Friday, March 13, 2009

A Case For Dr. Manhattan's Penis

A Case For Dr. Manhattan's Penis

No, you did not have Tyler Durden in the projection booth. What you saw on the screen you were meant to see. That's right, a giant blue glowing penis. I suppose that penis and sexual intimacy makes many Americans irrationally uncomfortable. Even with the idea that all comic book films are made for children, folks. Stop kidding yourself in believing such lies.

Its been about a week since the release of the film and all I keep hearing about is how everyone noticed the giant blue wagging penis on the screen. I'm glad that the internet has brought this up though. Cant turn to your friend and say that without raising questions.

This film had everything! Butts! Dongs! Blue butts and dongs! Triple blue dongs! Premature ejaculation! More blue dongs! I felt like I had died and gone to dong heaven and, on a clear day, I could look to the west and see Buttville. I will never stop seeing blue dongs thanks to this movie! I wasn't this surprised by the male form since Eastern Promises.

As much as people saw it, no one caught that this was the most in your face comic error in the film. Dr. Manhattan was circumcised! How dare they treat Alan Moore's masterpiece with such small respect! This is completely against the comic book. A human rebuilt from scratch missing a noticeable part of his penis. Hmmm.

I know what you're thinking and it's more than likely true; Hollywood = Jews. Why is this a surprise to anyone, let alone me? Not really so in this case. Hollywood/Americans ruin everything. Like the time they made a "replica" for David's Michaelangelo for the Caesar Palace in Las Vegas and gave him a penis extension and circumcision.

Now why is this an important issue? Well, many feel that circumcision is genital mutilation. How dare they! How dare they kill off 20% of Dr. Manhattan's feeling?!?! No wonder he has no attachment to society. Then again, circumcision increases size. So why the hell not.

So tell me... what do you see?

He is suppose to be the model of the perfect man, thus the circumcision. He was able to rebuild himself to look exactly how he wanted to. I suspect most Americans in 1985 would be sans-schmeckel. Also who wouldn't want to get rid of a disgusting fleshsock between his legs... Boooyah! In your face! Well.. not really, then this would be NC-17.

The dude's name was Osterman. Of course he was going to make himself to be the perfect being for all the ladies. Oooh yeah. Do people all worked up about 'genital integrity' also get pissed at cock rings and prince alberts and such? He rebuilds himself after being evaporated. maybe he was circumcised before the accident, and wasn't comfortable with having extra foreskin after the fact.

Perhaps the movie would have been better if he had gotten inappropriate hard-on's through out the movie (when all the VC's are surrendering, when Comedian kills the girl, after killing Roroschach, etc...

But the fact that these people would giggle at Michelangelo's David doesn't trouble me the most. I guess I should be more concern with that one guy behind me who kept shouting his agreement with Rorschach, for example when he was chopping up the guy's head. Just as bad as when the audience cheese the Comedian's actions.

Orb himself a pair of tighty... blackies.

Frankly, the more full frontal male nudity we have to counter all the male-gaze bullshit in every piece of media we're inundated with on a daily basis is fine with me. If you can show dick after dick and tits upon tits and bumping and grinding away but if you so much as show an erect cock for a single frame BOOM NC-17 in this society.

Oddly enough I was looking for Dr. Manhattan pictures on the internet and one search result found me... Nudity in Manhattan... Clearly a sign that we need to save Manhattan at all cost!

I was at the comic shop the other day and I heard the funniest thing. Seems this customer took his 10 year old to see this movie. Why? Why not. I saw Predator a tons of times when I was just as young. But his reaction to Dr. Manhattan was:
"he could orb to another planet but he couldn't orb into a pair of pants".
Really if Dr. Manhattan wanted he could turn his dick into a replica of a tasteful Noguchi coffee table by Herman Miller. But he don't give a FUCK.

And with that we look towards the reality of Watchmen...

Boy born with two penises.
Published: 11 Mar 2009

A BABY boy has undergone hours of complicated surgery – after being born with TWO penises.

The child, named only as Artyom G, was born two weeks ago in Russia after a normal pregnancy in which medics did not detect any problems.

“Doctors were shocked by what they saw when Artyom was born - he had two penises instead of one, and no tummy wall,” reports have since claimed.

The boy was rushed from his maternity hospital to a specialist Moscow clinic where he underwent a lenghty operation to join the two sex organs.

“The surgery was complicated. We had to form one penis out of two, make the abdominal wall and create a bladder,” said a doctor involved in the five hour operation at St Vladimir’s Children’s Clinical Hospital.

“When our colleagues asked for help we said yes immediately but we couldn’t imagine the case would be so complicated.”

The hospital said that the baby is now in good health and the surgery a complete success.

“He will grow into a normal man and be able to have kids,” the doctor added.

In June last year, we revealed how a baby was born with a second penis on his BACK.

The tot was born to farmer dad Li Jun, 30, and his unnamed wife, who live in Hejian city in central China's Henan province.
I hope he sues when he gets older! So the kid was born with no "tummy wall"... Yet the doctors were more worried about 2 penises?

Doctor: Phew... now he has one normal dong!
Nurse: But what about the stomach wall thing?
Doctor: Fuck that, he was going to be a freak with 2 dicks!

Back to Watchmen. I think all this talk of blue cock should at least have some climax. So enjoy this alternative ending to the movie.

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