter what you'll call it, you'll call it good. You don't even need a camp fire. Just get some warm Dunkin Donuts coffee and you got yourself something amazing there. The coffee, duh. But a Smore donut wont hurt the process of enjoying this delicious cream filled goodness.

On a final attempt I'll make something special. Something I missed out when I was in the Florida Keys for so much time. A Key Lime Pie. What can I say, I like Key Lime. It's a simple combination - Lime filling, white frosting with shredded coconut and graham cracker bits on top to mimic the crust. Just wish they had a key lime filling.

Sadly I just read the rules. Perhaps that would have been key when I first started writing this, right? Judging will be 30% taste, 25% name and 10% story? I'm supposed to have a fucking story about the donuts I make? Well shit, now I'm going to have to rip off Dexter and say I had a family friend who's last dying wish was for the perfect key-lime pie or something like that.

God I would love to be able to read some of the "stories" associated with these donuts. It'd be one hell of a game of "spot the bullshit" for most of the entries and the others will read like an erotica of fatties making love to their hole shaped creamy doough...

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