Saturday, March 21, 2009

Close Shave - Bad Marketing

Close Shave - Bad Marketing

You've seen those TV specials before on how wacky and strange other countries are with their advertisements. Well, You haven't seen nothing yet! The ads these days are as subtle as a brick in the face. when they try to sell you a product... or at least try to sell you an image. You know, it's not cool to be fuzzy. Especially if it's a back that's fuzzy. That's never good. No no no. So proper grooming is always in order.

Ladies!. If you've always wished your pubic hair could obtain the kind of geometric perfection previously found only in the panties of real dolls and robot whores, the Schick Quattro Trim Style (no I'm not making that up) is the product for you!

That commercial aired during Battlestar Galatica last night. Basically, as women walk past a bush it magically transforms to the implied shape as their pubes. I didn't realize women shaved their pubes into a circle. I've seen a lot of fur patches in my day, but I have yet to run across the perfect circle shown here as of yet. Thanks to Schick, my long search may finally be at an end. I'm surprised there wasn't one where the woman walks by and the bush just drops all its brush.

I can't believe it took them a year to change the Quattro Titanium into a Women's model by making it waterproof and sticking the women's blade on it. While this ad is pretty much telling people to trim their pubes. I guess it's ok since no one likes hair between their teeth. I remember the campaign last year where the term "manscaping" was creatively used to describe the same thing for men. I'm not in any way kidding about this. The selling point was that it kept going on about "giving you an extra optical inch". Way to sell a product on mens insecurities.

It's a shame to see women aren't thinking outside of the box. I'd like to see a hexagon once in a while. I like the idea of an octagon, just so that women can say "Step in to the Octagon!" My major question is what took so long for this creative use for shaving your privates? We've seen those hair cuts where they shave something onto the side of their head. So I just have to ask you ladies one question:

What, no lightning bolt option?

They've been marketing some version of these things for a while and they never take off. I guess it's because it's impossible to shave your bush in anything other than a straight line or a shape that looks like it was made by a retarded kindergartner. Even with a damn stencil. That and buying it would be like whispering to the cashier, "I'm gonna shave my pubes with this." Which is more embarrassing than buying birth control because that implies that you have sex. Buying the Schick implies that you are desperate enough to want to have sex but can't because you are buying a razor solely to maintain your bush.

Speaking of people who can't get laid, let's jump to those gamers. What is it with blade companies these days? Have you've seen the latest attempt to get Gamers to shave? Yeah. I get the stereotype - Video game players are usually gross neckbeards who don't shower or shave. It's still pretty ridiculous. It doesn't even make sense that they feel the need to spend so much money on marketing. Personal hygiene is one of those areas that probably feels the economic crunch last. Even if I'm tight on cash, I'm going to spend money if it means not looking like Chewbacca.

Moving on to our second strange, but true ad. With Saint Patty's day behind us, I think Guinness wants us to remember that whole behind aspect with this latest ad of theirs

Now.. that's just a little bit... disturbing. Let's see how many bad puns I can make of the situation. Too much head may not be a bad thing there. Black and tan, anyone?

I just have to ask, what the hell are the Mad Men in that ad agency thinking? Well.. I'm writing about a Guinness ad on a blog, so I guess it worked. But I like Guinness and wrote about it just this week alone anyway when I cooked with it making some corned beef.

I shared a shamrock shake.. but not with three people. No sir! I may share a shake but I'm an aries and we don't like to share much of anything. So be thankful of that.

This ad really troubles me. Why are you sharing your beer anyway? I can consume a Guinness with ease. Do you think I'll be sharing it with two other people? I mean, I guess the whole germs thing isn't much of an issue considering the three there are sharing much more. But still, that's not cool! Don't try to take my Guinness!

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