THAT WAVE FINALLY HITTING YOU

THAT WAVE FINALLY HITTING YOU

Man, I guess I didn't expect the last couple of weeks to suddenly be so hectic and, well, emotionally draining. I'm still cheering for you, 2019, you gotta be better than 2018, cause right now I'm feeling like Thor in Avengers Infinity War when Rocket is giving him a pep talk. Like, what else do I have to lose so far?

But it is indeed that feeling of, well, fuck. Man. just the past week and a half has been some emotionally taxing stuff. Having to put down a cat for health reasons and ending her suffering, but also the crazy roller coaster that is my Mother's health and recovery. Suffice to say that while I was in the moment, I could push through because, well you have to. You can't stop and you can't get a time out. Life doesn't have a pause button and if you aren't moving and keeping your head down, then you're just going to fail.

I have to say that the check that was in the mail is finally getting cashed and while I have a moment of down time today, I'm starting to feel that whole wave just crash right in back of me and it's all coming up due. The sibling sister of Tessie, the cat I took to the vet and ended her suffering, seems to notice now that her sister is gone. These two cats were pretty damn close. They went to the first home I found for them together and through thick and thin they had stuck around each other in coming back and well, just being. So now she's meowing and well, I know I anthropomorphize cats a lot because I'm around a dozen or so daily, this is just getting me right in the feelings and it's a bit tough to handle right now.

On top of that, I just kept getting hammered with this notion that I need to "step up" and help my mother, one of her friends suggested I just move in to her home. Others just keep harping on me about getting services I don't know if she actually needs or even can use properly. So it's just been a tough time to deal with and to actually feel like all the work I am doing is being appreciated. I mean, I do it for the basic reason that she's my mother, but I need to set my limits of how much of myself and my time I can afford to give towards this before I suffer as well.

I think that's what they don't remind you about all that often. That you need to take care of yourself in order to be able to take care of someone else, and if you're neglecting that, then you're just going to bring both parties down together.