POST FLORENCE WARNING - ALLIGATORS

POST FLORENCE WARNING - ALLIGATORS 

Attn: Carolina Hurricane Survivors





Even though the rain and high winds should be your first concern, you should also make sure you're prepared for any alligators that wash into your area.

It is not uncommon for water animals to get dragged in from the coast and alligators are no exception when hurricanes roll around. They will creep up on you all quickly and quietly and even though they look dorky as hell and harmless with their "like boot" skin, you need to be very careful around them. Once an alligator gets within 10 feet of you, it will try to knock you into the water, where it is a much stronger and faster creature than on land. You will quickly become lunch meat and a quick meal. They can be pretty aggressive, but will back away for a moment if you give them a stern and hard bonk on their nose with a flashlight or oar or oxygen tank or something.

Alligators, as everyone knows, are really good at crawling along the ground. So they may get into a house when it floods through those crawl spaces. Make sure you patrol around your windows to make sure they can't get in. Thankfully, they hunt mostly during the day as they get really sleepy at night and often make a lot of noise so you should be able to figure out when an alligator is close by. If you have a gun, they are not endangered by any stretch of the imagination. So knock yourself out and shoot them. A live alligator in your basement could mean a lot of trouble later on, but it also can mean some killer boots if you play your cards right. Play them wrong and they will eat up all your rations down in the basement.

Even though they are very dangerous, they are useful if you can trap one and keep it as an alligator protector. You need to meld minds with one by doing the sacred dance. Or maybe by simply getting around them and jumping them. You may have to put up with a bit of a struggle, but if you can time them up, they can catch food for you. Just make sure to punish it with a bop to the head if it tries anything sneaky on you.

Below: a pack of alligators (called a congregation) in the wild. You can spot the difference between the male and the female based on the broadness of their head and the darkness of the crest on their bellies (sometimes referred to as a vest). You will generally see them stalking around in pairs but be careful: they hunt in packs and there could easily be 2 or more behind

Keep a watchful eye to make sure these bastards can't harm you or your pets or children or wife or grandpa. Good luck and stay safe and dry!!