FUCK OFF, RED DELICIOUS

FUCK OFF, RED DELICIOUS

The classic statement of "You come at the king, you best not miss." often indicates that your attempt to knock out the reigning champ is not going to be successful. Well not in this case.  The Red Delicious is no longer the best selling in orchards across the nation according to the U.S. Apple Association.

Good Riddance, I say. Red Delicious was everything that was wrong with America. In putting how it looks and how shiny it is in front of better and more important factors when you're choosing an apple. The blandness and flavorless garbage of Red Delicious was exactly the opposite of what it was called. But folks still bought it because we are a society that puts looks above all else.

How the fuck was red delicious ever the best apple? That flavorless piece of trash was never good for anyone!  It was the basic ass bitch apple. I bet not even doctors wanted to see that shit. Give it to your teacher? Naw dawg, you flunking this shit.

It should have always gone Honeycrisp > Fuji > Gala > a nasty ass sock >>>>> Red Delicious. And if Pink Ladies were in season, then they would go toe to toe with Honeycrisp without question. I mean, I guess what I'm trying to say is it's always nice to chomp down on a deliciously juicy Pink Lady.

And yes, you can say PHRASING right there. It was intended for such that.  But at least now The Gala gets the top spot and Red Delicious slumps down to second. Granny smith is still third, but by 2020, the Honeycrisp may very well crack the top 3 like it should. 

The Red Delicious was all flash and no substance. It is the most pretty to look at and it just has this appeal that makes you wonder how goddamn amazing it will be when you bite into it. But chances are you'd rather want to find a worm in it than have to actually eat any of it. They were flavorless and pretty awful. They were the cartoon of apples. Perfectly unblemished skins, so that they would always look good to shops trying to sell the fruit. It's what you gave your teacher as thanks for the effort they put on you. But like any sort of caked on make up sort of thing, you really didn't want to see what it had under the hood.

Not to mention that the skin was always too tough to bite into and it had a way too sweet taste to it. The main issue behind its beauty is that red delicious had almost no flavor at all. Which is also why it's somehow of a paradox to the market it is in. It's alluring, yet completely undesirable. It's the most produced and arguably the least popular apple around. The McDonalds of the burger world. Really everywhere you turn you'll see one, but they're just so nasty to eat that you wonder why.

It's really a perfect example of the American food industry. The whole purpose is that they think folks will not buy something that is not perfect and pretty to look at. You put bruised or slightly ugly fruit on the shelf and you won't sell it regardless in how delicious it is. But you have to make it pretty, even at the cost of the flavors and taste and then the average consumer will buy it up like there's no tomorrow.

But hey, at least we're wising up. At least I'd like to think that we are.