WHAT HAS THE INTERNET TAUGHT YOU

WHAT HAS THE INTERNET TAUGHT YOU

Look, we're in 2019, at this point with the net basically all up in your business, you have to have learned something from this series of tubes, haven't you? Basically by now everyone has been raised and taught by the internet. Which means that a lot of what you know, you know because of shitty websites and blogs like this one and a bunch of fake sites that probably told you Hillary was some sort of Alien reptile that wanted to take your guns away.

So let's just go through a couple of things that the internet has taught us. Fist off, it has taught me how to scrape the accumulated goop off my keyboard. You know your keyboard has a bunch of goop inbetween the keys. That's just the facts of life. No matter who you are, it will have a bunch of that shit.

Then next it has taught me that people take video games and internet forums really fucking seriously. Like, what the fuck, man. Get a grip. Also, all your moms are cunts and bitches who can go suck a dick or something. Bunch of babies, I say.

Also that there's really no limit to how wide a man can stretch his asshole even if he's wearing a wedding ring. And if you don't know what I'm referring to, man, you're one lucky son of a bitch that hasn't fully navigated through the world of the internet in the same way I have and you're probably a better person for such restrictions to your journey through this fucked up place. I'm proud of you

Another truth is that the rich should probably be burned alive. Even if it doesn't solve a single problem, this is something that we can all agree on from the internet. Truthfully, it would solve a lot of things, but let's not let facts get in the way of our musings.


You can also pay a man to take a beating, but if you beat him hard enough, the beating is free. Also, you can pretty much pay for anything your heart desires on the internet. Some things are probably better that your heart never desired, but then again, who am I to stop you from reaching your dreams. Even if they get you 10 to 15.

It's also common knowledge from the internet news that pretty much everyone is a millennial between the ages of 8 to 80 and anyone who is one is probably making the world shit for those who aren't them. How dare you buy a fruit spread on a piece of toast. What are you, some kind of moron!?

I also learned that fun creepy photoshop projects can lead to teenage girls stabbing each other and then ruining shit for the rest of us. So basically, there's no hope.

To be fair, the rest of the world helped me discover that little bit of knowledge, but the internet just highlighted it. Mostly, the internet taught me how to gather my own knowledge and be informed all on my own, because there's a bunch of lies on this shit and who the fuck needs that negativity in their life.

Oh yeah, it has also taught me exactly how much personal information to post about on the internet. The answer, in case you haven't figured it out, is about as little as you can possibly get away with. Just remember that you are the product that they are selling to others. Your information and all that shit. Sooooo, you know. Yeah.