Monday, October 29, 2018

BLACK CATS - SALEM VS BINX

BLACK CATS - SALEM VS BINX

Since we're knee deep into the Halloween season, I guess it's only fitting to talk a little about those companions to the typical witch - the black cat.

In one corner we have Thackery Binx.  The cat from Hocus Pocus... well, not really a cat, per say, more like a 17th century boy who has a serious protective issue towards his sister Emily, who, well, he doesn't do a great job at since the three most incompetent witches on the face of the earth manage to kidnap her. He gets cursed to be an immortal black cat, the witches get hanged and basically he is forgotten to time and stuck in cat form guarding the spell book and making sure that the Sanderson Sisters don't ever come back.

But even then he fails at that when some loser virgin who for some reason calls boobs yabos is able to light the black candle and bring out the Sanderson Sisters. He spends the rest of the movie sort of running from really bumbling witches and getting run over, coming back to life, getting killed some more and then coming back. Eventually stopping the sisters from their plot to eat the children and rule the world or something. Once they succeed, he fulfills his goal and his spirit can go free. Which it does, but not before he transforms from his cat form to a tween object of desire, confusing a generation of young girls in thinking that they should help any cat in the hopes that they transform to a dreamy heart throb upon fulfilling their purpose. Only to find out that it's just a silly cat that will sleep all day and scratch up the furniture. Occasionally look at you with that typical judgemental cat face.

Basically the furthest thing from a sexy teen beat crush status.

You know what though, I get it. I totally get why some will like Binx. He's loyal, he created a bond with the then young Thora Birch, which, let's be real, that cat probably had some powers in knowing how she'd grown up or something. I don't know, I'm just not thinking that the cat is on the up and up, You can't trust anyone named Thackery. I know it's 17th century and all, but that's a name you just can't trust.


Salem Saberhagen is a sarcastic cat that can talk and was the companion of Sabrian, the teenage witch. I'm going off the ABC show. He was mainly portrayed by an animatronic puppet, vs. Binx who was a real cat for the most part with just a little bit of mouth moving cgi action. He is also a man transformed into a cat but he was under that situation because he did crimes of the witch world. Mainly the crimes were straight up trying to do world domination. In fact, that's probably his main motivation for everything. He wants to dominate... er....  represent in a proper democratic order of course.

To say he was a jerk just means that you confused his massive amount of sarcasm for being mean and jerky. He was mostly sarcastic... and hungry. very very hungry. Constantly eating and constantly giving Sabrina sass. He did do a lot of work in training her for her future witch knowledge. So it wasn't all just being a sarcastic talking cat. In his human form, he would constantly have his face blacked out and he'd be wearing a sort of Cuban revolutionary uniform. In fact he was friends with Castro. Soooooo yeah, he was a little bit of an evil cat. But then again, he is a witch familiar, so I think that justifies all that anyway.

He has punchlines all the time towards any situation, and let's just be real, he'd call you out on anything and everything. I kind of like that. And since I'm not a young girl who has a massive case of the thirstiness for my needs of cuddling a cat and then having them turn into a teen heart throb big sleeve 17th century hunk, I think the choice is pretty clear on which one I will choose. Give me Salem any day of the week. We'd probably spend the entire time hanging out drinking some cold ones, laughing at the expensive of someone or something and then plotting world dominatio....er..   democracy. Yeah. that's right. 

He's my kind of cat. The sarcastic type who won't bug me as much. Not like the cats I currently have who lack a complete drive of world domination. Salem could teach them a thing or two honestly.

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